Made in Taiwan

By: Silver Neo

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of its characters. I also don't own the stork. Yet.

A/Ns: This comes from a mix of too many WMPP stories, a quote from Armageddon, RITZ crackers, and a glass of limeade. You can be afraid now.

When the young witch received her first baby, a true blessing from the heavens above, she swore to love and protect the child with her very life. All her time would go into teaching the babe right from wrong and everything the world held. As the little one squirmed in her arms her plans intensified. "Oh, little Peter. You shall be so smart. Even before you enter Hogwarts."

From behind her the woman's husband wrapped his arms around her, kissing her cheek softly. "Yes, he will be so smart. Just like his mother."

Giggling happily the woman accepted the attention. "Oh, dear, do you really believe that?" She asked. "He'll know everything, right?"

"Of course, love." He replied with a smile for her and one for the giggling baby.

"From the most complex potion to the most well known tales of daily life!" The witch continued. "From a tickling charm to where babies come from!"

There was an odd silence after her statement but the wizard who held her simply began to chuckle instead of raising a fit. "Speaking of where babies come from…"

Nine months later the young witch held her new daughter in her arms with a happy smile. "Oh, little Annabelle…" She whispered while her son poked at the family cat with her wand.

Nothing Peter did shocked his fellow dorm mates any more. They had just figured, years before, that he had been dropped on his head as a child and left it at that. Oh, they loved Peter like a brother, but the poor boy was just a little dense.

This was proved, shockingly so, one day as the blond-ish boy came up with an interesting question for his friends.

"Hey, Moony?" Peter asked from his bed where he had been flipping through a random textbook. There was a big test coming up in Charms, but the poor boy didn't really feel like studying. Instead he felt like asking his smartest friend a question that had been bothering him for some time.

Barely glancing up from his book Remus Lupin acknowledged his friend with a small nod. "What is it, Peter?" He asked in a calm, I'm-humoring-you-though-I'd-rather-be-reading tone.

"Where do babies come from?"

Okay, maybe some things that Peter did would shock his dorm mates. Or at least Remus who, instead of answering the boy's question, just sat there, staring at Peter, book forgotten. "Ba-Babies?" He asked after a few minutes of staring.

"Yeah, where do babies come from? I've always wanted to know."

Once again the werewolf couldn't find his voice, so instead he stood and walked to the dorm door. "JAMES! SIRIUS!" He yelled loudly, sure to get them out of the common room, or any other part of the castle, and to their room where they were needed.

It was only a few minutes, probably less, before the fore mentioned teens arrived in their room. "Hey, what's the problem?" James asked after pushing his glasses back up his nose. "Is something wrong?"

Sirius didn't seem at all concerned with the yelling. He was as nonchalant as ever. 'Curse him.' Remus thought bitterly before smiling sweetly.

"Peter has a question for you." He said in a sugary sweet tone that could give anyone cavities.

Perking up from his bed Peter replied his question with infinite innocence. "Where do babies come from?"

Needless to say the boys were just as shocked, and a little terrified, by Peter's statement. A similar thought ran through their heads. It was something along the lines of 'Oh, Merlin, how could a sixth year not know where babies come from!' Although with Sirius there was a tad more cursing involved and laughing. Lots of mental laughing.

"Peter?" James finally said after breaking out of his shock. He sent Wormtail a kind and almost fatherly smile while shooting Moony a look of pure hatred. 'Damn werewolf!' "Didn't your parents ever tell you about where babies come from?" He asked in a patient tone.

The second youngest Marauder (Sirius was the youngest by a month, believe it or not) just shook his head a few times. "Every time I asked them they'd get this weird look and start laughing." He explained. The others didn't seem amused at the response.

"WHAT!" Sirius demanded in a loud bark. "Your parents actually sent you to school without knowing how babies are made?" His face had become a nice shade of red as the whole situation sunk in and Remus made an idle thought about how it mixed well with the Gryffindor colors.

Peter, the image of innocence, just sat there with an interested look on his face. Almost like he had nothing to do with the shocked atmosphere that had settled around them. Remus had reclaimed his seat at his desk, glad that he didn't have to deal with the question or anything involving children. James had managed to reclaim some dignity as was straightening his robes so he could look a little mature when he did what he was about to do. Sirius…well he just stared blankly at the world before him, too shocked to go on.

"Alright then, Peter." James said in a calm and collected voice. "We'll tell you where babies come from." Casting Remus and Sirius a quick glare he decided to add, "Won't we guys?" The two, having just a bit of a survival instinct, nodded while smiling at Peter.

There was a tense moment of silence, with the only sound being James shifting a bit. Finally the boy seemed to settle on what he was going to say, and with that began to explain to Peter one of life's greatest mysteries. The one right after why does the left sock always disappear.

"Peter." James began before a small blush over came his face. "When a man and a woman love each other, very, very much they…um…"

"Do a special hug."

All three Marauders turned to stare at Remus who had turned back to his book with a grace only he could muster. The feeling of six eyes on him seemed to draw him away from the book, however. "What?" He asked almost as innocently as Peter.

"'Do a special hug?'" Sirius asked with a raised eyebrow. A twitch of jealously flared through Remus. How come Sirius could do the eyebrow thing? Still, he recovered well and nodded.

"Yes. A special hug. You try better." He dared in an even tone.

Luckily, or perhaps unluckily for any slash loving readers (Sirius' comeback was quite a dosy), James broke up the up coming fight. "Well, Remus is somewhat right. There's this…hug, and nine months later there's a baby."

"How does hugging get you a baby?" Peter asked innocently, though said innocence was now bordering on annoying. "I mean that doesn't make any sense. I've hugged lots of people. Just yesterday I hugged Remus." Now the boy's eyes widened in terror. "Is Remus going to have my baby!"

Silence filled the room once more before Sirius, whose face was now a very bright red, began laughing. Loudly. From his desk Remus had begun impersonating a tomato and even James couldn't hold back a chuckle. "No, no. Remus isn't going to have anyone's baby. He's a boy." A shifty glance and a quick smirk were shot in the werewolf's direction. "At least, I think he is."

Sirius quickly patted his friend's chest before leaping onto Peter's bed for protection from the enraged Marauder. "Yep. Remy's male. At least the top half is." His smirk was downright perverted. "I could check the bottom for you."

"Thank you, but no." James muttered as he tried to hold back Remus before he caused mass bloodshed. "Remus, we all know you're a male, so no killing Sirius." The black haired boy paused in thought before adding a cheerful, "For now at least."

Once Remus was properly calmed James returned to the matter at hand. "Okay, Peter. It's not really a hug. See…Women can make eggs, and men…can make seeds. The man will put the seed near the woman's egg and she'll have a baby."

"Why, Mr. Potter," Sirius said with a wide eyed glaze, "that was downright dirty."

Peter, meanwhile, was looking a little shocked. "Women have eggs? But…how do the seeds get past the egg shell?"

Remus, who had been holding back giggles at James' shocked look, saved his friend by smiling sweetly at Sirius. "Why don't you explain to him where babies come from?" He suggested.

"Alright, fine." With a slight puff of his chest Sirius turned towards Peter. Instead of actually answering the question with words he walked towards his own bed and stopped before his trunk. After a bit of rummaging he pulled out what looked like a magazine and threw it towards Peter. "That should give you a good idea." He said with a cheerful grin.

Luckily, and this was truly luck, James caught the magazine before the smallest of their group could even glance at it. "Sirius Black." He called in a deep tone. "You corrupting pervert!"

"You wanted me to tell him where babies come from!" Sirius retorted, worried for his magazine. It was one of his favorites!

"I didn't want you telling him anything. Remus wanted you to!" He reminded the other teen before glancing at the calm and collect werewolf. "Though you should have known he'd do something like this."

Remus just smiled sweetly, which was serving to make James very paranoid. "Well, we've both raised ways of telling Peter. I just thought it was his turn."

"Fine." Sirius responded with a dull smirk. "Babies come from Taiwan. Just like everything else."

"Really?" Peter asked excitedly.

Remus just glared at Sirius before muttering blankly, "No. Babies do not come from Taiwan." His eyebrows narrowed in concentration before muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, 'China maybe…'

James didn't want to reply in any way. This was just getting way out of hand. Then, an idea broke through. "Peter." He turned his attention towards the small boy who looked very paranoid. "If you truly seek an answer, then take my advice."

"Yes?" Peter asked with wide-eyed anticipation.

"Ask Lily."

End Notes: Well…that's it. I'm willing to make a sequel, or another chapter, but that's up to the reviews. Really, I think it'd be fun for poor Lily to try and tell Peter about where babies come from. Don't forget to review! It makes me smile!