Ch. 44 Broken Hopes And Horoscopes

"She's in bed." Carly informed him as she came down the stairs.

Jason stood at the bottom of the steps, waiting as patiently as possible to be told what had happened. They came back from wherever they were and it was obvious that something was up. Courtney came in looking like she'd been hit by a bus and immediately allowed Carly, who looked barely better, to take her upstairs without saying a word or acknowledging anything. Walking like a zombie, in a sort of trance like state.

"What happened?"

"I'm not sure." she answered.

"You're not sure?" he asked irritated.

"That's right, I'm not sure." she repeated, her voice raising slightly. "Michael asked her to come out with us, and she did. We went to the park and, I don't know, something was bothering her about being there. We were leaving; next thing I knew she was on the ground."

Jason roughly tossed his hand through his spiked hair and began to quickly pace back and forth. He was trying to stay calm but hearing what she'd told him made Doing that extremely difficult. He found himself unable to keep his emotions under control. He threw his hands in the air as he turned back to Carly.

"Why weren't you more careful?" he said, his voice rising though he didn't want to disturb Courtney.

"Jason, I tried to get her to leave. She didn't want to disappoint Michael, ok? He feels horrible about it; it was when he grabbed her arm it triggered whatever it was. He's afraid it's his fault!" She spat back at him. "But you need to think about Courtney right now."

"I am, Carly!" he shouted, then quickly lowered his voice. "I'm trying to do right by her."

"Then look at the facts, Jason." she hissed. "When it was over, she told me "It happened here."

"What happened there?" he asked.

"I don't know! Ok? She didn't say anything else after that. But the fact of the matter is that she remembered something today. All I can tell you is that , by the effect I saw it had on her, it wasn't good."

She heard the door open as the shadows shifted at the light from the hallway as it entered. But she didn't turn towards it. She just stayed still and hoped he would believe she was asleep and leave. Keeping her breathing even to create the illusion of slumber, Courtney waited for him to close the door.

Even more so than she wished him to turn around and go, she wished she were actually asleep. Asleep she would not have been able to hear the muffled sound of the heated conversation that took place downstairs. About her, no doubt.

Finally, she heard the door creak slightly as it began to close and the streak of light that seeped in from the hall slowly diminished until completely gone and the room was dark once again. She was in the dark. The cold, lonely, confusing, emptiness of the dark. It was the place she was most familiar with. Simply because she knew she had never left it.

She'd been shrouded in darkness since she'd woken up in that damn hospital. The woman wanted to laugh at her stupidity. For thinking that she would be able to step out of it. To try and figure out who she used to be and how to be that person once again. She'd even felt close to it for a few moments. It was Jason.

The time she spent with him was the safest she could remember feeling. It seemed like she would be able to do whatever she wished as long as he was there with her. They kissed. A kiss in the rain. A kiss that made her feel complete with herself despite her enormous flaw.

However, After everything she'd been through, Courtney had come to believe that she needed to be that person for the people around her more than she needed it for herself. She needed to be Carly's friend, and Sonny's sister, and Michael's aunt. But most of all, she felt the need to be the woman that Jason loved.

Whoever she used to be or what ever type of life she used to live, that person was gone. The person that the blue eyed man was so deeply in love with didn't exist anymore.

Just like Robin said that night by the car.