4. By the time the limo with Ryan, Seth, Kirsten, and Sandy arrived to the church, it was already full of people. It wasn't with people who were there to mourn the loss of Trey, but people trying to gather the latest piece of gossip. No one here really knew Trey.

Ryan stepped out of the limo and looked around to find a familiar face. He saw Marissa standing outside the church with Summer. God, how much Marissa had changed in the past three weeks. She looked almost empty inside.

Marissa felt eyes burning a hole into her, she looked up from her conversation with Summer and saw that Ryan was looking at her. He had lost some weight and the color was drained from his face. She caused this to happen to him. She took his brother's life and was the reason that Ryan had secluded himself from the group and from his family.

"Sum, I have to go try to talk to him." she told her best friend.

"Coop, are you sure it's a good idea? I mean, not to be rude but he hasn't spoken to you in three weeks, what makes you think he'll talk to you here?" she asked with concern in her voice

"I don't know…I have to tell him sorry." she said a single tear dripped from her face, she looked down at her shoes, not wanting anyone to see her crying.

All of a sudden a familiar voice made Marissa's head shoot back up, "Mind if I have a word with Marissa alone?" Ryan had asked Summer. He had walked over while the two were contemplating if Marissa should go speak to Ryan.

"Sure no problem. I'll go find Cohen." Summer said and walked off in shock. She never thought in a million years that Ryan would choose his brother's funeral as a place to make up or cause a scene.

"Ryan, I'm so sor-" she started but Ryan had cut her off.

"I should have spoken to you sooner, I….its been…I just don't know….its hard Marissa." he said as tears formed in his eyes, and he pulled her in for a hug.

Marissa's heart sank and rose in the same instance. She was finally glad to be in contact with Ryan again, and touching him but seeing him cry broke her. She put her head on his shoulder and began to cry as well. The people that were milling by began to stare at the two of them confused. This can't be right, they thought, she killed his brother.

Ryan put his hands around her and pulled her in tighter, he didn't want anyone to see him crying and he missed the feel of Marissa against him. Marissa always made him feel better about himself and always found the good in people. Marissa saw the good in Trey….that was before….he attacked her.

"Ryan," she whispered, "Do you want to go by the tree and talk, away from everyone else?" she asked him careful not to move too fast. Her and Ryan were finally communicating again and she didn't want to scare him away by being forward.

"Yeah lets go." he took her by the hand and lead her over to the tree, He put his back against the tree and slid down to where he was sitting on the ground. Marissa sat down next to him, still holding his hand.

"I want to tell you something." Ryan started off, "I'm sorry for avoiding you….its just so hard Marissa." he said as another tear fell from his eyes. He didn't want her to see him in this state. He always had to be the strong one.

"I….I….I…understand….I mean…I am the one….I…..killed…." she couldn't string the sentence together, it hurt to much to admit to Ryan what she did, even though he already knew.

"No Marissa, you don't understand," he said sternly, "Why do you think I went to the apartment in the first place. When I heard what he did to you, I lost my mind…..I went there with the intent to hurt him….I don't know how far I would have taken it." he told her.

"Oh Ryan," tears streamed from her face, "You would have never killed Trey. No matter what he was your brother. I didn't…..I didn't want to kill him….I…..its all I could do to save you…."her voice trailed off, full of sadness.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, just holding each others hands and crying. Ryan wanted more than anything to just kiss Marissa and let him know that he was still in love with her and couldn't stand the thought of living without her. He needed her in his life, but he couldn't. Something was stopping him. The fact that he thought he was capable of killing someone for his girlfriend scared him. He wasn't used to feeling that rage and it reminded him of his father. He didn't want to be violent like his father was.

The bells rang to indicate that the funeral was to start. Ryan and Marissa walked into the church holding hands. They saw in the front pew, the Cohen family and Summer looking somber. They joined them, everyone standing in silence while listening to the preacher.

Finally the preacher called Ryan to the front, so that he could do his eulogy. Ryan looked at Marissa for support and she just squeezed his hand to let him know that she was there for him. Kirsten mouthed, "You can do it", he slowly let go of Marissa's hand and walked towards the front of the altar. He pulled a piece of paper out of his suit jacket and unfolded it.

"I had written a speech about my brother to read, but as I stand here and look at everyone I realize that I don't recognize the half of you. It would be a disgrace to my brother to read such a personal thing to people who only know what they have read about Trey." he paused for a moment getting choked up by speaking about Trey, "I'm going to read this," he waved the paper slightly," at the burial…I only want the people that are close to me and Trey to be there." Again he stopped because his voice was cracking, "I just want everyone here to know that even though Trey went down the wrong path a lot of the times, his heart was usually in the right place, he just chose the wrong way to get to his goal…..and I love my brother."

As soon as he said the last few words, he practically jumped off of the podium and back into the pew. The preacher said a few more words about Trey and allowing him into heaven. The funeral was over and Sandy, Seth, Ryan, Luke, Jimmy and a few other guys got around the casket and carried him out of the church and into the hearse.

Before he got into the hearse to take him to the grave yard, he asked Marissa and Summer if they would like to ride with the Cohen's. Ryan was making an effort to allow his friends and family back into his life. He didn't like how he felt when he closed the all out. He couldn't tell Marissa how he felt about her right now, but he could show her. He appreciated the fact that she didn't ask any questions about why he had avoided her before. He hoped that in due time he would be able to find the words to explain everything to Marissa. He was just glad that she was brave enough to show up here today.

Marissa sat next to Ryan, holding his hand and wondering why things had changed. She wasn't going to start questioning him, she knew that in time they would be able to open up to each other. He had to realize that the only reason she shot his brother was to save his life. Things would never be the same between them again but she hoped that they could try to eventually get there again.