An: I would like to state for the record that I am so far off my original plot line that it's ridiculous. I know those of you who know me are like 'what plot line?' but whatever... This batch of goodness is a bit longer than the others. So just sit back and be prepared for the foolishness. - it's all in the title -

You've been warned. /AN

/Boss Ikari/

- lawless priest -

06 - War of the fluffies prt. 1

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

--------------------------

'What am I going to do now?' I had been thinking of this all morning. All of my leads and clues had dried up and so far I still knew nothing of what I was looking for. But it seems someone else did.

The Government was involved. Why? Why did they have to stick their noses into this. What was so important about this that they would jump in. Why did they know more about the item my father wanted back than I did? And why was there a head of brown hair on my chest purring like a cat snuggling up it's owners leg?

Carefully, I looked down at said head of hair. The sea of brown was obscuring my view of the person's face and I didn't want to move and wake them so... I tried to focus on what could have happened in the past 24 hours that could have led up to these circumstances.

..... foggy images ..... so that's where I put my keys ... that bastard, when I get up I'm kicking his ass! ....

Nothing, my mind was drawing blanks. Even the room itself didn't look familiar, but I had seen its like. That last thought sounded a little weird. How could the room not be familiar but I had seen one like it? ... whatever.

I was at Nerv it seemed, lying in the bed of one of its many company apartments beneath the Geo-Front. Yet for the life of me, I couldn't remember how I got there, and the person snuggling up next to me was very distracting and that purring was really starting to get to me. I mean, 'really-starting-to-get-to-me'. I was going to have to do something quick.

Sigh... but we all know my luck doesn't work like that.

"Mmmm, do it again Shinji-sama, pleasssse." The mysterious girl moaned in her sleep as she wrapped her arms around me tighter. My inner voices were saying that 'this was starting to get interesting.' but as for me, well... I froze up.

What did you really expect. I mean, this is me, Shinji Ikari here. Aka previously the most wimpiest bastard alive, son of the greatest bastard alive. So of course I froze up. You try waking up to someone you didn't know, purring your name and telling you to do things to her that would give most men a nose bleed.

Hell I just thought about what I just said. I can already guess what you hentais are thinking, but you can just stop. This is house Ikari and in it we expect a little more morality than that.

Ok, not that much or we'd be hypocrites.

Anyway, back to the girl in my bed. As I said my luck sucks so when my alarm chose to go off before I could come up with a suitable plan of action, I was not surprised in the least. Freaked out yes, surprised no.

She woke up with a sexy yawn that drove shivers down my spine. I didn't know women could do that, least of all do it unintentionally. This was not helping. Not at all!

Slowly, she looked up at me, as if remembering where she was. I figured she'd scream. I waited for her to yell hentai!, ecchi!, sukebe! or some other word to mean pervert. Apparently, I figured wrong because the smile she gave me was the brightest appearance of the sun I'd ever seen, even in Tokyo 3 where it's always summer.

I was up on the wall by then and somehow she had stayed with me even though I was sure that that defied three or more of the laws of physics.

"Mmm... You have a very nice chest."

"Uh, thank you."

"Your welcome." Her smile was making me weak. "Can I just lay here for awhile?"

"Um, we're standing."

"I know."

"O... K, sure."

/BI/

An hour later I was at the desk of my father's secretary because he had called me to his office, with my black jacket and white dress shirt a little wrinkled and maybe a little ruffled. The lady at the desk didn't even look up before telling me I was late, but when she saw me she nearly shouted "What the hell happened to you?" and gave me a look like I was some bum refugee, just coming out of some third world country and wasn't used to the modern sophistication of Japan yet.

My immediate reply was "I'm sorry if my state of dress is not suitable enough for you, but I'm afraid the half naked girl lying in my bed with her legs wrapped around me took more priority over whether or not I had time to iron my clothes."

She didn't say anything after that, and I didn't give her a chance. I was already in my father's office and explaining to the orange tint shaded man the situation and how all of our leads led to no where.

By the time I was through and was able to get back to my bar, three hours had passed, so it was no surprise when I came walking through to my already waiting team.

"And where the hell have you been?" Was Asuka's first statement. No usual fake pleasantries today it seemed.

"HQ." was my only answer. Nothing more needed to be said. The relief on their faces that I was the one who had to tell my father of our progress was clearly evident. None of them really wanted to be in the same room as that man for any length of time let alone tell him of our failure.

"So, what are our orders Ikari-san, sir?" Always leave it to Hikari to set us on the right track.

"Kaji called me and said to come over sometime today. I don't know what he wants but I hope he has some info that we could use."

Of course Asuka's face lit up like a fire cracker. You could see the exited sparks igniting in her eyes. For a brief moment I felt jealous, but then this morning came back to me. That effectively ended that scene.

"We've got some time so why don't we all take some time off before we head out. Cool?"

Everyone gave their approval and I went upstairs to get some sleep.

/BI/: two hours later... :/

Pokemon...

Care Bears...

Two words that one would not think of in the same sentence with the words mass destruction and chaos. It just seemed like the name of some kids cute little TV show or a huggable plushy thing that you would give to your girlfriend to get in good with her again so you wouldn't miss out on that late night loving.

Who would think that these kawaii looking creatures could possible hurt anyone?

Obviously that person had never been caught in a Pokemon/Care Bear Clan war. Trust me, you know not the horror.

"Die you demons! Die!"

"Hey watch out, there's another one."

"Get it then, I'm kinda busy!"

"Ah, hell! Whoa, that was close, it almost got me."

"Crap!"

"What is it? Oh shit!"

"Tactical retreat?"

"Hell yeah!"

I was reloading my Berretta's behind a large slab of ruble that had once been a part of the upper levels of a Banks outer wall, but a well place shot from one of those creatures they called 'children's pets' had brought it down to our level, when Suzuhara and Aida jumped behind with me.

"Um.. hey Boss."

"Hey Ikari."

I didn't spare Suzuhara a look. The urge to kill him was still too strong, but I kept it to myself and merely gave him a grunt

"What's the situation?" Toji and Ken gave each other a look before Aida answered.

"At this rate, Ikari, we'll probably be overrun in 20 maybe 30 minutes. Those demons own this area"

"Yeah, I think they're starting to flank us." Toji said while checking the scene for the latest enemy positions.

"What about the Bears?"

"Haven't seen any since that last attack of theirs. Must have given up this sector and gone in retreat."

'Then it was just us then.' Not the most welcoming thought.

The residents of this part of the city had long since departed. Even the ones in the bank had made a hasty exit. But of course, they didn't have a healthy aversion to all things pokemon.

We had been riding downtown, trying to get to Kaji's club. All of the girls had opted to go in one car and do a little shopping before we got there. Today had sort of been a lax day. Nothing was going down that needed our immediate attention so we had decided to chill. That lasted all up until around noon.

/: enter flashback mode. :/ yeah we got it fixed, new funds.

We were in route to Kaji's place but I had to make a stop on our way to the club. Nothing serious, I just needed to hit the bank.

I was driving my black Skyline with Toji in the front, Kensuke had fallen asleep in the back some time ago. "Hey I'm heading to the bank. I need to take some money out."

My spiky haired Lieutenant gave his acknowledgement with a curt "Sure."

It wasn't long before we made it to the place, so I parked outside and told Toji to go on in because I needed to get my stuff. Apparently I had misplaced some very valuable assets of mine that were essential for jobs like these. Banks were stricter these days. So you had to come prepared.

'Where the bloody is my bank card? I know I had it in here... oh, didn't see it there.'

My bank equipment in hand, I headed for the door and stepped into chaos. People were on the floor with their heads down, some cried while others watched on nervously. It seemed someone had been here before me and taking money seemed to be on there mind as well, only it wasn't theirs.

There was a guard on the floor, his gun missing. "Um, excuse me, but what's going on here." I already knew, it just helped to have conformation sometimes, and besides I wanted to assess the situation and how the take down went. You always have to be ready to recruit talent when you come across it.

"Just get down and you'll be safe." he said. Coward. And he was supposed to guard the place? Well, he was doing a fine job of it so far.

I could hear the robbers voice over the din of the bystanders. I wanted to see more of his/her technique as they instructed the tellers with their gun ready.

"You, hand over the goods. And the rest of you keep your hands on the table. It's almost over so just keep calm and no one gets hurt."

"Toji?" A sweat drop formed on my head.

For a moment I was stunned. That couldn't possibly be who I thought it was.

"Yeah, boss."

'Damn' was the only clear thought I had at that time. I did notice the guard looking at me funny. Hell just about everyone was.

"What the hell are you doing?" I had stood up by then so as not to look too much like a fool, but with things the way they were that mission was a failure.

"Getting money out like you said." No he did not just say that.

"Toji." My head hurt, but I needed to fix this quickly, very quickly.

"Yeah boss."

"That's what you have bank cards and checks for."

"Oh, well yeah, but you said..."

"Toji."

"Yes boss."

"Put the gun down before I take it and shoot you. Now give the lady back her money and get your retarded behind out of this bank because I swear, I'm so close to kicking your ass right now, it's unbelievable."

"But I thought?"

"Don't think, just get out! Now!"

He did as I instructed, returning the money he had stolen and apologized to the crowd on the floor repeatedly before finally exiting.

I once joked with Dr. Akagi that Nerv should find a way to tax people for mental sighing, and at that moment I had this nagging felling that maybe the good doctor had taken me seriously.

I had my hands to my face trying to stop the migraine that was threatening to swallow me.

I sighed again. 'That idiot!'

I was at the tellers desk now, looking up at the lady at the desk and everyone was still focused on me.

"Um.." My mouth opened and closed a few times before I could continue. "How do I say this?"

The lady looked nervous, but considering what just happened, I couldn't blame her.

"Anyway... um.... yeah, well, I... was wondering if.... you could ... take some money out of this account for me. Here."

As I reached inside my coat the teller cringed and everyone else moaned in fear.

"Hey, it's just my bank card, alright." That seemed to calm them down.

"Oh, and you can get up now. There's no reason for you to stay on the floor."

The lack of tension in the room was evident and the teller gave a relieved but nervous smile as she went about the deal at hand.

Giving a irate look back outside, I couldn't believe he had just done that. I just didn't get it.

'I swear that punk had better not be in my car, cause I would have to hurt him.'

sigh...

/: exiting flashback mode :/ yeah... it's over. Back to the present or present past, or present progressive or whatever the hell you call it.

I was so close to throwing Suzuhara out to the cute fiends awaiting beyond our meager little protection of stone and granite, but I still had a use for him. God, I was starting to think like my father, but why did my 'help' have to be so stupid!

"Damn Pokemon!" Aida's cry brought me back from my musing. I guess Rei was right, I did always muse at inappropriate times. Doesn't mean I was going to let her know that though. But we did have more pressing things on hand other than beating some sense into Toji's thick skull. I swear though, man. He actually thought that I meant...

focus.... focusing.... Pokemon.... damn Care Bears!

No one really knows how it started, but what bits we did know were that something had pissed off every Pokemon and Care Bear in the city and all of them at the same time. Now they had all gathered together for some reason and were going on a rampage downtown.

And then there was the Care Bear Offensive, but I'm not getting into that. A bizarre, yet somehow happy looking giant, flying, fire breathing creature with a gut to make any beer chugging plumber envious, wasn't giving me the chance to.

Oh, and lucky us, for we had been caught in its path. Oh, joy.

We didn't waste time for any famous last words. Filling that thing full of lead was the only urge we had time for. It must have liked it for it danced about in appreciation and excitement, flapping its wings and crying out in rapture.

That last cry of joy as it fell to the ground in exhausted bliss, lifted our spirits at the chance to give that thing the enjoyment and pleasure it craved.

Our good deed done, we gave each other congratulations and hand shakes. All was good in the word. For now.

I knew this felt like a 'I'm going to need a whole lot more ammo than usual' day, but things had been so peaceful. I should have trusted my instincts.

Now here I was with my two Lieutenants hiding from the 'demons' as Toji called them and running out of the goods. That was going to have to change and fast if we were going to survive.

I took a look over the slab trying to decide our next move. Pokemon were roaming the place at random it seemed. I'd swear they looked lost as if they were missing something. Whatever. There was a side street that I was sure we passed on our way over here. There had been a gun shop somewhere around there. That would be our destination.

"Suzuhara, you have anymore grenades?"

"Yeah, one smoke, four frags and a three flash bangs."

"Good. Alright, here's the plan. Toji's going to throw a flash over to the left to get their attention and blind the bastards as we head for that side street over there to the right. I'm pretty sure I saw a gun store around there the last time we came by. Alright?"

"Gotcha."

"Yeah, I hear you."

"Oh, and save your ammo unless you really need it. I could be wrong and I don't have to tell you how screwed we are if we run out of bullets."

"Yeah, yeah, we heard you, Ikari."

"Alright then. Lets go."

Toji threw the grenade and after it did its deal we ran for it. A few of the creatures saw us, but a few well placed shots ended their musings.

/BI/: Asuka's POV :/

If there every was a time for a Stooge to be around, this was it. Cute little furry Teddy Bears of death roamed the deserted halls of Downtown Tokyo 3 Mall, shooting off their rainbow rays of destruction at anything that moved.

We, Rei, the sisters, Hikari and I, along with a few other people who were trapped with us in the shoe store, were armed with our usual arsenal, while a few of the guys from the sports department had base ball bats and golf clubs. Shoes with high heels were passed around to everyone as a backup, just in case. Compared to any other group of survivors we were far better equipped and prepared.

While the Saito sisters were giving the others an informal education in the wonderful arts of pseudo animal ass kicking, Rei had look out and was analyzing the enemy positions and numbers. Hikari and I were working on strategy.

"I say we head for the East exit, picking up whoever as we go." I was saying. "It's quicker and it will get us to our car faster than the North exit."

"Yeah, but the East leads almost directly to the food court where the largest concentration of Bears are located. We could go if it was just the clan alone, but we can't risk the others."

Hikari had a valid point, but there were other factors involved.

"True, they aren't prepared for this type of thing. Hmmm... The North would be slower going, but it is safer. The only problem is ammo. If we take the North rout, running out would not be acceptable."

"We are still unaware of the situation beyond the mall. We may come in contact with other problems once we reach the exits."

Wonder girl's brief little incite didn't make me jump, but it did surprise me... a little. I had just forgotten that she was there was all. And she did have a point, too, I guess... like I was going to tell her that, ha!

"Shiest this sucks! But whatever. We can't worry about that yet."

"So when will we worry about it Sohryu?"

"Shut up Ayanami!" Blue's always got something smart to say.

/BI/: Shinji's POV :/

"This was a very bad idea Ikari!" We were running down the deserted streets with a pack of demons behind us.

"Like I was supposed to know that there were more Pokemon this way Aida!"

"Doesn't matter! We're still screwed and those damn colorful bears aren't helping either!"

"Ah, crap, there's more of them over this way!"

"Come on there's an alley over here!" We all headed to where Toji was pointing and quickly ducked in. Before we could get to the other end the sinister shadows of what seemed like a squad of Care Bears was about to turn the corner and into our path.

"We don't have time for this." Luckily the building beside us had a back door. We wasted no time getting in but the barrel we were staring down did a wonderful job of discouraging our overjoyed relief. We never seemed to get a respite these days.

/BI/: Hikari's POV :/

This was turning out to be a very bad day. I'm sure Asuka could have found some choice obscenities to describe their situation, but I didn't know what else to call it. Crawling through the dirty, dusty ventilation shafts to get out of a Psycho Care Bear infested shopping mall was not my idea of a good time.

The fact that the few odd hundred of said psycho bears directly beneath us could look up and in a fit of rage, exasperation, ecstasy, I don't know whatever, and just light up that once care filled tummy of theirs and blast us back to Nerv HQ without a parachute was not helping to settle my mind either.

Plus, that geeky guy from the book store kept trying to look up my skirt. The bastard was lucky I couldn't get a good hold on my pistol, but I swear when we were on the ground....

If anyone had seen the purely sadistic smile on my face, I doubt they would recognize it was me.

It didn't last long, though. No need to show out just yet. It wouldn't do for some one to see through my act. Besides, I liked being the nice girl. I was fun when people thought you were too naive to see how they really felt. Like Rei. She may think I didn't know, but if that blue haired hussy looked at Suzuhara again I swear.

You'd think she'd be all over Ikari, like Asuka wishes she could be in her dreams, but apparently the crimson and the azure seemed to be undecided. I was sure I could help at least one of them come to a reasonable decision. And who knows, I might be able to snatch both Suzuhara and Ikari in the deal. Last night's previous activities might help speed that up a bit.

This day was actually starting to look up. That was exactly what that bastard from the book store did and a foot to the face was what he got in return. I had to give him his prize. It was only fitting.

/BI/: Kensuke's POV :/ isn't it fun to change points of view like every other few minutes. Well, at least to me it is.

"And who might you sirs be?" The guy with the double barrel shotgun to our faces asked politely.

It was only fair that we did the same.

"Ikari, Shinji Ikari. We were just trying to find a place to hide from those... things when we saw your door." The boss stated.

"We didn't mean to intrude or anything, sir." Suzuhara and I threw in hastily.

"We were just trying to keep safe." Ikari finished.

"I see." Hopefully he did. That was a very large barrel of a very powerful gun. I would be lying if I said I didn't want to examine it, it was the new model too, but I didn't need that type of in-depth examination.

"Well, I just had to make sure you weren't up to no good. Some people seem to think that they can take advantage of others in situations like this.

"We're not those type of people." I answered back. The danger seemed to be over, but that didn't mean it couldn't return or get worse. With our current luck it would probably get worse.

"Come on in then." Finally he brought the gun down and I'm sure we all let out a mental sigh. "My name's Kudi, but you can call me Kaji." Kaji said while walking towards the door to the right that I hadn't noticed in our earlier rush.

I would have commented on his choice in names, but whatever. What odds would there be that there were two Kajis in this city... I didn't even waste the time to try and calculate that.

We followed the guy into another room where a group of people were locking and loading weapons of all types and handed his shotgun to one of them. To be short, I was in heaven. I had to wipe off the drool quick before anyone saw. Wouldn't help to look like a fool now.

"So who're the strangers Kaji? Or are they for your private collection, eh?" A guy with a Mach 10 asked while giving us a leering smile.

I had nothing against homosexuality, but that was only when it didn't concern me. So when I heard that I knew my eyes was raised, Ikari was looking like a cornered animal and Toji, well lets just say Toji was five seconds away from having all of those guys with those gorgeous weapons blast us back out into the waiting Pokemon. Before I could stop him from pulling his gun out, sticking it down that punks mouth and spraying rounds into the obviously gay guy's leering face, Mr Kaji did it for him, only he didn't shoot.

"Tunde, how many times do I have to tell you I'm not gay. And do you want me to tell Fuji you've been hitting on other guys?"

"Hey man it was just a joke! Calm down." Tunde said, waving his hands in front of his face. The leering smile was gone and a nervous one replaced it. "Besides, I wouldn't want to steal your fun."

A few of the others laughed, Kaji only cocked his gun.

"I said chill man, chill. You're too uptight. You really need a girl or something."

"I had a girl, she was my wife." Kaji put his gun away. Apparently drawing guns on people seemed to be a frequent thing for this guy. "Anyway, I found them outside on the run from the crazy Bear things."

"Still picking up strays dad?" We all turned to see who the new speaker was and if not for the gay guy still giving me odd looks and Kaji fingering that pistol of his fondly, I swear my jaw would have been earthbound.

Before us stood an fallen angel in cut offs and a T-shirt with the words 'Hazardous to your Health' across her breast. And with the way she held the glock in her hand not only did she know how to use it, she seemed to be looking for something to use it on.

I was really starting to like this place. Reminded my of the clan back at the boss's bar.

"They needed help Fumi, so I helped them. What's wrong with that?" Fumi obviously saw a few things wrong.

"Well for one we don't know who these kids are or what they're about? They could be cops for all we know?"

"Hey, who are you calling a kid!"

"Shut up Suzuhara!"

The girl merely raised an eye brow at that.

"Another thing, if you haven't noticed, there's a war going on outside. We can't just bring everybody we find with us. We don't have the supplies for that. If they can't help out, then we can't help them."

"Well she does have a point Kaji." Tunde said from the side and a few others agreed.

"Yes, I guess you're right."

"Exactly, now then, you kids are going to have to show us what you can do."

We just gave each other a look. I felt like snickering, but that wouldn't help. Ikari voiced our collected opinions.

"And what do you want us to do?"