I am a title. Feer me.
But the real title should be...
In yo' face, Narri! XDDD
Well, I wrote this just for Narri. Though you are all welcome to read it. Have fun! Oh yes, revel in it's cheesy cheesy-ness. Oh yes. I can not write vaguely decent romantic scenes unless it sounds cheesy... Which this is. Hoorah. Oh yes. OOC-NESS AHOY!
Index of Private Jokes:
Mallet: Croquet mallet, and Narri's weapon of choice.
Daijiro: Not really a joke, per say, but an OC, belonging to Kelly (the acclaimed MKR AU authoress, hyperlink/mokhiniso.) Ferio's practically-identical twin, minus scars and ponytail, plus black-tipped hair. Narri hooks up with him in many fics.
Justin: Also a person, only real. Narri's part-time partner-in-crime. A dude.
The whole playing-cards-with Mokona-scene: a reference to another fic of Jade's, in which Kelly and Ferio played cards with Mokona rather than having a sordid affair. It's Mokona-riffic!
Disclaimer:
I own nothing. I almost had the NSX, but like with Guru Clef CLAMP outbid me on eBay...
The lovely authouress was sat in complete darkness, with only the computer monitor to illuminate her skin. She pondered, drank her tea with four sugars and got down to work. She wrote:
"I love you Ferio!" Said Presea.
"I love you too!" replied Ferio.
Realising that this was a bit of a cop-out, the lovely authouress deleted the above and continued to write, in the only way she could, NEWSPAPER FORMAT, no, this was yet another cop-out, so the authouress continued on...
For the Crown Prince of Cephiro, all was well, Cephiro was thriving, the residents were happy, no one wanted to take over his throne and, quite argueably best of all, he had Fuu...
Fuu.
How was Ferio supposed to know when he finally said that he loved her, he was to eventually fall out of love? He wasn't too sure how it all happened, his feelings for Fuu just disappeared into thin air, and were quickly replaced with feelings for...
Why should he even bother?
There was no chance in hell, that she'd be interested in him, she was so much more older and more mature and just generally perfect in everything. She wouldn't have to leave him and return to Earth, she wouldn't be worrying about her family and she would have no reason not to be his queen, quite unlike Fuu, who was more worried of what her family would think.
But what was the point? It was quite clear she loved somebody else. The Guru.
It was at this point, the authouress was insanely reminded of the film 'Moulin Rouge' 'But somebody else was to see Satine that night. The Duke (Music starts) A kiss on the hand may be quite continental...' What was that? The fic? Oh yes! The fic! Ferio. Presea. Right. Anyway.
Seeing he had no choice, he got up and went off so he could confront the woman in question. Ferio was now stood outside her door hoping that she was actually in her room. He knocked gently.
"Come in!" came a shout from behind the door. Ferio took a deep breath before going in.
"Presea..." he said softly. He wanted to touvh her and hold her in his arms but he had to resist.
"Ah! Why hello Prince" she replied, happily as ever.
"Please... No one else seems to call me 'Prince' anymore..."
"Well, if you're sure" Ferio nodded "Is something wrong?" Presea was a caring person, and she cared for all those around her. She was nice like that.
"I... have to tell you something" Presea looked at Ferio questioningly. For some reason Ferio had lost his power of speech and was now unable to say anything like 'I love you' or even 'I really like you. A lot." So instead, he decided to let his actions speak his words. He then took her face in his hand kissed her gently. Presea, who had not been expecting this at all, was obviously rather shocked at this, but soon found herself returning the kiss.
…And thus, all seriousness ended, as about thirty authoresses reacted violently at once, and a couple of them decided to get the heck in there and DO something about it. (Being the authoress of the entire previous fic, the great Jadeysports, and the most begging-to-disagree-authoress, myself…Narri-chan.) And all fell to chaos as the entire rest of the fic, in a warped hiccup of the universe, took the form of an MSN chat between we two titans of the MKR humor genre…
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
That ficcie... (whips out mallet that, upon reading xxxHolic vol.1, is now inscribed with the words "Executioner's Blade" in black sharpie)
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
XD
Sarah Has a "someone just for her". says:
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
You love it, really.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
You should run, really.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
I think later, Presea will be all "Rawr. I'm preggers."
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
And I'LL be all "Put my morals on hold, I'm making an exception! TO THE ABORTION CLINIC!"
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
Then I'll be all: "Look! There's Daijiro. Go molest him or something."
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
And Justin'll be all "Hey! No!" And try to hold me back and I'll act like I don't enjoy it, while Fuu sneaks a love potion into Ferio's tea and he forgets about ever loving Presea, and CLEF comforts Presea and volunteers to father the child, and Umi and Ascot make out on the floor, and Caldina and Lafarga are in the broom closet, and Hikaru, Eagle, and Lantis go out for an ice cream cone!
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
YAAAAAY! (D
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
XDDDD
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
Clef will then leave Presea for me, after I brutally murder Fuu.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
And Fuu will revived by Windom, who can't let his knight die, or Selece an' Rayearth'll have one up over him and THAT, my friend, is not an option.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
Well, Clef will still have left Presea for me.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
And Ferio will be all "W00-H00!" because his beloved is not dead!
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
No, then he will go after his true love in life: DAIJIRO!
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
And then the knights' families come in, somehow, an' Geo forgets all about ever having weird kinky anime-series thoughts about Eagle and falls head-over-heels for KUU, because gosh-darnit, she has an undying love for candy and long chestnut hair that blows in the wind, an' Zazu makes out with the FTO in the background (quite a feat, btw, so let's have a round of applause for the midget!).
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
Whoop!
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
But alas, Ferio will be too busy with Daijiro to notice.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
...Until I take care of my 'Jiro-Jiro-chan with the "Executioner's Blade" an' stash him in some closet, but the hall closet, not the coat closet, because Caldina and Lafarga are in there.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
(nod nod)
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
And where is Kelly in all of this?
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
Devising a plot, not unlike my famous habit, to separate j00 an' Clef an' win j00 back. And Presea goes "W00-H00!"
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
But Presea will be too busy with Ferio's child to notice.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
Which, once Kelly-san succeeds, Clef will step up to take responsibility for once again, and Presea confesses that it was she lied about it being Ferio's child, and that it WAS actually Clef's (from a rather tipsy, alcohol-induced night by the Fountain of Eterna), and that she only said it was Ferio's because she wanted the best for her child, to be the heir to the throne of Cephiro!
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
Clef will then tell Presea that this is not possibly because at that alleged time he was getting off with Ascot.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
And Ascot manages to make a "thumbs-down" from his position (still) on the floor with Umi, who glares at Clef and comes up for air just long enough to tell him where he can stick his accusation and how.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
Until Fuu comes along and drags Umi off with her into the nearest (and empty) closet.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
...to locate a mop to clean up Ferio's nosebleed, triggered when, in being revived by Windom, the winds FINALLY blew up her schoolgirl skirt. Nyeh.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
Well, that's the excuse they're using to cover their heavy make-out session.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
)3
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
Which Justin and I can prove never happened because we were right across the hall from the closet they located, and they only paused long enough for Fuu to grab a mop and bucket and a few sponges and for Umi to tell us to get a room (advice quickly followed) and then, we SAW them, yes, SAW them head right back into the throne room!
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
(P
:JD: Spaz You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
XD
:JD: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
It was at this point that I freed Daijiro from his closet and told him his 'Lady Friend is going off with another man'.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
But I suspected such a low-down tactic such as "squealing", so Justin and I, taking a leaf out of a previous ficcie of J00RS, set up the room like we were playing cards and listened at the door and, oh, had Mokona and doggy-form-Rayearth there too, so we were quite un-suspicious upon being discovered.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
XD
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
An' so once I patched things up with 'Jiro-Jiro-chan and apologized for pummeling him with the "Executioner's Mallet", and he went after j00 for your blood, we kicked out the animals and…nothing.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
I then show 'Jiro piccehs on my handy-dandy digital camera of j00 and Justin in your make out session.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
(blush) ...But before you could show them to him, on the way back to the throne room, 'Jiro-Jiro-chan figured he'd probably need some sort of weapon to go up against an authoress with, and he recalled seeing a large umbrella in the broom closet earlier, so he went there first and was so freaking' SCARED at seeing Caldina and Lafarga in their condition that he passed out right there on the floor, and Caldina and Lafarga drew all over his face in sharpie marker and moved to a less-conspicuous closet.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
I shall then take the 'Jiro off and brainwash him for my own evil bidding.
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
...But by then my bishounen senses will be going off, and so I dash off to the rescue with Justin in tow, us having both transformed into superheroes because those goddamn Magic Knights are too "busy" to do anything about it, and canon characters should fight canon characters anyways.
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
But with my army of incredibly strange friends, j00 and Justin have no chance!
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
But that does not change the fact that Clef has bashed pretty much everybody present over the head with his club-staff-thing and threatened to push the "Instant Crumble-izer Ray" button and start the apocolypse all over again, and then, hypocritically, commences making out with Presea because, heck, even if anyone wanted to intervene negatively, everybody's occupied!
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
I shall then reclaim Clef again!
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
...TRUE, but that gives us time to grab 'Jiro-'Jiro-chan and run like hell, making sure to run in zig-zags so ya'll attacks miss us, and screaming "Nyah-nyah-nyah-nyah! Missed me, missed me, now ya gotta kiss me!" and then taking back that statement (from a safe distance away) because in this crazy fic it might really HAPPEN... 9.9;;
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
XD
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
Only if you want it to… )3
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
XD
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
(SCREAMS)
:Sarah: Has a "someone just for her". says:
An' heck, by this time Fuu an' Ferio have decided to get hitched an'have gone to the Cephiran Justice of the Peace to get it over with already, and are halfway to Chizeta for their honeymoon!
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
I then break down and curl up on the floor crying at the FuuxFerio-ness…
:JD Spaz: You. Will. Forget. Me. says:
But alas, we must carry on our insane adventure in Cephiro another time, as I must go.
Narri: Well, y'heard the woman! 9.9;Scram, kiddies! (Review first, tho'…)
TO BE CONTINUED!