A/N: sadly i let it happen again...i let my posts on LN get ahead of my posts here...so ONCE AGAIN, i'm playing catch up.

Ch. 32 One Step Away From Down

The blue eyed man walked down the familiar hallway, noticing how little it had changed since he'd been there last. He stopped in front of the door that held back so many memories. He inserted the key that was freshly removed from it's hiding place into the lock. His breath hitched when he heard the click of the door unlocking and tenderly turned the knob. He took a deep breath, realizing that all that separated him from a flood of memories was the slightest nudge against the wood.

Not putting it off any longer, Jason softly pushed the door until it opened completely. Before he could even enter, the images and sounds of the past hit him like a speeding train. He saw her sitting at the couch, scribbling her thoughts into her journal before looking up to see him. The beaming smile that came to her face lifted his heart and she raised from her seat and ran into his arms. It felt great to hold her again. To hear her laugh as he spun her around. Then it was gone.

As real as it had felt, he knew it was only his imagination. It faded away and he saw what was actually in front of him. To his dismay, it wasn't the warm, welcoming place he remembered. The empty loft was not warm and far from welcoming. Trash and containers of half eaten food belonging to the various take-outs of the city lay atop any and every flat surface of the apartment. The unfinished meals explained her noticed weight loss.

Jason was shocked by the condition of his surroundings. Courtney had always been more or less a clean person. Not a neat freak, but she kept things organized. Jason walked farther into the loft. His blue eyes roamed the trashed room as his hand went through his hair. He turned in a complete circle trying to take it all in. The toe of his boot bumped something on the floor that made a clinking noise. He knelt down and picked up the empty bottle, recognizing it immediately. Jason sighed, noticing it wasn't the only one of it's kind in the place.

The last time he'd been there was when he came and declared that he wanted to spend his life with her. The change since then was tremendous. Why hadn't he seen how hard she'd fallen? He was too caught up in his own angst to see what a bad way she was in. He brushed thoughts of regret away and began doing what he'd come to do. Not stopping once to dwell on the fact that he was spending his wedding night alone while his wife was in jail.

Justus sat in the hall outside the door, waiting. He'd tried to call his cousin's cell phone but it was going straight to voicemail. That meant it was either dead or off, and since Jason never turned his phone off, the man knew which of the options was correct. So he decided to simply wait for him. What they had to discuss was too important to wait until later as far as he was concerned.

The bell to the elevator rang and the doors opened, causing the young man to hop to his feet and look towards the compartment. He was surprised to see the man he'd been waiting for exit it carrying some boxes that appeared ready to overflow with their contents. Though confused, he went towards him and took one off his hands before it could fall.

"Thanks." he heard him say before following him into the penthouse and setting down the cardboard box.

"No problem." he answered. "What is this?"

"Some of Courtney's stuff from the loft." he informed, looking over what he was able to bring in one trip. "Thought I'd bring it over, you know, so the place is ready when she comes home."

"Home?" he repeated. "I didn't know you were moving in together again."

"Yeah. Yeah we are." he told him, not noticing the small smile that spread across his own face. "We, uh, we got married."

"Oh." Justus responded surprised by the news. "Well, congratulations I guess. I'm assuming the reason it happened so quickly was to keep from having to testify."

"That's one reason." he answered, then cleared his throat and looked cautiously at the lawyer. "You came here to talk about the case, right?"

"Right." he answered, trying to decide the best way to approach it.

"What is it?" he asked, seeing the look on his face.

"Well, I spoke to Courtney earlier." he started to explain.

"And?"

"And it went well. You know, she was actually speaking to me, for one. That's a step up from where we've been." he said, starting with the good news. "She was opening up a bit about it, answering questions."

"Ok." Jason said, nodding. "That's good. I mean, now you can help her."

"Yeah it's good Jason, but that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." he informed and took a deep breath preparing to tell the listening man the details of their discussion. "When I asked her if it was self defense, she stopped."

"Stopped?" he repeated as a question getting a nod from the man before him.

"She tried to brush me off so I reached out to get her to focus." he explained, as Jason nodded to say he understood. "But as soon as I touched her, it was like she went on high alert."

"What are you saying, Justus?" he asked, unhappy with where he thought he was going.

"I'm saying…" he began, trying to voice his thought as gently as possible. "I'm saying I think Ric did something."

"To her, you mean."

"Yeah." he nodded. "And I asked her if he did."

"What did she say?" Jason asked, getting increasingly disturbed by the conversation.

"Nothing. She just ignored the question and me." he explained. " I hate to say it, but it looks like I'm right."

Jason felt himself lower to the cushions of the couch. He rested his chin on his folded hands and attempted to take in the information Justus brought to him.

"You're saying…" he began and quickly hopped back to his feet with a surge of adrenaline. "No. No, you're wrong."

"Jason, I wish I was. But I really don't think so."

"No, what you're implying-" he started, feeling his control slip away. He was hardly able to form a complete thought. "No. Not her; not Courtney. She wouldn't let that happen to her. She would-"

"Defend herself?" Justus interrupted.

"Yes, but she would tell me." he informed. "She wouldn't keep something like this a secret and she definitely wouldn't go to jail for it. She would come to me."

"You just proved while she wouldn't." Justus said. Seeing the unknowing look on his relatives face caused him to elaborate. "Let it happen? That's probably how she'd look at herself right now. Thinking she let it happen, and my guess is she doesn't want to seem weak; to you especially."

"This-This is just a theory, Justus." he shouted.

"Jason, calm do-"

"You have no idea if Ric actually-" he stopped suddenly, unable to say the word. When he tried to keep going he found his voice was losing strength the more he thought about it. "if she was…you don't know."

"Did anything happen while you were away together that might point to it?" he questioned. "Strange behavior. You know maybe she had markings or bruises; anything that would indicate a struggle."

"She was distant. But that's understandable, right? Whole town thinks she's a murderer, her family abandoned her. You know, who wouldn't be upset by that?" he said, remembering there time on the island.

"Anything else?"

"I don't kn-" he began but halted as another memory came to him. Justus noticed and knew it was something.

"What? What is it?"

"There was once, she kind of panicked and said hew as outside. But when I looked no one was there." he explained.

"He? Ric?"

"I don't know!" he shouted frustrated.

"Look, I know you're upset about this, but you need to think." he replied forcefully.

"I am thinking!" he said. "I told you. Courtney wasn't acting like herself and no I didn't see any bruises, or-or scratches, or anything that said she was in a fight!"

"Stay calm."

"No. You can't come here with these assumptions and expect me to stay calm. What you can do is your job; and that's making sure Courtney gets to come home. So turn around and do what you have to do to get that done."

With a sigh, Justus turned to leave, knowing it was useless to try and calm the man. He knew coming to Jason with his thoughts risked facing his temper. But he figured he could get something helpful from him. Once he calmed down, he'd be able to talk to him.

When the door closed, Jason felt his gate open. Unable to control his temper, he grabbed the edge of his coffee table and lifted brutally. The wooden fixture overturned easily and Jason stood over it as it did little to help his rage.

His stormy eyes caught sight of his reflection in the mirror above the fireplace mantle. That was who he was furious with; himself. Furious for not being there for her every second as he'd promised. He stomped to the mirror and stared harshly at the person looking back at me. He raised his fist to smash the glass but stopped as he caught the image of the band on his finger in the mirror. Lowering his hand, he took in a shaky breath and sat back down on the couch.

Jason gazed at the symbolic accessory for a moment. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes while he used the fingers of his right hand to stroke the cool metal circle. Twirling the ring around his finger, he felt a warm tear escape the corner of his eye.

It couldn't be true.

Not his wife. Not his Courtney.