In The Beginning
Chapter Twenty Four: Words
After being threatened by Dana, Jackie started to attend cheerleading practice again. School, tutoring with Eric, cheerleading – everything was cutting into her make out time. The past week had been practically torture for Hyde. Work was easy, he'd show up, punch in, nap, eat, and punch out. And every Friday Leo would give him his check. It was simple and Hyde didn't even feel the need to rant about being held down by 'the man'.
But he missed her. He hadn't seen her in a week. A whole week. That's the most time they had spent apart since they began this whole, crazy thing and he was feeling lost and he made himself sick. Since when did he become a codependent worker for the man? Oh, that's right, the minute he started fooling around with Jackie Burkhart. It was worth it, though. Everything from the past three months had been so worth it. Every fight, every annoying comment from her, getting a job, fighting with Kelso – everything was worth that exact moment when Jackie walked into the Fotohut, clutching her purse as she stomped her feet and wrung out her hair from the massive rainstorm outside. She was wearing his jacket, the denim one, from all those years ago, that hung to her every curve, dripping wet with the seams popping out. If it were any other jacket, Jackie would have tossed it a while ago. But it was his, and so he knew she would never get rid of it, no matter how many fashion laws she was breaking by wearing it.
"Hey stranger." Hyde said calmly as Jackie threw her bag on the counter of the Fotohut and sat down, rubbing her hands together for warmth as she stripped off the jacket, throwing it by her purse.
He couldn't stand there and watch her any longer.
He needed to taste her, to at least touch her.
God, he hated that feeling.
That feeling of needing someone.
He was Steven Hyde, for god's sakes. He didn't take crap from no one, especially a dumb, bossy cheerleader.
Or at least that's what he pounded into his skull as she took a sharp breath, looking up at him with tired eyes, her mascara blurring onto her damp skin.
He didn't need her, he reminded himself. He wanted her. There's a difference. This whole thing with him and Jackie, it's purely physical. No emotions involved. Simple. Easy.
Yeah, right.
"When's your shift over?" Jackie asked, covering her mouth to stifle a yawn as she shifted in her seat.
"Whenever I decide to leave." Hyde smirked as he locked up the cash register. He walked over to the calendar on the wall, ripping off today's date as Jackie yawned again. "Huh." He crumbled up the piece of paper while he pondered in thought, throwing it in the trash can as he walked over to her, lifting himself up on the counter.
"What's wrong?" Jackie asked quietly, placing her arms on his legs as her eyes began to droop from lack of sleep, lack of energy.
"It's been six months." He wasn't really paying attention to his words, and he registered that he had said something that would bite him in the ass when her eyes suddenly lit up.
"I knew you'd remember!" She screamed wildly as she stood up, slapping his leg softly with excitement.
"You weren't going to tell me?"
"Well," Jackie shrugged, "I didn't have time to tell you."
"Oh, yeah." Hyde rolled his eyes as he hopped off the counter. "Cheerleading."
"Yes, cheerleading." Jackie rolled her eyes. "And school. And stuff."
"Stuff?"
"Stuff."
He didn't press on, he didn't really care. He just wanted to take her somewhere, away from all the stuff that had been keeping them apart for seven, long days.
"You ready?" He asked, taking her hand as she yawned again.
Jackie nodded, resting her head on his shoulder as she grabbed her things. "I hope Donna's there, I really need to talk to her."
Hyde smirked, "I don't think Donna's going to be where we're going."
"Hello?" Jackie rolled her eyes as they headed towards the door. "Eric and Donna are inseparable; of course she's at his house."
Hyde laughed in agreement as Jackie's eyes widened in appeal.
"We're going somewhere?" Jackie asked excitedly. "But I'm a mess..." She frowned, wiping at her blurred mascara and pulling on her ponytail angrily.
"It's just going to be us." Hyde opened the door slowly, making sure the rain had stopped, which it did. "Who are you trying to impress?"
"You." Jackie said flatly, realizing how Hyde wasn't easy to impress, not with looks anyway.
"Jackie, we both know you're gorgeous." He rolled his eyes, "You don't need make up and conditioner to prove it."
"You think I'm gorgeous?" Jackie blinked.
"I wouldn't be dating you if you weren't." He said with a nervous tickle to his voice as he dragged her outside, wrapping his arm lazily around her shoulder as she tried to keep up.
"So, where are we going?" Jackie yawned, for the millionth time as Hyde frowned in concern.
"Is your mom home?"
Jackie felt her stomach grumble at the mention of her mother and she shook her head no.
Her mom, home?
Jackie hadn't told anyone, not just yet...
Earlier that week, before an early Saturday morning practice, Jackie found a letter, signed from her mother, explaining that she missed Mexico and some man named Phillipe and that she would be back in a few days. If Jackie knew her mother, which she did, that meant a few months, maybe a few years.
Jackie wasn't home much anyway, so she didn't really notice any difference in her living situations. She ate with Hyde, or with the Forman's, or she didn't. She couldn't fall asleep in that big, empty house and she was completely overworking herself in school and practice, trying to avoid the fact that she was practically an orphan. She just prayed that her mother would get out all her kicks and come back to her daughter before anyone noticed. She didn't want to be a charity case, again.
Jackie shook her head at Hyde in response and he licked his lips happily.
Jackie groaned when they reached her house. She really didn't feel like making out right now. She was tired, and irritable.
They made it to her bedroom, not even flicking the lights on as Jackie put down her things and stared at Hyde, waiting for him to make the first move. He was good at that.
"Let's go to sleep." Hyde said, as he rolled himself onto the bed.
"Sleep?" Jackie blinked in confusion. "You want to...sleep?"
"You're tired." Hyde grabbed her waist, pulling her down next to him. "Sleep."
"I'm not tired." Jackie managed to get out before yawning again. "Well, maybe just a little." She felt her eyes close as Hyde wrapped his arm around her, protectively.
And Jackie could finally say that she had slept with her boyfriend of six months.
Although, the sex thing never really came into conversation. It was understood that Jackie wasn't ready. They would make out, do some other stuff, but when it went too far, and Jackie was willing, Hyde would pull back and mumble apologies and start changing the subject until the incident was forgotten.
Jackie wasn't sure how much time had passed when she woke up, stirring about in a fret, until she felt Hyde's hand tracing circles right under her breast. She smiled into her pillow, slowly turning around to face him.
"I can't believe it's been half a year." Jackie said quietly as she glanced at the clock, which blinked three am. Hyde was awake, staring straight into Jackie as she wiggled underneath his arm.
"Me neither." He drew in a breath, as if he were about to continue, then stopped.
"You should go home..." Jackie began, cutting herself off before she continued. "The Forman's will be pissed."
"Eric's covering for me." Hyde nodded with a reassuring smile.
"Have you been awake this whole time?"
Hyde nodded, closing his eyes slowly as he pulled her face into his chest, kissing her neck gently before letting go of her. He wasn't really this sweet, or affectionate. Jackie was confused. Maybe his stash had been messed with.
"What have you been doing?" Jackie asked cautiously.
"Thinking, I guess."
"About?"
"Us."
"What about us?"
Hyde seemed to jump miles away from her as he let go of her completely, inching backwards in the bed.
"It was nothing."
"You were thinking about nothing for 8 hours?"
"Right." Hyde nodded, nervously. "Absolutely nothing."
"You're a bad liar, Steven Hyde." Jackie said angrily as she attempted to turn away from him.
His eyes shifted nervously as he pulled her back towards him, lifting her arm and caressing it softly with his fingertips as he spoke.
"I was just thinking about how different things are."
"Oh." Jackie nodded, not sure what to think of this.
"I mean," Hyde laughed, "I never thought I'd be in a six month old relationship, especially with you." He scoffed at the idea as Jackie frowned. "We make no sense. We have like, nothing in common."
He continued to ramble, unaware of Jackie's icy glare.
"It's just so great to have a physical relationship, with no strings. I'm not a fan of strings."
"Physical relationship?" Jackie asked bitterly, fighting back the urge to yell.
Hyde knew everything he was saying had little truth behind it.
It wasn't physical. Parts of it was, but not all of it.
He knew that. He knew it wasn't just physical the day he had pushed her a little too far. If it had been purely physical, he wouldn't have stayed with her. She was a virgin, an innocent, scared little girl who flinched when she felt his body aching on top of hers. If he wanted no strings, if he just wanted ass, he could have gone and picked up some random slut at the Hub or Pam Macy.
He hated to admit it to himself, and he would never admit to anyone else, but he cared about Jackie. A lot. So much, that if she just woke up and decided to take Kelso back, he would be...upset. Which isn't zenlike, at all. Why did this stupid girl break all of his walls so easily? He had no answer. Jackie was...Jackie. He hated her and lov-...no, sort of liked her all at the same time. But now, it sort of blended together. Hate, like.. it was all the same. Everything he felt was because of her. If she was sad, he was. If she was angry, he was. They were connected, and not physically, not by a longshot.
It was pure, raw emotion.
And it scared the living shit out of him.
How did he let it go this far?
"No strings?" Jackie asked again, feeling the rise of anger float throughout her body. "Steven," She calmed down, catching a glimpse of his conflicted eyes. "Be honest with me."
She sat up, forcing him to sit up as well, placing her palm on his as she spoke.
"It's been six months." She confirmed. "Half a year. You don't actually think that this is a 'no strings, physical' relationship, do you?"
He was going to say yes, he did. It's what he does. He covers up the truth; he puts on his zen mask.
But her eyes pleaded with him so strongly, as if her every breath, her every joy depended on his answer.
"Jackie," He cleared his throat softly. "I think,"
"Don't think." Jackie shook her head, kissing his lips softly. "Just say what you feel."
"I," He took a deep breath, trying to undo years of protective walls he had built, "I don't know if I can do that, Jackie, I'm sorry."
He looked away from her, not wanting to see her disappointment.
"Hey," She called defensively. "Steven, you can do anything." She kissed him again, passionately this time, before looking at him again. "I believe in you."
"You believe in me?" He asked, trying to muffle it with a cough.
No one had ever believed in him.
Why should they?
He was scum, an orphan, a loser.
His parents told him that since he was born, kids at school sure seemed to think so, heck, Jackie thought so until he started making out with her.
But he believed her. He knew she wouldn't say it unless it was true.
"I believe in you." Jackie nodded, repeating herself as she sat back, waiting for him to respond.
"Jackie," He shook his head. "I don't know what you're waiting for me to say, but chances are, it's not going to be said."
"I believe in you, Steven." She repeated softly. "Just tell me the truth."
"What are you talking about?" He jerked back.
"I believe in you." She said angrily. "Just say it!"
"Say what, Jackie?"
"I,"
"Don't say it again, Jackie." Hyde shook his head slowly. "I don't know what stupid mind game you're playing, but it's getting old, real fast." He didn't realize he had begun to yell, but by Jackie's frightened face, he could see he had.
"I'm not playing any game, Steven." Jackie said bitterly. "I am always honest with you. Always." She crossed her arms angrily, "Don't you think you owe me that much?"
"What the hell are you on?" He shook her away from him. "You make no sense."
"Whatever." Jackie rolled her eyes, lying back down with a huff.
"I swear," He rolled his eyes, lying next to her. "Girls are crazy."
"That's right, Steven." Jackie said out loud, but more to herself. "I'm just a stupid, crazy girl." She pursed her lips, "I must be stupid, I'm practically in love with you." Jackie froze, turning to him quickly, wondering if he had heard her.
"Practically?"
She frowned, but the smiled as he kept a straight face. But he wasn't wearing his sunglasses, and Jackie read his eyes like a book.
"Steven," She sat back up. "I love you."
He sat up quietly, staring straight ahead as she sighed.
"You're not going to say it back, are you?"
"Jackie," He paused, apologizing with his eyes.
"I get it, Steven." She nodded. "You're afraid."
"I'm not afraid."
"Oh, shut up." Jackie frowned angrily. "Stop pretending like nothing bothers you. Stop acting like you have no feelings. It's just us." She blinked widely at him. "Who are you trying to impress?"
He nodded his head in defeat, taking a breath quickly before he spilled his guts out to her.
"This isn't just a physical relationship." He felt a weight lift free of his chest as her eyes nodded, craving more. "I tried to tell myself it was, because," He paused, not sure if he should continue.
"Go on." Jackie patted him. "You can do it."
"I am afraid, Jackie, ok?"
"Afraid of what?" Jackie asked innocently, cupping his cheek with her hand.
"Everyone I ever cared about left me." He took a deep breath, sulking slightly as she pulled her hand back to herself, startled by his honesty. "I don't think I could handle it, if you left me. And saying those words, Jackie, admitting that this is more then it should be, it makes it that much more real."
"I'm right here, Steven." She kissed his lips briskly, pulling back softly.
"Yeah." He rolled his eyes. "Now."
She didn't know what to say to make him feel any different. She wasn't sure if anything she'd say would make a difference either way. He was stubborn; it was one of the qualities she liked about him, actually.
"Steven," She squeezed his arm for support, "I,"
"Jackie, shut up for a second."
She rolled her eyes as he let go of her hand, standing up and pacing the room slightly.
"You wanted me to say something before."
Jackie nodded.
"Something that would reassure you that these past six months haven't been worthless."
"Steven," Jackie pushed herself off the bed, walking over to him tenderly, "I would trade every time Michael told me he loved me just to live those six months over and over again. They're just words." She paused in realization. "They're just words."
She did need reassurance.
Reassurance that he wouldn't leave.
She needed him as much as he needed her.
"I'm scared too." Jackie bit her lip. "Being with you," She paused. "You're right, it makes no sense. It's the only thing in my life that doesn't make absolute sense." She paused, wrapping her arms around him cautiously as he paid complete attention her next words, "Which is how I know it's the only thing worth keeping."
He stood still, nodding in understanding.
"So, are we done analyzing our relationship?" Hyde asked quietly.
"For now." Jackie nodded, hopping back onto her bed. "Ready to make out?"
"We have to be in school in," Hyde paused, glancing at Jackie's alarm clock. "Four hours."
"Which gives us exactly," Jackie pretend to count in her head, "Four hours to make out!"
"Well," He jumped on the bed, pushing her downwards as he straddled her, "If you insist."
And for the first time in a week, they had connected, and each felt an almost natural high from being with the other.
"Jackie," Hyde pushed some hair out of her face, kissing her neck softly as she moaned under her weight.
"I know." She nodded, kissing him softly. "You don't have to say it, not just yet."
He smiled briefly, rolling further on top of her as their kiss intensified.
"I love you." He said quietly, laughing softly as her smile widened and she squealed. "I thought they were just words."
"Not when you say them!" She squealed again, "Oh my god! You love me. And I love you. And we love each other...I can't wait to tell Don," At once, Hyde attacked her lips, forcing her to shut up as he roamed his hands over her body, making her forget every thought in her pretty, little head.
"Never stay away from me for a week, again." He muttered as she wrapped her arms around his torso.
"And you missed me?!" Jackie smiled. "You're turning soft!"
"I'm not soft."
"Oh, you are so soft!"
"No," He muttered, rolling his eyes, "I'm not."
"Fine." She rolled her eyes. "You're definitely softer then usual."
"Jackie?"
"You love me? You missed me? You need me?"
"Shut up."
She laughed, not even bothering to argue, "I love you too."
Chapter Twenty Four: Words
After being threatened by Dana, Jackie started to attend cheerleading practice again. School, tutoring with Eric, cheerleading – everything was cutting into her make out time. The past week had been practically torture for Hyde. Work was easy, he'd show up, punch in, nap, eat, and punch out. And every Friday Leo would give him his check. It was simple and Hyde didn't even feel the need to rant about being held down by 'the man'.
But he missed her. He hadn't seen her in a week. A whole week. That's the most time they had spent apart since they began this whole, crazy thing and he was feeling lost and he made himself sick. Since when did he become a codependent worker for the man? Oh, that's right, the minute he started fooling around with Jackie Burkhart. It was worth it, though. Everything from the past three months had been so worth it. Every fight, every annoying comment from her, getting a job, fighting with Kelso – everything was worth that exact moment when Jackie walked into the Fotohut, clutching her purse as she stomped her feet and wrung out her hair from the massive rainstorm outside. She was wearing his jacket, the denim one, from all those years ago, that hung to her every curve, dripping wet with the seams popping out. If it were any other jacket, Jackie would have tossed it a while ago. But it was his, and so he knew she would never get rid of it, no matter how many fashion laws she was breaking by wearing it.
"Hey stranger." Hyde said calmly as Jackie threw her bag on the counter of the Fotohut and sat down, rubbing her hands together for warmth as she stripped off the jacket, throwing it by her purse.
He couldn't stand there and watch her any longer.
He needed to taste her, to at least touch her.
God, he hated that feeling.
That feeling of needing someone.
He was Steven Hyde, for god's sakes. He didn't take crap from no one, especially a dumb, bossy cheerleader.
Or at least that's what he pounded into his skull as she took a sharp breath, looking up at him with tired eyes, her mascara blurring onto her damp skin.
He didn't need her, he reminded himself. He wanted her. There's a difference. This whole thing with him and Jackie, it's purely physical. No emotions involved. Simple. Easy.
Yeah, right.
"When's your shift over?" Jackie asked, covering her mouth to stifle a yawn as she shifted in her seat.
"Whenever I decide to leave." Hyde smirked as he locked up the cash register. He walked over to the calendar on the wall, ripping off today's date as Jackie yawned again. "Huh." He crumbled up the piece of paper while he pondered in thought, throwing it in the trash can as he walked over to her, lifting himself up on the counter.
"What's wrong?" Jackie asked quietly, placing her arms on his legs as her eyes began to droop from lack of sleep, lack of energy.
"It's been six months." He wasn't really paying attention to his words, and he registered that he had said something that would bite him in the ass when her eyes suddenly lit up.
"I knew you'd remember!" She screamed wildly as she stood up, slapping his leg softly with excitement.
"You weren't going to tell me?"
"Well," Jackie shrugged, "I didn't have time to tell you."
"Oh, yeah." Hyde rolled his eyes as he hopped off the counter. "Cheerleading."
"Yes, cheerleading." Jackie rolled her eyes. "And school. And stuff."
"Stuff?"
"Stuff."
He didn't press on, he didn't really care. He just wanted to take her somewhere, away from all the stuff that had been keeping them apart for seven, long days.
"You ready?" He asked, taking her hand as she yawned again.
Jackie nodded, resting her head on his shoulder as she grabbed her things. "I hope Donna's there, I really need to talk to her."
Hyde smirked, "I don't think Donna's going to be where we're going."
"Hello?" Jackie rolled her eyes as they headed towards the door. "Eric and Donna are inseparable; of course she's at his house."
Hyde laughed in agreement as Jackie's eyes widened in appeal.
"We're going somewhere?" Jackie asked excitedly. "But I'm a mess..." She frowned, wiping at her blurred mascara and pulling on her ponytail angrily.
"It's just going to be us." Hyde opened the door slowly, making sure the rain had stopped, which it did. "Who are you trying to impress?"
"You." Jackie said flatly, realizing how Hyde wasn't easy to impress, not with looks anyway.
"Jackie, we both know you're gorgeous." He rolled his eyes, "You don't need make up and conditioner to prove it."
"You think I'm gorgeous?" Jackie blinked.
"I wouldn't be dating you if you weren't." He said with a nervous tickle to his voice as he dragged her outside, wrapping his arm lazily around her shoulder as she tried to keep up.
"So, where are we going?" Jackie yawned, for the millionth time as Hyde frowned in concern.
"Is your mom home?"
Jackie felt her stomach grumble at the mention of her mother and she shook her head no.
Her mom, home?
Jackie hadn't told anyone, not just yet...
Earlier that week, before an early Saturday morning practice, Jackie found a letter, signed from her mother, explaining that she missed Mexico and some man named Phillipe and that she would be back in a few days. If Jackie knew her mother, which she did, that meant a few months, maybe a few years.
Jackie wasn't home much anyway, so she didn't really notice any difference in her living situations. She ate with Hyde, or with the Forman's, or she didn't. She couldn't fall asleep in that big, empty house and she was completely overworking herself in school and practice, trying to avoid the fact that she was practically an orphan. She just prayed that her mother would get out all her kicks and come back to her daughter before anyone noticed. She didn't want to be a charity case, again.
Jackie shook her head at Hyde in response and he licked his lips happily.
Jackie groaned when they reached her house. She really didn't feel like making out right now. She was tired, and irritable.
They made it to her bedroom, not even flicking the lights on as Jackie put down her things and stared at Hyde, waiting for him to make the first move. He was good at that.
"Let's go to sleep." Hyde said, as he rolled himself onto the bed.
"Sleep?" Jackie blinked in confusion. "You want to...sleep?"
"You're tired." Hyde grabbed her waist, pulling her down next to him. "Sleep."
"I'm not tired." Jackie managed to get out before yawning again. "Well, maybe just a little." She felt her eyes close as Hyde wrapped his arm around her, protectively.
And Jackie could finally say that she had slept with her boyfriend of six months.
Although, the sex thing never really came into conversation. It was understood that Jackie wasn't ready. They would make out, do some other stuff, but when it went too far, and Jackie was willing, Hyde would pull back and mumble apologies and start changing the subject until the incident was forgotten.
Jackie wasn't sure how much time had passed when she woke up, stirring about in a fret, until she felt Hyde's hand tracing circles right under her breast. She smiled into her pillow, slowly turning around to face him.
"I can't believe it's been half a year." Jackie said quietly as she glanced at the clock, which blinked three am. Hyde was awake, staring straight into Jackie as she wiggled underneath his arm.
"Me neither." He drew in a breath, as if he were about to continue, then stopped.
"You should go home..." Jackie began, cutting herself off before she continued. "The Forman's will be pissed."
"Eric's covering for me." Hyde nodded with a reassuring smile.
"Have you been awake this whole time?"
Hyde nodded, closing his eyes slowly as he pulled her face into his chest, kissing her neck gently before letting go of her. He wasn't really this sweet, or affectionate. Jackie was confused. Maybe his stash had been messed with.
"What have you been doing?" Jackie asked cautiously.
"Thinking, I guess."
"About?"
"Us."
"What about us?"
Hyde seemed to jump miles away from her as he let go of her completely, inching backwards in the bed.
"It was nothing."
"You were thinking about nothing for 8 hours?"
"Right." Hyde nodded, nervously. "Absolutely nothing."
"You're a bad liar, Steven Hyde." Jackie said angrily as she attempted to turn away from him.
His eyes shifted nervously as he pulled her back towards him, lifting her arm and caressing it softly with his fingertips as he spoke.
"I was just thinking about how different things are."
"Oh." Jackie nodded, not sure what to think of this.
"I mean," Hyde laughed, "I never thought I'd be in a six month old relationship, especially with you." He scoffed at the idea as Jackie frowned. "We make no sense. We have like, nothing in common."
He continued to ramble, unaware of Jackie's icy glare.
"It's just so great to have a physical relationship, with no strings. I'm not a fan of strings."
"Physical relationship?" Jackie asked bitterly, fighting back the urge to yell.
Hyde knew everything he was saying had little truth behind it.
It wasn't physical. Parts of it was, but not all of it.
He knew that. He knew it wasn't just physical the day he had pushed her a little too far. If it had been purely physical, he wouldn't have stayed with her. She was a virgin, an innocent, scared little girl who flinched when she felt his body aching on top of hers. If he wanted no strings, if he just wanted ass, he could have gone and picked up some random slut at the Hub or Pam Macy.
He hated to admit it to himself, and he would never admit to anyone else, but he cared about Jackie. A lot. So much, that if she just woke up and decided to take Kelso back, he would be...upset. Which isn't zenlike, at all. Why did this stupid girl break all of his walls so easily? He had no answer. Jackie was...Jackie. He hated her and lov-...no, sort of liked her all at the same time. But now, it sort of blended together. Hate, like.. it was all the same. Everything he felt was because of her. If she was sad, he was. If she was angry, he was. They were connected, and not physically, not by a longshot.
It was pure, raw emotion.
And it scared the living shit out of him.
How did he let it go this far?
"No strings?" Jackie asked again, feeling the rise of anger float throughout her body. "Steven," She calmed down, catching a glimpse of his conflicted eyes. "Be honest with me."
She sat up, forcing him to sit up as well, placing her palm on his as she spoke.
"It's been six months." She confirmed. "Half a year. You don't actually think that this is a 'no strings, physical' relationship, do you?"
He was going to say yes, he did. It's what he does. He covers up the truth; he puts on his zen mask.
But her eyes pleaded with him so strongly, as if her every breath, her every joy depended on his answer.
"Jackie," He cleared his throat softly. "I think,"
"Don't think." Jackie shook her head, kissing his lips softly. "Just say what you feel."
"I," He took a deep breath, trying to undo years of protective walls he had built, "I don't know if I can do that, Jackie, I'm sorry."
He looked away from her, not wanting to see her disappointment.
"Hey," She called defensively. "Steven, you can do anything." She kissed him again, passionately this time, before looking at him again. "I believe in you."
"You believe in me?" He asked, trying to muffle it with a cough.
No one had ever believed in him.
Why should they?
He was scum, an orphan, a loser.
His parents told him that since he was born, kids at school sure seemed to think so, heck, Jackie thought so until he started making out with her.
But he believed her. He knew she wouldn't say it unless it was true.
"I believe in you." Jackie nodded, repeating herself as she sat back, waiting for him to respond.
"Jackie," He shook his head. "I don't know what you're waiting for me to say, but chances are, it's not going to be said."
"I believe in you, Steven." She repeated softly. "Just tell me the truth."
"What are you talking about?" He jerked back.
"I believe in you." She said angrily. "Just say it!"
"Say what, Jackie?"
"I,"
"Don't say it again, Jackie." Hyde shook his head slowly. "I don't know what stupid mind game you're playing, but it's getting old, real fast." He didn't realize he had begun to yell, but by Jackie's frightened face, he could see he had.
"I'm not playing any game, Steven." Jackie said bitterly. "I am always honest with you. Always." She crossed her arms angrily, "Don't you think you owe me that much?"
"What the hell are you on?" He shook her away from him. "You make no sense."
"Whatever." Jackie rolled her eyes, lying back down with a huff.
"I swear," He rolled his eyes, lying next to her. "Girls are crazy."
"That's right, Steven." Jackie said out loud, but more to herself. "I'm just a stupid, crazy girl." She pursed her lips, "I must be stupid, I'm practically in love with you." Jackie froze, turning to him quickly, wondering if he had heard her.
"Practically?"
She frowned, but the smiled as he kept a straight face. But he wasn't wearing his sunglasses, and Jackie read his eyes like a book.
"Steven," She sat back up. "I love you."
He sat up quietly, staring straight ahead as she sighed.
"You're not going to say it back, are you?"
"Jackie," He paused, apologizing with his eyes.
"I get it, Steven." She nodded. "You're afraid."
"I'm not afraid."
"Oh, shut up." Jackie frowned angrily. "Stop pretending like nothing bothers you. Stop acting like you have no feelings. It's just us." She blinked widely at him. "Who are you trying to impress?"
He nodded his head in defeat, taking a breath quickly before he spilled his guts out to her.
"This isn't just a physical relationship." He felt a weight lift free of his chest as her eyes nodded, craving more. "I tried to tell myself it was, because," He paused, not sure if he should continue.
"Go on." Jackie patted him. "You can do it."
"I am afraid, Jackie, ok?"
"Afraid of what?" Jackie asked innocently, cupping his cheek with her hand.
"Everyone I ever cared about left me." He took a deep breath, sulking slightly as she pulled her hand back to herself, startled by his honesty. "I don't think I could handle it, if you left me. And saying those words, Jackie, admitting that this is more then it should be, it makes it that much more real."
"I'm right here, Steven." She kissed his lips briskly, pulling back softly.
"Yeah." He rolled his eyes. "Now."
She didn't know what to say to make him feel any different. She wasn't sure if anything she'd say would make a difference either way. He was stubborn; it was one of the qualities she liked about him, actually.
"Steven," She squeezed his arm for support, "I,"
"Jackie, shut up for a second."
She rolled her eyes as he let go of her hand, standing up and pacing the room slightly.
"You wanted me to say something before."
Jackie nodded.
"Something that would reassure you that these past six months haven't been worthless."
"Steven," Jackie pushed herself off the bed, walking over to him tenderly, "I would trade every time Michael told me he loved me just to live those six months over and over again. They're just words." She paused in realization. "They're just words."
She did need reassurance.
Reassurance that he wouldn't leave.
She needed him as much as he needed her.
"I'm scared too." Jackie bit her lip. "Being with you," She paused. "You're right, it makes no sense. It's the only thing in my life that doesn't make absolute sense." She paused, wrapping her arms around him cautiously as he paid complete attention her next words, "Which is how I know it's the only thing worth keeping."
He stood still, nodding in understanding.
"So, are we done analyzing our relationship?" Hyde asked quietly.
"For now." Jackie nodded, hopping back onto her bed. "Ready to make out?"
"We have to be in school in," Hyde paused, glancing at Jackie's alarm clock. "Four hours."
"Which gives us exactly," Jackie pretend to count in her head, "Four hours to make out!"
"Well," He jumped on the bed, pushing her downwards as he straddled her, "If you insist."
And for the first time in a week, they had connected, and each felt an almost natural high from being with the other.
"Jackie," Hyde pushed some hair out of her face, kissing her neck softly as she moaned under her weight.
"I know." She nodded, kissing him softly. "You don't have to say it, not just yet."
He smiled briefly, rolling further on top of her as their kiss intensified.
"I love you." He said quietly, laughing softly as her smile widened and she squealed. "I thought they were just words."
"Not when you say them!" She squealed again, "Oh my god! You love me. And I love you. And we love each other...I can't wait to tell Don," At once, Hyde attacked her lips, forcing her to shut up as he roamed his hands over her body, making her forget every thought in her pretty, little head.
"Never stay away from me for a week, again." He muttered as she wrapped her arms around his torso.
"And you missed me?!" Jackie smiled. "You're turning soft!"
"I'm not soft."
"Oh, you are so soft!"
"No," He muttered, rolling his eyes, "I'm not."
"Fine." She rolled her eyes. "You're definitely softer then usual."
"Jackie?"
"You love me? You missed me? You need me?"
"Shut up."
She laughed, not even bothering to argue, "I love you too."