Thirty three point nine nine flying cheese FORMATTING PROBLEM

I AM SO SORRY, EVERYBODY. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY IT DID THAT! FORGIVE MEEEEEE ;;

Before we get started on this week's fantabulous chapter, I, Sheik, will answer a few questions, posed by several lovely reviewers.

For Lem04, who asked, "who has the triforce of power?": bacon'd.

For SakuraLuna who asked, "what flavor of lollipop do you want?": I'd like a grass, sharpie, or Nyquil flavored lollipop, thanks. For Dragoonknight, who wanted bacon and a lollipop: bacon'd.

For the hero of time 2005, who wrote a small paragraph- "question #1.What is the meaning of life? #2.What happened to Amelia Air Heart and #3.Is there a lock on your trunk? Tell me all knowing Sheik of the Sheikah! Also is Link gonna beat the living daylights out of the stalker or Sterling? Ok now the review, wait can I even review this if this doesn't really have to do with the story?" I write you a small paragraph in return! Question #1- forty two. Question #2- she went to the dark side of the moon to become Elvis' lover. Question #3- potatoes. For the Link question, the answer is yes. For that last question, you have obviously answered it yourself.

For Silverpistola, who brought me an abundance of watermelon flavored lollipops: fifty thousand cosmic karma points to you!

For Dragons Kitty, who asked, "Are you always this funny?", the answer is yes, of course I am. How could I not be, with the copious wits that the gods have bestowed upon me?

For FrizzMedusa, who asked "when does book II come out?": book two is already out. You're reading it. Book I ended at new year's, and book II started at valentine's day. Remember? ) I suppose that my charm is just baffling and makes silly minute details like these vanish from the minds of even the most profound reader.

DING DING, WE HAVE AN AMAZING QUESTION FROM MORIC, WHO ASKED, "what happend to the other half of the orcarina zelda has just one half could it be the link to destroy the curse?" EVERYBODY needs to pay attention to this one, because I'm not explaining it again. That means you, person who is just scrolling down to get to the actual update. Yes, you. Stop. Read this. In answer to your question, Moric- Zelda told Link the story of the Hero of Time and Queen Zelda. Now, if we don't recall (or possibly skipped over that part because you thought you'd read it all before), Link, Hero of Time, was angered when he returned to Hyrule to find the princess married, so he bashed the Ocarina of Time in half, gave part to Zelda, and kept the other part himself, saying that she could find him when she was ready to fix her mistakes. The hero had been promised the princess' hand, you see, and had vowed to one day return for it. But Zelda was made to wed, and the whole thing got all messy. Now, when Link broke the holy relic in his fury, it called the attention of the goddesses, who had sort of been zoning out for a while and weren't supposed to let that happen. When they saw what Link had done, they got mad at both Link and Zelda and knew the two had to be united somehow. So here's the thing- when a Link and a Zelda fall in love, the love is doomed to fail, unless the Ocarina can be made whole. The Ocarina is key in the cycle of balance and power, you see. Now, I'm not saying where the other half of the Ocarina is, but I will say this: the other half of the Ocarina will be appearing soon. And that's all I can tell you without stepping outside the boundary of the question or giving something away. Possibly another well-placed question will reveal more… but we'll see!

To Lurelee, who asked, "the bacon and fried egg... will you throw in some ketchup too? And possibly a couple off sausages and a cup of tea?": bacon'd, egg'd, ketchup'd, sausage'd, tea'd, and moldy cereal'd.

To Siren of Chaos, who asked to hear the story of my great ordeal with termites, and also asked who the man and woman from the dream are: I do in fact know who the man and the woman from the dream are. You will too, soon, but I won't tell you anything else. And the tale of my ordeal with the termites is far too fearsome for one so delicate a flower as yourself. I assure you, sweet Siren, you, oh precious innocent, are better off not knowing the cruelties of cosmic secrets.

Now that all that is done with, I will stand on my soap box only a moment longer, just for a brief explanation. There was nothing more to add to chapter number thirty three. If you truly wish to know what happened after Link and Zelda played wet huggy thingy in the garden and wound up lying in the dirt, I will improvise an ending to this chapter on the spot, and pull something out of the next chapter just to make everything all nice and tidy. Enjoy your reading, and I'll see you next chapter. Hooray!

-End Sheik

"You're beautiful even when you're wet and angry."

"Shut up, Link." Though her words were vicious, she smiled nonetheless. And she closed her eyes, breathing in deeply, content to lie next to her best friend in the dirt of her mother's garden.

After a time, Zelda rolled over onto her stomach, looking at Link.

"You go in first," she said to him, poking his arm and jerking him out of a contented snooze. "I'll wait a few minutes and follow."

"Why the bother?" he asked, opening his bright blue eyes slowly and fixating them on her. "Why not go in together?"

"People will say things if we walk in together, tousled, covered in dirt and mud, with me in a swimsuit." Zelda bit back a snort of laughter as his eyes widened at realization of her meaning, and he scrambled up, dusting himself off and attempting (in vain) to make himself presentable.

"I'll see you in a few minutes, then?" he asked as he began to leave the garden. Zelda nodded, smiling, and Link turned his back and walked away. Zelda rolled back over, flopping onto her back and staring up at the sky, thinking to herself about Link and the impossible situation she was stuck in with him- couldn't live with him, couldn't live without him.

Face it, girl, she heard Malon's voice saying to her in her head. You're hopelessly in love.

"Shut up, Malon," Zelda grumbled to a particularly cheerful flower, and then, deciding that she'd waited long enough for Link, stood and left the garden. By the pool, she stopped, picking up her forgotten copy of Poisonwood Bible, and then sauntered inside and up to her room to get cleaned up. Luckily, she met nobody on her way up- it was almost as though the house had been deserted. Shrugging to herself, Zelda hopped up the stairs and meandered to her room, turning and locking the door behind her as she entered. She heard the softest rustle and turned, only to be met face to face with Impa, though she could have sworn that her room had been empty moments before.

"Ack!" She stumbled backwards, whacking her back into the door and blinking in surprise. Impa stepped back, grinning, and took a look at Zelda.

"You look a royal mess."

"I'll take that as a compliment." Heart still beating ungodly fast, Zelda flicked a strand of hair from her eyes and took a few deep breaths, calming herself down. "You frightened me."

"Good," Impa stated. "You need to be kept on your toes."

"On my toes? On my toes for what?" Zelda searched Impa's face, which was carefully guarded, and waited for the reply that never came. After a while, Impa spoke.

"Your father has sent all the guests away, and we will be leaving tomorrow."

"What? Why? Tomorrow?" Zelda was confused- Richard Harkinian had never done anything like this before, never in her memory.

"A new, sharp young man has just joined your father's board in the company. Strong, rich, and ruthless, this man is giving your father a run for his money. He has only been on for a month, but your father is going to take a vacation for a while, and wants his house empty for a time."

"This doesn't sound good. Dad owns the company, though, and holds most of the stocks, and even if Dad is pushed off of the board somehow, our future is financially secure. What's the worry?"

Impa's lips curved into a frown. "It's not a matter of your father losing his job," she stated. "This man is incredibly charismatic and wants to take the company in a new direction- and has managed to get most of the men on the board to agree. As it is, only your father stands in his way."

Zelda felt the faintest chill in her body that had nothing to do with the wetness of water and mud on her skin. "Stands in the way of what?" Zelda asked uncertainly.Impa looked down, and then looked back up again, her eyes filled with terrible truth.

"Harkinian Industries becoming a major lethal weapons manufacturer and genetic researcher."

Zelda was feeling definitely cold as Impa spoke. "What's this man's name?"

Impa sighed. "You won't like it, but believe me, he's no major danger to us yet. He still isn't whole. But he is slowly becoming manifest."

"Impa," Zelda began again, fear uncoiling in her stomach. "The name. Tell me his name."

Impa closed her eyes regretfully as she spoke. "Ganondorf Dragmire."

Uploaded: Saturday, July 16, 2005

Roughly 7:45 IN THE MORNING

A/N: Okay, I am not going to be able to update until Monday, I think… hope? Knock on wood. knocks on desk Show of hands- who has already bought AND read the next Harry Potter book? I went to the midnight release party, got in line super early, got like the tenth copy my store sold, and went home and read straight through the night. Yeah. I'm a junkie. Okay, so how many of you did that? And another show of hands, who cried? Yep, bawling right here. Or as close to bawling as I ever get, anyhow. IT WAS SO GOOD AND SO SAD, OH MY GOSH. Send me a box of Kleenexes, please!

To skip around (because I'm nice and delirious), I do believe that I am going to inform you that I am 1) listening to Bohemian Rhapsody right now, and 2) going to go on a writing spree. So I may or may not be updating again this afternoon, I dunno, depends on writers block, level of coherence, so on and so forth… but if one doesn't come later (and don't hold your breath) then expect it on Monday. I WILL update this time, honestly. I promise!

Later.

OH AND P.S. IF THIS CHAPTER SUCKS I'M SORRY I AM TIRED SO DEAL WITH IT.