Chapter 2, in which our heroine adjusts to her new life aided by fireworks, old records, PMS, and a smutty novel or two.
Days turned to weeks, and Zelda found herself more and more at home with the Tudor family. Though this was a very good thing, being completely comfortable had its pitfalls.
Such as the one time Zelda got bored and decided to go on a movie binge. She thought nobody was home, and being the lazy girl she was, after she got out of the shower that morning, she pulled on a simple white tank and a pair of lacy boy-shorts panties, opting to skip pants since she didn't like them much anyway. Deciding she wanted food while she watched her movie, Zelda stumbled into the kitchen and grabbed a pint of chocolate-chip cookie dough ice cream and commandeered the 42" plasma screen TV in the entertainment room, making a little fort out of the couch pillows and watching the sappiest movies she could find in Impa and Haft's extensive DVD collection.
Of course, what Zelda didn't count on was that Link would be returning early from whatever it was he had gone to do (Zelda never asked, as part of her had decided she really didn't want to know), and, unfortunately, our dear heroine did not hear Link's entrance through the kitchen.
Now, when Link heard the sound of crying coming from the entertainment room, he dashed in, worried something had happened. What he didn't count on, however, was to find Zelda sitting in front of the TV in nothing but a tank and very lacy panties that didn't hide much, eating a pint of ice cream and doing leg-lifts as she petted Valoo and watched a very sappy romance movie.
Horrified, Link slowly backed out of the room, and all would have been well for both Link and Zelda had a chair not randomly appeared in Link's path. Subsequently, Link tripped over it, alerting Zelda, and our hero found himself with a mortified heroine on his hands, not to mention a tub of ice cream smashed atop head.
Then there was the time Zelda did a home-spa in the bathroom in the basement (which was actually a very nice bathroom, despite the fact that it WAS in a basement). She whipped up an avocado facial mask and some leave-in conditioner that would supposedly lighten, strengthen, and add luster to her hair and sat down atop the laundry machine with a green face and curlers and foil in her hair in a fluffy red bathrobe and bunny slippers to read a smutty romance novel.
Impa called down the stairs, "Hey, you down there, come get some cookies." Zelda assumed Impa was talking to her, whereas Link, who was sitting in his Homer Simpson boxers, playing videogames in the basement, just around the corner from the bathroom, thought Impa was talking to him. Unfortunately, Link rounded the corner just as Zelda opened the bathroom door.
"ACK!" Zelda screamed, and slammed the door – though not before Link had gotten a full view of her with a green face, curlers and foil in her hair, wearing a fluffy red bathrobe and bunny slippers, and carrying a book titled Passion, no less. Zelda didn't speak to Link for two days after that incident, despite their combined living quarters.
However, for every time that either our hero or (more often) our heroine was humiliated, there were many a good time to make up for them.
"Hey, Zelda," called Link one afternoon, before sneezing and coming down into the basement where she was reclining in front of the stereo covered in dust.
"Been playing in the attic?" Zelda inquired wryly, raising one eyebrow.
"I found a whole bunch of old records up there." He grinned happily. "And I found a turntable. Come on. Help me bring them down here so we can set it up."
The two spent several hours hauling boxes down into the basement and setting up the turntable, and many more hours digging through the boxes and boxes of records, exclaiming over their finds.
"Look at this!" Link would yell. "It's the first Pink Floyd album!" or,
"Yuck." Zelda grimaced. "One hit wonders."
One such lazy summer afternoon just after Independence Day, Link mysteriously vanished for several hours, leaving Zelda to her own devices as Impa and the girls were shopping, and Haft was off at work.
"Hey, Link," chirped Zelda when he came in several hours later covered in sweat yet looking pleased. "Where'd you go?"
"You'll see," he winked at her then went downstairs without another word to shower.
All through dinner that night, Link was positively beaming.
"Now what's got you so happy, hmm?" Impa asked her son, poking him with her fork.
"I think Link has a girlfriend," Jayda yelled, causing Saria to snort into her plate of goulash and Zelda to cover her amused smile with her napkin.
"Oh?" Haft asked, raising an eyebrow and turning to face Link. "Is that so, Link?"
"No way," chirped Saria. "Link's too geeky to get a girl."
"Affirmed," Link replied with a nod. "I'm far too nerdy."
"How are you nerdy?" Zelda asked, curiousity evident in her eyes. Sure, sometimes Link would lock himself in the basement, yelling "GET 'EM" randomly every once in a while, but she didn't see how that was quite so nerdy…
"Most of what Link does is play on the computer," explained Jayda seriously. "And his friends are all geeks."
"Know what their idea of a party is?" Saria asked Zelda.
"What?"
"They all take their computers over to someone's house, hook them up with a bunch of wires, drink pure caffeine and play games all night."
"We don't drink pure caffeine," argued Link sheepishly. "Just a lot."
"What, like eighty billion cokes?" Zelda asked in amusement.
Link grimaced then smiled. "No," he answered, "Cokes are weak. We drink Bawls."
Zelda promptly fell off her chair, to the infinite amusement of the rest of the family.
"It's a caffeine drink," explained Haft. "And it's quite good, I might add."
"And it's spelled with a W," added Link, though he was still grinning despite his ridicule.
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Zelda told him dryly as she climbed back into her chair and went back to her stew.
"Speaking of your friends, Link, how are they?" Impa smiled over her fork at her son, imploring him.
"They're good," Link stated nonchalantly. "Anju and Kafei are still together, and Anju has a job working at Sonic. Rosh still has his job at the movie theater, and Cavor's got a paper pushing job."
"And Mikau?" Haft asked expectantly.
"Same old Mikau. Not doing much of anything."
"When are you going to introduce Zelda to all your friends?" Impa asked.
"Umm…" Link shot Zelda a glance over the bread and furrowed his eyebrows.
"Zelda, would you like to come to our next LAN party with me? You can meet everybody. You might even like it."
There was silence at the table.
Zelda blinked once, blinked twice, shook her head and smiled.
"Sure, Link," lilted Zelda. "I'll go. It would be interesting to see. I've never even heard of a Dan party."
"LAN," corrected Link with an easy smile. "Local Area Network."
"Geek," mumbled Saria.
- - - -
That night, Zelda found herself lying facedown on her mattress and staring blankly at an infomercial on the muted TV as Link tinkered with an old computer in the corner. Zelda rolled over to face him and propped herself up on one elbow as she watched his profile.
He's pretty cute, she couldn't help herself thinking. I'd never guess he's a computer nerd. But then again, even the computer nerds in this town surf. I think.
Just at that moment, Link turned his head and met Zelda's eyes, his face splitting into a charming grin. His mouth moved as he said something, but Zelda couldn't hear him. Why couldn't she hear him? Oh, yes, that was right – she'd plugged her ears with some blasting techno that she'd found somewhere and fallen in love with.
"What?" she asked, pulling her headphones off of her left ear and cocking her head to the side.
"That's what I asked you," replied Link, swiveling around so that he faced Zelda fully, dragging his gutted computer around in front of him.
"What are you doing?" Zelda asked him interestedly as he set to work with a screwdriver.
"Killing time," he mumbled, glancing at his electronic watch. "We have about another half hour before Dad and Mom'll be asleep. Then we can go."
"Go where?" Zelda inquired, but Link just smiled and shook his head secretively and went back to what he was doing. Zelda sighed in frustration, pulled her headphones back on, stared for a moment at the woman waxing her leg on the screen, then pulled off the right side of her headphones and crawled over to Link.
"Explain to me what all this is," she demanded, pointing to the jumble of wires.
"It'll take a while," Link warned.
"We have time."
"I'd only confuse you," stated Link as he carefully unscrewed something within the bowels of the machine.
"So confuse me." Zelda was beginning to feel a little snappy, which only worsened with Link's next statement.
"I'd rather not."
"Liiiiiink," protested Zelda with a whine.
"What?" he asked cluelessly. Zelda sighed in frustration.
"Nothing. Never mind." She sulked back over to her mattress and stared broodingly at the TV as she hugged her pillow to her chest. She pulled the phones back over her ear and cranked up Blue Sun, immersing herself in the beat. She felt Link slide up behind her, but didn't bother to turn as she felt his hand on her shoulder.
He probably said something then, but Zelda didn't hear it and didn't care. She felt him carefully pry away her headphones and heard him say, "Look, Zel, I don't think it would interest you at all. It would bore you, really, it would. So don't worry about it, okay?"
"Okay." Zelda sighed, allowing herself to relax a little into Link's touch.
"Good," smiled Link, patting her hair. "We still have a while, but with any luck, Mom and Dad will be asleep soon and we can leave, okay?"
"Okay."
(37 minutes and 18 seconds later)
"Link, you are such a moron that I have no idea why I am even tolerating staying in the same living quarters with you… what if we get caught? And why did you even buy those anyway? Independence Day was three weeks ago… Link, I hate you. I hope you know that. Goddesses…"
"Quiet, Zelda," laughed Link, hoisting his box of fireworks higher on his hip as they stole through the abandoned streets. "This'll be fun. Besides, there's no fireworks ban here, and since everybody lives a ways out of town, we won't be waking anybody up."
"But what if we're caught?"
"We're not doing anything wrong."
"I hope you burn in Abyss," Zelda hissed. Link suddenly stopped then, holding out his right arm so that Zelda bumped into him.
"What?"
There was an expression of pure bliss on his face as he beheld what was before him. "Perfect," he whispered, staring at the empty parking lot in front of him as though it was a gift from the divine three.
"I hate you."
"You're only saying that," teased Link. "Once we get things blowing up, you'll be a little happier. Come on. And be sure not to set off anything where it can hit a street lamp."
"I hate you."
"Come on now, Zelda," Link implored, taking her by the sleeve of her hoodie and dragging her into the parking lot. "You'll have fun. Trust me."
"Link, to be quite frank, at this moment in time, I trust you about as far as I could throw you."
"Be a bad girl for once, then." Link grinned. "You haven't had enough fun in your life."
"Link, I hate you."
"Love you too, Zellie."
"Don't call me Zellie," grumbled Zelda as Link set down the box with a soft "thunk" and kicked it open. He knelt and pulled out a long, thin stick, and held it out to Zelda.
"What's that?"
"Roman candle," stated Link. "Never done one?"
"Never," Zelda replied warily. "What do I do?"
"Point it up," Link told her, walking over to her to position her arm and wrist. "Be sure it's pointed away from you, even the bottom end. They can shoot out that way. Okay, good," he said, touching her hand lightly. "Remember exactly how you're holding it right now. Got it?"
"Got it," replied Zelda.
"Great," said Link, and took the Roman candle from her, lighting it and handing it back to her. He came to stand behind her, putting his hands on her shoulders and grinning.
"Yeah, point it away from you, like that," he told her. "Here it goes…"
Zelda gasped as the candle exploded, sending her rocking backwards slightly into Link as a colorful ball of light went flying into the inky sky, then another, and another, and another…
"That was a good one," Link noted, squinting at the fading sparks as the Roman candle used up the last of its life. "Good job, Zel."
"Thanks." Zelda found herself grinning, but felt a slight loss at the feel of Link's warmth behind her leaving.
"Come on," laughed Link, tossing another Roman candle to her as he dug through the box. "Let's do another one."
So they passed nearly two hours, blowing up whatever Link pulled out of the "magic box". It was, all in all, probably the most fun night Zelda had ever experienced, better than any Fourth of July or New Year's party, or even the few nights she'd spent in Disney World. Finally, at two in the morning, Link and Zelda wearily made their way back out to the beach, stopping for a moment to ditch the now trash-filled box in a dumpster. As Zelda was about to walk up the steps to the back porch, however, Link pulled her arm and led her to the cliff edge, overlooking the sea.
"Let's stay out a while longer," said Link tiredly, lying back on the grass and staring up at the sky while yawning loudly.
"Alright," Zelda replied, flopping back into the long grass as well and gasping. "You can see the stars here!"
"Yeah. Can't see them in the city. Couldn't even really see them in the parking lot. But you can see them out here. They're pretty, aren't they?"
"Yeah," agreed Zelda, staring up into the sky, like black velvet studded with a million tiny diamonds, glittering under the pearly moon. They stared up in silence together for a while, and then Zelda sighed, sitting up.
"I'm tired," she finally yawned. "I'd like to go to sleep."
"Look, Zel!" exclaimed Link, ignoring her previous comment while pointing out over the glimmering ocean. "A shooting star. Make a wish."
Zelda screwed her eyes shut and sucked in her breath, focusing all that she could on a wish.
Please, she thought. Love. I want to be loved. Really loved. When she opened her eyes, the temporary trail of light was gone.
"Whad'ja wish for?" Link asked.
"Nothing important," Zelda told him dismissively.
"If it's important enough for you to wish for, then I think it is," Link said to her but asked no more, walking down the small incline to the porch. Zelda followed him thoughtfully, through the screen door and down the narrow stairs into the basement, where she stumbled into the bathroom and changed into a baggy tee that fell to nearly her knees, brushed her teeth, and then collapsed upon her bed. When Link came out of the bathroom from changing and getting ready for bed, Zelda was asleep.
- - - -
It was very well and good that the workers finished the remodeling process the next week, and Zelda was allowed her own room. It was a very nice room, it might be added – large, with a queen sized sleigh bed that had been the guest bed, according to Link, and windows through which the sea could be seen, if the tide were right. Zelda was quite grateful for her own room, because even though staying in the basement with Link had been very fun, she'd gotten to that point.
Yes, it was true. Zelda was souped up on an unholy amount of volatile PMS. This was how she found herself to be lying on her duvet, staring angrily at the ceiling with a hot water bottle slid under the white tank she was wearing with nothing else but black panties, pressing against her cramped abdomen. Her body ached all over but was especially concentrated in her throbbing womb and swollen, achy breasts.
So naturally, absolutely NOBODY was allowed in her room. Well, nobody but Valoo, whom she was currently petting. But after Valoo, nobody.
"Zel?" Link cautiously opened the door.
"OUT!" Zelda screeched, picking up a pillow and throwing it roughly at his face.
He quickly closed the door.
Several hours later, Zelda decided she was hungry. Very hungry. She wanted chocolate. Lots of chocolate.
"Zelda?" Now it was Saria cautiously peering into the room. Zelda resisted the urge to throw something at the younger girl for the breach of territory, so instead snapped, "I need chocolate. Lots of it. Um… please."
"O-okay." And she was gone.
Zelda was not disappointed. Some minutes or so later, Saria appeared at the door with a tray containing a bowl of chocolate ice cream, a bar of chocolate, two brownies and a slice of chocolate cake, another chocolate bar, a glass of milk, and two tablets of painkillers. Zelda set upon the food like a starved lioness upon an innocent little gazelle, no make that a dying zebra, no, an ostrich, no, a water buffalo…
Suddenly, Link's face popped up in Zelda's mind as she consumed the mass of chocolate varieties in front of her.
"Ack!" she yelled, smacking herself in the face with a pillow that Valoo happened to be lying on. The cat gave an angry hiss and darted under Zelda's bed, causing the young blond to scowl.
"Fine, be that way," she snapped grumpily at him, returning to her chocolate.
(A short while later…)
Link was pacing the hallway, back and forth, back and forth. Zelda had been acting strange lately, locking herself in her room and yelling at anybody who entered, refusing to eat anything but chocolate, only allowing Valoo in for company (unless one had chocolate, then one was admitted in) and lying on her bed with a hot water bottle on her stomach…
"Goddesses!" Link's face paled and he stopped dead in his tracks as he turned to face the door. "Is she… but she can't be… she's not… who is the father?"
Zelda, who was totally unaware of Link's sudden "realization" just feet away, was now openly sobbing over another one of her many smutty romance novels. In it, Dakota, a lost and lonely woman, had been taken in by the kind Reginald, a soldier in the military. Zelda was totally immersed in Dakota's tears, mourning that Reginald might not come back from battle, which turned to tears of joy as Reginald declared his undying love for her and promised her to return, no matter what it took.
"Oh," she wept as the turned the page, "it's all so beautiful!"
"Zelda!" Link burst in and leapt onto the bed, gathering her up in his arms and dramatically clutching her to his chest. "Zelda, don't worry. You're not alone. You can talk to me."
Zelda, who had been shocked out of her sobbing the second that Link burst through the door, was secretly coveting his embrace thanks to the strange ideas her little book had put into her head (This is just like the book! Is he going to kiss me next?) but then, she realized that this was Link professing his love to her… Link. Wait, had he even professed his love to her? He'd said something about not being alone and not worrying…
"Link, what do you mean?"
"What do you mean?" He drew back slightly with a puzzled expression on his face, blond hair falling in to those irresistible blue eyes and…
"All those things you said… what do you mean?"
"You know what I mean," said Link, shaking his head like a dog and sending his shaggy hair flying.
"You mean you really…" Zelda's teary eyes lit up. He loved her!
"Yes, Zelda," Link said solemnly, placing a hand on her shoulder. "I'm here for you. Always."
That is so sweet, Zelda thought to herself, eyes tearing over once more. "Oh, Link," she sobbed, hugging him tightly. "I'm so happy. I mean, when I came here, I never would have thought…"
"It's okay, Zelda," Link murmured, stroking her hair. "I'll always be by your side."
Who knew Link had a sweet side, Zelda thought to herself. Oh, he's so romantic…
"Let's go tell my mom, okay Zelda?" Link asked, standing up from the bed.
"Yeah," agreed Zelda, who was still too starry eyed by Link's profession of undying love to her to realize what he was saying…
Link stood from the bed and eyed Zelda once, cheeks turning a little red at her lack of attire.
"I'll give you a minute to make yourself presentable," he mumbled, turning his back and walking towards the door. Zelda glanced down at herself once, blushing also.
"Yes… I'll meet you in the hall." Zelda smiled as Link walked out of the room, and hopped up once the door closed behind him, spinning around with her arms open, face to the ceiling. He loved her! He loved her! It was too good to be true.
Zelda pulled on her poofy red bath robe and tied the belt securely, then stepped out of the room, shyly taking Link's hand and allowing him to lead her downstairs and into the living room, where Impa was immersed in a soap opera.
"Mom?"
"Mm?" Impa turned her glance and took in Link's determined face, Zelda's face splotchy from crying, and their linked hands, and jumped up. "What? Is there something wrong? Zelda, sweetie, are you alright?"
"Mom," began Link haltingly, shooting a glance at Zelda, whose gaze had turned to her feet. He squeezed her hand for reassurance, and took a deep breath.
"Zelda's pregnant."
A dead silence fell on the room. Zelda's head shot up, whereas Impa's jaw dropped.
"Say WHAT?!" Zelda screeched in astonishment.
"Link, what makes you say Zelda's pregnant?" Impa asked curiously, hiding her amusement well.
"The moodiness, the cravings, the aches you can hear her complaining about…"
"Link," Zelda growled, her voice low and dangerous and her previous euphoria disappearing completely, "Listen to me, and listen to me well. I. Am. Not. PREGNANT!" She then slapped him hard across the face and stomped out of the living room and up the stairs, where an audible "SLAM" could be heard.
After a moment of tense silence, Impa burst out laughing, doubling over and clutching her side even as the woman on screen burst into tears.
"What?" Link asked, confused. "I honestly thought she was pregnant." Impa laughed harder, falling back onto the couch and wheezing.
"Oh, Link, Zelda's not pregnant. She's got PMS."
"Oh." Link's face heated up and he fell into a chair, face in hands. "Guess I really screwed up."
"Yeah, guess you did," Impa stated seriously, then was taken by another bout of laughter. "Oh, Link. She's probably not going to speak with you for a week now."
"Bleh," grumbled Link. "But… her reactions!"
"Well, what exactly did you say to her?"
"I said… I told her not to worry and that I'd stay by her or something…"
"Link, no offense, but you really can be thick sometimes, dear," laughed Impa. "In her hormone induced state, she probably took things very much differently."
"Differently how, though?"
"Can't tell you," Impa winked. "It's a girl thing. Now go upstairs and sit in that room of yours and play computer for a while, and maybe think over how to apologize for your assumptions. And don't forget to tell her that you really do care for her and are sorry that you offended her by implying things that you know she would never do. Oh, and also add how you are just a very concerned friend and would never do anything to hurt her dignity."
"Could you write that down, Mom?"
"Be delicate about choosing your words." Impa sighed, a smile still upon her face. "Be sure that there's no double meaning."
"'Kay."
- - - -
Even with Link's apology and a bouquet of flowers, it was still nearly a week and a half before Zelda would speak with him. Link was humiliated, but not half as much as Zelda, who would not show her face to anybody until her period was over and she was thinking clearly once more.
"I hate him," she complained to Valoo one afternoon as she brushed her hair in front of her vanity. "I mean, I don't really hate him, but I'm still so mad at him. How could he possibly think that I… That I'd be…." Zelda's face heated up, and she dropped her brush, leaning her forehead against the mirror and closing her eyes. "And to think," she mumbled. "I thought he was professing his undying love! Ugh, I'm so stupid…"
Valoo regarded her with his large yellow eyes, and Zelda sighed.
"I suppose you're right. I do need to forgive him. After all, he was only acting out of concern for my well being, but… ugh…"
Zelda sighed and stood, and regarded the bouquet of hand-picked flowers sitting in a makeshift vase (an old Bawls bottle Link had dug up) and pushed her hair out of her eyes, zipping her gray hoodie up to her throat.
"No good is coming of me sulking," she finally stated, determined, patting Valoo on the head. "I suppose I'll go apologize for my behavior, and tell him he's forgiven."
And so Zelda set out and the situation was remedied, and all was well and good once more – or maybe it was just the calm before the storm.