Ava Cabot
L'Amour
A/N: short drabble. I own nothing, as usual. Spoilers for Starcrossed if you haven't seen it. Enjoy!
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Love is considered a foreign, almost taboo emotion on Thanagar. There are different contexts of love, such as respect, loyalty, appreciation, and fondness. But love? Nail-biting, heart-throbbing sneasations that send shivers down your spine? That's something I had never experienced before Earth.
I was trained to be fiercely loyal to my commanding officer, that being Hro. And me being promised to hiom? Well, after seeing what Earth offered me, I wasn't sure if what I felt for Hro was real love.
In the years that I've been on this planet, I've experienced more emotions than I could've in a lifetime on Thanagar. There, they are too busy fighting a never-ending war. They are full of bitter regret and hate, scheming and betraying anyone so they can win just one more battle. Humans, despite their wars and occasional government treachery, want more in their life than fighting. Being with Hro…it was different than being with John. He was kind, irriating, caring, and stubborn. He could argue me around into circles, until we didn't know who was right or what the argument was about. And that man could kiss.
And kisssss.
Hro was affectionate, but only when his mind wasn't pre-occupied. John focused on me, mind and heart never wavering. Months of seclusion made me realize how much I had left behind at the Justice League. And when I heard they were recruiting new members, all I could think of was who would take my place in John's heart. There were too many pretty women out there, and with me hiding in Dr. Fate's home, I had no doubt that he would fall in love with someone else. Seeing him with Mari made my blood boil. Half-thought ideas of torture flashed through my reeling mind when I saw her kiss him. I gritted my teeth and imagined her sucked into a black hole. It was a somewhat comforting image, and for then I was at rest.
I tried to reassure myself, remembering that I was one of the original members of the Justice League. I wasn't just the Thanagarian traitor that everyone loved to hate. I wasn't Hawkgirl—that had been a farce. I didn't feel like Shayera Hol anymore, certainly. I was a stranger to my own identity.
What is this thing called love anyway? If anything, it changed my decision about leaving the League. If I truly loved John, my reasoning was that I had to let him go. He'd soaked in a lot of betrayal, and his heart needed mending. Maybe if I had a stronger will to live, I would've stayed. I'd face my punishment, John holding my hand the entire way.
What was it about humans that made me act utterly foolish? Better yet, why am I still in love with a man who loves someone else? Someone who didn't serve as an undercover agent for five years, and the proceed to betray both her homeworld and adopted planet. John and the League were better off without me. After all, who needs a traitor?
Inza and Fate constantly reminded me that I had suffered enough. The guilt that hung over my head now was self-induced, they explained. They wanted me to make peace with not only my friends, but with myself. The secrets were all gone. No more double-crossing or fake identities.
But was everything I did or said on Earth a lie?
John asked me that before I left Wayne Manor, and for the first time, I didn't use a lie to hide behind. My love for him was nothing but genuine. It wasn't loyalty to a co-worker, nor affection for his somewhat charming personality. It was fondness as would befit a friend, nor respect for the battle for justice he fought. It truly was love, with all the complications and joys that came with it.
Love.
In all the literature I've read here, there always is a reaccuring theme. Especially in the fairy tales, where good always triumphs over evil, wishes do come true, and the hero and heroine live happily ever after. Good already trumps evil on Earth, and some people's wishes have already come true. But the happily ever after part? I still need to work on that. I'm no heroine; more like a character that's faded into the pages.
So what is love anyway?
I guess it's just…complicated.
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word count: 738