Warning: Gratuitous absurdity approaching - may result in
uncontainable laughter. Proceed with caution.
A/N: No money has been made from writing this horrid fic.
Summary: After an incredibly evil cliffhanger, we now join Hermione, Ron, Harry, Draco & Snape in the dungeons where chaos is about to break lose. Aren't you glad you kept reading this story? *fishes for compliments*
Thanks:
Thom: *sits back and watches you dance* Hehehehehehe...I'm glad you're happy, hon. Sorry 'bout the cliffhanger, though. I had to do it. And thank you for continuing to read! (even though you cheated)
Morri: Yes, it was unfair. And yes, it was cruel. But you reviewed, didn't you? Bwahahahahahaha! My evil plan worked!!! *shuffles nervously* I hope you don't hate me now. Thanks for the vibes... *grin*
Benny: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! And thank you for understanding why I ended it where I did. *grins and hugs ya* I was hoping someone wouldn't be TOO pissed. Oh, and thank you for your kind words!!!
Red: Hey, I never said I was nice. *glares and tries to look menacing* Did it work? Are you convinced that I'm a cruel and evil person? *crickets chirping in background* Damn. Oh well. Thank you for reading! *grin*
Tarathol: Hehehehehehehehehehe...yes, I AM so bad!! Looks like Hermione isn't the ONLY sneaky lil' b*tch around here...*grins* You won't be disappointed though, well...at least I hope you won't be!
Franthe-greatestfan-enix: I'm so glad you liked the chapter, m'dear! I feel honored to have produced another "fave." Coincidentally, your last update had me soaring! *grins and claps* Although, if you don't mind, could you not choke me so hard next time? *puts hands up to throat* It still kinda stings...
Whew! Again, a big thank you to everyone who read and reviewed, and those who just read. I hoped I hadn't burned too many bridges with that last ending...thanks for sticking with me!
*grins madly*
Without Further Ado-
~*~
~Quick backtrack~
~*~
"YES, Miss Granger?"
Hermione lowered her hand, and tried to keep her best "innocent face" from faltering. Both Ron and Harry exchanged a look.
"Yes, Professor. I have a **Question**..."
Draco was still relishing in the fact that he wouldn't have to bother with that foolish Independent Study when Hermione spoke. Normally, he wouldn't have turned a hair of attention towards her, much less listen to another one of her asinine questions - and in all honesty, he wasn't paying attention. Well, at least, he didn't THINK he was.
However, deep in his mind, a light clicked on...and before he knew what was happening, he had raised his voice and began to speak...
"I wet my bed till I was twelve."
~Silence~
A chirping cricket could be heard in the back of the room, playing a sweet song of vengeance in the three Gryffindor's ears. It took all the will power they could muster to keep a straight face.
A small shudder swept down Draco's spine as he slipped out of his induced state, completely oblivious to what had just happened. Hesitantly, Draco looked around the room at the stunned faces of his Housemates. Crabe and Goyle were slack jawed, as were the rest of the girls in Slytherin House. A soft chuckling could be heard from the Gryffindor section of the class.
"As...interesting...as your announcement was, Mr. Malfoy..." Snape looked at him strangely. "...I would highly suggest you keep your personal life to yourself from now on."
Still unaware of what was happening, Draco raised his eyebrows and shrugged.
"Miss Granger, you were saying...?" Still fazed by Draco's outburst, Snape completely forgot to insult her intelligence.
Hermione replied coolly.
"Thank you Sir. About my **Question**..."
"I've never been able to bring a girl to orgasm."
Again, there was silence. But it was short lived.
A good two seconds after Draco had declared his inadequacies in bed, small spouts of laughter erupted all over the classroom. Again, mostly from the Gryffindor section, but the occasional scoff and snicker was heard from the Slytherins. A particularly loud, and knowing snort escaped Pansy Parkinson's lips as she nodded to the two girls next to her.
Draco was as confused as ever.
"What?!"
Little did he know that he was, in fact, announcing his deepest and darkest secrets to the entire class - thus - the entirety of Hogwarts.
"MISTER Malfoy." The shock had worn off. "If you don't cease this behavior at once, I will be forced to deduct House points! Do I make myself clear?" Snape stared at the clueless Slytherin, who was beginning to turn a light shade of pink.
"If you're so appalled by your...condition, that you feel the need to announce it in the middle of my lesson, I suggest you see me after class." He lowered his voice. "There are potions that can..." A small snort from the back of the room snapped his attention, and his gaze, onto the Gryffindors. THREE Gryffindors, in particular.
Harry, Ron & Hermione were stifling back laughter.
"Something funny, Miss Granger?" Only after he had sincerely offered to help Draco did Severus realize how badly he had worsened the situation. The embarrassment of it all did little to help Snape's already sour attitude.
"No, Sir."
"Perhaps you think it unwise of me to offer help to Mr. Malfoy?"
"No Sir. Not at all." The corners of her mouth flickered up. "I didn't mean to **Question** your motiv..."
"I find midgets and little people strangely erotic."
Shocked is hardly an appropriate enough word to describe the classroom atmosphere. No one could utter a sound. But Draco wasn't finished...hell, he didn't even know he had begun.
"My mother once caught me wanking off to a picture of Professor Flitwick..."
That did it.
No longer able to control themselves, the entire class burst out in howling laughter. Hands slammed down upon desks - chairs tipped back as hoots and hollers were heard coming from every direction. Whatever House rivalries that existed between them were quickly forgotten. There was no more "Gryffindor" and "Slytherin" - there was only laughter.
And Draco.
WHO, by this point, was so completely befuddled by everyone laughing at him, that he had no choice but join them. Quietly, and tentatively, Draco started laughing - his eyes wide and uncertain. Cautiously, he looked to Crabe and Goyle for help, but they were too busy wiping the tears from their eyes to notice. Draco's blood began to boil, as the amusement of the situation was quickly wearing off.
"What's so bloody funny!?!"
A voice called out from the back. "Didn't realize you had such a SHORT temper, Malfoy!"
"As short as the REST of him." Pansy notably added, holding up her hands in measurement.
More laughter ensued. Professor Snape had given up on trying to discipline Malfoy, and concentrated on regaining control of his classroom.
"ENOUGH! The next person who dares to breathe a sound will find themselves hexed beyond recognition."
The Potions class quickly shut their traps, trying desperately to get their cheeks to go back to their original color. As fun as it was laughing at Draco's expense, he wasn't worth dying for. A muted silence quickly filled the classroom...save one.
Ron was still snickering.
"Mr. Wealsey..." An icy glare swept over Snape's face as he moved away from his podium. "Do you have a death wish?"
Hermione looked to Ron, unconsciously alerting him that it was 'his turn'. Not that she had to...he had already opened his mouth to speak.
"No, **Sir**"
As predicted, Ron squeaked out the response...his voice barely audible. Hermione kicked his shin.
"NO, **SIR**"
~*~
Draco was fuming. What the hell was going on?!? One minute he's Snape's favorite, the Pride of Slytherin; the next - he's being reamed from all sides! The entire class was having a laugh at his expense, and he hadn't a clue as to why. Instinctively, he felt his back for a sign or a note. Having found none, he stared, perplexed, at the table in front of him.
Somehow, someway, Potter was involved. He was sure of it.
A scowl quickly formed, hardening Draco's delicate features. He offhandedly heard Snape attacking Weasel, and for a brief moment, a kind of peace settled in. Maybe things were getting back to normal. Maybe he'd finally get out of the spotlight - let someone else be the 'butt' of the jokes. Draco heard the redheaded beggar-child squeak out something, and his heart lifted. Hoping it was safe to look up, he glanced over at Snape...and his heart skipped a beat.
How had he not noticed him before? The way his black hair framed that noble, eccentric face...those eyes, like deep pools of night...his lips...oh gods, his lips...
Draco's pulse had risen significantly in the matter of seconds it took to fully take in all that was Severus Snape. Lust, need, and longing hit him all in one fail swoop. His head was spinning. How long had he known this man and never truly saw him for all the brilliance he was? He was a master...a luminous being...the very reason Draco was put on this earth.
Severus Snape was a god.
A dreamy smile made its way to Draco's lips as he held his face in his hands...capturing every movement his love made. Draco's enlightened state of bliss was short lived, as Snape turned his back to him.
Draco gasped...his eyes widened in horror...
There stood *his* Snape, brooding and furious with Weasel, completely unaware of the hundreds of Flesh Eating Slugs that slurched and clung to his body! Why wasn't he doing anything? Why wasn't ANYBODY doing anything?!?
The answer seemed so obvious. Of course! HE was the only person who could see them! These were a special breed of Flesh Eating Slugs that only the courageous, intelligent, and cunning Draco Malfoy could see. (Harry was very specific in the hypnosis.) So, naturally, HE was the only person that could help him! It all made sense now.
He had to act, and he had to act quickly.
Without a second thought, Draco gracefully leaped over his desk, and hurried over to help the poor, unsuspecting Professor...the love of his life.
"Severus! My love! Don't...move...a...muscle."
~*~
Ron and the rest of the Gryffindors that were 'in' on Draco's humiliation, which were only Harry & Hermione, edgily waited for their second round of torture to begin. Snape had mentally noted that they all were a bit more 'on edge' than usual, but he assumed it was due to his successful attempt at intimidation. But this was not the case.
Hermione's hypnosis had gone off without a hitch, but it was also a fairly simple 'suggestion' to place in Draco's subconscious. Ron's was more complicated. Not only did Draco have to believe that he was head over heels in love with Snape, but he ALSO had to believe that Snape's life was in danger...and that HE was the only person who could do anything. Needless to say, it could prove to be problematic. There were no signs of change in Draco's face, Ron duly noted...and his heart sank.
It wasn't fair that only Hermione's suggestion would work! He had a beef with Draco too! Why was it everything he did went to hell in a hand basket? It wasn't fair. Ron was about to start pouting when Draco flew out of his seat and yelled.
"Severus! My love! Don't...move...a...muscle."
Draco slowly crept up, his arms out and raised...as if about to swat something, or someone.
Professor Snape turned his head to locate the soon-to-be decapitated student who DARED speak his first name...only to find a most peculiar acting Draco Malfoy. Then again, he probably should've known. The boy had been behaving PROFOUNDLY out of character the entire day. He would have to get him checked for illegal stimulants later...
"Mister Malfoy...under NO circumstances do you ever, EVER address me by my first name...do you understand?" Snape appeared to be furious, but only those who truly knew him could see he was beginning to get concerned.
Draco, ignoring his lover's snide comments only because more pressing matters were at hand, replied.
"Yes, Severu...er, Sir. Yes, I understand...but, your back...you must..."
Draco's eyes widened in fear as one of the Slugs was quickly making its way up Severus' back...only centimeters away from his neck. With no thought to his own safety, Draco leapt.
"...**PROFESSOR!!**..."
Suddenly, and without thinking, Severus Snape giggled. Not a chuckle, not a sarcastic laugh, not even a snide snicker...a giggle. The sort of sound that school girls make when a really hunky guy walks by. Of course, he was only half-aware that he had made the sound...but the rest of the class knew it. Though none could fathom a reason as to why...
...none, save Harry Potter.
A sly smile crept into the green-eyed boy's lips as he watched his plan unfold. Unbeknown to his compatriots, Harry had made a couple of extra stops during his 'outing' last night - as it turned out, Professor Snape had been one of them.
On cue, both Ron & Hermione leaned forward and turned to Harry...their eyes wide with a mixture of disbelief and delight.
"Harry...?"
"Did he just...?"
Harry put a finger to his lips and nodded forward to the chaos that was about to ensue.
"Shhhhh...watch."
~*~
As often as everyone had seen Draco fly, either in Quidditch or at practice, it shouldn't have been such a shock to see him do it again. However, no one had ever seen the boy fly through the air...in the middle of Potions...and land, head first, on the back of Professor Snape. And that was exactly what he was doing.
There was Draco Malfoy, clamped onto the back of Severus Snape, swatting and punching at his invisible nemesis.
"Hold on, **Professor!**" Draco smacked the back of Snape's head. "I won't let them get you!"
"WHAT IN THE..." **Giggle** "HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?!"
Severus desperately tried to grasp the young boy that clung ferociously to his back; his arms flailing and swinging in every direction. Had he been a few years younger, and quite a bit more nimble, he may have succeeded. Alas, he had forgotten to stretch this morning...month...year. So, instead, Professor Snape continued his futile effort of ridding himself from his newly found 'attachment.'
A new wave of laughter broke out among the students. Tears flowed freely and people fell out of their chairs as Draco continued to smack the ever-living shit out of their giggling Professor.
"I'm sorry **Professor!**"
*SMACK*
"Stop this..." *Giggle* "...at ONCE!!"
*SMACK*
"GRANGER!" *SLAP* "SOMEBODY...stop him!"
*SMACK*
"I am TRYING to SAVE YOU!"
*SMACK*
"No..."
*SMACK*
"You're TRYING to KILL ME!!"
*SMACK*
"...**PROFESSOR!!!**..."
*Giggle* *SMACK*
"There's one!"
*SMACK*
"STOP!"
"But **Professor!**..."
*SMACKITY SMACK*
"I'm..." *Giggle* "...SERIOUS!"
Desperate, in pain, and without any other options available, Severus heaved his student into the wall...knocking him out cold. A gasp echoed throughout the classroom...directly followed by silence. The urge to laugh left with Draco's consciousness.
Pleadingly, Severus looked to his students.
"I...I had to..."
Completely out of character, obviously due to the extraneous circumstances, Snape's eyes met Hermione's...almost as if he was looking for an affirmation for his actions. Startled by her Professor's gaze, Hermione quickly answered...
"Of course, Sir. You had to. There's no **Question**..."
Hermione winced as Draco eased out of unconsciousness just long enough to respond...
"I...I'm afraid of my father..."
...before quickly slipping back in.
Severus looked down at the crumpled mess he had made of the boy, gingerly picked him up, and looked at the class.
"Dismissed."
And with that, he carried the unconscious Slytherin out of the room...leaving a concerned class behind him.
~*~
No one dared to speak as the class quietly picked up their things and made for the hallway. Thankfully, the foreboding atmosphere dissipated as the three Gryffindors made their way out of the dungeon. It was quite a few minutes before anyone spoke. Not surprisingly, it was Ron.
"That went well."
Hermione spun around on him. "NO Ron, it didn't."
"We didn't plan for Snape to knock him unconscious!" He retorted defensively. "It was an accident."
Harry had stopped walking. "I mean...we didn't know...we didn't mean for it to go that far."
"Well..." Ron turned red. "I HAD hoped Snape would take points away..."
"I don't think any of us wanted Malfoy to get hurt...just embarrassed." Hermione kept her eyes to the floor. "I know I did."
"Yeah."
"Me too."
The three friends looked to each other for forgiveness, knowing full well the real person they should be asking was lying unconscious in the Infirmary. However, no matter how horrible they felt, they also knew that none of them ever would.
"What are we doing?" Harry's voice rose a bit. "Malfoy deserved most of what he got. Ron's right. It was an accident. Besides, he WOULDN'T feel bad if the roles had been reversed..." His eyes met Hermione's. "You know that."
"True..."
"...Yeah..." Ron's tone had lifted. "I'm kind of surprised the slimy git hadn't thought of it first."
They all laughed at that. The dark cloud that had settled on the trio was lifting, and the forgiveness they had been seeking suddenly felt unimportant.
Harry started walking again. "What class do we have next?"
Hermione thought for a second. "Charms..."
~Pause~
"...with Professor Flitwick."
~Dramatic Pause~
Ron and Harry looked at each other. Then to Hermione, who was covering her mouth...concealing a grin. A few throaty snorts escaped as they walked down the hall.
They only made it a couple of feet before bursting out in fits of laughter.
Perhaps it hadn't been that bad, after all.
~*~
WHEW! I had a really good time writing this chapter. I hope you had as much fun reading it! It's not every day that I laugh at my own work...for the right reasons. Let me know what you think! Review!! And stay tuned for the next chapter! Harry still hasn't made use of his own **suggestion**...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
A/N: No money has been made from writing this horrid fic.
Summary: After an incredibly evil cliffhanger, we now join Hermione, Ron, Harry, Draco & Snape in the dungeons where chaos is about to break lose. Aren't you glad you kept reading this story? *fishes for compliments*
Thanks:
Thom: *sits back and watches you dance* Hehehehehehe...I'm glad you're happy, hon. Sorry 'bout the cliffhanger, though. I had to do it. And thank you for continuing to read! (even though you cheated)
Morri: Yes, it was unfair. And yes, it was cruel. But you reviewed, didn't you? Bwahahahahahaha! My evil plan worked!!! *shuffles nervously* I hope you don't hate me now. Thanks for the vibes... *grin*
Benny: I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! And thank you for understanding why I ended it where I did. *grins and hugs ya* I was hoping someone wouldn't be TOO pissed. Oh, and thank you for your kind words!!!
Red: Hey, I never said I was nice. *glares and tries to look menacing* Did it work? Are you convinced that I'm a cruel and evil person? *crickets chirping in background* Damn. Oh well. Thank you for reading! *grin*
Tarathol: Hehehehehehehehehehe...yes, I AM so bad!! Looks like Hermione isn't the ONLY sneaky lil' b*tch around here...*grins* You won't be disappointed though, well...at least I hope you won't be!
Franthe-greatestfan-enix: I'm so glad you liked the chapter, m'dear! I feel honored to have produced another "fave." Coincidentally, your last update had me soaring! *grins and claps* Although, if you don't mind, could you not choke me so hard next time? *puts hands up to throat* It still kinda stings...
Whew! Again, a big thank you to everyone who read and reviewed, and those who just read. I hoped I hadn't burned too many bridges with that last ending...thanks for sticking with me!
*grins madly*
Without Further Ado-
~*~
~Quick backtrack~
~*~
"YES, Miss Granger?"
Hermione lowered her hand, and tried to keep her best "innocent face" from faltering. Both Ron and Harry exchanged a look.
"Yes, Professor. I have a **Question**..."
Draco was still relishing in the fact that he wouldn't have to bother with that foolish Independent Study when Hermione spoke. Normally, he wouldn't have turned a hair of attention towards her, much less listen to another one of her asinine questions - and in all honesty, he wasn't paying attention. Well, at least, he didn't THINK he was.
However, deep in his mind, a light clicked on...and before he knew what was happening, he had raised his voice and began to speak...
"I wet my bed till I was twelve."
~Silence~
A chirping cricket could be heard in the back of the room, playing a sweet song of vengeance in the three Gryffindor's ears. It took all the will power they could muster to keep a straight face.
A small shudder swept down Draco's spine as he slipped out of his induced state, completely oblivious to what had just happened. Hesitantly, Draco looked around the room at the stunned faces of his Housemates. Crabe and Goyle were slack jawed, as were the rest of the girls in Slytherin House. A soft chuckling could be heard from the Gryffindor section of the class.
"As...interesting...as your announcement was, Mr. Malfoy..." Snape looked at him strangely. "...I would highly suggest you keep your personal life to yourself from now on."
Still unaware of what was happening, Draco raised his eyebrows and shrugged.
"Miss Granger, you were saying...?" Still fazed by Draco's outburst, Snape completely forgot to insult her intelligence.
Hermione replied coolly.
"Thank you Sir. About my **Question**..."
"I've never been able to bring a girl to orgasm."
Again, there was silence. But it was short lived.
A good two seconds after Draco had declared his inadequacies in bed, small spouts of laughter erupted all over the classroom. Again, mostly from the Gryffindor section, but the occasional scoff and snicker was heard from the Slytherins. A particularly loud, and knowing snort escaped Pansy Parkinson's lips as she nodded to the two girls next to her.
Draco was as confused as ever.
"What?!"
Little did he know that he was, in fact, announcing his deepest and darkest secrets to the entire class - thus - the entirety of Hogwarts.
"MISTER Malfoy." The shock had worn off. "If you don't cease this behavior at once, I will be forced to deduct House points! Do I make myself clear?" Snape stared at the clueless Slytherin, who was beginning to turn a light shade of pink.
"If you're so appalled by your...condition, that you feel the need to announce it in the middle of my lesson, I suggest you see me after class." He lowered his voice. "There are potions that can..." A small snort from the back of the room snapped his attention, and his gaze, onto the Gryffindors. THREE Gryffindors, in particular.
Harry, Ron & Hermione were stifling back laughter.
"Something funny, Miss Granger?" Only after he had sincerely offered to help Draco did Severus realize how badly he had worsened the situation. The embarrassment of it all did little to help Snape's already sour attitude.
"No, Sir."
"Perhaps you think it unwise of me to offer help to Mr. Malfoy?"
"No Sir. Not at all." The corners of her mouth flickered up. "I didn't mean to **Question** your motiv..."
"I find midgets and little people strangely erotic."
Shocked is hardly an appropriate enough word to describe the classroom atmosphere. No one could utter a sound. But Draco wasn't finished...hell, he didn't even know he had begun.
"My mother once caught me wanking off to a picture of Professor Flitwick..."
That did it.
No longer able to control themselves, the entire class burst out in howling laughter. Hands slammed down upon desks - chairs tipped back as hoots and hollers were heard coming from every direction. Whatever House rivalries that existed between them were quickly forgotten. There was no more "Gryffindor" and "Slytherin" - there was only laughter.
And Draco.
WHO, by this point, was so completely befuddled by everyone laughing at him, that he had no choice but join them. Quietly, and tentatively, Draco started laughing - his eyes wide and uncertain. Cautiously, he looked to Crabe and Goyle for help, but they were too busy wiping the tears from their eyes to notice. Draco's blood began to boil, as the amusement of the situation was quickly wearing off.
"What's so bloody funny!?!"
A voice called out from the back. "Didn't realize you had such a SHORT temper, Malfoy!"
"As short as the REST of him." Pansy notably added, holding up her hands in measurement.
More laughter ensued. Professor Snape had given up on trying to discipline Malfoy, and concentrated on regaining control of his classroom.
"ENOUGH! The next person who dares to breathe a sound will find themselves hexed beyond recognition."
The Potions class quickly shut their traps, trying desperately to get their cheeks to go back to their original color. As fun as it was laughing at Draco's expense, he wasn't worth dying for. A muted silence quickly filled the classroom...save one.
Ron was still snickering.
"Mr. Wealsey..." An icy glare swept over Snape's face as he moved away from his podium. "Do you have a death wish?"
Hermione looked to Ron, unconsciously alerting him that it was 'his turn'. Not that she had to...he had already opened his mouth to speak.
"No, **Sir**"
As predicted, Ron squeaked out the response...his voice barely audible. Hermione kicked his shin.
"NO, **SIR**"
~*~
Draco was fuming. What the hell was going on?!? One minute he's Snape's favorite, the Pride of Slytherin; the next - he's being reamed from all sides! The entire class was having a laugh at his expense, and he hadn't a clue as to why. Instinctively, he felt his back for a sign or a note. Having found none, he stared, perplexed, at the table in front of him.
Somehow, someway, Potter was involved. He was sure of it.
A scowl quickly formed, hardening Draco's delicate features. He offhandedly heard Snape attacking Weasel, and for a brief moment, a kind of peace settled in. Maybe things were getting back to normal. Maybe he'd finally get out of the spotlight - let someone else be the 'butt' of the jokes. Draco heard the redheaded beggar-child squeak out something, and his heart lifted. Hoping it was safe to look up, he glanced over at Snape...and his heart skipped a beat.
How had he not noticed him before? The way his black hair framed that noble, eccentric face...those eyes, like deep pools of night...his lips...oh gods, his lips...
Draco's pulse had risen significantly in the matter of seconds it took to fully take in all that was Severus Snape. Lust, need, and longing hit him all in one fail swoop. His head was spinning. How long had he known this man and never truly saw him for all the brilliance he was? He was a master...a luminous being...the very reason Draco was put on this earth.
Severus Snape was a god.
A dreamy smile made its way to Draco's lips as he held his face in his hands...capturing every movement his love made. Draco's enlightened state of bliss was short lived, as Snape turned his back to him.
Draco gasped...his eyes widened in horror...
There stood *his* Snape, brooding and furious with Weasel, completely unaware of the hundreds of Flesh Eating Slugs that slurched and clung to his body! Why wasn't he doing anything? Why wasn't ANYBODY doing anything?!?
The answer seemed so obvious. Of course! HE was the only person who could see them! These were a special breed of Flesh Eating Slugs that only the courageous, intelligent, and cunning Draco Malfoy could see. (Harry was very specific in the hypnosis.) So, naturally, HE was the only person that could help him! It all made sense now.
He had to act, and he had to act quickly.
Without a second thought, Draco gracefully leaped over his desk, and hurried over to help the poor, unsuspecting Professor...the love of his life.
"Severus! My love! Don't...move...a...muscle."
~*~
Ron and the rest of the Gryffindors that were 'in' on Draco's humiliation, which were only Harry & Hermione, edgily waited for their second round of torture to begin. Snape had mentally noted that they all were a bit more 'on edge' than usual, but he assumed it was due to his successful attempt at intimidation. But this was not the case.
Hermione's hypnosis had gone off without a hitch, but it was also a fairly simple 'suggestion' to place in Draco's subconscious. Ron's was more complicated. Not only did Draco have to believe that he was head over heels in love with Snape, but he ALSO had to believe that Snape's life was in danger...and that HE was the only person who could do anything. Needless to say, it could prove to be problematic. There were no signs of change in Draco's face, Ron duly noted...and his heart sank.
It wasn't fair that only Hermione's suggestion would work! He had a beef with Draco too! Why was it everything he did went to hell in a hand basket? It wasn't fair. Ron was about to start pouting when Draco flew out of his seat and yelled.
"Severus! My love! Don't...move...a...muscle."
Draco slowly crept up, his arms out and raised...as if about to swat something, or someone.
Professor Snape turned his head to locate the soon-to-be decapitated student who DARED speak his first name...only to find a most peculiar acting Draco Malfoy. Then again, he probably should've known. The boy had been behaving PROFOUNDLY out of character the entire day. He would have to get him checked for illegal stimulants later...
"Mister Malfoy...under NO circumstances do you ever, EVER address me by my first name...do you understand?" Snape appeared to be furious, but only those who truly knew him could see he was beginning to get concerned.
Draco, ignoring his lover's snide comments only because more pressing matters were at hand, replied.
"Yes, Severu...er, Sir. Yes, I understand...but, your back...you must..."
Draco's eyes widened in fear as one of the Slugs was quickly making its way up Severus' back...only centimeters away from his neck. With no thought to his own safety, Draco leapt.
"...**PROFESSOR!!**..."
Suddenly, and without thinking, Severus Snape giggled. Not a chuckle, not a sarcastic laugh, not even a snide snicker...a giggle. The sort of sound that school girls make when a really hunky guy walks by. Of course, he was only half-aware that he had made the sound...but the rest of the class knew it. Though none could fathom a reason as to why...
...none, save Harry Potter.
A sly smile crept into the green-eyed boy's lips as he watched his plan unfold. Unbeknown to his compatriots, Harry had made a couple of extra stops during his 'outing' last night - as it turned out, Professor Snape had been one of them.
On cue, both Ron & Hermione leaned forward and turned to Harry...their eyes wide with a mixture of disbelief and delight.
"Harry...?"
"Did he just...?"
Harry put a finger to his lips and nodded forward to the chaos that was about to ensue.
"Shhhhh...watch."
~*~
As often as everyone had seen Draco fly, either in Quidditch or at practice, it shouldn't have been such a shock to see him do it again. However, no one had ever seen the boy fly through the air...in the middle of Potions...and land, head first, on the back of Professor Snape. And that was exactly what he was doing.
There was Draco Malfoy, clamped onto the back of Severus Snape, swatting and punching at his invisible nemesis.
"Hold on, **Professor!**" Draco smacked the back of Snape's head. "I won't let them get you!"
"WHAT IN THE..." **Giggle** "HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?!"
Severus desperately tried to grasp the young boy that clung ferociously to his back; his arms flailing and swinging in every direction. Had he been a few years younger, and quite a bit more nimble, he may have succeeded. Alas, he had forgotten to stretch this morning...month...year. So, instead, Professor Snape continued his futile effort of ridding himself from his newly found 'attachment.'
A new wave of laughter broke out among the students. Tears flowed freely and people fell out of their chairs as Draco continued to smack the ever-living shit out of their giggling Professor.
"I'm sorry **Professor!**"
*SMACK*
"Stop this..." *Giggle* "...at ONCE!!"
*SMACK*
"GRANGER!" *SLAP* "SOMEBODY...stop him!"
*SMACK*
"I am TRYING to SAVE YOU!"
*SMACK*
"No..."
*SMACK*
"You're TRYING to KILL ME!!"
*SMACK*
"...**PROFESSOR!!!**..."
*Giggle* *SMACK*
"There's one!"
*SMACK*
"STOP!"
"But **Professor!**..."
*SMACKITY SMACK*
"I'm..." *Giggle* "...SERIOUS!"
Desperate, in pain, and without any other options available, Severus heaved his student into the wall...knocking him out cold. A gasp echoed throughout the classroom...directly followed by silence. The urge to laugh left with Draco's consciousness.
Pleadingly, Severus looked to his students.
"I...I had to..."
Completely out of character, obviously due to the extraneous circumstances, Snape's eyes met Hermione's...almost as if he was looking for an affirmation for his actions. Startled by her Professor's gaze, Hermione quickly answered...
"Of course, Sir. You had to. There's no **Question**..."
Hermione winced as Draco eased out of unconsciousness just long enough to respond...
"I...I'm afraid of my father..."
...before quickly slipping back in.
Severus looked down at the crumpled mess he had made of the boy, gingerly picked him up, and looked at the class.
"Dismissed."
And with that, he carried the unconscious Slytherin out of the room...leaving a concerned class behind him.
~*~
No one dared to speak as the class quietly picked up their things and made for the hallway. Thankfully, the foreboding atmosphere dissipated as the three Gryffindors made their way out of the dungeon. It was quite a few minutes before anyone spoke. Not surprisingly, it was Ron.
"That went well."
Hermione spun around on him. "NO Ron, it didn't."
"We didn't plan for Snape to knock him unconscious!" He retorted defensively. "It was an accident."
Harry had stopped walking. "I mean...we didn't know...we didn't mean for it to go that far."
"Well..." Ron turned red. "I HAD hoped Snape would take points away..."
"I don't think any of us wanted Malfoy to get hurt...just embarrassed." Hermione kept her eyes to the floor. "I know I did."
"Yeah."
"Me too."
The three friends looked to each other for forgiveness, knowing full well the real person they should be asking was lying unconscious in the Infirmary. However, no matter how horrible they felt, they also knew that none of them ever would.
"What are we doing?" Harry's voice rose a bit. "Malfoy deserved most of what he got. Ron's right. It was an accident. Besides, he WOULDN'T feel bad if the roles had been reversed..." His eyes met Hermione's. "You know that."
"True..."
"...Yeah..." Ron's tone had lifted. "I'm kind of surprised the slimy git hadn't thought of it first."
They all laughed at that. The dark cloud that had settled on the trio was lifting, and the forgiveness they had been seeking suddenly felt unimportant.
Harry started walking again. "What class do we have next?"
Hermione thought for a second. "Charms..."
~Pause~
"...with Professor Flitwick."
~Dramatic Pause~
Ron and Harry looked at each other. Then to Hermione, who was covering her mouth...concealing a grin. A few throaty snorts escaped as they walked down the hall.
They only made it a couple of feet before bursting out in fits of laughter.
Perhaps it hadn't been that bad, after all.
~*~
WHEW! I had a really good time writing this chapter. I hope you had as much fun reading it! It's not every day that I laugh at my own work...for the right reasons. Let me know what you think! Review!! And stay tuned for the next chapter! Harry still hasn't made use of his own **suggestion**...
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA