/Boss Ikari1/

- lawless priest -

08 - A Neo Willy Wonka

My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.

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Boring.

That was the word that had been running through my mind for some time now. It was around 9:30 pm and I was in my black Skyline parked in dark street corner, just waiting for a call. I had my head resting by the window, merely contemplating how much of a bastard my father was in general. Rei was in the front seat, her head turned toward the other window gazing out of the smoked glass, the night sky holding her full attention. Asuka was in the back, and not too happy about it, with her thoughts lost somewhere in the upholster.

Boring.

It had been 20 minutes since Asuka had last said that to me and three hours since the German girl had started to complain, four hours since Misato had given us the call, six hours since Megumi had tried to kiss me back at Kudi's shop and 2 days since the JSSDF's counteract that more less finished off that Pokemon/Care Bear revolt that had nearly leveled downtown. I had sooo wanted to get into that, but nooo, somebody just had to go see Kaji. So, we missed all the fun.

2 and a half weeks.

That was how long ago it was since our new informant, Mana, had hit us with the tip, the Kodama sisters had joined our crew and father had sent us on this wild goose chase.

Things had gotten a little strange for a while there after father had called us to his office. I can remember it all clearly like it was yesterday... except, it wasn't. It was 2 and a half weeks ago. You all know that because I just bloody told you not five seconds ago.

Anyway...

It was right after we had met up with Misato and the sisters when the culinary illiterate Major got a call from the boss. He wanted to see me and told me to bring the clan. So, I did, and met him in his office.

/: inserting flashback :/ you should know how this works by now.

I stood in the middle of the that huge shadow infested room that he called an office. I always expected to find a pentagram and star etched on the ceiling every time I came in there. Only devils congregated in that place and their leader sat behind the only furniture in the room.

For a an infinite amount of time there was only silence, but since I had places to be I called an end to it.

"Father..."

But not by much. That place stifled rebellious thoughts with an malevolent prejudice.

"I have a job for you."

That was it. No greeting, no hello, I mean, he at least could have humored me and just said 'Son.' in his usual deadpan, but no.... he just got strait to the point. When was the last time we talked? I swear man. But really, who was I kidding, this was Gendo Ikari, 'that bastard', you know the one. What did I really expect from him anyway, right?

"What kind of job?" I replied, trying to hurry this along.

"One of our subsidiary companies, Geherin, was broken into yesterday. An item of extreme importance was stolen from one of their labs. I'm sending you to retrieve the item and bring back the individuals responsible in for questioning."

'Subsidiary company, Geherin? That's not right?'

"Geherin? What are you talking about? We don't own a company called Geherin."

Father only answered with silence.

One of my inner voices spoke up suddenly in my head.

'Hey, you do know that he usually only does that when we say something stupid, right?'

Three more joined the first one.

'Or when he doesn't want to answer our questions' one said.

'Or when he's not listening to what we say.' came from another.

'Or when he's just trying to piss us off.'

The original looked sheepish for a moment. 'Ok, so he does this a lot.'

"Shinji." the old man called.

"Yes, father?"

"... Shut up."

'Ha, ha, I told you he does it when we say something stupid.'

'Shut up Baka! He just insulted us!'

"But Geherin ... wait, oh, yeah, right. You mean Nerv. Inc." Nerv was the code name for one of our side projects that Dr. Akagi headed, called Geherin. Yep, I really felt like a rectum then, especially since I was in the said companies main building. I could literally hear the walls screaming 'Good job, dumb ass!"

Father just looked at me from behind the white gloves of those folded hands of his, but I could have sworn I thought I saw him roll his eyes at me. Naw, it was just the light reflecting of his shades, even though there was no light in the room, so I don't know how that happened exactly, but it wasn't like that was the first time, so whatever, I let it go.

Inside the voices in my head were still going on about how right they were, and how much of an ass Father had just made me look like. But all the while, all I could think about was 'these idiots are the reason I'm always getting in trouble.'

'Nope! It's the red head.' They all answered in unison.

'Oh. yeah. How do I keep forgetting that.' They did have a point.

'It's because she's so cute.' the first three said.

'Hell, the blue headed chick is cute too, man!' the last one throw in.

'Whatever, she's got nothing on the red head!' the others retorted.

'How can you say that?'

'With ease man. With ease.'

"Shinji!"

Fathers booming voice shocked me back to the present and out of the budding argument from within my head.

"You will report to Dr. Akagi for more information on the item. I expect timely reports on your progress. Dismissed."

The voices were now auguring about whose fault it was that we had gotten yelled at. Tuning out the ranting in my head I went about my business and left.

/: end flashback :/

Akagi had given us what info she thought we would need to find the item in question. And she was right, it did help. Not soon after, we had been off on the search.

We had been on the job for sometime, which I'm not going to repeat again, but I just needed to say that because the voices in my head made me, so whatever. There were more interesting things that happened along the way, like the... naw, I can't tell you that, that would be too incriminating and the girls might find out. I'm not about to lose a vital part of my anatomy, at least it is to me, just to entertain you people. You punks better not be laughing, it's not funny.

I'm sure Asuka would say otherwise, but she didn't know and didn't need to know. What she did need was something to do. The last time she had commented, more like whined but I'll be damned if I repeat that out loud, about how bored she was had been the third time that day. If nothing of interest happened soon I was going to be thrown in a rather bad situation pretty fast.

Lucky for us or me, I doubt Rei cared, the phone rang and about time, too. We had been waiting for that call for close to four and half hours.

"SHINJI!"

"Aghhh! What are you screaming in my ear for?"

"I'm trying to wake you up."

"I wasn't asleep"

"I know."

"... Damn you Asuka."

She merely smiled.

Blowing out an aggravated breath, I didn't waste time to concern myself with Asuka. It would only lead to trouble. I picked up the phone and answered it while giving my nemesis a dirty look that she didn't see, and thank god, through the rear view.

It was Kensuke, it was on.

I gave the others a nod and got out the car with them following. It was game time. All foolishness was left behind. We had a job to do. Ahead of us was one of your typical warehouses, closed for the day, that was going to be used for some disreputable act or another.

I wondered if there were times where two different gangs sometimes chose the same warehouse for their dirty work and got confused when far more people than necessary showed up. I'd bet that would've been a very... interesting case for the cops when gangs, who previously had nothing against each other, start killing one another because of a mix up between which warehouse was booked that week. They should probably invest in 'vacant, this spots been taken' and 'do not disturb, nefarious dealings going on inside' signs.

But of course, all of that was a bit foolish and I really needed to focus on the job at hand. I really had more pressing things to focus on and deal with. Funny, I just said the same thing twice using almost all of the same words. Ok, maybe it wasn't funny, but whatever.

All of our prey had just arrived to the afore mentioned booked warehouse. Strangely, I found I was actually looking forward to this. Maybe I just wanted to get this over with. The hunt had taken far too much of my time as it was. And I really just wanted to get back to my bed and my SDAT player. This whole gangster thing kind of wears on you if you know what I mean.

Yeah, you probably don't. And if you did, would you really be reading this?

Whatever, I was here now and it would end now. Or at least it had better, damnit!

/BI/ Rei's POV

Condoms.

That had been the word that had been going through my mind as I waited with the others for the operation to begin. I could her Sohryu in the back of the car complaining about how bored she was. This was the third time. Once was a bad thing, but three was a dangerous number when dealing with the German women. But of course, nearly everything was dangerous when dealing with the highly volatile explosives expert.

Condoms.

That was what we were going to need if something didn't happen soon to occupy her to spare ourselves her wrath, even if I wasn't really going to complain if it did come to that. Why would I when we were the only ones in the car with Shinji.

I was quite sure that Ikari-kun was beginning to fear for his life right about now. Especially considering what had happened last time at that social gathering, I believe Sohryu had called it a party, at Mr. Kaji's club. That had been a... strangely pleasing experience. Even Horaki had joined in, but the young Ikari's adamant protest effectively prevented any chances of a reoccurring situation.

That needed to be changed, but there was nothing I could do about that now. I would have to get with Sohryu later to discuss 'strategy' after the mission was accomplished. Yes, once this was over with there would be plenty of time to concern myself with such thoughts, no... activities. I was tired of 'thoughts'.

No... thoughts just wouldn't do anymore. Action was an immediate requisite.

A smiled filtered across my face as I gazed at the stars. I was beginning to point out constellations that resembled Ikari-kun in compromising positions when the phone rang. I was a bit miffed at being disturbed, but the time had come, so I calmed myself. I had a job to do.

/BI/ Asuka's POV

We were on the side of the warehouse waiting for Shinji's signal. I had my trusty Nerv issue SMG ready at my side while Ayanami was ready and waiting with one of Nerv's new automatic rifle designs. Lt. Ibuki had handed it over rather reluctantly but somehow Shinji had convinced her to give it up. I wasn't sure what the deal was there but as long as we got better equipment I couldn't care in the least. Of course if that flat chested little girl thought she could get all touchy feelly on one Shinji Ikari, then we were going to have a few issues that needed abating.

But enough of that, it was a wonderful night and it would have been better if the night air didn't blew cold breezes through the cloudless sky which our plug suits did nothing to shield us from.

"Why couldn't we just wear our regular clothes for this, Ikari. I'm freezing my gorgeous ass off over here." I whispered harshly in our 'leader's ear.

"You are aware that our plug suits have an insulating system installed made specifically for situations such as these, Sohryu?"

The night air was silent for some time as I found and initiated said device and sought to come up with a suitable cutting retort, but unfortunately I never got the chance cause Ikari chose that time to give us the signal.

"Apparently your gorgeous ass was not aware."

'Bastard' I muttered. 'Stupid Wondergirl.'

We moved on slowly and stopped when we reached the edge of the wall. Shinji took a peak around the corner then turned back toward us and signaled the plan. Ayanami and I acknowledged our understanding and moved into action. Rei took to the roof while I went for the back entrance. The fools inside weren't going to know what hit them. And if that blue haired tramp slipped on her way up, all the better.

"Stupid hentai Baka and his blue dome drone Dummkopf."

/BI/ The young Ikari's POV

Asuka and Rei were making their way off to their own positions. One of them muttering the whole way. I've got 50 yen on everyone guess who could be. I'll expect payment with the week and none of you had better try to short change me. That aside, all I had to do was wait for them to get into place. And then this whole thing would go down. Toji and Ken had to be in position by now as well. Everything was set.

I took a few calming breaths and readied my silenced tranquilizer pistol. Ms. Ibuki had hooked it up just for me as a present for giving her such a good time that day awhile back. I couldn't help but blush a bit at the thought of the petite Tech assistant. Her smile was still getting to me and that had been a good week ago.

The yawn from the guard guarding - what else would a guard be doing. I mean they are guards - the front entrance told me it was time. Turning the corner I didn't give him a chance to do anything but raise an eyebrow. Unfortunately raising an eyebrow didn't stop the tranquilizer darts from impacting in his neck or that bird from crapping on his falling form. Don't know where it came from actually. It wasn't there before, but whatever it still had to suck, whether the guy was conscious or not. I did have to rush to catch him before he hit the ground, though. We didn't want to alert the enemy any earlier that we needed to.

I made my way into the warehouse slowly, hiding behind huge stacks of boxes as I made my way to the center. I could hear people talking as I moved. Their words were unintelligible, so I moved closer while trying to keep as quiet as possible. But every time I touched one of the boxes they would sway a bit and scrape against one of its neighbors. For a moment there I was sure one of them would fall as I passed by and screw the whole operation up.

I was really glad that I had opted to use the plug suits for this job or this would have been a bit harder. Anyway, my persistence paid off and I made it close enough to the parties in question to hear them. Too bad I couldn't see them. Sound would just have to do for now.

"So, you're sure it will do exactly what you promised?"

"Yes, I assure you, it will perform as I have explained."

"You had better not be screwing with me Nagisa, cause I swear!"

'Nagisa, where have I heard that name before?' Something Mana had said kept running through my head as I thought of this, but the others were still talking and I couldn't really focus on her words.

"Please General, we have been business partners for some time now. You know me well enough to know that I would not do something so foolish as that. It's bad for business."

'A general, eh?' Hmm... this was getting interesting. No wonder the military was involved, but I wondered if they know that.

"Besides, where would I be if I screwed you in this and the item didn't work? Keel would still have his hold over me and everything I have done so far will have been for nothing."

'Keel... Lorenz Keel? Oh, shit! Why did that bastard have to be involved.'

"So, General, it would be more appropriate to say that YOU had better not screw with me because I would hate to have to do something unbecoming of a gentleman in response to your betrayal."

So, one of old Skeletor's minions was trying to break from the Grim Reapers grip. sigh... this could get messy. They don't call him the Reaper for nothing. No one has ever gotten away after he's gotten a hold of them. This Nagisa punk was putting himself on a path toward a horrific end.

"Tell me one thing, once this thing starts, how do we bring it to an end?"

"That my friend is where you come in. Once I've initiated the plan, nothing short of the entire forces of the JSSDF will be able to stop it. What happened with the pokemon was nothing but a small taste of the power this thing has."

"I see..."

"I hope you do because we don't have time for screw ups."

Apparently there was more to all of this than I had presumed... presumed, who really used words like that, anyway, whatever it was they stole from father was obviously more dangerous than I had first believed and it seemed that that Nagisa guy was going to use it again. Now we couldn't have that, now could we? Of course not, even though it would be kind of fun to get our revenge on those bastard pokemon, but no, I had to stay focused.

One of them moved, scraping against the box I happened to be hiding behind. Evidently they were a lot closer than I had originally guessed. So, I thought, why not. Putting my back against the stack behind me, I gave it a good push and sat back in the cut and watched it all come tumbling down.

/BI/ Rei

Up in the upper levels of the warehouse I had a unobstructed view of my targets and the buildings goings on. I tracked Ikari-kun's movements through the maze of columned boxes awaiting an appropriate opportunity to raise havoc.

The two men who had been talking amongst themselves over a odd off shaped black oval, that must have bent the reputed item we were sent after and as their guards stood looking between each other like bored pit bulls one of them suddenly cried out. A large stack of boxes had hit a few of the stacks closer to them and the lot of them began to fall.

Of course this frightened the General and his companion. You should have heard their shouts of surprise. Now was as good a time as ever, so taking aim with my newly acquired rifle, I laid a number of 'goons' as the Stooges called them, to their knees or their faces as it were. It was a highly invigorating activity, but I kept my cool of course. No need to get excited over a few deaths.

I could hear the sounds of sub machine gun fire being traded off somewhere on the western side of the building. That would be Sohryu, clearing a path toward the item. Men seemed to fall at the sound of her approach. It could have been because of her weapon, but I was certain it was her acidic voice and presence.

/BI/ Asuka

Before me stood an older man in his early 40's in a military outfit who was obviously the general that I had over heard speaking to his partner in crime holding a weird looking off shaped black oval. -whatever that meant- This guy was dressed in a nice all white suit with a matching mop of platinum colored hair. On anybody else I would have figured the guy for a homo, but I wasn't so sure about this one. I just never expected to see any male around my age in something like that and looking so... feminine about as well. I didn't want to say it, but the guy was looking good. The word Bioshien kept coming to mind. But it was nice, I'll give him that.

It was easy to tell he was the one orchestrating this whole plot from his not necessarily outlandish but outspoken style, dress and his stance, but all that aside, he hand more goons surrounding him. The punk with the most goons was always the head honcho, or about to be the head honcho, either way.

"Hands up! Don't move!" I was really hoping they would give me a reason to shoot. "Come on, just one of you sneeze without saying bless you or something, please." The smile on my face when I said this couldn't have done much to help ease their minds, but that was sort of the point.

They looked from me to each other, and then they moved, more like ran, but it was all really the same to me. My shots followed them, making little of their bodyguards as they attempted to intercept my attack. Bakas.

Apparently somewhere in the midst of the earlier gun fight they had become shit-shocked. In their ongoing battle not to get their asses kicked they had forgotten about basic strategy and common sense. Hiding behind a large stack of wooden boxes was not going to stop high powered projectiles flying towards them at extreme rates of speed.

That goes back to high school physics. I mean come on. Hell, even Suzuhara knew that at least.

They didn't last long, leaving me a clear path to follow the two Boss men. White suit had taken the item with him, leaving the case, and making him the main target. So I gave chase. That punk wasn't going to get away from me.

/BI/ Ikari-kun's POV

I watched behind another stack of boxes as the general and the other guy took off with the item. Following them closely wasn't too hard, Actually with the chaos going on all around, it was fairly easy and neither of the two had a clue.

Unfortunately we were getting mighty close to the exit so I had to intervene in their little get away. A careful shot sent the General down. He was finished for today, but he wasn't out of the race, yet.

"Freeze! Move and I'll have to ruin your pretty little coat." The white suited guy stopped at my cry. He really didn't have much choice. "By the way, nice out fit. You know where I can get one its like?"

"Of course, Tarika Inc. can have one made for your for a respectable price, but it does help to have another, just in case."

Red

His eyes were Red

I had come to know that red was a dangerous color. It being the color of blood, stop signs, stop lights, warning signs, incoming missile lock on lights and then there was that whole universally known WARNING1 CODE RED! ATTACKING ENEMY FORCES DETECTED! thing.

But all of that was small compared to what I had referenced that color to. God gives you these little signs every now and then. And he expects you to you know, wake up and take heed and if you're lucky you just might survive whatever the come BS might have in store for you.

But, I was an Ikari and we didn't believe in warning signs and all that careful crap. As long as you had a pistol. a few extra clips and a free hand you'd be all right. Of course, in Tokyo - 3 you'd probably need a little more than that.

But as for that Nagisa charater... well, he gave me this weird, almost wistful look. Those deep red eyes of his stared hard into my own dark blue ones, almost as if he was trying to see through me, into my soul. But I had had enough of that gay shit.

"Yeah, um.. sure. Anyway... back to the point. Set the item down, slowly... "

He complied, staring me in the eyes again, only this time with a rather mixed expression. I couldn't tell if he was either peeved or frighten. Maybe it was a bit both, I figured. Looking back on it, I should have shot him then. I just had that feeling when I told him to freeze. Those voices in my head were going off again, saying crap like,

'cap that bastard, didn't you get that warning notice?'

'screw the warning, just shoot him and lets get this over with.'

'yeah, we can get the goods when he's dead.'

'and the that suit of his too.'

'get off the suit, we're on the job here!'

'no, you're on the job, I'm on break.'

'whatever. just shoot the punk and take the item.'

'and what if he drops it and breaks it?'

'Asuka will have our asses is what.'

'so just deal with it. It'll only take a few minutes anyway.'

.... sigh. My conscience was a dumb ass. But that wasn't breaking news, so I let it pass as just another brief moment of insanity. I really should've listened.

Right before Mr. Red eyes set what I had been running all around town for down, he pressed into its sides and the thing began to glow. Of course I put one in the punk for trying to play me. That was basic procedure. You know how it is. He took it in the shoulder and fell crashing back onto the floor. But the light emitting from the item effectively took away my vision. When it did finally subside, the white suited guy was gone.

Now when did he have the time to run away? Ok, dumb question. What I should have been asking was how come I didn't hear him and how'd he make it out of here blind? I was in the motion of answering a few of those questions when Asuka came barrowing into me, slamming me to the ground. She had a gun to my head screaming "Hand over the item suit boy, now or I'm cutting off a new toy for my collection!"

"I would if you'd get off me, Asuka and what collection?" After giving me a sheepish look for a moment and I swear giving my butt a quick fondling, naw... it was just my imagination, she complied saying something about me hearing things. I handed her the item which had once been a off shaped black oval -off shaped? who thought that up- but was now clearly, a golden smurf.

And yes... I did just say smurf. Yeah... I know. WTf!

"It's... it's a...."

"Yeah, it is."

"But?"

"I know."

"But it couldn't be, right?"

"Naw, it's probably just the glare, you know, making us see something else."

"That was a dumb explaination!"

"Oh, and you've got one better!"

"Whatever!"

We both looked back between it and ourselves trying to deny what our eyes were telling us, but finally we gave in to the reality of it all and sighed like the weigh of some 300 pound JPOP fervent obsessive zealot - oh I'm sorry, I mean fan's sizeable frame had been place on our shoulders.

"Damn..." we said together. I was going to say more, but... damn.I mean, that was clearly just not what I was expecting. I mean, it's a bloody smurf! And a golden one at that. What was pops thinking, seriously? No really what the - or what in the, for you serious grammar type bastards - hell was going on. I mean...

... a smurf?

but seriously ... a golden smurf?

No really, seriously... what was I trying to say again? oh yeah... I was going to say that I have absolutely no clue what I was just talking about and my mission to somehow remember anything related to that point was a failure, a bust, a no go, incomplete, not happening, etc.... and any other adjective or phrase that would fit the bill. Hell, you guys can probably think up a few of your own, right?

So get to it. Oh and yes I am one incredibly lazy son of a bastard, you know the one, but come on, I'm serious this time... why are you looking so surprised, I thought you all knew that, so why really would I waste my valuable time thinking up this foolishness if you could do it on your own.

And for that matter why are you people still reading this crap? You'd think you'd have skipped down already to the part where I remembered what I was trying to say and got back to the story, but apparently you cats aren't as smart as I figured you out to be. My mistake. Man are you people a bunch of Bakas, I swear. What's your proble....

Guns shots rang out and shattered my train of thought again and the pain erupting in my thigh was not helping the situation much. This only worked to further disrupt me from my new goal to sorely - and surely, but more sorely than surely - piss off the people who were reading this.

"Oh, man Ikari, are you alright?"

Toji... Who else would it be?

"Toji?"

"Um, yes Boss?"

"Did you just shoot me?"

"It looks that way."

"No, Toji, it is that way!"

"Would you believe that I'm sorry?"

I didn't even bother to answer him, I just gave him a look that said 'RUN YOU LUCKLESS BASTARD! RUN NOW!'

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, the spiked haired agent took his clue and ran like the full glory of hell itself - who we call Asuka, who promptly smacked me on the back of the head for writing that part with the mandatory BAKA! - was behind him.

I gave him a five second head start.....

Ha, ha, ha! Like hell! I was popping caps at that punk at 2 and looking for a rocket launcher at 4. 'That bastard shot me damnit!' Stupid Tokyo - 3!