PART TEN: Public Service Announcements
Erm… hopefully this chapter will be a bit more cheerful, laughter fans. Cruel, maybe, but cheerful.
"Come on, Paige, it'll be fab. You know you want to do this!"
Husk looked back at Jubilee through her long blonde bangs, "Gee, I'm not sure about this, Jubes. Don't you think that this is, well a bit vampiric?"
"Nah, and anyway it's a public service. News broadcasting is a public service, everyone knows that. People need to know what's going on," blathered Jubilee grabbing more tightly at her cohort's wrist and dragging her down the corridor.
"Jubes, I'm really not sure about this."
"People need to know. I need your girl scout camcorder badge. Come on." Jubilee dragged Paige into the staff kitchen, "Look coast's clear. Nobody's even gonna know it's you behind that camera, Hayseed."
BEEP! "Okay, J, I've turned it on. But I'm still not sure about this."
"It'll be fine," Jubilee turned towards the camera and smiled, "Hello and welcome to Jubilee TV, the show that puts the ooh in news! Behind me is the Xavier school staff kitchen, where, sources have told me, something more than cooking was taking place. Kurt Wagner, the man known as the Nightcrawler, was seen here with known gay superheroes Jean-Paul Beaubier, the Northstar, and his newly "out" boyfriend Bobby Drake a.k.a the Iceman. What does this mean? They could have been just up to some early morning cookery. But no, our exclusive source has told us that what they were up to was a different kettle of fish entirely. I can reveal, that these guys were indulging in a covert spanking session. If they hadn't been disturbed, who'd have known what might have happened. Maybe, this kitchen would have been the location of the Xavier School's first ever gay orgy, first orgy of any sort really. Questions have been raised before about Kurt Wagner's sexuality, and now, we go to our medical specialist and agony aunt, Nurse Annie, for the low-down on Kurt Wagner's inner turmoil."
The camera kept filming until Jubilee furiously mouthed "Cut" at Paige.
BEEP! The camcorder was off and back in the bag hanging from Paige's shoulder. And then they were running through the school and down into the med lab below.
"And camera! Hello, now we're in the med lab talking to resident nurse, Annie, Xavier's resident expert. So, Annie, when did you first think there was something odd about Nightcrawler?"
"Erm… well… when I set eyes on him really, I guess, I mean I just saw that tail dangling from the ceiling and..."
"Let me rephrase that: when did you notice something odder about Nightcrawler?"
"Oh, that. Well, after we found Iceman and Northstar necking furiously in the sick bay, Kurt went to great pains to tell us how broad minded he was about sex. I suppose that should've set alarm bells ringing. I mean, who knows what kind of damage seeing his tutor having oral sex with another man could have done at such an early age. I mean, I'm all for openness and all that, but I think that was going too far…"
"Herr Wagner told you this?" interrupted Jubilee for her viewers' clarification.
"Yes, yes he did. He also told us that he had a sexual relationship with his foster sister. That just doesn't seem healthy to me, but it got me thinking. And when I saw that picture of him in that dress," Jubilee held a copy of the incriminating photograph up to the camera, "well then, it all made sense. Clearly without a real mother figure, Kurt felt driven to find someone to fill that role, in a nurturing sense with his sister (and from what I've heard anyone else's sister too) and trying to express his feminine side in that dress. What he said about apache accountants in a parallel world is obviously a swiftly fabricated cover story not just to conceal his actions, but also to assuage his own sense of guilt. And with recent events, it seems clear that his early sexual experience has had an effect on his mind. Note the satin shorts were of the same bright cerise colour as the dress, showing that he still sees himself in rather feminine terms. Clearly, his bravado, is an attempt on his part to disguise his true nature. And if he's seeing this, I'll just like to say, there's no need to hide, Kurt, nothing untoward happened to Jean-Paul and Bobby after they came out, and nothing'll happen to you if you have the courage to be yourself."
BEEP! Paige turned off the camera. "How's that?"
"Perfect, just perfect!" cried Jubilee, "especially that bit at the end, Annie. It's just so touching and I'm sure it'll make the world of difference to Kurt."
Paige thought; something was bugging her, "Jean-Paul and Bobby!" she gasped.
"No, hayseed, we're not interviewing those two. This is meant to be a serious news programme. And anyway, what I've heard, they're covering up for him."
"No, I mean, Jean-Paul and Bobby, what'll happen to them if Warren finds out. Darn it, I barely talked him out of really hurting Jean-Paul last time and now what with Kurt and everything…"
"He's in Atlanta, isn't he, sweetcheeks?" said Jubilee.
"Yes…" said Paige, not really getting Jubilee's point.
"So he won't find out, will he? He doesn't get the bulletin board system. And, by the time he's got back it'll have blown over and he'll just think it's some stupid rumour."
"Gee. I hadn't thought of that."
"Come on, let's polish this up, now! Bye Annie!" Jubilee grabbed Paige's hand and they ran out of the med lab.
Some time in Xavier's extensive multimedia communication facilities later and the master copy was complete. Jubilee had sat in wonder as Paige cut and trimmed their interviews in cyberspace, before downloading them onto disk.
"So how do we do this again?" asked Jubilee dazed by technology.
"To get this out on the school network, we have to get in. We can't do this on one of the student terminals as it'll have to be moderated and there's no way they're going to let this birdie fly. So we'll have to get on to a terminal with proper access, and that'll be Kitty's 'cause I'm sure as heck not going to touch Sage's, and then we hack in and post it on the BBS before they find out." Paige had been seduced by the enormity of what they were doing, forget the school rule – sorry, conduct code – they'd be breaking, this would be a great blow for freedom of speech!
It took rather less time than Paige had anticipated to hack into Kitty's terminal, the password somewhat unimaginatively was Lockheed. Dang it, thought Paige, Kitty's so damn smart then she does something like that, but then who am I to complain?
They were sitting in the main common room with Annie waiting for their little timebomb to hit the screens, when Kurt walked into the room.
This wasn't any Kurt they'd seen before. For starters, there were his clothes; there were rather less of them. He was wearing a belted white kilt, or perhaps a loin cloth, that stopped mid thigh and his chest was bare except for the stout straps holding jewelled scabbards to his back, a gold diadem held back his uncontrollable hair, and a long and elaborate earring dangled from his left ear. Kitty hadn't been entirely sure about the earring, but Kurt couldn't be persuaded to leave it out. And then there was his posture, he held himself differently, normally he slouched a little, but now he had drawn himself to his full height and walked with confidence, carrying one of the bejewelled scimitars in his hand.
Everyone looked at him. Nobody spoke. The only thing to be heard was the hum of the bulletin board screen.
Then Northstar, stood up and laughed out loud, "I said you'd be more dressed if you wore a loincloth! And I was right!" The girls sunk back into their chairs they had counted on Northstar not being around to witness Jubilee TV in all its glory, and they hadn't even thought about Nightcrawler coming out of the woodwork and there were only fifteen seconds to go.
"This'll fox everyone who thinks that clothes maketh the man!" said Kurt his usual high spirits apparently restored, "I wore this little number on Excalibur's little jaunt down the sidereal string too, and I'm rather more fond of it. Queen Kymli gave it to me after we defeated Anjulie and her evil tentacled blob thing."
Kurt did a pirouette and some discretely tried to ascertain whether the blue-furred X-man was wearing underpants and their faces fell when their eyes confirmed this was the case.
Northstar slapped Kurt on the back and invited him to sit with him and Bobby.
That moment Jubilee TV made its on screen debut.
Kurt's outfit is indeed one from the Cross-Time Caper in Excalibur 16 (I think). It is very much the Xena/ barbarian hero type of get up. This was one of the best Nightcrawler stories ever, as it played on his expectations of high adventure and had him at his most Errol Flynn like. Oh, and it has a bedroom scene. And a Jaqcuzi scene. I kid ye not. Go read it and discover how to treat a girl Nightcrawler style!