Ha, ha! Look at this, only a week later! Oh and I'm movin', I'm movin', I'm movin', yeah!
Chapter 13: You and me baby…
Ain't nothing but pawns
JUMPER- Third Eye Blind
I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend,
You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in
And, if you do not want to see me again,
I would understand.
I would understand
...The angry boy, a bit too insane
Icing over a secret pain
You know you don't belong.
...You're the first to fight,
You're way too loud
You're the first to lay down the burial shroud.
...I know something's wrong
But everyone I know has got a reason
To say...
..."Put the past away"
...Well he's on the table
And he's gone to code
And I do not think anyone knows
What they're doing here
...And your friends have left
And you've been dismissed
I never thought it would come to this
...And I, I want you to know
Everyone's got to face down the demons.
Maybe today...
You can put the past away!
...Can you put the past away?
She twirled her straw for what seemed like the fiftieth time, not that she was counting. No, instead Bra was trying to figure out how exactly to ask her mother about Goten's story. For once, completely straightforward didn't seem the best idea.
For some reason, just blurting out, "Did you ever get called by Goten to take care of his mother after she had a mental breakdown and was convinced her second son was actually her absent husband?" seemed tactless.
Her mother, seated across the counter, raised an eyebrow. She was fairly certain lemonade didn't need to be stirred that much. Then again, she had made it. She couldn't have made it that badly though, could she? She frowned slightly, her gaze dipping down to her own glass.
"Mom?" Blue eyes leapt up to meet a matching set. Bra bit her lip, okay attention was attained. Now to the hard part… "I have a question."
Coward.
"Yes Bra?" Bulma prompted when she didn't go on. She twirled her straw again and took a deep breath.
"When Goku left, did you happen," she cringed at her own evasiveness, "to visit ChiChi later?"
Bulma stiffened, her eyes lasering unto her daughter, who was avoiding eye contact. "So Goten told you." It was blunt and hardly a question. Bra nodded though, her stomach sinking. So it was true. She hadn't actually believed Goten would lie about something like that, but still… It was horrible realizing that one of the strongest women she knew had been driven to such a point.
Bulma sighed. "I was actually rather hoping he would talk about it with you." Disbelieving aqua eyes sprung up from examining the kitchen counter. "Kami knows he hasn't spoken to anyone else about it," she continued, running a tired hand through her hair.
"What happened?" Bulma closed her eyes. It wasn't an easy thing to remember that day…
It wasn't the words that gave her pause, it was the tone. And she couldn't put her finger on what exactly it conveyed. Desperation? No, he wasn't frantic or panicking. It was more – despair. Quiet despair, laced with pain.
Bleeding with pain.
"I'll be right there Goten."
It was that tone that made her choose the fastest airplane she'd designed over the hovercar, thus getting her there in an hour instead of several.
She rushed to the door, then paused, realizing that she had no idea why she'd come. She knocked anyway. It opened immediately, Goten filling the doorway. He just looked at her. His whole face filled with the emotion that had caused her rush. Anguish.
"I-I couldn't," he pleaded with her to understand. "I just-"
"Goku, who's there at the door?"
His eyes bled with pain.
"I can't," he choked out. And without anymore warning, he rushed past her, pitching himself blindly into the air.
She stared after him, not understanding. Despite her confusion though, she let herself inside, closing the door behind her.
"ChiChi?" The woman bustled into view and blinked at her.
"Ah, you must be Bulma, Goku's friend. It's so nice for you to visit us." ChiChi smiled, a somewhat unfocused look in her eyes. Bulma's skin grew cold.
"ChiChi, are you okay?"
"Oh, I'm just fine. Gohan, go and say hi to Daddy's friend." Bulma turned her head, but no one was there. She looked back at ChiChi, her stomach knotting as understanding began to dawn.
"ChiChi Gohan's not here," she tried. "He's with Videl, remember? They live next door."
ChiChi frowned. "I don't know who you're talking about, but my little boy's right here. He lives with Goku and I." There was a fierceness in her tone that didn't fit.
Bulma swallowed painfully.
"ChiChi, Goku, Goku's gone." The black-haired woman shook her head doggedly.
"No he's not. He answered you at the door."
Oh Dende. Bulma stared in horror even as ChiChi moved past her.
"Goku, it's very rude to leave your guests alone," she began scolding and opened the door. She looked both ways outside. "Goku?" Something seem to collapse inside her. "Goku where are you? GOKU!"
That was desperation. That was frantic and sheer panic.
"GOKU!"
Bulma was galvanized into action, reaching the woman just as she crumbled. To call it sobbing or weeping would be to use too tame an adjective. The tears tore from her very soul. "Goku," she moaned.
"He promised me he wouldn't leave," she finally whispered brokenly.
And the pain bled.
Bulma merely cradled her, not daring to ponder who had made the promise.
It didn't matter. They had both broken it, no matter how unwillingly.
"I'm sorry."
Bra was silent.
"ChiChi's never spoken of it," Bulma said at last. "She eventually fell asleep and when she awoke…" She lowered her eyes. "It was like nothing had happened. But Goten… Goten was gone." In more ways then one, was their joint unspoken thought.
"So when Trunks and the others went looking for him," Bra began.
Bulma smiled wryly. "Yeah, I'm the reason Trunks believes Goten is the amazing vanishing man." Her smile slipped after a moment and she sighed. "He needed to lose himself for a while. He couldn't do that with all of us hovering around him. I just wished I'd been able to put off Gohan for longer."
Bra looked at her mother with sudden comprehension. "He didn't tell Gohan."
Her mother nodded her head. "Not a word. For one thing, Gohan would never have believed him. And for another," she paused, playing with the straw to her lemonade. "I think telling him would've made it real. Both Gohan and Goten have the utmost respect for and devotion to ChiChi. Seeing her breakdown that way was a betrayal of everything Goten held immutable. He didn't want to believe it anymore than Gohan would've."
"And all the more reason to hate Goku for causing it," Bra concluded.
"I can't say that I blame him," Bulma reflected. "I loved Goku dearly, but some of his choices regarding his family…" she trailed off revealingly. She suddenly shook her head, re-energizing and rising from her seat. "All I know is that I came home and made Vegeta swear never to leave me." She gave a half-smile, pouring her lemonade down the drain. It was too sour anyway and she really wasn't in the mood for a sour drink anymore. "It didn't take much to convince him, guess it goes to show how much he's changed."
That wasn't completely true. Once he'd returned as a Super Saiyan, he'd barely left her side these thirty-two years. She, Trunks, and later Bra were the only 'possessions', so to speak, that Vegeta had and he'd be d-ed if he let them go. In fact, he had confided to her one midnight after Goku's final departure, his fathomless black eyes fixed firmly on her, he'd finally come to understand Kakarrot completely. Why he fight, what drove him to more power, and why he would always surpass his prince. He would sacrifice everything for those he loved and he loved so much: his family, those he knew, and the many he would never know. Vegeta would never sacrifice everything because he had experienced the pain of personal loss to a degree Goku had never experienced. Perhaps it could be said that he understood its magnitude to the ones who lose far more. He grasped all he had tightly and wouldn't let go.
Bulma frowned thoughtfully. "Sometimes I wonder though, if Goku really understood the magnitude of what he was doing," she thought aloud, her eyes distant. "He had always ever been needed as a hero, as the strong warrior. And ChiChi, proud and strong as she is, I think never really let him guess how much she needed him. How much he was needed as a husband and a father," she continued slowly. "They survived, just as he knew they would, when he didn't come back after the Cell Games. He did love them and returned home after Buu, but then-" she paused.
"Ubuu."
Bulma shrugged. "Maybe he saw him as the chance to finally shed his identity as Earth's hero. But that wasn't how it worked and he ended up fulfilling it to the hilt." Her eyes clouded as she remembered Goku slumping tiredly as the dragon sped away. "And maybe finally got rest."
"And leaving his family behind." She was bitter for Goten and Bulma refocused on her. She was glad Bra seemed to be helping Goten face his past, considering she'd been so ineffective-
She stood before a leather, steel, and tattoo-clad Goten.
"She's deluding herself if she ever thought he loved her!" A finger thrust at her. "And you saw it. You all let him do it to her!"
No words to defend with.
"What are you doing Goten?" Pleading to make him see what he's doing to himself.
Silence.
"Don't call me that. I can't pretend," Pretend? "- not for her." A pause and anguished thoughts. "Not anymore."
Thoughts or words, caught in head and throat. Who spoke?
"I'm sorry."
But for what?
The past?
Or the future?
but he could be dangerous. Not the little lost boy she'd known before, but the man that existed now. "Be careful Bra." Blue eyes met blue again.
Bra nodded with a hint of exasperation, but still replied solemnly, "I know."
It wasn't the retribution she was expecting. After all, not only had she dragged Goten unwillingly to a big shindig, but she'd also pushed and prodded until she'd unearthed, well, something perhaps left buried. Not to mention, she'd then abandoned him for Tenshi.
So when she called to arrange their next meeting, she'd had no little trepidation when he said they'd meet at Fen's Plaza and he'd lead her to it. She'd expected maybe the Abyss again, the Pit, or some other heavy drinking establishment. Maybe a strip club, just for the embarrassment factor. Her imagination petered out beyond that suggestion and she'd felt a subtle dread that he'd come up with something way more awful.
She blinked at bright, blinking lights and the loud, cheesy music.
A carnival?
"I've got to say Goten, you never stop surprising me." The man at her side smirked. He didn't look quite in-place for where they were, having donned his standard black ensemble. She seriously did need to check his wardrobe for actual color articles – she had serious doubts that he owned any. She was just glad she'd picked simple black slacks and a unadorned red silk top.
"What, not what you were expecting?" he asked with mock curiosity. She laughed as they proceeded towards the entrance.
"Not at all."
They paid for their tickets and strolled around. Bra tried hard not to act excited, it'd been forever since she'd been to the carnival and adolescent sophistication was giving way to a simple love of games.
"So what do you want to do first Bra?" She paused, struck by the use of her name. She gave him a piercing look, striding by her side and looking forward.
"Uh, I don't know Goten," she finally answered, a small smile emerging on her face. She poked him playfully. "You've been around longer; you advise me what's the best."
His mouth morphed into a mischievous grin and he darted in front of her. "And you'll follow my advice?"
She smirked at him, correctly deducing the reason for the mischief. "I'm up for whatever you dish out."
A strange look came into his eyes that gave her a pause. "We'll see."
Without any other warning, he immediately rushed her towards the Sky Dragon, the largest roller coaster in the park. Bra gulped, taking it in. Maybe she'd regret this…
She couldn't resist a grin though, meeting Goten's challenging eye.
But it'd be a whole lot of fun.
It was a blast.
And not only the roller coaster, but also the bumper cars, various other height-defying rides, swings, and Ferris Wheel. (The last two she had had to bribe Goten with a lot of cotton candy and funnel cake to go on.)
That is, until Goten began to tug her towards the Haunted House.
"Oh no Goten, I am not going into there!" She dug her heels into the ground. He came to a halt and turned to her.
"What," he asked, his voice deepening. "you don't trust me?"
And abruptly she was back in the Abyss, looking into his fathomless dark eyes. He hadn't asked the question, but he'd inferred it and she'd been full of scorn. But flippancy refused to come this time, the intensity of his gaze too strong. It had only been a few days ago, had it been so few, but it seemed an eon away.
She gulped. When all was said and done, did she trust him? Could she?
Entranced, she was oblivious that she'd followed his leading until they were at the ticket gate. Goten paid their due and opened the gate for her. His eyes locked back on hers, daring and yet somehow pleading in the same look. The paradox made her tremble. She still hesitated.
Until she heard a rude noise behind her. "Well you going in or not?" a woman behind her demanded irritably. Goten frowned, looking past her.
"Give the woman a moment."
And then she didn't need it; she was there before him, catching his hand. He looked down at her a little puzzled, but acted nonetheless and pulled her through the doorway.
Years later, she would decide that that had been the beginning of the end. Inevitable. Unstoppable.
She grasped his hand, laughing that he'd have to be her prince charming and save her from the ghouls. From the darkness. She turned her head, only to see that he was all darkness: the black of his hair, eyes, and outfit perfectly melding into the painted walls. She gripped his hand harder.
He cocked his head, smirking wickedly though she could barely discern. "Oh come on Bra, you're not really scared? You're a Saiyan. We've got superior eye sight, hearing, sense of smell, probably taste for that matter, and unlimited natural power." He rattled off the list nonchalantly. "In fact…"
All she knew next was that his hand disappeared.
"Goten?"
He disappeared, swallowed completely by the darkness.
But his voice came again, "C'mon Princess! Come find me!" It echoed off the walls. Her skin chilled.
"Goten, this isn't funny!" Her voice shook. "Goten!"
He'd left her alone.
Her hand reached for a wall and she stumbled against it.
He was insane if he thought she'd be able to find him. And he was equally crazy, if he thought she'd put doing so above finding a way out.
But then, he was Akuma after all. It was she who'd been crazy to come in with him. Trust him.
Seductive insanity.
He apologized afterward, something about thinking she'd rise to the challenge. She just said something glibly about how she knew she shouldn't have gone into there someone nicknamed Akuma, but her pulse belied her flippancy.
Bra had found the way out by herself surprisingly quickly, but it had taken a good five minutes to calm herself. She was surprised by her panic. She'd never been the calmest person in the world, but still to be terrified in a child's Haunted House? It was somewhat humiliating. She could only be glad that Goten didn't tease her about it, instead winning her a huge blue plush bear as well as some other assorted cheap prizes as consolation. After he'd easily won the seventh game he tried, she told him to have pity on the other players and shop sellers. It wasn't exactly fair.
He shrugged. "Can't help that my genetics make it grossly unfair." But he didn't play again.
They were just wandering around when Bra saw the flyer about the fireworks. Checking her watch, she realized there was fifteen minutes, just enough time to find a good seat to watch them. And Goten let her pull him to a grassy knoll, only half-occupied by other waiting couples and families, without protest.
They found a seat and she eagerly scanned the sky.
"It's a good thing the weather's so nice," she commented avidly. "Not even the threat of rain."
And so it was – the sky was turning a deep blue, the sun have gone to rest nearly an hour before. There was not a cloud to be seen, only the hesitant initial glimmers of the remote stars to lighten the velvet expanse. There was no moon, but as the minutes ticked on, the stars grew more luminescent so it went relatively unmissed. Thankfully the carnival had picked the direction away from the city to display the fireworks, so the city lights were behind Bra and Goten's backs and not tainting the edges of the sky.
"Yeah, it is beautiful." Surprised by the mellow tenor of the words, Bra glanced down at Goten. He was on his back, shockingly relaxed, staring up at the stars. The stars stared down, lightening his features and dusting him with their pale, unwavering light. Seeing him so, it was easy to forget his alias and the persona that went with it. Instead, she saw the boy, the teenager, she had once known.
She smiled. Goten was a country boy at heart.
"I used to look at the stars all the time with Gohan when I was young," he went on, again surprising Bra in that he did so without prompting. "I thought the fact he'd actually gone out there and traveled among them was amazing." He gave a little laugh, void of the bitterness Bra had come to consider synonymous with his humor. "I must've made him re-tell his trip to Namek a hundred times at least. I vowed to myself that I'd go out there too someday."
She looked at him sharply, trying to gauge how serious he was being. "Considering how seriously you've taken your other vows, I'm amazed you're still on Chikyuu." Goten's lips twisted into a smirk as he propped himself up, pinning Bra with his star-lit eyes.
"Oh, I've still got some business to take care of before I make that trip," he said deeply. She squirmed, feeling herself involuntarily gulp as his gaze only intensified, trailing down to her throat like a hungry predator.
Thankfully, she was saved by the advent of the fireworks. She swiveled around, inwardly relieved by the distraction they provided. How could he just jump from kid to panther in three seconds flat?
They watched the show in silence for a few minutes, Bra oohing and aahing as appropriate. "I love fireworks," she confided, striving back towards the ease of before. "My Dad actually used to make ki blasts and explode them mid-air any night of importance for me: my birthday, my graduation, things like that."
"I think I remember that," he murmured behind her, making her nervously aware of how close behind her he was. She hazarded a look back and gasped. She leapt for his arm, shoving it down to the ground and forcing it to disperse the ball of ki it had been forming.
"Goten are you crazy?" Catching herself, Bra rolled her eyes. "Okay, so maybe you are, but you could attract someone's attention!" she hissed, anxiously looking at the other spectators and oblivious to the way she was sprawled across his body. She became vividly aware of it when he chuckled, the sound rippling through her body.
"They're all watching the fireworks," he pointed out. "We could do just about anything and they'd be none the wiser." Her eyes flashed to his, which promptly informed her he already had plenty of ideas of what they could do.
"Goten," she chastised, a bit too breathily. She began to scramble off him, but he caught her wrist and in a sudden motion they were both upright. She eyed him warily as he began to hover.
"How 'bout a dance?" he asked roguishly.
"I've already danced with you," she returned, uneasily turning her wrist in his grip, but not really trying to disengage.
"So what could be the harm in another?" His grin reached Cheshire Cat proportions. Bra hesitated a moment, but couldn't deny the appeal. Dancing on air?
"Okay," she agreed, quickly clarifying, "just a short one." And the next moment, she was swept up and they were a lot higher than he'd been hovering. She couldn't help a little shriek and clung to him. He raised an eyebrow as she looked down with trepidation.
And just how had she forgotten her fear of flying?
"I suppose twirling you out is out of the question," Goten meditated with mock solemnity. She shot him a furious look.
"I can't fly, remember?" she hissed, then glanced back down. "I must be going insane." Her hand shot out and thumped him on the chest. "And it's all your fault!" She wasn't sure who she was angrier at: him for enticing her or herself for falling for it.
He laughed, but then, "Bra, I won't let you fall." His eyes were soft and had a look that she'd never seen in them. They ensnared, the dark elegance of mystery and longing.
And there it was again in yet another form. Trust me, an unspoken plea.
But what would happen if she did?
She'd ask him, but she doubted he actually had the answer.
There was silence as he helped her arrange her feet on his and they settled into an effortless, peaceful rocking. Bra reflected that she'd never have foreseen this, tucked securely against Goten's chest as they watched fireworks exploded and moved to a rhythm only they heard.
"So why didn't you ever learn to fly?" he finally broke the hush. Bra took a moment, realizing the underlying question and that he wanted a serious answer.
"It's hard to explain. I mean, I'm half-Saiyan as my father loves to point out. I'm supposed to have the Saiyan urge to fight and everything else." She picked up steam as she went along. "But I don't, not like you guys," her eyebrows wrinkled as she tried to pick apart her thinking. "Or maybe I do, but I just don't like that everyone else does it!" The sudden admission surprised them both. "It's just, Trunks and you and Dad and Gohan and all the Z-senshi and Pan and just everybody in my world seems to know how to fight and do all this stuff with ki. All of the techniques have been perfected. My Dad's practically the most powerful being in the universe and Pan, my best friend, is the strongest woman on Chikyuu and…" she trailed off, finally lifting her head from his shoulder and looking him full in the face. "I just wanted to do my own thing and be able to be the best at it," she faltered. "I guess I'm still looking."
He looked at her, his eyes completely unreadable. Behind them the firework display continued disregarded by the floating pair. "You don't have to fight Bra, to prove anything. You have so much potential beyond-" he cut off, groping for words and obviously angry at the failure of his slick tongue.
"Beyond what?" she asked sharply, sensing the undercurrent she'd become familiar with during her encounters with Goten. "Beyond my Saiyanhood?" She decided to dive deep. "Unlike you?" She re-thought her question, adding acerbically. "Or is that like you? I can't keep track."
He frowned. "We're not the same Bra." Again, her name, she noted fleetingly. As if the nickname Princess had never existed. "You weren't forced to be a warrior, thank Dende."
"Like you didn't like fighting," she scoffed.
"I never wanted to be a pawn!" he hissed back agitated.
She drew back, searching his face. It was redundant motion; it was obvious that she'd hit something he'd thought out well in advanced and automatically connected to their conversation. It could've been years ago, knowing Goten, just simmering under the surface like so much of his inner chaos.
"A pawn?" she repeated.
"He made us all pawns." The pronoun needed no identification. It all came down to Goku in the end with Goten. "My brother, I, Trunks, even my mother. Only Vegeta ever resisted it." The fact that resistance had meant returning to his mass murdering ways seemed to matter not a whit. "Just props! He threw my brother as Cell, Trunks and I at Buu-" His lips tightened, his eyes fixated somewhere far beyond her, and Bra was shocked to feel his thick chest vibrate in anger. Without really thinking, she pushed him away with all her might. She supposed she meant to get his attention. However, caught off guard with his grip already loose, he abruptly let her go and she found herself flailing in the air.
It only lasted for a second. With a frustrated growl, as much from the fact she'd interrupted his tirade as her foolhardy move, he snagged her wrist and roughly brought her back to the ground. Once on firm land, she faced off with him, hands automatically fisting on her hips. He remained airborne, hovering as if his rage was too great for his feet to remain on solid earth.
"And of course your father's to blame for super powerful villains attacking Chikyuu," she retorted sarcastically, determined to not let her incident break the flow of the conversation. Goten frowned darkly.
"He was the hero, not us!"
"It was always a team effort." She'd heard the stories as many times as the other demi-Saiyan, from all possible stories. He snorted.
"Oh please," he sounded disgusted by her naïveté. "Not when Cell arrived. And not after that. It was a game only a Saiyan could play." Before she could retaliate, he went on. "And in the end, who became the ultimate enemy?" His eyes hardened. "Us, Saiyans with our power that he cultivated! Pawns of the whole d universe!" He was sneering, a hand going out to make an emphatic gesture, his ki nearly visible in his fury. Bra felt her anger drain away, looking at him with serious eyes.
"Am I a pawn Goten?" He froze.
It was an unnecessary question. They both knew the answer. Baby had possessed her as surely as Goten, Trunks, and Vegeta, sapping her power along with theirs. Hers was latent, but she was still had Saiyan blood. But Goten hadn't called her one, and for him omission was as good as admittance.
He stared at her for an eon. The half-Saiyan princess, half-human girl. Her mother's clone with her father's blood. Not a warrior, not a scientist. She could tell nothing from his face, only his eyes slowly began to glow. They beckoned her, as dark as the sky but with a tiny splinter of light threatening to pierce her through. Or save her, though she knew not what from.
And suddenly he was before her – she hadn't seen him move. Before she could blink or gasp, his lips was pressed to hers. There was no time for enjoyment or repulsion; in the next instant, they were gone, Goten once again hovering a few feet away, his eyes still undecipherable.
She stared at him, unable to form a single coherent thought. How was she supposed to react? And what did it even mean?
You dare not fall for this devil, something inside her whispered. He will not burn you. He will obliterate you.
In a single sinuous move, he turned to the fireworks. "The finale's almost over," he observed.
And so it was – the sky was on fire with explosions and light. It threw Goten in sharp relief, painting him in color for the first time.
And all Bra could do was stare.
It was only hours later, as Bra prepared herself for bed that she realized Goten had never answered her question.
Or had he?
Okay, how many people saw the title in the little chapter bar and thought 'this is it!' Well, never fear – next chapter's another story. It'll be shorter than this one, but we're coming to the climax of this half of Vows. (I think I've gone a little heavy on the foreshadowing for what's gonna happen, but I couldn't help it honest! There's also been some red and blue symbolism with Bra's clothing that I realized recently.)
It's a bit overwhelming for me to realize how much more there is – my original conception spans three sagas, each around 30 chapters. How long will it take? Well, I've committed myself to discipline; if I'm ever going to be a real writer I need to write on a schedule. Tentative present one: a chapter every week/two weeks (I need some grace). This summer I should be able to keep to it, though the fall's another matter.
Also, I'm including song lyrics in the next few chapters that I thought fit really well with the story. You don't have to read them if you don't want – they're in no way crucial to the plot.
To Jay FicLover, Goten's flight was was even in the original summary and without captives, sorry. In about three chapters from this, the story will move on ten years later. This story's epic. -sigh- Also, more insight into Goten's motives coming up in a bit.
The Eagles - "Desperado"
Desperado
Why don't you come to your senses?
You've been out riding fences for so long now
You're a hard one.
...But I know that you've got your reasons,
These things that are pleasin' you,
can hurt you somehow,
...Now it seems to me some fine things,
have been laid upon your table,
But you only want the ones you can't get,
...Desperado,
You ain't getting' no younger,
Your pain and your hunger,
Are drivin' you home!
...And freedom, oh freedom!
Well that's just something' for talkin',
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.
...Don't your feet get cold in the wintertime?
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine.
It's hard to tell the nighttime from the day!
...And you're losin' all your highs and lows,
Ain't it funny how the feelin' goes away?
...Desperado,
Why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences!
Open the gate!
...Before it's too...late.