/Boss Ikari/
- lawless priest -
04 - a job offer
My name is Sohryu, Asuka Langley Sohryu, and without a doubt the most famed of German assassins and explosives operatives in the business, and the youngest at that. Every since I took this new job for the Yakuza I've had to deal with those two stooges and their ring leader, Shinji Ikari, the boss's son and his weird bodyguard Rei. I'd swear if I'd known just how extremely weird things would become I would have never come to this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.
--------------------------
"Welcome to Tokyo 3."
Those three words might make anyone one hearing them the first time wonder what happened to the first two cites. And if someone were to answer that question it would probably go along the lines of, "The first was
submerged and the what's left was a wasteland. The second is one the largest metropolitan cess poles in existence.
I bet that would really give you 'so much' hope for their third try, right? Well, if you've spent any amount of time in this city, that hope lasted all of fives seconds. Yep, right up until the point where you had stopped chasing the bastard who had stolen your wallet or purse, been kidnapped and ransomed for untold amounts of money that was never paid, and dumped off on the curve in the rain, wearing only your skimpies.
Yep, this city was an outstanding example of righteousness lost in a schizo's fever dream, and drowned in a spilled bottle of Sake. And I was in the heart of it.
Why, you might ask? Well, because a certain stubble chin hottie asked me to and damnit, I couldn't deny him.
'Bastard.'
Well there I was, riding down the heart of Tokyo 3 in my current employer's black Nissan, Skyline, heading back towards HQ. The big boss had given that lush, Misato, a call and she sent us on our way. Of course, none of us knew what we were headed for. Boss Ikari never told anyone anything until he bloody well felt like it and that was usually hours beyond everyone else's patience had ran out.
Wonder Girl said the Boss wasn't like that, but Shinji swore the man did it for spite. I'd agree with Ikari, but the 'Commander', as he was called, just seemed too cold hearted to waste the time for such crap.
Anyway, I was a little worried, but I was still too pissed at having those sister sluts joining the squad. Who did the Commander think he was?
'Besides being the Commander and our head boss.' the voice inside my head said.
"That's beside the point! That bastard had no right to just throw them on our team like that!" I was starting to really get into it when I noticed the looks from Shinji and Rei, who were in the front seats as we waited at a red light.
'Did I say all that out load?'
My face must have looked like a fat kid after walking up six flights of stairs, but I couldn't let it show, so what did I do? I made Ikari look like a rectum.
"What is this perverts anonymous? Taking a quick look aren't you Ikari?" He flushed crimson and turned back towards the front. I was still a little peeved about that whole morning scene earlier. How dare he think he could get away with that crap! Baka!.
With the attention turned elsewhere I began to relax, but I caught Ayanami still looking at me with that look, you know the one. Ok, maybe you don't, but if you every saw it, you would. But all of that goes without saying, so why did I? Quit asking stupid questions already.
"You looking for an exclusive peek or something Wonder Girl?" She merely shook her head and turned around. Well I didn't expect much from her anyway. I'd swear she'd be weird enough to think suicide was an art form. The only time I've seen her show any emotion is when we give Ikari his daily morning wake up call.
The loser should be grateful that we would even bother to do such a thing as to allow him the glory of waking up to our presence. Ok, maybe just mine, but it's about the principle of the matter.
After some time of driving in silence and my internal ranting we finally made it to Head Quarters. HQ, it was a strange place to say the least. It was an imposingly tall building in the shape of a pyramid. I don't know who's idea that was, but they must have been hitting the brandy a little too hard that night. It didn't matter. HQ was HQ. At least it was far more original than what most other Crime Lords had.
What really made the place strange was the fact that it was a, get this, a Toy Company. Yep, you heard right, a mother freakin Toy Company. Nerv, Inc as they called it. Apparently, Ms. Ikari, the smartest out of the bunch by my guess, had been a fan of plushies. She even came up with the companies most profited sales item, the Angel Plushy. You see. Mr. I'm so cold my underwear has to be flown in from Antarctica, Ikari, was a big manga buff back in the day. He and his old mentor got into the business back when they were still in college, one working there and the other attending and just barely at that.
Anyway, they came out with this weird giant mecha story that was really twisted, but the fans ate it up, so they made an anime out of it. Ms. Ikari thought that the enemy in the manga were too ugly, so she miniaturized them and made them all cute and fluffy. Really cute, and really fluffy. I should know. I was the owner of the largest Angel Plushy collection in Europe. Only Professor Fuyutsuki had me beat, but that guy just creepped me out even with that grandfather like attitude of his.
I must have zoned out because we were already in the building and right outside the Boss's Office, but apparently he only wanted to see his son so the rest of the clan headed down to one of Nerv's Employee, I mean real employees, lobbies. I had almost forgotten that Hikari and the rest had came along as well, but they were already in the lobby when Rei and I got there.
My pigtailed friend was saying something to the stooge Lieutenant, Suzuhara. I didn't really care but I couldn't help but hear that last phrase. Her ranting was too load to ignore.
"That was the dumbest conversation I've ever heard from you two fools in like, I don't know, what is it, the last... five minutes. You idiots act like you can't go that long without saying something that makes you look like a couple of strait asses. I mean, that last line was just too stupid for me to comment. At least your last argument had some truth in it. I swear you two really are stooges!"
"Alright already, just hold your water!"
"I already told you, damnit, I'm not pregnant!"
.... There was a pregnant silence for a long, long time. Hell, even Wonder Girl looked surprised.
"Ok, I didn't need to know that." was the only thing that I could come up with.
"Didn't want to know that, either." That was from Aida, the smarter of the last two stooges.
It was still too quiet and somebody needed to fill that void. Too bad Kensuke had the same idea and beat me to the punch.
"So, Asuka, how's that anger management going?"
"Go to hell, Aida!" That punk!
"I can see you've been skipping a few sessions."
Gritting my teeth and rolling up my sleeves, I was about to rip that punk a new one. I'm not exactly sure what it was I was going to rip, but damnit, when I was through with him, he was going to need a new something.
You know what, I going to leave out the part where I beat that Baka into submission. Lets just say that my righteous justice was dispersed and my honor upheld. Besides, how hard is it to imagine me putting that punk in his place. I'm pretty sure you already have your scenarios set. We all know what went down, so I'll leave it at that.
Anyway... besides from the two new girls Sunja and Megumi checking to see if the be-speckled Section 2 agent was still alive, nothing of real interest happened. Except for that army of smurfs that stormed the break room and the initial siege that took place afterwards, before we drove those demons back to their hell, but like I said, nothing serious enough happened that needed to be said.
Well, I will say that the clan gained a grudging respect towards the Kodama sisters for their strategy that helped us deal with those little blue skinned punks, but it didn't mean we were cool with them. It was almost worst, if that was possible considering the small amount of respect they had just earned, but it couldn't be helped. They kept saying that they wished 'Shinji-kun' was there to see them in action and how they wouldn't mind seeing him in action... of a sorts, in only so many words, but we got the idea.
I swear, you could actually see the steam coming out of Rei's head. I seriously expected to see her whip out her piece and plug those two annoying flirts. I already had mine out and was working on said task when the head stooge came in.
He took one look around at the destruction caused by our battle and just shook his head with a 'I don't really want to know' look on. "It seems we have a job to do, so come on and I'll explain on the way. Oh, and will somebody help Kensuke off the ground, please."
/BI/
We were down in the sub levels of Nerv, Inc. or what the locals call the Geo-front. Dr. Akagi had her lab hidden somewhere down in these catacombs. Rei and Shinji lead the group, but with the crazy way the place was designed I wondered if even they knew the way.
"Ah, the blind leading the faithful." I said sarcastically. "I'm sure we'll get there sometime this century."
"Reds got a point." Toji said, looking around at the hall that I could have sworn we had been down three times and that was four turns ago. Don't ask how that worked out, it just was, ok! I'm just trying to stay focused and not worry about losing my sanity before the age of 22.
"This place is a maze, Ikari." Suzuhara was still going on. "Your family must have been sipping the from the stash a little much when they were thinking up this place." which was exactly what I was thinking, but the berretta that that particular stooge happened to be staring down made me glad I didn't voice those opinions. I had seen Shinji pissed, but right then, he was clearly livid and judging from his little tirade that morning, I knew he wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger.
The frightened look on Toji's face showed that he seconded that thought.
"Toji." Shinji asked quietly, looking the Section 2 agent in his eyes.
"Y-yes, Boss?"
"I like you Toji, your good people, but don't let my feelings dissuade you down the wrong path. I could care less what you think of my father. I personally think he's a 100 Grade A rectum with a side of bastard, but as for my mother, she is a completely different story." Ikari said all of this in a very calm, very cool like tone that he used on me and Rei earlier.
'Suzuhara had better not open his idiot mouth and say something stupid cause Shinji's not playing.' I found myself thinking. I also found that this whole scene was starting to get me aroused. It was that morning all over again.
Rei's face may have had that expressionless glaze to it, but I knew her well enough to know that inside she felt just like me. Hell it was obvious what the Kodama girls were thinking. That Megumi girl kept licking her lips and looked at Ikari with a hungry expression that Rei would have shot her for if her thoughts weren't so ... occupied.
I couldn't see that Sunja girl, as she was out of my line of view, but I really didn't care, as long as she didn't try anything. One look at Hikari and I knew what she was worried about her 'precious' stooge, but the fact that she kept giving Ikari that same hungry look that Megumi had sort of startled me. I was about to get on her for it but Shinji was still talking.
"She's not even in the same league as my father when it comes to intelligence or anything else for that matter, and considering it was she who had designed this place so that it would confuse any attacking enemy force and probably drive them mad, only reinforces just how different they are."
"But like I said, I like you Toji, so I'll say this once. Just so we don't have to go down this road again. Don't EVER down my mother, again, understand?" Those cold blue eyes had me lost in their brilliance like a deer caught in the head lights and Toji too. It took a little prodding from his second, Kensuke, to get him together enough to answer.
"Good. Now let's go. I haven't been down here in a while but I think it was.... this way.... or was it that way. Umm?"
I don't know whether I wanted to shout at him just then or just shoot him, but the bastard still had me freaked. No one goes from all 'Just give me one reason to pull this trigger, so I can justify spattering your cranium across the wall' then back to 'Umm, I'm sorry I didn't know they sold loser in that color, let me put this green one back and I'll take that blue one instead.' It just didn't happen.
I cold feel a headache coming on. Damn you Ikari. How can you be such a Baka?
'.... why did I come to Tokyo 3? Why?' were the last thoughts I had before we all moved to catch up to Shinji before he lost himself.