M & M's
Chapter Seven: Breakdown
Lyrics/Thoughts
Mamo groaned as he opened his eyes, the sun blazing in from the open window caused him to pull the covers over his head and reach out to hold his Jovian goddess. He sat up with a start when he realized she wasn't there. Then it all sunk in, the realization of what he had done the day before. He fell back into the bed and wondered if he had done the right thing…
Flashback
"Hello?" Makoto answered the phone.
"Makoto?" Mamoru's voice sounded strained.
"Ru, what's wrong?" instantly feeling uneasy at the sound of him using her whole name.
"Mako, I don't know how to tell you this but, this isn't working out anymore. I care for you a lot but, I just don't, I just don't-" he struggled to make the words come out.
You called yesterday to basically say
That you care for me but that you're just not in love
"You don't love me." She finished.
He sighed in frustration, "It's just that- I don't know Mako, I mean I know that Usa picked Seiya over me, and I know she hasn't been mine for a while and that you and I have been together for a while, but I can't let her go."
Immediately I pretended to be feeling similarly
And led you to believe I was ok
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me
The words hit her like a bolt of lightning, but she didn't let it show, "That's a relief," she sighed, "I care for you too, but I don't think I'm over Freddy." She lied, "I just want you to be happy." It took all the strength she possessed to blink back her tears as she thanked Kami that Mamoru wasn't there to see her cry.
"So you're ok?" he questioned.
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" she smiled again, "Mamoru, we started out as friends, I would like us to continue to be friends."
"Oh, of course," He had expected a different reaction from her, "I guess I'll see you around then."
"Uh-huh." She nodded and smiled, "Bye." he hung up, as she just stared at the phone, wondering if she was having a nightmare. In all her 23 years, she never felt more alone than she did at that very moment.
End Flashback
Mamo rolled over and looked at the spot in his bed where his Kirei would be sleeping if he could just figure out how he really felt, who he really loved. He couldn't deny that there were some seriously strong feelings in his heart for the brunette, but he also didn't know if he was ready to let go of his odango atama. Realizing that sleep wasn't going to come to him he got up and decided he needed to talk to a friend to help him sort out his troubles.
"Hey Mamo, how's it going?" Motoki asked as the ebony haired man sat at the counter.
"I broke up with Mako." he whispered.
"WHAT?!" Motoki's head whipped around to face his best friend.
Mamo looked up, "I broke up with Mako."
"Why?" Motoki sat next to him.
"I don't know, I think I'm still in love with Usa."
Motoki glared at him, "How? Why? I thought you were over her, you and Mako were doing so well."
"I know that, things with Mako were going well, but it's just that, I... I don't know." He sighed in frustration as he ran a hand through his hair before resting his head in his hands on the counter.
"Did you just break up with Mako cause you claim to be in love with Usa?" Motoki didn't wait for a reply, "Or do you claim to still be in love with Usa because you're afraid to fall in love with Mako?"
Mamo looked up at Motoki, "Who knows... Either way it doesn't matter, when I told her it was over she said that she was relieved and that she wasn't over Freddy."
Motoki just stared at him, "And you don't think that she could have been lying? Telling you what you wanted to hear? Trying to protect her pride by saying she was ok with it?"
Mamo shook his head, "No, she's never had a reason to lie to me before, why would she start now?"
The blonde shrugged, "As long as you think you're following your heart..." he went to go answer the ringing phone. "Hey Mina... yea I know, he's here now... alright I'll let him know, ok hon, I love you and I'll see you later." He hung up and walked back over to Mamo, "That was Mina, she says you're an idiot for breaking up with Mako, even if Mako says she's fine with it."
Mamo sighed in defeat, "I'm never going to win with these girls, Usa and I broke up and I got yelled at even if I wasn't the one to end it, and now me and Mako break up... at least I'll deserve the yelling this time."
Mako sniffled as she picked up the phone and dialed, "Hey Mako-Mako!" a cheerful baritone answered the phone. Mako could only sniffle before breaking down again. "Mako what's wrong?" Concern evident in his voice.
"Ma-ma-mo." she sobbed.
"Hold on Mako, I'll be right there." Shinozaki hung up and headed over to his best friends house.
Fifteen Minutes later he walked in her door, not evening bothering to knock. He found her on the couch, balling her eyes out. "Mako what happened." he took her into his arms, rocking her back and forth.
"Mamo broke up with me."
"What?"
Mako looked up at him with a sadness he had never seen before in her eyes, "Shino, I was in love with him. How could I have not known he didn't feel the same way?" she crumpled into his embrace once more. Missing the look of shock on Shino's face.
For Mako to admit that she was in love with Mamo was a big deal. She felt that people used love to loosely. She always said that if and when she fell in love, she was going to make sure it was completely and forever.
"Did you tell him how you felt?" He felt her shake her head against his chest.
"No, I want him to be with me cause he loves me, not because he's afraid to hurt me."
Shino continued to hold her as she cried, his eyes watered as he knew there was nothing he could do to soothe her broken heart, and shattered dreams.
Two weeks later, Mako was once again faced with her former love at an anniversary party for Minako and Motoki. As soon as Mako walked in the house the atmosphere changed, They all know she thought to herself as she raised an eyebrow, then cracked a grin, "What are you all that happy to see me?" she joked.
"Mako, I'm so sorry are you ok?" Mina came up to her.
"What are you talking about? Me and Mamo? It was a mutual thing, we're still friends."
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
"Right?"Mako nudged the ebony haired man in question playfully.
He let out a forced smile, "Right."
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
"Alright Mako, cut the crap." Rei pulled her aside, "How do you really feel?" she stared intently at the brunette.
"Rei I'm fine really, it was time for the two of us to move on. What we had was fun but we knew it couldn't last forever."
Rei studied her as if trying to read her true feelings, "Alright, I'm just glad you're not hurting, I would hate to have to go kick the Prince of Earth's ass." She smiled as Mako laughed, heading back to the rest of the party.
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
Later that night she returned home alone and thought back to when Mamoru would come home with her. When they were dating, they were inseparable, they never spent the night alone, the fact that they had been orphans brought them together, neither of them liked being alone. Either she went with him or he came to her, don't even get her started on the mind blowing sex. She thought that they would be together forever, but once again the relationship gods felt the need to smite her. She curled into a little ball and cried.
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And I turn down the lights and then I break down and cry
The next day she saw Mamoru at the park, where they would share romantic walks underneath the stars. She couldn't help but flashback to their first "official date" Mamo and her had come to the point where she had wished upon a shooting star for this to last forever. But like many times in the past, her hopes and dreams were squashed, you would think that by now she would realize that maybe she wasn't meant to have a happily ever after. She smiled cheerfully at him as he smiled back and walked on, never looking back to see the tears fall from proud emerald green eyes.
So what do you do when somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you and it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
It took everything he had to walk away from her false smile. He could see the pain in the depths of her green eyes. But he didn't know how he felt about her, and until he did it was unfair to string her along.
Later that week Mako was over at Mina's house helping her cook Motoki's favorite dish. "Thanks a lot Mako for helping me; I know I couldn't have done this without you."
The brunette smiled at her best friend, "It's no problem."
Once they placed the dish in the oven, Mina led her to the kitchen table for coffee, "Come on Mako, tell me the truth how are you doing?"
"I'm fine Mina, I really am, I just wish that you would all believe me and stop asking me about it."
"You can't lie to me Mako, I can see it in your eyes, you're hurting inside."
Mako sighed and looked away, "So what if I am, what can I do? I can either yell and make a big scene every time I see him, I could try to hold on to something that no longer exists, or I can be gracious and let him go." She turned to Mina with tears in her eyes, "Mina I love him so much, I'd rather have him as a friend than not have him in my life at all." She quickly regained her composure, "Mina don't tell anyone how I feel alright? I don't want their sympathy, or yours."
Do you cling to your pride and sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "how dare you leave this way"
Do you hold on in vain as they as they just slip away
Mina nodded, knowing very well how the senshi of protection worked out her emotions.
"Mina honey I'm home!" Motoki's voice rang through the house, "And a lost dog followed me home!"
"Shut up Toki." An all too familiar voice playfully bit back.
Mina turned back to Mako who had turned a few shades whiter than usual.
She quickly got up and grabbed her purse, "Take the dish out in 15 minutes, I'm heading out the back."
"Mako wait." She grabbed for her hand, the heartache that radiated from her green eyes was enough for Mina to let her go. Mako mouthed a silent thank you as she left through the kitchen door just as the guys were entering.
"Hey Mina, how's it going?" Mamoru greeted her with a hug.
Motoki kissed his wife softly, "Wow something smells great!" He sniffed the air, "Who'd you order from?" Motoki questioned cautiously.
Mina slapped him playfully, "I'll have you know that I cooked." She put her hands on her hips, "Mako helped me..." she replied quietly as she noticed Mamoru's expression falter.
"Where is she? Don't tell me she didn't stay?" Motoki asked.
"She-uh, had something to take care of, so she left about ten minutes ago, you guys just missed her." Mina lied, good enough for Motoki, but Mamoru took a whiff of the air, Mako's scent still lingered. That sweet scent of rain and roses.
"How is the karate maniac doing these days?" Motoki asked then winced, "Oh, sorry Mamo."
He shook his head, "No, I'd like to know how she's doing, she seems to be fine though."
Mina nodded, "Yea, she's doing well, she really glad that you guys are still friends."
Mamoru clapped his hands together, "Well I should get going, I have an early day tomorrow, I'll leave you two love birds alone." He waved goodbye and headed home. On his way he couldn't help but think of Mako and wonder if he had made the right decision.
Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove I'm fine without you
When Mako got home she flung open the door and as soon as she stepped into her apartment she shut the door and sank to the floor. She held herself as she cried. What went wrong? She pulled her knees up to her chest and let the tears flow.
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Her phone rang, against her better judgment she picked it up, "Hello?"
"Hey Mako, I was just wondering how you were doing?" the bubbly voice of the woman who owned Mamoru's heart questioned.
"I'm fine Usa, thanks for asking though."
"You sure? Cause you know if you ever need to talk, I'm here."
"I know you are, Usa, I know you are."
"Alright, well me and Seiya are going to go to the movies, do you want to come with?"
"No, I have some work to do. Maybe another time?" Mako was surprised her voice sounded a lot more chipper than she felt.
"Alright, just don't work to hard!"
"I won't, bye Usa, say Hi to Seiya for me."
"Will do, bye."
Mako hung up and pulled herself off of the floor only to find a picture of her and Mamo on their six month anniversary dinner.
Flashback
"What?!" Mako angrily answered the phone. She was having a bad day at work and couldn't wait to go home, crawl into bed and cry away her frustrations.
"Kirei did I catch you at a bad time?" Mamoru's voice calmed her soul.
"Ru-chan!" she smiled brightly, "You know I always have time for you."
"Can you get off work early today?"
"I wish I could hon, but I have a major deadline." She pouted, just then her boss walked in, "Hold on Ru."
Mamoru smiled on the other line as Mako's boss, (as they had planned) told her she could leave early.
"Ru, you're never believe it, my boss just came in and told me I could leave now!"
Mamo laughed at her happiness, "Alright, I'll be there in 10 minutes to pick you up.
That night had been beyond Mako's most passionate dreams. Never in her life could she have ever imagined having someone like Mamoru in her life. He had taken out all the stops taking her to the most expensive restaurant in town, a horse drawn carriage ride through the park, dropping them off at The Point, where a blanket, a bottle of champagne and a telescope were set up. It was the night they had first made love, sure they had had sex before, but this was different. Being under the stars, made the evening perfect, it was then she realized that she was in love with him.
End Flashback
She placed the picture back on the table and broke down again.
Cause I don't want to reveal the fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And I turn down the lights and then I break down and cry
Her phone rang again, this time she didn't answer it instead she grabbed her coat and headed to The Point. Upon reaching her destination she wrapped her arms around herself for warmth, tearing up as she remembered when Mamoru's arms would do the same.
There's nothing holding me here anymore. The girls are all married, except Usa who's with Seiya, and me, well I don't have anyone to stay for...She fingered the acceptance letter in her pocket, International Culinary Institute, Paris, here I come.
Alrighty... Mamo broke Mako's heart! That baka! The song belongs to Mariah Carey and Bone Thugs and Harmony, and the characters belong to thier owners, not me.... Although my birthday and Christmas are coming up... they'd make a great gift! ::nudge nudge wink wink::
Forgot to mention that Kirei means beautiful in Japanese...
Hope you all had a groovie Thanksgiving!
Thank you's:
Raven Kino: Thanks for everything, I love Old Friends, Mamo and Mako and definetly adorable together... stupid Usa... :) Nah it's not her fault, it's all Mamo-baka!
Thunder-Heart: Yay! You're going to update Breaking! Can't wait, take care chica! Glad everything worked out!
Cris: Was this update soon enough for ya?
Clemen: I think all women would want to be Mako... well maybe not in this chapter, but in all those leading up to this one... Mamo's a hottie!
Kourui: I hope my email finally went through to you... if it didn't oh well, here's the chapter anyway, can't wait for the next chapter to your fics! And yes, I did eat a lot... :)
Elara2: Oohhhh, a new chappie/sequel to The Letter in the works? Can't wait for it!
Gota de Mar: Thanks for everything Mar-mar, take care and I'll talk to you later!
Reading Recommendation for the day: Betrayal by Pheobe Otaku it's sort of a Mamo/Mako story... they wake up in bed next to one another with no reccolection on how they got there before they have a chance to fully understand what's going on Usa walks in...you guys just have to read it to find out the rest!
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
One Love,
Athena Kyle