Eleven: More than words
"What if I were a cow?"
"You'd be a sexy cow." Malon grinned and pushed a stray strand behind her ear as they sat together at lunch two days later. Zelda bit into her peanut butter and jelly sandwich, idly watching the banter. Lulu was trying to get Malon to say that she was unappealing, and Malon always countered with the fact that Lulu could put most models to shame and would be a very good looking animal. Zelda wondered a little if Malon had a little bisexuality in her genes, but shrugged. At least she always gave honest opinions.
Lulu tapped her lunch tray with her spork, thinking. "An ostrich?"
Malon smiled at Lulu, a lopsided grin as she came up with a comeback. "You'd have very long legs."This sent the three girls into peals of laughter so loud that they did not notice when two shadows appeared over their table.
"Let me guess," rumbled Darmani wryly. "This is a female inside joke I'm not allowed to know about?"
"Good guess," replied Malon, patting the seat next to her. "Now sit." Darmani plopped down next to Malon, lunch tray in hand, and Mikau slid gracefully into the seat by Lulu. Zelda felt a moment's jealousy but shrugged it off. Mikau had been Lulu's long before she had come along, and besides: no dating inside the band. Zelda watched in distracted amusement as Darmani picked up two straws and drummed on the table as he looked around. When his back was turned, Malon stole a bite of his pizza.
"So, Zelda," Mikau asked through a mouthful of hamburger (which Lulu delicately wrinkled her nose at, as she was a vegetarian), "What class is next cursed with your presence?"
"Comp sci," Zelda said, ignoring the involuntary clench in her stomach. Comp sci was fun, but the incident that had happened last time still had her creeped out…
"Hn?" Malon swiveled around to face Zelda, squinting.
Not good…
"Bathroom break," Malon declared, standing up from the table and smoothing her denim skirt. She practically dragged Zelda out of her seat, and Lulu obediently followed, perfect curtain of blue-black hair swirling around her as she quietly walked behind Malon and a bewildered (and slightly apprehensive) Zelda.
"'Kay, girl," said Malon once they were safely inside the ladies' room. "Spill."
"Spill what?"
"Girl," squawked Malon, "you were all smiling and then at mention of comp sci you stopped being happy and got this creeped-out look. So spill. What happened?"
"Nothing happened," Zelda said, trying to turn and leave the bathroom.
"Zelda, we're your friends," Lulu piped up. "You can tell us anything. Honest."
"Well…" Zelda looked around the bathroom, checking that they were alone, and then leaned against the door so that nobody would be able to open it.
And then she told them everything.
By the time she was done, there were equal expressions of shock on both young women's faces.
"And you didn't tell Link?"
"No," Zelda murmured, sliding down to her knees.
"Well, why not?" Malon cried.
"I… I don't know!" Zelda flung her hands up in the air, then burying her face between her knees in distress. "I didn't want him to freak out or worry or anything. I mean you know Link..."
"We know him a little," Lulu said softly.
"But point is, you both probably realize how badly he'd flip, and I just didn't want that…"
"Are you going to tell your teacher?" Lulu sat down next to Zelda, flicking her hair over her shoulder and slipping an arm around Zelda.
"No... I'll deal with it on my own." She pulled her head up and sighed, shaking her locks around her face and wiping at the corners of her eyes. "I'll get through it."
"Of course you will, sweetie." Lulu gave Zelda another squeeze and stood up, casting a silencing glare at Malon. She held out a hand and helped Zelda to her feet, for which Zelda thanked her.
"I think we'd better be getting back to lunch now," Zelda told them, shaking out her limbs and putting on a happy face, surprising both young women. They looked to one another behind Zelda's back but said nothing.
After all, with her past, maybe she was used to locking her troubles away and smiling.
The three walked back into the cafeteria and sat down at their circular table just as Mikau and Darmani were in the middle of a debate about what it was that girls REALLY did in the bathroom.
"Practice kissing?"
"Compare boob sizes?"
"Switch bras?"
"Excuse us, gentlemen," Malon said delicately, sitting down next to the two blushing young men. "But I'll have you know that that is not what we do in the ladies' room."
"Then what DO you do?" Mikau leaned forward on his elbows, earning him a smack on the head from Lulu.
Malon winked. "Not for you to know, buster."
Zelda laughed lightly and plopped down on Malon's left, resuming eating where she left off, on her granola bar.
"Oh, yeah, Zel." Darmani leaned over Malon to look at her, "this dude came by the table wanting to talk to you."
"Do you know who it was?" she asked after swallowing her bite.
"Don't know."
"What did he look like?"
Mikau jumped in. "I didn't like him much, but Malon would think him hot."
"Why?" Zelda took no notice of Malon's glare to Mikau.
"The real preppy-punk type, it seems. He was all decked out in skater gear, spiky bleached hair, beach tan… I've seen him around but I can never remember his name. Kyle… Karl… Ken…"
"Hm."
"Anyway, he said it was no big deal," Darmani continued. "Said he'd catch you later."
"Hmmm…" Zelda tried to take another bite of her granola bar, only to miss and realize that she had already devoured it all. Shrugging, she dropped the wrapper into her brown paper bag and pulled out her bottle of Sunny D.
"That's strange. Does he sound like anyone you know?" Lulu looked across the table at Zelda, allowing Mikau to play with her fingers idly as she conversed.
"No." Zelda shrugged, drinking up the rest of her Sunny D in a quick gulp, and then stretching. "I'm still hungry. I'm going to go get something else to eat."
"Want us to come with?" Malon asked, but Zelda shook her head.
"No. I'm just going to drop by a vending machine and get some pop tarts or something." Zelda reached into her backpack for money and dug for a few quarters, and then, satisfied, withdrew her hand and turned, sauntering out of the cafeteria and into the court yard to the vending machines outside of the building. Lost in thought, she pushed the quarters into the money slot and punched in "E5," watching as the spring uncoiled just a little so that her s'more pop tarts fell into the bottom of the machine and her change clinked into the coin return slot. Zelda stooped down and retrieved her money and pop tarts, and walked back to the cafeteria, thinking deeply.
"…Khail away…"
"…know Khail…"
Zelda shook her head, trying to jar the memories. Traces of a faraway conversation were floating to her from somewhere deep and buried, somewhere long ago and foggy… had she been drunk, maybe? Who had that been? Did she even know someone named Khail?
Shaking it off, she decided it had been an odd dream and threw it from her mind, instead wondering who the mystery boy who had been trying to see her was. Hm…
By the time she got back, Malon was giving her a fake-glower. "Took you long enough," she sniped haughtily.
"Huh?" Zelda asked, not picking up on the joke. "I was only gone for like a minute."
Lulu smiled, Mikau and Darmani cracked up, and Malon sighed, rolling her eyes. "It was a joke, silly," proclaimed the redhead.
"Suure."
The lights flashed once in the cafeteria, signaling that lunch was over. Zelda stood, swinging her bag over her shoulders, and walked out of the cafeteria sandwiched behind Mikau and in front of Malon, who was chattering away avidly to Lulu.
"I'll see you guys later," Zelda replied once they were out of the crowd and into the courtyard, each going their different ways.
Lulu waved. "Bye, Zel."
Zelda pushed her fears and thoughts to the back of her mind, determined to look upon every class as a new java application to be written, or something stupid like that.
Sigh. Three forty seemed so far away.
At precisely three forty and ten seconds, Zelda was doing her very best not to dash down the hall way. She wanted away, and she wanted away now – she wanted to grab Link by the hand and just run away and have him keep her safe because she knew he would, but she was stronger than that and she knew that if she showed whoever it was fear, it would only encourage them.
Still, though, it was exceedingly difficult not to run around like a headless chicken, freaking out until she felt a little better. Zelda decided that once she got back to the house, she'd run around like a headless chicken to her heart's content. But for now, just walk.
Zelda found herself waiting calmly by the entryway for Link, and inwardly congratulated herself on her grand acting skills. "I should get a friggin' Oscar or something," she mumbled to herself, trying to forget what had happened…
Why'd you shut down on me last time?
Why do you keep talking to me?
I'm fascinated by you. I want to know more.
So you stalk me? Real smooth. Get off my computer, will you?
I don't know if stalk is the right word. Admire, adore, lust after, dream about… though I do know everything about you, Zelda. Everything.
The teacher moved down the aisle, and, shivering, Zelda pulled up her java application. "Oh no," she mumbled to herself, looking at the code. "I'm not half as done as I should be…" She closed her eyes in frustration for a moment, and then opened them again, sighing.
"How's it coming, Zelda?" She turned to find herself looking at her teacher, and she smiled sweetly.
"I think I'm getting it. I'm just having a little trouble with some of the prompts is all."
"Your work in this class previously has been exemplary," complimented the thirty-something year old Mr. Henori. "Keep it up."
"Yes, sir." Zelda turned back to her screen, working, until she'd seen him leave her peripheral vision. She quickly pulled up command prompt in which her stalker was talking, and read.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
You nearly got me into trouble. Can't you just leave me alone, you horrible pervert?
No. And I know you don't want to be left alone, Zelda. I never see you without company. I could be with you, protect you from the bad monsters in the dark that you so fear.
Zelda tried not to jump. God, this was just getting creepier and creepier.
I can see you're frightened. Don't be, Zelda. After all, this is true love.
This isn't love, you sick bastard.
But you admit you have something for me.
Nothing but contempt.
Contempt and fear. Fear is love, Zelda. Realize it. Admit it. You love me. You love the way I frighten you. You love the way you fear me at night, wondering if some day, I'll sneak into your room under the cover of shadows…
Zelda sighed in frustration, raking her hands through her hair and glancing around.
Don't you have work to be doing?
I already finished the program. Do you want me to send it across to you?
No. Now go away. I can do my own work.
Have it your way, Princess. But don't forget- just because I'm not speaking doesn't mean I'm not watching you…
Zelda closed command prompt and continued working on her application, trying to shake the shivers running up and down her spine….
"You in there?" Zelda's eyes snapped open as she found Link curiously waving his hand in front of her face. "Yo, Zelda?"
She leapt back, surprised and still out of it from trying to lose the memory. "Don't touch me!" she hissed, clutching to part of the large archway behind her. She put her hand over her heart, breathing in deeply for a moment, trying to calm herself, and then smiled wearily at a shocked Link.
"Sorry," she apologized. "I just… I thought you were… sorry."
"Thought I was what?" Link asked, eyeing Zelda with concern.
"Nothing. Sorry. Come on – we gotta catch the train."
"Mmhm." Link fell into step next to Zelda as she made her way down the sidewalk, trying to compose herself and appear as calm as possible. However, she couldn't stop herself looking around every once in a while, occasionally reaching to touch the folded piece of paper in her pocket. She didn't think she'd ever been more relieved to see the train when she arrived at the station, and it was all she could do not to take Link by the hand and drag him in.
Show no fear.
"…fear is love, Zelda…"
Zelda stepped into the empty carriage, pausing for a moment to watch as the two or three other students that took the train boarded into their own "claimed" carriages for a moment. Seeing nobody following her, she turned around and walked the rest of the way in, Link just behind her, threw her bag on the floor, and sank down to lie in the middle of the crummy carpeting, eagle spread and thanking her lucky stars as the doors whirled shut.
"So, are you going to tell me?" Link was sitting sprawled across three of the crappy plastic seats, and though his voice startled Zelda slightly, she did not show it, and instead reveled in the comfort it brought.
"Tell you what? I just had a bad day." Zelda kicked upwards, wishing she could put her foot through the ceiling, and then rolled on her side, curling into the fetal position and facing away from Link.
"You seemed pretty happy at lunch," Link commented. "So I'm just supposing that whatever it was that made you day bad happened in comp sci, and this isn't the first time you've been all spooked after that class. Are you going to tell me?"
Zelda exhaled in a whoosh, burying her head in her knees. Finally, she sighed, a muffled "no" through a denim veil.
Link sighed as well. "I didn't think so. Don't you trust me?"
"I trust you." Zelda sat up and faced him, propping herself up with her arms. "I just don't trust your responses. And besides, it's nothing important enough to concern you. Just a little – a girl thing, I guess."
"If it's important enough to concern you, then it's more than important enough to concern me." Link's gaze was a sparkling, beautiful, penetrating, blue filled with emotions Zelda was sure she'd never seen before – especially not directed at her. Confused, she looked away, angry at his ability to make her feel so strange with that one look. Damn him!
Something rose up from memory, something from a night long ago…
"Whad'ja wish for?" Link asked, curious.
"Nothing important," Zelda said dismissively.
"If it's important enough for you to wish for, then I think it is," Link said to her but asked no more, walking down the small incline to the porch.
"You look like you could use a hug," Link commented, and Zelda jumped again, edging away from him before she realized that it was only Link and she had spaced out again.
"Sorry," she mumbled, looking at the carpet so she wouldn't have to see his hurt face. "I didn't mean to…" her hand lightly strayed to her pocket once more, but she jerked her fingers back before they even touched the cloth. Link noticed.
"You're afraid and you won't even tell me what's wrong?" He moved closer to her again, and it was all she could do not to run to the other side of the carriage. She couldn't make him hurt. She couldn't make him upset. She couldn't keep in the dark. She couldn't tell him. "What's in your pocket?"
"I told you." Her voice was wavering now and she turned her back on him, facing the far door and watching the blue sky out the windows. "It's nothing important."
"It is if it's making you afraid of me."
"Afr… of you?" Zelda whirled, meeting his hurt blue eyes with her own shocked violet ones. "Is that what you thought? It's not what you think. It's just that… there's this…"
"Guy?" Why did he look so gloomy?
"Yes," Zelda said in an exhale. "And he…"
"Asked you out?"
"No… well, not really."
"What do you mean, not really?" His voice was dull and she looked at him, trying to read his face. He'd veiled his eyes and his features – she could see that.
"He's…" Zelda sighed, groping for the right words. "I don't know him at all, but he seems to know everything about me. Everything. And…"
She found herself cut off by Link's harsh laugh, more of a bark. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"
"I didn't want you… I didn't want you to be upset."
"I see." Link stood and turned away, looking out the windows with his hands jammed into his pockets. Zelda felt a strong urge to go to him, to hug him and let him hug her and tell him all of the details, but she knew she had to be strong. Why did he look so broken, though?
"Goddesses, Link!" She found herself using an old curse she'd heard from many people (though when she asked, they never knew the origin). "You're upset, I knew it! But I didn't want you to be, so I didn't tell you."
"You should have told me right off the bat." He was angry, she could hear it in his voice. "I mean, why not?" He gave a harsh laugh, shaking his head. "We're close, aren't we?"
"Yes…" Zelda said, drawing herself up into a ball once more. "But… I'm scared, Link."
"You don't have to be scared of me. Not now, not ever. Not for anybody."
Zelda was shocked. Her voice came out a whisper, soft against the hum of the train over the rails. "It's not you I'm scared of. It's… it's him."
"Him?" He turned to face her, and had she been looking at him, she would have seen the surprise evident on his features. "Why?"
"He… he says things to me. He watches me. I've never even spoken directly to him and I don't know who he is but he … and…" Zelda's voice cracked, and she quickly broke down into racking sobs. Link was at her side instantly, arms around her as he held her tightly, whispering in her ear that he was sorry, so sorry, and that everything would be fine.
Zelda clung to him as her tears dampened the shoulder of his t-shirt.
"You said you've never directly spoken to him?" Link asked quietly once she'd calmed down a little, still holding her close.
"Yeah." Zelda sniffed a little, Link's unique sweet scent, soap and the spring-meadow laundry detergent Impa used on his clothes filling her nostrils.
"What did you mean? Has he been calling your cell?"
"No." Zelda pulled back from a little, enough to be able to look up into his face from where they were sitting together on the floor. "He hacks my computer and puts notes in my locker. Look, here's one." Zelda reached into her pocket tentatively and handed Link the folded slip of loose-leaf-paper that had been sloppily torn out of a binder, and written in nearly illegible handwriting.
Something unreadable crossed Link's features, darkening them for a moment. "I see." He folded the note open and began to read, and Zelda felt guilt and fear resounding within her as he read the words, the words that had burned themselves into her memory, words describing just what he wanted to do to her and how much he loved her, how he knew she loved him…
All of a sudden, Link let out a yell and ripped the paper in two, looking positively furious.
"You're not mad at me, are you?" Zelda squeaked. Link looked down at her, and at once, his expression softened, all trace of the frightening giant from moments before gone.
"No, no," he said gently, gathering her into his arms once more and hugging her. "I'm not mad at you. But I think I can help you, okay?"
"Oh, please, Link," Zelda begged, clutching his shirt and looking up at him with lightly-watering eyes. "Don't do anything stupid…"
"I won't," he said, rubbing her back soothingly as she leaned forward again to rest her forehead on his shoulder. "I promise."
Just then, the train began to slow, a "ding-dong" sounding over the intercom. Zelda sighed and stood, Link next to her, and hoisted her backpack onto her back, teetering unstably to the doors as the train wound to a stop. Zelda wiped her eyes on the back of her soft gray sleeve for a moment, and then smiled up at Link as he took his place next to her, his weight lightly brushing against hers.
"Please, Zelda," he implored her as the doors slid open and they stepped off the train, ignoring the people departing from the other carriages as they made their way out of the station. "Don't ever be afraid to tell me anything, no matter the reason. You can trust me no matter what, and I'll always be here for you, okay?"
"Okay." Zelda smiled lightly and gripped his hand for a moment, before releasing and walking a little ahead.
And, had she had eyes in the back of her head, she would have seen Link look at his hand for a moment in fascination before looking to her, a slow smile spreading across his face saying more than words ever could.