Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z or any of its characters. Akira
Toriyama does. Britney fans beware. Nah, I'm not too mean to her.
Honest.
Vegeta, The Talk Show Host
I.
It was exactly two years following the battle with Kid Buu and his pure evil adult counterpart. Goku returned to his happy life of eating and training with Goten and Chi-Chi. Things were quite different for Vegeta however. Besides his job of listening to Bulma's nagging all day, He tried a different sort of job. Between his intense training and of course Bulma's nagging, he was approached by a small, annoying (at least to Vegeta) man who wanted to have him host a late night T.V. show.
"What do you want, Kakarrot." Yelled Vegeta before opening the door. He of course assumed it was Goku coming over to ask for food. Maybe Chi-Chi went on strike again.
"I don't know who Kakarrot is, but I'm here to offer you a fabulous job!" The small, annoying man said in an especially annoyingly, cheerful voice.
Vegeta inched open the door.
"Do you get to blast people?" Vegeta asked.
"If you feel the need to." The man answered. "We, the executives at ABC, need a ratings booster since people realized that 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' sucked. You have that crazy psycho persona that people just love in a talk show host!"
Vegeta stared at the man with his arms crossed and a pensive, angry look on his face. He didn't know what was worse- Kakarrot bugging him or this small, annoying man. Furthermore, the man made you want to blast him- if you were a power-crazed saiyan prince that is. He was that annoying.
"I will take your offer if it makes me better than Kakarrot and I can dispose of anyone that gets on my nerves. Except my towel-bringing wife who has a penchant for dressing me in pink shirts- against my will." Vegeta said with a smirk on his face.
"Okay.I don't want to know about the pink shirt thing, but you got yourself a deal." The man said, holding out his hand. "We'll fax the paperwork to you."
Vegeta merely nodded and bid the man farewell.
II.
Weeks later, after people further realized that 'The Weakest Link' just didn't work without that snappy British lady; Vegeta's late night talk show went on the air. Krillin even volunteered to be the bandleader. It was the next best thing to a shoe salesman.
"And here's the late, late show with .your host, Vegeta." Krillin boomed.
"You mean the Saiyan PRINCE Vegeta." Vegeta said.
"Yeah, sure." Krillin mumbled.
Vegeta gave him an angry look. If looks could kill, Krillin would be dead.again.
"I mean, with your host.Vegeta, the mighty, merciful Saiyan PRINCE!" Krillin announced.
"Better." Vegeta answered.
The band played and stopped- after Vegeta formed an energy ball in his palm.
"Hey, Bro. What's happenin'?" Krillin began, in an attempt to start a monologue.
"Shut up." Vegeta said. "Or I'll blast your head off and hang it in my trophy collection."
"Okay." Krillin said nervously. "Let's just start the show."
"I don't know why I even took this job." Krillin thought. "I know I should have taken that shoe salesman job when I had the chance. But no-let's work with Vegeta- the prince of anger management."
"Our first guest is Kakarrot. He saved the world from destruction several times, but he is still a low-class saiyan who can never be stronger than me- the SAIYAN PRINCE VEGETA OF PLANET VEGETA! HAHAHAHA." Vegeta said, the sentence trailing off into a crazed, maniacal laugh.
"Here's my best friend and training partner, Goku!" Krillin announced.
Silence followed.
"Here's Goku!" Krillin said.
Silence followed yet again. The audience grew restless.
"Where the heck is Goku?" Krillin whispered to a cameraman.
"Well, since Goku seems to be missing right now, let's interview a completely random audience member!" Krillin said.
Sharpner, a friend of Gohan's raised his hand and went up, with an arrogant smirk on his face. He sat next to a less than thrilled Vegeta, who glared at Krillin. Krillin just shrugged his shoulders and turned to the band.
Meanwhile.
In the green room, Goku was stuffing his face.
"Hmm. These egg rolls are delicious. My compliments to the chef." Goku said dreamily. Which was followed by a prompt "More please!"
He gobbled down the food and when he was finished, he rubbed his stomach and flipped on the T.V.
"I wonder what's on." Goku wondered, flipping the channels. "Oh, look it's Vegeta's show. Hey, why is he interviewing a totally random audience member?"
Then it hit Goku. He was supposed to be on Vegeta's show. Goku ran out of the green room and onto the set where Sharpner was starting to bother Vegeta.
"I've got big muscles because I wake up early every morning and work out my arms." Sharpner boasted, unaware of his own stupidity.
"You fool! I'm a million times stronger than you." Vegeta yelled. "And since I am and you're getting on my nerves, I think I'll blast you into a thousands pieces."
"What?" Sharpner gasped, after just being struck by a big bang ball.
Vegeta grinned a sinister grin. Goku walked out, confused and scratching his head. Vegeta turned to him
"What took you so long, Kakarrot?" Vegeta shouted. "I was forced to interview someone even more moronic than you."
"I was hungry, Vegeta." Goku whined.
"I don't care, Kakarrot. Just sit down." Vegeta answered in an aggravated tone.
"Okay." Goku said, puzzled.
"So Kakarrot, you saved the world from Kid Buu, which isn't that impressive since I could have done it much quicker. How does it feel?" Vegeta asked.
"Umm.it feels great to be strong enough to beat an evil guy like Kid Buu. But it made me really hungry." Goku answered.
Just then a man rose from the audience and said "Mr. Satan killed Kid Buu. Hell, he could take on you two clowns with one arm tied behind his back!"
This obviously angered Vegeta. He could stand being weaker than Kakarrot, but to be called weaker than Mr. Satan was just too much. He got up from his seat and ignored Goku's plea to stop. He walked up the man and held him up by his shirt collar. He then threw him out of the studio, leaving a big hole where roof used to be.
"Does anyone else want to say something?" Vegeta asked, smiling proudly.
No one said anything. Vegeta was satisfied and went back to the interview with Goku.
"You shouldn't have done that Vegeta." Goku said.
"Shut up, Kakarrot." Vegeta hollered and blasted him.
Goku easily dodged it. He never even seemed to move.
"Vegeta, you can't just blast innocent people on national television!" Goku said.
"Of course I can!" Vegeta yelled angrily. "It says so in my contract."
"Oh, in that case I'm going back to the green room. I'm still hungry anyway." Goku replied.
Vegeta grumbled something unsuitable for this story no doubt and sat back down.
III.
The next morning ABC ratings went sky high! The audience members loved the show. The next installment of ABC's new hit show began production without a hitch. Well, there was one hitch. Bulma and Chi-Chi wanted to go shopping, but they didn't trust Goku with watching the dynamic duo of Goten and Trunks. He got the honor of being dragged around the mall. So Bulma told Vegeta in no uncertain terms that he would be watching them and that they were to stay backstage. Vegeta mumbled something about watching the little 'brats', but agreed. He had to. Bulma threatened to cut off the power to the gravity room if he refused.
At the studio.
"Trunks," Goten whined. "This is boring. We should at least be able to go on T.V."
"I know," Trunks answered. "But my dad said we had to stay in the green room or he would blast us. But he didn't say we couldn't leave the green room. He only said we had to stay in the green room."
Trunks smiled mischievously, rubbing his hands together.
"But Trunks, doesn't stay and don't leave mean the same thing?" Goten asked innocently. (He does have Goku's pure heart, you know.)
"Goten." Trunks said. "You think too much. Let's just go."
He said this quickly before Goten spotted the food cart he spied before. He did after all take after Goku in more ways than one. They snuck out of the room and down the hall. Trunks looked around until he saw an opened door leading to the sound stage. They peered out and saw Vegeta doing a strained monologue with Krillin.
"C'mon, Goten." Trunks whispered.
Goten nodded and followed him. They walked across the stage. Krillin noticed them first.
"Hey, it seems we have some unexpected guests! Mondo cool!" Krillin said.
"What?" Vegeta said and saw Trunks and Goten. "What are you two doing out here? I remember telling you to stay in the green room. Get back there right now! Or I will blast you!"
"Aww. Dad, we want to stay out here." Trunks whined.
"Yeah," Goten added. "There's nothing do back there."
Vegeta really had no choice. The audience had already seen them and he really couldn't blast Kakarrot's son on national television, much less his own.
"Fine." Vegeta managed to say. "Just sit there and behave."
"We will!" Trunks and Goten answered simultaneously, angelic smiles on their faces.
"Our next guest is an international pop star who controls the minds of our male youth with her catchy, yet bad pop songs. So bad it makes you want to blast her- many times. HAHAHAHA." Vegeta said, with an equally maniacal laugh.
"Here's Britney Spears!" Krillin announced.
Britney walked in wearing one her usual outfits. Goten poked Trunks on the shoulders.
"Hey, Trunks." Goten said. "It's Britney Spears! And she's gonna sit right next to you!"
Trunks was speechless. Vegeta just scowled at his son as Britney sat down.
"Oh, they're so cute!" Britney cooed when she saw the boys. "Are they yours?" She asked Vegeta.
"Unfortunately, one of them is. The other brat belongs to Kakarrot." Vegeta answered.
"Hey, Britney." Goten said, pulling on her shoulder. "We can dance, too. Not like you, but we're really good!"
Trunks had switched seats. He was still speechless.
"How adorable." Britney said. "I'd love to see you dance."
"No!" Vegeta said. "You brats better not do that damned fusion dance or."
But it was too late. [ Trunks wasn't speechless anymore]. Goten and Trunks took their positions. FU.SION.HA! Gotenks stood before both Britney and Vegeta. Britney looked confused. Vegeta just looked irritated. Gotenks started dancing, knocking over several cameras and knocking out Krillin, who mumbled a 'mondo cool' and fell over. Vegeta got up and powered up to super saiyan 2. Britney sat in her chair afraid to move. Gotenks laughed and powered up to SSJ 3. 'This is fun.' He thought to himself.' Vegeta fired his final flash at Gotenks. Gotenks dodged it and it hit Britney Spears.
"No.." Gotenks shouted. "Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack."
Suddenly, ten white ghosts with a dashing resemblance to Gotenks materialized and went after Vegeta. Vegeta quickly used his machine gun attack and obliterated the ghosts. Gotenks was speechless. His father had killed Britney Spears and blocked his best attack.
"Now I'll show you a real fighter's attack." Vegeta laughed.
Vegeta had forgotten the talk show and the audience, which had left after the fighting ensued. He fired a gallic gun directly at Gotenks.
"Dad! What are you doing?" Gotenks shouted. "This was supposed to be fun."
Meanwhile at the mall.
"Chi-Chi, are we almost done yet. I'm hungry." Goku said.
He stood in a clothing store while Chi-Chi and Bulma looked over the racks. He was also holding several shopping bags filled with women's clothing in his arms.
"You're always hungry, Goku." Chi-Chi answered. "We'll only be a few minutes."
Goku sighed and went the electronics store. The televisions stopped showing the music video that had been playing for two hours. A news broadcast came on.
"During a taping of the new sensation "The Late Night Vegeta Show," chaos broke loose as the host took fire on guest Britney Spears and two young boys. More details will be released soon."
"Oh man," Goku thought. "Britney Spears is dead. Hey, didn't he say two boys? Goten and Trunks!"
Suddenly, Bulma came over.
"Goku! What are you gawking at! We have to get over there and stop Vegeta." She said.
"My little Goten." Chi-Chi said. "He'll never become a straight A student now!"
And so, Bulma, Chi-Chi, and Goku drove to the studio. They immediately saw the devastated studio where Vegeta's show had once been. Gotenks administered a crashing blow to Vegeta with his Stinging Machine Gun Attack. Vegeta got up and fired his own machine gun attack at Gotenks.
"Vegeta!" Bulma yelled. "What do you think you're doing? Blasting people, including your own son!"
"But it's in my contract, woman." Vegeta said.
"I don't care if it's in your contract! You stop it right now." Bulma replied.
Vegeta muttered something under his breath. Goku and Chi-Chi went over to Gotenks, who had seen better days.
Weeks later, after Goten and Trunks weren't grounded anymore, they all went out to eat.
"I kind of miss my old job. I got to blast people." Vegeta said. "It didn't last very long either."
"At least we can wish back all those people you blasted, Vegeta." Bulma said.
"And it lasted longer than that show with the stupid purple dinosaur." Goku said. "Besides, you get to blast people,- well, me, all the time."
Vegeta shot Goku a look and muttered 'baka' under his breath.
"I can't believe that small, annoying man offered 'The Great Saiyaman' his own show." Vegeta said. "People will watch anything."
THE END
Vegeta, The Talk Show Host
I.
It was exactly two years following the battle with Kid Buu and his pure evil adult counterpart. Goku returned to his happy life of eating and training with Goten and Chi-Chi. Things were quite different for Vegeta however. Besides his job of listening to Bulma's nagging all day, He tried a different sort of job. Between his intense training and of course Bulma's nagging, he was approached by a small, annoying (at least to Vegeta) man who wanted to have him host a late night T.V. show.
"What do you want, Kakarrot." Yelled Vegeta before opening the door. He of course assumed it was Goku coming over to ask for food. Maybe Chi-Chi went on strike again.
"I don't know who Kakarrot is, but I'm here to offer you a fabulous job!" The small, annoying man said in an especially annoyingly, cheerful voice.
Vegeta inched open the door.
"Do you get to blast people?" Vegeta asked.
"If you feel the need to." The man answered. "We, the executives at ABC, need a ratings booster since people realized that 'Who Wants to Be a Millionaire' sucked. You have that crazy psycho persona that people just love in a talk show host!"
Vegeta stared at the man with his arms crossed and a pensive, angry look on his face. He didn't know what was worse- Kakarrot bugging him or this small, annoying man. Furthermore, the man made you want to blast him- if you were a power-crazed saiyan prince that is. He was that annoying.
"I will take your offer if it makes me better than Kakarrot and I can dispose of anyone that gets on my nerves. Except my towel-bringing wife who has a penchant for dressing me in pink shirts- against my will." Vegeta said with a smirk on his face.
"Okay.I don't want to know about the pink shirt thing, but you got yourself a deal." The man said, holding out his hand. "We'll fax the paperwork to you."
Vegeta merely nodded and bid the man farewell.
II.
Weeks later, after people further realized that 'The Weakest Link' just didn't work without that snappy British lady; Vegeta's late night talk show went on the air. Krillin even volunteered to be the bandleader. It was the next best thing to a shoe salesman.
"And here's the late, late show with .your host, Vegeta." Krillin boomed.
"You mean the Saiyan PRINCE Vegeta." Vegeta said.
"Yeah, sure." Krillin mumbled.
Vegeta gave him an angry look. If looks could kill, Krillin would be dead.again.
"I mean, with your host.Vegeta, the mighty, merciful Saiyan PRINCE!" Krillin announced.
"Better." Vegeta answered.
The band played and stopped- after Vegeta formed an energy ball in his palm.
"Hey, Bro. What's happenin'?" Krillin began, in an attempt to start a monologue.
"Shut up." Vegeta said. "Or I'll blast your head off and hang it in my trophy collection."
"Okay." Krillin said nervously. "Let's just start the show."
"I don't know why I even took this job." Krillin thought. "I know I should have taken that shoe salesman job when I had the chance. But no-let's work with Vegeta- the prince of anger management."
"Our first guest is Kakarrot. He saved the world from destruction several times, but he is still a low-class saiyan who can never be stronger than me- the SAIYAN PRINCE VEGETA OF PLANET VEGETA! HAHAHAHA." Vegeta said, the sentence trailing off into a crazed, maniacal laugh.
"Here's my best friend and training partner, Goku!" Krillin announced.
Silence followed.
"Here's Goku!" Krillin said.
Silence followed yet again. The audience grew restless.
"Where the heck is Goku?" Krillin whispered to a cameraman.
"Well, since Goku seems to be missing right now, let's interview a completely random audience member!" Krillin said.
Sharpner, a friend of Gohan's raised his hand and went up, with an arrogant smirk on his face. He sat next to a less than thrilled Vegeta, who glared at Krillin. Krillin just shrugged his shoulders and turned to the band.
Meanwhile.
In the green room, Goku was stuffing his face.
"Hmm. These egg rolls are delicious. My compliments to the chef." Goku said dreamily. Which was followed by a prompt "More please!"
He gobbled down the food and when he was finished, he rubbed his stomach and flipped on the T.V.
"I wonder what's on." Goku wondered, flipping the channels. "Oh, look it's Vegeta's show. Hey, why is he interviewing a totally random audience member?"
Then it hit Goku. He was supposed to be on Vegeta's show. Goku ran out of the green room and onto the set where Sharpner was starting to bother Vegeta.
"I've got big muscles because I wake up early every morning and work out my arms." Sharpner boasted, unaware of his own stupidity.
"You fool! I'm a million times stronger than you." Vegeta yelled. "And since I am and you're getting on my nerves, I think I'll blast you into a thousands pieces."
"What?" Sharpner gasped, after just being struck by a big bang ball.
Vegeta grinned a sinister grin. Goku walked out, confused and scratching his head. Vegeta turned to him
"What took you so long, Kakarrot?" Vegeta shouted. "I was forced to interview someone even more moronic than you."
"I was hungry, Vegeta." Goku whined.
"I don't care, Kakarrot. Just sit down." Vegeta answered in an aggravated tone.
"Okay." Goku said, puzzled.
"So Kakarrot, you saved the world from Kid Buu, which isn't that impressive since I could have done it much quicker. How does it feel?" Vegeta asked.
"Umm.it feels great to be strong enough to beat an evil guy like Kid Buu. But it made me really hungry." Goku answered.
Just then a man rose from the audience and said "Mr. Satan killed Kid Buu. Hell, he could take on you two clowns with one arm tied behind his back!"
This obviously angered Vegeta. He could stand being weaker than Kakarrot, but to be called weaker than Mr. Satan was just too much. He got up from his seat and ignored Goku's plea to stop. He walked up the man and held him up by his shirt collar. He then threw him out of the studio, leaving a big hole where roof used to be.
"Does anyone else want to say something?" Vegeta asked, smiling proudly.
No one said anything. Vegeta was satisfied and went back to the interview with Goku.
"You shouldn't have done that Vegeta." Goku said.
"Shut up, Kakarrot." Vegeta hollered and blasted him.
Goku easily dodged it. He never even seemed to move.
"Vegeta, you can't just blast innocent people on national television!" Goku said.
"Of course I can!" Vegeta yelled angrily. "It says so in my contract."
"Oh, in that case I'm going back to the green room. I'm still hungry anyway." Goku replied.
Vegeta grumbled something unsuitable for this story no doubt and sat back down.
III.
The next morning ABC ratings went sky high! The audience members loved the show. The next installment of ABC's new hit show began production without a hitch. Well, there was one hitch. Bulma and Chi-Chi wanted to go shopping, but they didn't trust Goku with watching the dynamic duo of Goten and Trunks. He got the honor of being dragged around the mall. So Bulma told Vegeta in no uncertain terms that he would be watching them and that they were to stay backstage. Vegeta mumbled something about watching the little 'brats', but agreed. He had to. Bulma threatened to cut off the power to the gravity room if he refused.
At the studio.
"Trunks," Goten whined. "This is boring. We should at least be able to go on T.V."
"I know," Trunks answered. "But my dad said we had to stay in the green room or he would blast us. But he didn't say we couldn't leave the green room. He only said we had to stay in the green room."
Trunks smiled mischievously, rubbing his hands together.
"But Trunks, doesn't stay and don't leave mean the same thing?" Goten asked innocently. (He does have Goku's pure heart, you know.)
"Goten." Trunks said. "You think too much. Let's just go."
He said this quickly before Goten spotted the food cart he spied before. He did after all take after Goku in more ways than one. They snuck out of the room and down the hall. Trunks looked around until he saw an opened door leading to the sound stage. They peered out and saw Vegeta doing a strained monologue with Krillin.
"C'mon, Goten." Trunks whispered.
Goten nodded and followed him. They walked across the stage. Krillin noticed them first.
"Hey, it seems we have some unexpected guests! Mondo cool!" Krillin said.
"What?" Vegeta said and saw Trunks and Goten. "What are you two doing out here? I remember telling you to stay in the green room. Get back there right now! Or I will blast you!"
"Aww. Dad, we want to stay out here." Trunks whined.
"Yeah," Goten added. "There's nothing do back there."
Vegeta really had no choice. The audience had already seen them and he really couldn't blast Kakarrot's son on national television, much less his own.
"Fine." Vegeta managed to say. "Just sit there and behave."
"We will!" Trunks and Goten answered simultaneously, angelic smiles on their faces.
"Our next guest is an international pop star who controls the minds of our male youth with her catchy, yet bad pop songs. So bad it makes you want to blast her- many times. HAHAHAHA." Vegeta said, with an equally maniacal laugh.
"Here's Britney Spears!" Krillin announced.
Britney walked in wearing one her usual outfits. Goten poked Trunks on the shoulders.
"Hey, Trunks." Goten said. "It's Britney Spears! And she's gonna sit right next to you!"
Trunks was speechless. Vegeta just scowled at his son as Britney sat down.
"Oh, they're so cute!" Britney cooed when she saw the boys. "Are they yours?" She asked Vegeta.
"Unfortunately, one of them is. The other brat belongs to Kakarrot." Vegeta answered.
"Hey, Britney." Goten said, pulling on her shoulder. "We can dance, too. Not like you, but we're really good!"
Trunks had switched seats. He was still speechless.
"How adorable." Britney said. "I'd love to see you dance."
"No!" Vegeta said. "You brats better not do that damned fusion dance or."
But it was too late. [ Trunks wasn't speechless anymore]. Goten and Trunks took their positions. FU.SION.HA! Gotenks stood before both Britney and Vegeta. Britney looked confused. Vegeta just looked irritated. Gotenks started dancing, knocking over several cameras and knocking out Krillin, who mumbled a 'mondo cool' and fell over. Vegeta got up and powered up to super saiyan 2. Britney sat in her chair afraid to move. Gotenks laughed and powered up to SSJ 3. 'This is fun.' He thought to himself.' Vegeta fired his final flash at Gotenks. Gotenks dodged it and it hit Britney Spears.
"No.." Gotenks shouted. "Super Ghost Kamikaze Attack."
Suddenly, ten white ghosts with a dashing resemblance to Gotenks materialized and went after Vegeta. Vegeta quickly used his machine gun attack and obliterated the ghosts. Gotenks was speechless. His father had killed Britney Spears and blocked his best attack.
"Now I'll show you a real fighter's attack." Vegeta laughed.
Vegeta had forgotten the talk show and the audience, which had left after the fighting ensued. He fired a gallic gun directly at Gotenks.
"Dad! What are you doing?" Gotenks shouted. "This was supposed to be fun."
Meanwhile at the mall.
"Chi-Chi, are we almost done yet. I'm hungry." Goku said.
He stood in a clothing store while Chi-Chi and Bulma looked over the racks. He was also holding several shopping bags filled with women's clothing in his arms.
"You're always hungry, Goku." Chi-Chi answered. "We'll only be a few minutes."
Goku sighed and went the electronics store. The televisions stopped showing the music video that had been playing for two hours. A news broadcast came on.
"During a taping of the new sensation "The Late Night Vegeta Show," chaos broke loose as the host took fire on guest Britney Spears and two young boys. More details will be released soon."
"Oh man," Goku thought. "Britney Spears is dead. Hey, didn't he say two boys? Goten and Trunks!"
Suddenly, Bulma came over.
"Goku! What are you gawking at! We have to get over there and stop Vegeta." She said.
"My little Goten." Chi-Chi said. "He'll never become a straight A student now!"
And so, Bulma, Chi-Chi, and Goku drove to the studio. They immediately saw the devastated studio where Vegeta's show had once been. Gotenks administered a crashing blow to Vegeta with his Stinging Machine Gun Attack. Vegeta got up and fired his own machine gun attack at Gotenks.
"Vegeta!" Bulma yelled. "What do you think you're doing? Blasting people, including your own son!"
"But it's in my contract, woman." Vegeta said.
"I don't care if it's in your contract! You stop it right now." Bulma replied.
Vegeta muttered something under his breath. Goku and Chi-Chi went over to Gotenks, who had seen better days.
Weeks later, after Goten and Trunks weren't grounded anymore, they all went out to eat.
"I kind of miss my old job. I got to blast people." Vegeta said. "It didn't last very long either."
"At least we can wish back all those people you blasted, Vegeta." Bulma said.
"And it lasted longer than that show with the stupid purple dinosaur." Goku said. "Besides, you get to blast people,- well, me, all the time."
Vegeta shot Goku a look and muttered 'baka' under his breath.
"I can't believe that small, annoying man offered 'The Great Saiyaman' his own show." Vegeta said. "People will watch anything."
THE END