"What the hell was he thinking! He could have died. I mean mixing Oxycondon with that much alcohol….he's gonna wish he was dead." Noriko sat in an uncomfortable waiting room chair holding a sleeping toddler in one arm and holding a little boys hand who was wide awake staring at the wall in front of him.

"He left a note." Ryu said quietly. "He what? What did it say?"

Ryu looked down at his hands. "You know the usual. I'm very sorry that I have done this to you all. I love you the whole Tohma suicide note thing." "What number is this one anyway?" Ryu sighed. "You mean since we knew him or just this year?"

"This year."

"Number four. Something's wrong. I thought that having Suguru there all the time would keep him in line but this was probably the most serious attempt since he was 16."

"Well if you think about it Ryu , what happened 11 years ago when he was 16?"

Ryu thought for a second. "Keiko got raped and had Suguru."

Noriko nodded. "Keiko is my best friend, Tohma meant everything to her and she meant everything to him he was devastated when he found out. Now she has been sent off to some hospice thing to get her ready to die I don't think I could deal with that."

"She always thought it was his fault."

"I know."

"I wanna go back to momma." Suguru said sitting between a blonde man and a dark haired man.. "Tohma-san doesn't want me here anymore." It had been two months since he had left his mother's house and he had no clue where she was or if even she was still alive .

The blonde man looked to his partner. "Saki we have to do something for lil Sugie" Saki shook his head. "Tohma would approve if we took him there. I can't go against my boss hunny." The blonde man swerved the speeding car over to the side of the road. "Saki" he said dangerously wielding a small handgun towards his lover's face. "I don't give a damn about a grudge that Tohma has against his sister. I believe in doing what's right, a child has the right to go see his mother before she dies."

"B-but shacho."

"Damnit 'shacho' is in a coma has been for a month we have been caring for Suguru and we have this right"

"Alright." Sakano gave up not wanting K to get even madder and actually pull the trigger in front of the small boy they have been caring for since Tohma's "accident".

"Alright" K grinned placing the gun back onto the dash. "Sugie we are going to go see your momma." Suguru gave a tear-filled smile.

My dearest friends,

I know I'm doing it again but it's really the only thing that I can do. Everyday it has been getting harder and harder to look at myself in the mirror knowing at I have caused most of you pain in one way or another. The voices haven't stopped for eleven years and I have had just about enough of him with the taking over of my body and doing these things to me that I would never do one my own and you all know this. Sugie I'm sorry that I couldn't get you to see your mother before all this happened. I know she still hates me for what I did to Nori abandoning her and our son and also for what happened when I was 16. I'll admit it was all my fault. I wish I had the right to tell you that everything will be alright and that you are wanted by your father but I do not know for sure how he feels about this-" Ryu read the rest of the note in silence sobbing ever so often remembering all the dumb things that they did as teens. Tohma wasn't the only one who's to blame for everything.

K and Suguru walked down the halls of a sterile white building. It was cold in every sense. And the lingering scents of disinfectant and death dusted against their nostrils. "Mister K? I know that mom is very sick and dying but why does she have to be in this terrible place." It hurt K to hear words like that come out of such a young child that he now cared for as his own. "I don't know Sugie but I guess they think that it is for the best, ah. Here we are room 313." K led Suguru into the cold white and gray room.

Suguru's eyes rested upon his mother's. he hadn't seen her in two months and she didn't look like she did before. Her emerald green hair now dull and knotted from laying down all the time. Her skin was pale and almost translucent, she was so skinny she looked like a skeleton, her eyes were dull and sunk in. She breathed slowly as if it pained her to do so and try and last a little longer. She was awake though and her eyes rested onto Suguru. Her smile was weak but she showed how happy she was to see him. And took his arm in a hug. "How has my baby been?" She almost cried in the joy of seeing him. "I'm fine momma but how are you?" "Holding on baby just for you. And who is this you are with?" she asked seeing the tall blonde American. "oh. This is Mister K he and his friend Sakano-san are taking care of me while uncle Tohma is in the hospital." "Really." She looked at K. "Why is Tohma in the hospital."

"I can tell you that madam." K walked a step closer taking the seat next to the bed. "You see, last month he and Suguru had a fight about playing the piano I guess." Keiko's eyes drifted down to her white sheets. "My brother tried to kill himself again didn't he." K nodded "That baka! He was entrusted with my child and in a month tries to commit suicide over some dumb thing like the keyboard. Damn it that ass is so stupid……So Mr. K you and your friend have been taking care of my son?"

"Yo, doc man how is he?" Ryu sat up when a thirty something year old doctor came into the room. "Still in the coma but breathing and everything on his own now. This is the third time I have met Seguchi-san the first time I met him I was a med student a huge fan of you guys' band Sakuma-san his sister came in 11 years ago and then a few months after that he came in cause he slit his wrists and tried to drown himself, happy to say there that he made a complete recovery and went into counseling and only had minor self mutilation problems but this is the worst that I have seen him the mixture of the drug and the booze seemed to have caused a brain shortage giving him a lack of oxygen to the brain. I highly doubt that Seguchi-san will every recover and come out of his coma. This is the hardest news that I have had to give I was a great fan of Nittle Grasper since the beginning. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you I guess."

"Of course I'll leave you be would you like me to call anyone like his sister?"

"No thank you."

"Momma, I've missed you so much isn't the sun light wonderful?" Suguru wheeled his mother around the courtyard of the building showing her all of the beautiful flowers of the summer time. "Yes sweetie, its lovely."

K came barging out of the double doors. "Suguru, Keiko-san! I just got a call from Sakuma-san. Tohma just suffered form some kind of heart thing with like exploding blood veins and what ever I couldn't make it all out from Ryuichi's cries but what I did get was that Tohma just died."

A single tear fell down Keiko's pale sunk in face and Suguru just clung to his mother. K came and scooped both up into a gentle hug calming down the small child and giving Keiko support as well.

For three years Suguru lived with K and Sakano. He found out many things from the two men like that K had been married to an actress and together they had a son Michael that he never saw because Judy (K's wife) found being gay a terrible environment and to shield her son away from it like the black plague. Sakano he shortly found out was a very nevous man especially around K cause K loved guns carried one around with him all the time.

Suguru visited his mother every single day after school and told her all about the new life with the couple and how he was now thinking about joining Nittle Grasper since Ryuichi had asked him personally. His mother had warned him to be careful since he was still very young any she knew Ryuichi (who came once and a while to apologize greatly for everything that her dearly departed brother had done to her.) She knew that he got drunk easily and didn't have much common sense sober. Yes, Suguru had learned to play the Keyboard as good if not better than his Uncle.

A/N: Okay that's all right now Thursday if writer's block isn't that bad I post another chapter since they are still pretty short. As always Maki Murakami own the rights to all, and yet again I have to say gomen to the Tohma fans out there cause he died. I wanna thank my reviewers thank you so much you guys help me know that I can sorta write something enjoyable. The next chapter will deal with the next three years until he's 16 when loads of junk happen. Some good loads bad, poor kid.