Thirty One: Sherlink Holmes

(Author's foreword: Just to continue my pattern of breaking out from this story's norms, this chapter and the next are both told from first person, mostly from Link's point of view. Didn't want any confusion! )

Possibly the last place on the whole stupid planet of Earth that I wanted to go was the place that I was going to. Peachy, huh?

So good old Mom came in and woke me up at like six, telling me that I needed to pack. I told her to go away because I was still sulking, but she made this huge thing out of it like she always does and said, well, you can just sulk while you pack then. And then she pulled me out of bed and shoved me in the general direction of my closet, only there was a couch in the way and I sort of fell over. Then she left and I sat there being mad for a few minutes, thinking that maybe I should just hide under my bed so that I wouldn't have to go to Zelda's stupid house, but then I realized that there isn't any space under my bed. That's, like, the gravitational trash dump for the whole universe, and then some.

So I took Mom's advice and sulked while I packed. I definitely did not take any of the shirts or boxers that Zelda gave me. Right now, I didn't want to be reminded of her at all. Fun fact, though: we were living in the same house, and I was preparing to go live in her monster mansion that made my own pretty-well-to-do home look like an itty bitty shack. I mean, honestly. I'd be surprised if Bill Gates had a bigger house. Probably not. Zelda's house is, like, huge. And I'm talking huge. Think resort huge. Yeah. That's Zelda's house.

Where was I? Oh, yes, packing before the big exciting trip. Like I said, none of the shirts or boxers that Zelda bought me for my birthday. I did, however, pack every green shirt I could find, which wasn't too difficult because most of my shirts are green.

Green's my favorite color, you know.

And after the shirts I packed pants and socks and boxers and toothpaste and stuff, and then on a whim I threw my Gamecube into the mix. I had to have something to keep me company over the break, and Starfox just might do it.

Damn that Zelda.

I mean, it's not like I did anything wrong. I just kissed her. And she flipped out like I'd hit the "initiate apocalypse" switch. And it wasn't like she hadn't been giving me the signals. She'd been giving me the signals forever. Kind of. Actually, it was just because I'd been reading her journal that I'd known she liked me, and also from talking to Malon a little. Not too much, mind you. Couldn't have her royal snotness think that I might be going behind her back.

And then she wouldn't even tell me what was wrong! And there was nothing, absolutely nothing about it in her journal. I mean, maybe the reason has something to do with why she seems constantly disoriented lately, like somebody picked her up and took her to planet paranoia for a couple of years and then dropped her back in her shoes with no time elapsing on boring little earth. She, like…

I don't know. I should just stop ragging on her right here and right now, I told myself as I packed.

…but she could be so infuriating!

After I finished packing, I went and showered and changed and grabbed my suitcase and sulked around downstairs in the kitchen. I ate some stuff, um, I think maybe some pop tarts and a bowl of lucky charms, because that's usually what I eat for breakfast anyway, and then went and hid in the living room until other signs of life began to emerge.

The girls (and by girls I mean Jayda) ran practically screaming with glee down the stairs. Jayda loves Zelda's house. Jayda loves Zelda. I swear, Jayda practically idolizes Zelda and spends all her free time hanging around Zelda, and Zelda's just like, aw, aren't you cute? Help me paint my toenails. This color is ultramarine and this color is cyan, do you see the difference? If you're going to be a rich famous brat like me someday, you need to know. It's disgusting, honestly. And Jayda just laps it all up, like, oh, Zelda, you're so great, I want to be just like you and stomp all over men's hearts someday, and Zelda just laughs and says "it's not that hard."

Women. Honestly.

Oh, yeah, Saria came down the stairs right about then too, looking all sleepy. She sort of stumbled into the kitchen, grabbed a pop tart, and then walked out of the kitchen, staggering in a zig zag line. She made a demented beeline for me sitting on the couch and crawled into my lap and began to sleepily munch on her pop tart with a faint "'morning, Link." Then she fell asleep on my chest with the pop tart half in her mouth.

At least Saria still likes me.

So I sat there with Saria in my lap for a while, poor kid was exhausted. Then Mom said it was time to go, so I picked her up and leaned her over my shoulder, and carried her out to the car. As I walked by, Zelda shot me this look... I don't know what it was. This soft sad expression, even though she was smiling. It sort of hit me then that maybe she wasn't distancing us because she wanted to be distanced, but because she was afraid, or because there was something else in the way.

And that was when my brain kicked in and told me that I was being stupid.

I acted like everything was normal, though- I nodded at her and gave her a smile in return as I carried Saria out the door and to the car, then carefully slid her into her seat and buckling her seat belt over her. That was no small feat, either, believe you me- try buckling in a ten year old kid with a lolling head and you'll see just how easy it's not. But like a good big brother, I got Saria strapped in nice and safe (she was still clutching to her pop tart, too) and then let Jayda into her seat. Again, I was stuck riding with Zelda, but at least I had my MP3 player and a heavy craving to listen to Ground Control to Major Tom, possibly one of the most depressing songs ever. Which was, of course, a very good thing.

So I got myself nice and strapped into the backseat of the good old wrangler, plugged my ears, and spent the two hour car ride staring at anything but the back of Zelda's head.

A kind of strange thing happened with Zelda, actually. She just vanished after the little beach incident. It was weird. I mean, she was obviously avoiding me, that much is clear- why else would she go to school at 7:15 in the morning? But then I saw her during the day and her hand was all bandaged up. And as she's like the high school queen, everybody knows everything about her and word circulates fast. Oh, believe me, she doesn't know it, but she's like every guy's dream girl and every girl wants to be her. Things weren't really like that before Volvagia became the big thing- at least, they weren't as intense. But people have always watched her, I don't know if she knows it. She's just got this complete air around her… it's intoxicating. And intriguing. So word about her circulates fast, all underground like. I wanted to know what was wrong with her, and I knew I could ask pretty much anybody, so I pulled over Tael since I knew he would know the truth since he and Zelda only talk all the time, and asked him what happened to her hand, and he was surprised I didn't know since we lived in the same house and all. I informed him that I overslept and missed Zelda before she left in the morning, and Tael got this "oh" sort of look on his face.

"She strained her hand practicing bass," Tael stated. "She couldn't sleep last night- she was upset about something but nobody knows what- and so she played bass all night and it was too much stress for the scar tissue and it pretty much exploded."

Now I knew this was a lie, because I can always hear it when Zelda is practicing bass, even if she isn't wired up to her amp. But Zelda's really weird when it comes to that scar, and she wouldn't tell me how she got it. And it hasn't always been there, either- it appeared around Christmas, when she got really sick. She said something about how it happens to the other women in her family, but Audrey…

I don't even know where I'm going with this.

Whatever. Back to the car. As wee were driving along, I pondered the meaning of Life, The Universe, and Zelda. Kind of. Going back to her house reminded me that she wasn't a member of our family at all- she was the daughter of Dad's boss. I mean, not that The Old Man (as Sheik got me calling him) was just Dad's boss- apparently, they were quite the chums back in their college days. When The Old Man's company was still pretty small, Dad got let go by the people he was working with at the time, and went and worked with The Old Man as an overseer. Then the company got bigger and bigger, and Dad moved out to a new subdivision of the company in a new city, to, you know, to oversee and everything, and The Old Man stayed in Napa at his base of operations, and they sort of kept in touch, kind of, but got to being a little more distant. The Old Man paid Dad well, of course, but it was nothing compared to his own salary- but then again The Old Man was the CEO. Dad didn't care about his salary, though. He was making more than he'd ever hoped to make, and so he was happy. He even went to The Old Man's wedding to Zelda's Mom: "really nice woman," Dad told me. "I'm not ashamed to say that I wept when I found out she'd died." They hadn't talked or seen each other for ages, though- practically since the wedding. Zelda's mom and dad didn't go to Mom and Dad's wedding, though- Dad and Mom had a very small private wedding for family only anyway, and it was just as well: The Old Man and his little woman were overseas off and on for nearly three years, traveling the world setting up new "bases" for The Old Man's business. But then they found out about Zelda and came back, and Mom and Dad adopted me a few months before Zelda was born and her mom died, and apparently Mom and Dad went to the funeral. And- get this- Mom offered The Old Man her sympathies, and Dad said they were terribly sorry they'd lost touch, and The Old Man said it's okay, I've been gone a long time anyhow. But then, and this is the killer, he asked Mom and Dad to be Zelda's godparents and to take Zelda if something should happen to him as well. And of course, they agreed. After that, nearly seventeen years passed with little contact- oh, Christmas cards, of course, and Dad would occasionally go up and visit him, but rarely, and then one day, bada boom bada bang, The Old Man calls and tells Mom and Dad that he can't manage Zelda and that she's in dire need of a mother's touch, and Mom says oh, well, send her on down then! And that's why the ocean is blue. Actually, not really. That's just how I happened to meet the girl of my dreams, and get painfully rejected by her. Argh.

A boring two hours more of pondering over "why the ocean is blue", we pulled up in front of those huge gates that keep Zelda's house totally isolated from the like 200 acres around it in either direction. Whatever. Zelda was being all weird, just like she was at Christmas, like she's the queen and we're her servants, sort of, or at least that was how she came across when she spoke into the intercom that we were there, and the gates opened and we drove in and a chauffeur took the cars after we pulled up under the huge portico in front of the house. And of course, those damn dogs tried to attack us again, but Zelda was totally cool about it.

"Julius! House! Isaac, House! Down, Epiphany, down! House, now. Go." She whistled through her teeth and the dogs slunk away with their tails between their legs as she made a face and wiped dog slobber off of her.

I feel for you, guys, I thought. She's completely cold hearted and commanding when she has to be, or even wants to be. A word of warning to every living being on the planet: never ever cross Zelda Harkinian.

If there's something I hate, it's stepping into Zelda's house. It can make someone feel so small and unimportant. First there's these huge crystal doors that you have to push through to get in, and then it's just like you've walked into this big marble and glass cave. The place screams money, and, to quote Ferris Bueler, it's like a museum: very beautiful, very cold, and you can't touch anything.

"You'll be in the same rooms as last time," Zelda stated, looking at the staircase with an unreadable expression on her face. "Do you need a refresher tour?"

"We're fine," Dad said, looking around. Then he smiled at Zelda and said, "you don't have to play hostess to us, either. There's lots of time killers here, and we won't think the less of you if you go to take care of whatever business you might have here.

"Thanks." Zelda looked relieved. "Um, yeah. I'm sorry about this, but I need to go talk to Sheik." She began to hop up the stairs and then turned to us: "you remember what time lunch is, right?"

"We remember," Mom said, trying to subtly shake Saria awake. "Don't worry. You can leave us."

She was gone in a second.

"I'm going to go claim a TV," I stated, beginning up the staircase as well. "I brought my Gamecube."

"Link…" Mom looked disapproving, but sighed. She looked funny again… oh, that was right. She had her tattoos covered up with foundation.

"Mom, I really don't feel like… well, you know. So I'm going to go play some games."

"Right, Link. Go on, then."

I dashed up the stairs then too, with the intent of going all the way up to the fourth floor. See, Zelda's house is a little weird, but also a bit understandable. First floor is pretty formal. Second and third are rooms, and then the fourth floor is pretty much recreation. They have a game room up there, and some pool tables and stuff- Zelda told me last time we were here that she would spend a lot of time up there. There was also the gardens and the pool if I got bored, too, but for right now I wanted to play Starfox.

I was about halfway up the stairs between the second and the third floor when I heard a muffled exclamation from below that could only be Zelda. See, it's easy to tell that she's musical- whenever she speaks it's like she's singing, and even when she's angry or whatever her voice is one of the prettiest sounds I've ever heard. So I crept back down to the second floor and tiptoed to where I'd heard the sound from- pretty close to her room, actually. But it wasn't her room, or Audrey's room, or even her dead mom's room, it was Sheik's room, just like she'd said- I was able to tell because there was a giant cardboard sign that said "FORTRESS OF SOLIDITY", which sounds very much like Sheik. So I sat down next to the door and hoped that nobody would come along, and listened.

"What do you mean, he's here? Didn't you try to scare him away? Didn't you TELL my dad not to invite him?"

"Yo, I fought tooth and nail and all, but he wouldn't listen. I even told him what happened and stuff but the old man just laughed and said good, it's about time you started to be involved with boys, and I told him he'd got it all wrong but he just told me that there was no way he could withdraw the invitation, so we're out of luck, Zel."

"I can't believe this. Errrrgh." Wow. Zelda did NOT sound happy.

"Dude, Zel, just chill. You can avoid him. This house is big enough. Maybe."

"Not if he's been poking around like you said he has been. Ugh, why did he have to come? And now, of all times."

"Yeah…. So are you going to tell me what happened?"

"No," Zelda replied snappily. "I'm not, because what did happen is strictly between him and myself."

"Sheesh, Zelda, you're such a confidential person. …no, wait, stop crying! I'm sorry! If there's anything I can do…"

She was sobbing so hard she was having trouble breathing, I could hear it through the door. My heart twisted itself inside out in my ribcage, and I nearly dove into the room then and there. Hell, I thought to myself, who was I kidding? Sure, I'd been rejected, sure, my ego had only taken a ginormous blow, but I didn't hate her for it. I wasn't even angry. Just hurting inside, badly, sick from all the unrequited feelings pumping through my bloodstream, and I'd do anything to fix that.

"Why, Sheik?" I heard her choke out, just barely, bringing a whole new level to the meaning of the word "torment" in my mind. "Why us? Why Link? Why can't things be simple?"

Me? She was crying over me? I thought she was crying over whoever it was that was here that she was upset over. Who was here, anyway? Probably that Sterling jerk. Ergh…. But why was she crying over me? I was the one who had been rejected, after all.

"I don't know, Zelda. I wish that I did."

Sickened, I crept away from the door. I didn't want to hear anymore- I didn't know what Zelda was talking about, and I was positive that she wasn't in love with Sheik, so whatever it was keeping her from me must be bad.

One thing was for certain: I was most certainly not in the mood to play Gamecube.

I crawled to my room and heaved myself onto the bed, belly down, and just laid there staring at the wall.

There was always the possibility, I thought, that I could confront Zelda, but that would be no good. It would probably just upset her all over again and then she'd run, of course, and all my hopes would be dashed like ocean waves on the rocks. So no- obviously, confronting her would be a very, very bad idea.

No way could I go to Sheik, either- the guy was obviously Zelda's closest confidant, closer even than Malon. I didn't know what bond Zelda and Sheik shared, but obviously it ran far deeper than flesh or superficial ties. But Zelda and Sheik weren't in love, I was pretty sure, right?

Hmm….

So with outright confrontations scratched off my list, I thought of more devious ways to figure out what was wrong- but Zelda's journal had been almost empty since our disastrous Christmas break, and I didn't know Sheik well enough yet to know where to look for any log he might have. Come to think of it, though, I wouldn't want to read his log anyway- it might be mentally scarring forever, knowing his attention deficit and wholly surrealist view of the world. So that scratched out espionage as well.

Think, Link, think. It's not rocket science, it's what goes on in Zelda's head, which isn't quite as complicated… mostly…

Wait a second.

If I couldn't get into Zelda's head through either herself or Sheik, and there were no other volunteers, I might want to look back before looking forwards. After all, this crazy stuff with Zelda having a lack of a simple life was probably not her creation, wholly, and I had no way to get into her Dad's head, so…

Right. I was going to infiltrate Zelda's mother's room.

….what was I, crazy? I was going to go into a dead woman's room and poke around her things, and, moreover, she was Zelda's mother. Her mother! To do something that stupid would be like calling a herd of rabid demon chickens down on one's soul. It was simply a terrible horrible death wish.

The same words were still floating through my head fifteen hours later, when, under the guise of a shadow at 1:30 in the morning, I crept into Zelda's mother's room under the cover of night. It was a little creepy, I'll admit, but part of me liked the thrill that came with it. If there was a ghost or something lurking around, I could so take it on.

I turned around and locked the door after I entered, and then groped along the walls for the light switch. I found a small key, like the kind associated with gas lamps, and turned it.

The room flooded with light.

Holy hell, I thought. The place looked like something out of the palace of Versailles, except not- it was superbly regal, but simple at the same time. And good god, it looked like Zelda's mom had just stepped out for a drink and would be back in shortly. The place was perfect, not all dust and cobwebs like I'd thought it would be.

I cast my eyes around the room for a clue- the brush on the mahogany dresser still had a few wisps of curly blond hair caught between the teeth. A silken kimono was hanging on a hook on one wall, a soft shade of cherry blossom pink. I walked to it, inspecting it carefully- it had the faintest smell on it that must have belonged to Zelda's mother, the scent of springtime breezes, and atop it, Zelda's more familiar rose aura. She must come in here a lot, I thought to myself.

My eyes fell upon the quilt that covered the bed, and for a moment, I had to stop and just stare. It was like a tapestry done in squares, a scrambled mosaic that needed to be sorted, full of midnight blues and sunshine yellows, ember reds and forest greens, colors of the daytime and the nighttime clashing, screaming to be unraveled. Carefully, I walked to the bed and turned up the quilt, not knowing why. Underneath, however, there was elegant scripted embroidery in silver thread:

Zelda XXI - 1838

Becky – 1858

Katie – 1892

Alice – 1923

Aileen – 1958

And then, underneath, in pink thread with slightly less elegant a hand:

Zelda XXII – 1988

I sat back, thinking. This was a little strange, but not wholly unexpected- apparently, Zelda's family had a habit of naming every fifth daughter or so Zelda. Hmm…

I pulled the quilt back a little more, and saw what I had not expected. Three giant triangles in shimmering gold were sewn in, part of a sort of crest. I thought hard for a moment. This looked oddly familiar…

Of course! Zelda's hand!

So this was pretty weird. One day, that thing randomly appeared on Zelda's hand, and she said it happened to the females in her family, and here it was on the back of the quilt. Except the thing on her hand didn't look much like a cut that she may have inflicted on herself- it was too neat. It was almost like a tattoo. But I knew for a fact that she hadn't gotten a tattoo when it appeared, so…

Carefully, I reached out a hand and traced the crest on the quilt, the two spread wings of the bird, and then slowly but surely, I ran a finger along the lines of the three triangles. It was tingly, warm, a strange sensation I was sure I'd felt before but couldn't quite place.

And then the shock set in.

"Ow!" I jerked my hand back from the quilt, shaking it. A strange tingling sensation ran all over my left hand, through my veins and tendons, sparking along the back. It felt a lot like all the times that Zelda had shocked me. Wait a second. Wait just a darn second.

"Something very weird is going on here," I muttered to myself. Carefully, I touched one of the golden threads. A strange sensation flowed through me as I did so, something warm that I knew well. It was like touching Zelda.

Slowly, I pulled my hand away. The strangest feeling entered me then… a terrible, horrible longing. I had to see her. Carefully, I remade the bed, casting a long last look around at the room before I left, turning the light switch and unlocking the door, carefully creeping out.

I slowly made my short way down the hall to Zelda's room. There was light streaming under the door- she was still awake? She'd seemed so tired today…

I knocked softly. "Zelda?" No reply came- there was no sound within. Only following the urgent birdsong in my blood, I carefully, quietly entered.

She was sitting in that bed of hers, propped up against some pillows, eyes closed. Gods, she was beautiful. "Zelda?" I tried again. She didn't move, didn't stir. Cautiously, I crept forward to sit beside her.

"Zelda?"

The first thing I noticed was that her breath was very faint. It was almost impossible to tell, in fact, that she was breathing at all, except that her chest was just barely rising and falling. Was… was something wrong? Was she ill?

There was a peaceful expression on her face. Half afraid that she would shatter, I reached out two fingers and gently touched her cheek. "Zelda?"

When my skin made contact with hers it was as though I'd been hit by a train. A thousand bright images flashed through my head too fast to identify, a thousand sensations and emotions. I jerked back as things ran through my head, certain images repeating- a beautiful courtyard, stone walls and polished floors, and the face of one woman over and over again. My heart was hammering in my chest as I struggled to catch my breath- what had just happened?

My head hurt and I was suddenly very dizzy. There was definitely something strange now, I was certain, something bizarre and inexplicable that even now I wasn't sure how deep it ran. But the random shocks between the two of us, the comforter, the back of her hand, and now this…

I was going to find out what was wrong with Zelda, even if I had to swim to the bottom of the deepest oceans to do so. I would do it even if it killed me. I wouldn't rest until I knew what was wrong with Zelda, and somehow rescued her from it, fixed it, saved her so that she would at least be able to lead a life of love and happiness. No. I would not rest until her dilemma was cured.

And that, I am ashamed to say, was when I passed out.

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