Otherwise: A Tale of Two Rimmers

By Li Izumi

Part 3

Rimmer sat, feeling dejected, curled up on the floor of the storage room Lister had led him to spend the night. He had never been one to analyze his feelings—and he certainly wasn't going to start now—but he was definitely feeling more miserable than he usually did and he wasn't at all certain why that was.

Granted, this wasn't the homecoming he had been envisioned for so long. He had thought things would be a bit more…well, certainly different than this. He had thought that maybe… He shook such thoughts out of his head before they fully formed. There were some things he would not let himself imagine at all.

If he had been thinking realistically about this return trip at all, he would have known there wouldn't exactly be a warm welcome, even if it had just been the regular team, still stuck on the Starbug. After all, Cat made little effort to hide the fact that he didn't like Rimmer. Kryten thought he was a complete smeghead. And Lister… even Lister didn't really like him. Who had he been fooling when he thought it would be a good idea to come back?

How could he have possibly convinced himself that this was home? He had no home.

'I missed you too…'

He had seemed so sincere when he said that. No, that was ridiculous. What was he thinking? Lister couldn't possibly have actually missed him because… Because he…they… had already replaced him!

Rimmer felt as if he had been punched in the gut as that thought formed in his mind. He…they… didn't need him, didn't want him around. Rimmer had already been completely replaced.

Now he didn't feel miserable anymore. He didn't feel much of anything at the moment. He was numb… drained. No, that couldn't be it. Why should he feel like that? He was just exhausted. Yeah. That was it. He just needed to get some sleep.

But Rimmer did not fall asleep. Instead, he spent the night staring up at the darkened ceiling, not feeling anything.

………….

Rimmer must have dozed off at some point, as he suddenly found that Lister was in the room, sitting on the floor near him. Nearly instantly after Rimmer's eyes fluttered open, Lister said, "Ah, you're awake."

Rimmer could feel his cheeks warm slightly. "Were you…" He stopped himself before the question tumbled out of his mouth. After a brief hesitation, he continued with a different question. "Um… Were you waiting long?"

Lister shook his head. "Nah, just sat down, pretty much."

Rimmer nodded, trying not to think about what he had been thinking about the night before.

"Figured you'd probably want to go see the rest of the team today. I'm afraid we can't really go around the rest of the ship, as we're…I'm stuck in the brig. But then, you didn't have any friends, so I figure just the regular gang is probably fine."

Rimmer nodded, but he didn't feel very enthusiastic about it.

"I um…I didn't think it would be a good idea for you to wander about in your Ace clothes, so I brought you one of the prisoner uniforms." Lister held up the purple jumper.

Rimmer looked over at Lister, clearly annoyed. "I don't need actual clothes. I'm a hologram, Lister."

Lister looked taken aback. His hand that had been holding up the uniform dropped to his side. "Ah, right. I forgot I guess…" He lamely explained.

Forgot? How could he possibly have forgotten that Rimmer was dead? Well, all right, as a hard light hologram, he could actually tough and interact more like a normal human. But Rimmer was not about to excuse such a clearly deliberate, malicious oversight. Because clearly Lister 'forgot' since he had that OTHER Rimmer, who was alive and real.

"I didn't mean…" Lister started, but Rimmer cut him off.

"Just give it here so I can program my outfit appropriately."

Lister held out the jumper and Rimmer pulled out his light bee remote from his pocket. After a clicking a few buttons, the Ace jacket shimmered and was replaced by the familiar prisoner uniform.

"Is this alright?" Rimmer snapped.

"Yeah, ok. But are you going to leave your Ace wig on?"

"I don't want anyone to know I'm Rimmer!" He blurted out.

"We're trying to keep your presence on the ship a secret…"

"I meant Cat and Kryten," Rimmer said, but even he felt that was a lame excuse. He had wanted to go home, but he didn't want the others to know it was him. He couldn't hide the truth from Lister, who knew it already, but he just wanted to be warmly welcomed. In the dark of the night, Rimmer remembered that they weren't likely to welcome him warmly. None of them really liked Rimmer. They all adored Ace, though. They would be excited to see Ace. And so Rimmer didn't want them to know he wasn't' Ace. Even if it wasn't real, Rimmer just wanted feel just a little as if they were truly happy to see him.

"Look, they know that Ace is an alternate Rimmer. So just say that you cut your hair so you could appear to be Rimmer right now," Lister suggested after thinking for a minute. "I mean, we're talking about Cat and Kryten. They'll believe it."

Rimmer hesitated a moment then he took off the wig. It almost felt as if he had just taken off his last defense and now he stood exposed before Lister. It was an uncomfortable feeling. Desperate not to let his mind linger on that thought, he blurted, "How do I look?"

"Like Rimmer," Lister said quickly, and even he seemed to realize as soon as he said it that it wasn't the right thing to say.

Rimmer scowled. 'Like Rimmer'? But which Rimmer? He left the question unspoken. He knew he didn't want to hear the answer.

"So, um, shall we go then?"

Rimmer didn't say anything but merely followed Lister out glumly.

…………………..

Rimmer was surprised as he entered the room—how Cat had gotten himself a single, even Lister couldn't explain—despite Lister's forewarning and his own memory of what Cat had been like. It didn't look like a prison room but a fashionable boutique.

Even though Cat was only allowed to wear the prisoner uniform during his two year sentence, Cat had filled his room with various articles of clothing and other beauty care supplies. Most of the items were likely what Cat had had to leave behind when they had left on Starbug, but some of it might have been salvaged from Starbug's last crash onto the Red Dwarf. Rimmer didn't know, and didn't really care. He was just impressed with how much of it there was, overfilling the tiny cell.

"Hey Cat," Lister called out.

Cat looked up from washing his clothes, his tongue still half out. Upon seeing Lister, he grinned. "Hiya buddy, what's up?"

"Got you a visitor."

The Cat's smile faded noticeably when he saw Rimmer.

Trying to ignore the knot in his stomach, Rimmer grinned and spoke in the Ace drawl, "Hiya Cat ol' buddy."

Cat did a double take and looked at Rimmer confused. "…Ace?" He asked, clearly uncertain.

"It's been a while, but you are still as dashing as ever," Rimmer drawled some more. The lines were enough to make him ill, but as long as he kept going with what he was least likely say, he was probably keeping in the Ace character.

Cat's face lit up in a dazzling smile. "Ace! What are you doing here?"

With a calm nonchalance that he didn't feel at all, Rimmer shrugged. "I wound up back in this dimension and knew I had to stop in and say hello."

"Thought we'd head over to the women's quarters and bring Ace over to say hello to Kryten and Kris," Lister added.

It didn't take the trio long to head down towards the women's quarters. Lister signed them in and led them to Kochanski and Kryten's room. He alone had visited the room with any frequency.

Rimmer looked around confused. "You said Kryten was rooming with Kochanski. Why is he in the women's quarters?"

Lister snorted with laughter. "'Cuz they won't classify him as a bloke cuz he doesn't have a prick."

"He just IS one," Rimmer muttered.

Lister stopped laughing and gave Rimmer a sharp look. Rimmer glanced quickly over at Cat, who was oblivious of Rimmer's muttering and the looks exchanged between Rimmer and Lister.

Rimmer sighed. Lister was right; he would have to be more careful and not let out any of those kind of slips. He had been the one who didn't want the others to know he wasn't really Ace. But he was on the Red Dwarf seeing the old crew again, and he wasn't in his Ace costume. It was hard not to just slip out of the Ace persona.

They had reached the room and Lister strolled in casually. "Hey Kris, Kryten."

"Why look, Miss Kochanski. It's Mr. Lister. And the Cat." Kryten nearly did a double take. "And Mr. Rimmer."

Kochanski, who had continued reading as the others entered the room even looked up surprised at that. Apparently, the other Rimmer wasn't the sort who often came to visit them. That other Rimmer was most certainly taking it completely for granted that everyone was around. How would he feel if they all were suddenly gone and he was left completely alone? That smeghead likely would never know what that felt like!

"Oh, it's not that smeghead," Cat grinned. "It's Ace!"

"Ace?" Kochanski asked confused.

Though he was an absolute bundle of nerves, Rimmer sauntered into the room casually. "Captain Arnold J. Rimmer, hero and space adventurer!" He winked at Kochanski and continued to drawl, "But you can call me 'Ace'."

Rimmer caught Lister folding his arms tightly across his chest and rolling his eyes. Now what was his problem? Rimmer was keeping in character for 'Ace'. He was being disgustingly charming and…. Oh. Oh, that was it. Lister didn't like him being charming to Kochanski.

Well that was just too darn bad. He was merely acting like Ace. Besides, it wasn't like this Kochanski was with this Lister, according to what Lister had said the day before. She had some Lister in another dimension.

"So, Ace, what have you been up to?" Cat asked amicably.

"Wha, oh…" Crap. Cat's question had startled him out of his thoughts, and he had for a minute slipped back into his regular voice. Quickly recovered, Rimmer dropped back into the Ace drawl. "Just the usual," he drawled with a shrug. "Fight off evil hordes, rescue gorgeous princesses, and save the world again."

Rimmer needed little encouragement to go into some of the exciting adventures he had gone on since he left the Dwarfers. He was pleased to see that Cat and Kryten both seemed to be paying attention to his stories. Kochanski also seemed quite fascinated by his daring rescues.

He felt a bit nervous about looking over at Lister. Would he be impressed too? Would he think Rimmer was just making it up? Admittedly, Rimmer often used to tell stories about his past that were perhaps a little less than true. But this time, all the amazing stories had actually happened. He had gone on so many incredible adventures, and saved dozens of gorgeous girls who threw themselves at him.

But Lister alone knew he was Rimmer and not Ace. What would his reaction be…? Rimmer wasn't certain if he dared to even glance over at him.

Maybe… just a quick glance…

"Attention canaries. Please meet in the briefing room." A voice suddenly spoke over the intercom system.

Rimmer threw a glance over at Lister, but it was too late. Lister was looking up at the intercom, clearly startled by its sudden interruption.

"What's this?" Rimmer asked, quite confused.

"Oh, I didn't tell you about the canneries," Lister nodded. "Come on, and I'll explain on the way."

…………………

It was typical of Lister to get the group mixed in with something like the Canneries. Rimmer found that once Lister explained what had happened, he wasn't at all surprised that it had been because of Lister's idiocy.

Now Rimmer was stuck with them, going on this mission. What else could he do? Excuse himself so he could get the other Rimmer to go? That smeghead other Rimmer was getting all the breaks. It just wasn't fair!

"Alright," Cat grinned as the boarded the Cannery shuttle. "We've got nothing to worry about on this mission—we've got Ace with us!"

Rimmer felt less than enthused. Sure, he went on dangerous missions as Ace, but still, he didn't like to go on life-threatening missions. On one hand, this was the perfect opportunity to show off—to prove that he really had done all those incredible things he had been talking about. And yet, even as Ace, Rimmer constantly had to fight against his natural cowardice and push himself into danger. What would Lister think if he saw Rimmer's hesitation? What if this was the one time that Rimmer wasn't able to push himself forward? What if this was the time his cowardice won and he ran away again?

…………………………

The main thing he didn't like about Canary Missions was the lack of context. Being in the prison, Lister was no longer in the know on where the ship was or what was around them. It was sort of like being in a bubble—all he knew, for the most part, was what was going on in the prison block. And then he would be suddenly thrust out of the prison on some Cannery mission in some who-knows-where location.

In this case, the mission itself seemed to be pretty straight forward—check out the ship that the Red Dwarf had come across to make certain it was safe. And yet such things were never as simple as that. Lister had learned that from the years exploring when it had just been him, Rimmer, Cat, and Kryten. They had never once ran into some other being that didn't seem to want them dead, and mysterious ships often had some sort of other being or other various danger.

As always, they broke into smaller groups to explore the ship more fully. However, unlike usual, this time Kris pulled Rimmer off to the side.

"I'll check out this hallway with Ace," She said simply and started off without waiting for a response.

Lister could feel his jaw hang open as he watched the pair walk away.

"Come on, Sir. Let us check out this hall," Kryten suggested, oblivious to Lister's frustration to see Kris pair off with Rimmer. He liked to be the one to pair off with Kris because it was one of the few times that he actually got to spend any time with her.

"Yeah sure," Lister said, but his attention was still solely fixed on the backs of Rimmer and Kochanski.

Kris had leaned close to Rimmer, and they were obviously talking about something. Unfortunately, Lister was much too far away to hear what was being discussed.

"Sir?"

Lister tried to turn his focus back to checking out the ship, but he found he kept looking back behind him towards the direction Rimmer and Kris went. What were they doing?

All right, so Ace was a really great guy and was incredibly charming. But this Ace was really Rimmer! What was he thinking? Rimmer KNEW how much Lister was in love with Kris. And Kris couldn't possibly be interested. It was Rimmer! He wasn't charming—he was a complete smeghead!

A year had gone by with Rimmer being Ace, but could he have really changed all that much? When they had been back in Kris and Kryten's quarters and Rimmer had been talking about what he had been doing, Lister hadn't been at all certain how much he should believe. They were stories he could believe of Ace, but from Rimmer?

Lister shook his head. No, that wasn't quite right. Those were exactly the type of things he had envisioned Rimmer off doing. But he hadn't imagined that Rimmer would return and tell him such stories himself. When Rimmer had left to become Ace, and didn't immediately return a failure, Lister didn't think he would ever see Rimmer again. Surely Rimmer would be off on amazing adventures as Ace, and would never look back.

That wasn't to say that Lister hadn't missed Rimmer. Admittedly, he hadn't given Holo-Rimmer as much thought after the nanobots rebuilt the ship and resurrected Rimmer along with the rest of the crew. Rimmer was Rimmer no matter what Rimmer he was. For the most part, their personalities were more or less the same, though the different experiences since the crew's original demise and then return meant there were subtle differences between the resurrected Rimmer and the Holo-Rimmer. Certainly, there had been times when Lister found himself missing the Rimmer he had spent all those years alone on Red Dwarf with.

"Why look! There's Mister Rimmer and Miss Kochanski," Kryten said, snapping Lister out of his thoughts.

The two groups rejoined, but Lister tuned out the conversation as he stared intently at Kris. She also didn't seem to be paying any attention to what the others were discussing. Her eyes were a bit red, and she had this odd smile on her face. He followed her gaze and saw that she was looking at Rimmer. His hands tightened into fists as he noticed that Kris' mused hair and then Rimmer's rumbled shirt.

They couldn't possibly have… Kris wasn't that kind of… Rimmer wouldn't… No, it just wasn't possible…

And then Lister overheard Kris sigh softly to herself, "What a guy."

With that, Lister snapped.

…………………………..

author's note. I'm evil. I know. I'm not sure when the next chapter will be up. Hopefully within a couple weeks.

This chapter was tough to write… I just don't have as strong a grasp on Cat, Kryten, or Kochanski. I wanted more of those three, but it wasn't coming out. Maybe at some point I'll go back and redo this chapter, but I was never going to finish if I kept waiting for it to be perfect. Ah well.