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Ch. 19 Hard To Say
Carly laid on the bed, cluthcing the soft pillow tights against her aching heart. It happened again. She'd given her heart and soul to him completely and once again she was left with tears rolling down her face. What else did she expect? She said herself that each attempt at their relationship was a disaster. So why did she even try? Simple, because she loved him. God forgiver her, she loved him with everything she was. But for now, she couldn't stand to look at him.
The singer finished singing and she's walking on
The singer sheds a tear, her fear of falling out
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by, and I cried
He held the photograph in his hand. Envying the figures in it. For they were blessed with the ability to remain happy forever. Pictures don't feel pain or betrayal or loss. They were just a perfect second in time, and they got to remain in that perfection for eternity. The picture; him, her and their beautiful sons. It felt so far away, and yet so close. He knew what would happen if the baby was his. She would leave. She would take their boys and leave; for good. He would be empty again. He couldn't go back to that.
It's hard to say that i was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone, it's not that same
He climbed the stairs, slowly and quietly, until he was outside the door to the bedroom. The bedroom that used to be their bedroom. He lifted his fist to knock, but found himself just allowing it to hover in the air. Sonny fought himself, but found he was unable to knock. He pumped his fists up and down, not knowing what to do, before finally placing it on the doorknob. Silently, he pushed the door open a crack. The crack was all it took for the heartwrenching sound of her sobs to reach his earss. With his heart breaking, he closed the door.
My worries weigh the world how I used to be
And everything, I'm cold, seems a plague in me
And it's hard to say how I feel today
For years gone by, and I cried
She laid in his arms, feeling the love emitting from them. It felt great to be back in those arms. Courtney never imagined it would, much less could, happen again. Now that it was happening, she knew it was too good to last. Like something was just waiting around the corner to ambush the peace and happiness. Because it was.
It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone it's not the same.
It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone it's not the same
Careful not to wake him, Courtney moved his arm and slipped out of bed. She looked at him briefly as he slept. She always thought that people looked innocent when they slept. The most viscious person could look completely pure when they dreamt. She walked to the window, taking it in for the millionth time. The rain had stopped, but she knew that the real storm was waiting. It was killing her, keeping everything to herself. Especially from Jason.
Worse than I fear , it's the lie you've told a thousand times before
Worse than I fear , it's the knife
But it's hard to say how I feel today
For year's gone by, and I cried
He could tell she was gone. The bed immediately lost all warmth. Jason opened his eyes and found her immediately, right where he's suspected. Another trait she shared with her brother, always looking out a window when in thought. No doubt about what was bothering her; Ric. Even dead he was still hurting his family. Jason couldn't help but think that maybe if he'd kept a cooler head that night; if he'd let her explain instead of turning to those damned papers, maybe none of this would have happened. It was too late now to think about that. Shaking his head, he saw her turn back to him. Jason said nothing, but pulled down the covers for her. She climbed back in and he wrapped his arms tight around her. Never wanting to let go.
It's hard to say that I was wrong
It's hard to say I miss you
Since you've been gone it's not the same
It's hard to say I held my tongue
It's hard to say if only
Since you've been gone it's not the same
It's hard to say, God it's hard to say
Why is it hard to say?
Since you've been gone, I'm not the same
Song Credits: The Used, "Hard To Say"