/Boss Ikari/ Side Stories
- lawless priest -
/10 - Like a drunk fairy/
My name is Ikari, Shinji Ikari, the son of the famed Yakuza boss Gendo Ikari, aka 'That bastard', you know the one. Anyway, every since my 21st birthday, my father forced me to take the reins of the family business, things around here have become... extremely weird. But whatever, I take it as just another day in this whacked out city called Tokyo - 3.
-
Akagi, Ritsuko
A name feared by all who knew of it.
Within the underground, her deeds were legendary. No one dared to compete against her devious genius that even seemed to surpassed the damn near mythical folklore her mother left in her wake.
And like her mother, Ritsuko Akagi's stories were told after the cloak of darkness and in quiet whispers as if those doing the telling were somehow fearful that the wicked scientist could hear them and would enact a terrible vengeance upon their unprotected souls.
Many of Tokyo 3's more malicious urban myths revolved around her family name, which was also used as a curse whenever a plan went bust or if one was out smarted in a very profound manner, she was always thought to have been behind it in some form, pulling the strings from her dreaded web in the shadows of Nerv's pyramid HQ.
Akagi
A name synonymous with the Ikaris, mainly Gendo Ikari, who was a legend in his own right, but in all honesty these two were mere students of the dark and were known only because of their blatant moral offensives.
Their names served as a smoke screen, a dark curtain that effectively hid the true face of the real menace, blinding all those who were caught unaware. But I was not one of them. I knew of the danger first hand. And during my waking hours I found myself offering silent prays to the heavens for the luckless unknowing fools that inhabited this city who were truly unaware what unspeakable terror awaited them as the went about their pitiful lives in blissful ignorance.
For the world knew not the horror that was Ibuki.
/BI/SS
"SHINJI SAMA!"
The absolute and supreme mistress of Kawai and the Sunshine Army yelled out my name with all the enthusiasm ... that word reminds me of orgasm every time I say it, of a three year old child who's mother just gave her a piece of candy with the promise of more, which she instantly became addicted to and now has spent the last 20 years of her life trying to recapture that feeling.
I don't know what any of that meant or what relevance it had to my current predicament but I did know that judging from the snickers behind me, the angry mumbles, the few guns being drawn and the sound of a knife being pulled out and ready for use that the trouble in the form a petite frame hanging from my neck that was too cute for rational thought was only going to cause me serious harm if I didn't do something quick.
And hell, the day just started. I mean that collective unspoken 'WHO. DOES. THIS. BITCH. THINK. SHE. IS.' along with the death glares from behind me was all the warning I needed.
It wouldn't be so bad if only Maya knew just what her mere presence was capable of.
I remember the first day I meet her. It was back when I was seventeen. She had just turned legal. This was after mother had died and I had begun my training with Kaji-san. I was still rather depressed back in those days. Training was hard but it helped me keep mother off my mind.
/flash back mode/ is it wrong to have a flash back in every chapter or is that standard procedure? ...probably noy. /
As I remember it, it was another routine day and Dr. Akagi had me scheduled for one of her sync test. I never figured out what they were for, only that it was for some new toy that she was working on. I had just showered and headed for the testing room with my changing bag with my clothes in hand when I noticed Dr. Akagi's silly grin.
I had seen that grin once before that day Father had asked her when the trash was going out and she thought she heard him ask her out. I myself was wondering what the hell was he asking her about the trash for anyway. I mean can you actually imagine that scene with him there sitting in the dark with his hands folded inquiring about the bloody garbage. I swear some times, but whatever.
Needless to say she was pissed afterwards when she found out the truth but that was the past. At that moment Ms. Ritsuko was the last thing on my mind. The picture of giggling beauty that graced my depressed being was all that I could see.
I had never seen anyone quite like her before. She was small, yet pretty, not boasting anything special, but her figure was dead serious and the bulge I knew forming below was all too aware of that fact.
"Shinji-kun, I'd like you to meet my new assistant, Maya Ibuki." the Dr. introduced us but I barely heard her. I offered her my hand while my teenage hormones raged as I tried to keep off the dumb look forming on my face.
At first when she took it, I figured her to be on the shy side. The blush she gave me only added to that, but then I noticed Dr. Akagi's smirk and the almost lecherous smiles coming from the other female staff. The guys all shook their heads and sighed.
It was around then that the Air condition unit came on and the cool breeze that wafted through the room seemed a little more sensitive than it should have been. And then without looking down I began to blush a red so deep that it rivaled the color of Asuka's hair, who I had yet to meet.
You see, back then we didn't have plug suits and the sync test were taken in the nude. Usually I came to the testing room in only a towel to save time disrobing in front of all of those waiting women before the test. I had learned that lesson the hard way.
This day was no different, but apparently in my shock I had forgotten that the hand I held out to Miss Ibuki was the only thing holding my towel up.
I was quite embarrassed about this and Ritsuko's full fledged laughter was not helping. But of course it didn't end like that. This was Tokyo 3, the most notoriously bizarre city in the world. It couldn't end just like that. Besides if it did, one of this would have anything to do with my explanation as to why I fear Queen Maya as I do.
Back then, before the PPM United ( Pokemon/Pocket Monster) armies had destroyed all of the other factions after the death of Boss Papa Smurf and the fall of the Smurf families as they were driven away, the Gummy Bear gang more or less ran the scene in the underground while the Smurfs headed things above.
Come on now, I know you remember the Gummy bears right? You know .. the gummy bears? ... They have their own theme song that you can't help but sing along to... they're usually on that ' Gummy Juice', always bouncing around and the like, real energetic type cats, you know?
Whatever, I never knew why but for some reason father had them on the payroll, but they weren't the only ones. The Gummy Bear Gang or the GB (who are not to be confused with the Gumby gang ) had an arch nemesis who did work for us as well.
The My Little Pony crew were a real bunch of asses. Always bumping into people but they never apologized and would give you the back two if you ever looked at them funny and let me tell you, those hooves hurt and I still had the imprints to prove it.
They and GB never got along and it was around then that their latest clan war had started.
So, there I was, standing in front of one of our new employees hanging all out in the open in shock as the rest of the female staff members got a free view of my valuables when the GB came busting through, bouncing all over the place with the Ponies not far behind magical horns flying.
/Earlier: pre flashback / Ritsuko's POV
I was on my way to meet my new assistant when Misato came rushing down the hall with a troupe of Section 2 goons behind her packing some heavy equipment and stopping at the entrance to my lab.
I was more than a little surprised of course to see such a sight in my own territory and not having anything to do with it. For a second there I had to mentally check to remember if I had some diabolical scheme scheduled for that time and even whipped out one of my new goodies just in case the purple haired wench wanted to try something.
"Hello Misato, anything the matter?" I asked her casually.
"Hey Rits, no, nothing serious." She answered back just as casually while she checked her weapon as she waited for her men to open up the door.
"So, how's life?" I said while inching slowly to a better defensive position.
"Oh, it's good, it's good. So... how's that whole you being an ass thing going for you?"
"Screw you Katsurgi!" she only smiled.
"Hey Rits, I'm locking down this sector until further notice, oh and I'll need you to stay close to us for awhile. Things might not be too safe around here."
"Why? What's going on?" I was still pissed. Like a little kid, always playing games.
"The Ponies are rampaging again. We believe the GB has something to do with it, but we're not sure."
'Well that's a surprise. And of all the days for this to happen' I was thinking but Misato was still talking.
"One minute we're getting reports of a new clan war and the next we've got someone rambling on about the pretty colors. I don't know what's the deal with the colors, but damnit if they're that pretty I what to see them too!" the major yelled, stumping her feet like the grown child that she was.
Her men wisely kept their mouth's shut and I just shook my head. 'That women will never change.'
Finally the door was opened and Misato's team headed in, guns ready for anything.
… but they never are, are they? Well, then again, neither was I. But seriously, who would have been expecting such a sight.
The S-2 agents poured into the room with Misato and me hot on their heels, but the when the highly trained military agents froze in their tracks we knew something was up. All I could think about was that I had lost my help before she could actually help me and that the Ponies and those damn bears were going to pay for it.
I even had a few newly hatched nefarious plans conspired for such an event in the waiting that would fit perfectly for this occasion, but I never got the chance to use them, for there she was, my new assistant, glomping three of the brightly colored pony gangsters with a good four to six Gummy bears squished in between them for all that they were worth …. And they all seemed to be enjoying it.
"Wow, that's so cool." One of the other staff members still trapped in the room said. Judging from the dreamy look in her eyes I would have sworn they were on that stuff, you know what I'm talking about.
"Um.. can someone explain to me what the hell is going on here!" Misato's cry went unanswered.
:Fast Forward to where ever the hell we were before. : Still in flashback mode /
WE ARE THE GUMMY BEARS!
"Dashing and daring, courageous and caring
Faithful and friendly with stories to share
All through the forest they sing out in chorus
Marching along as their song fills the air
Gummy Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere
High adventure that's beyond compare.
They are the Gummy Bears
Magic and mystery are part of their history
Along with the secret of Gummy Berry Juice
The legend is growing they take part in knowing
They fight for what's right in whatever they do
Gummy Bears, bouncing here and there and everywhere
High adventure that's beyond compare.
We are the Gummy Bears!
"No, not again!" I heard Ritsuko cry out as their insanely high pitched cutesy voices rang up in song.
No matter how many times I heard it I always found myself wondering why they had to trumpet their theme song everywhere they went. Always. The GB could never just walk into a room and go about their business. Noooooo. They had to let everyone within the stratosphere know what they were about, even if it was just one of them.
And God forbid you ever thought to tell them to keep it down. Hell, you had better be packing, I swear. I know it sounds strange to so worried about a singing stuffed animal, but just take the word of a survivor of one of their attacks. You don't watch to mess with them.
What really got me was that they could walk in a room fully intending to raze the place down, guns a blazing yet come in screaming their little ditty with wide eyes and a glorious smile on their fluffy faces like all was right with the world. Much like they had that day.
"You rock smoking donkeys are not worthy to be loved by Mistress Maya, Only we of the forest have the right!" One of the bears was saying. Judging from the extra amount of fur that one had compared to the others I figured him to be the new head of the GB, their previous leader having suffocated in his own bile after a serious late night binge with their famous Berry juice.
Let me tell you, that stuff has some bite to it too... not like I would know anything about that though, just rumor you understand... just rumor.
"Neea... And how you raving alcoholics expect to serve the Mistress when you can't even keep still long enough to hear what she has to say. If anybody here smokes rocks it's you Bears! Neeea!" One of the pony's said, and no one could refute what he said because even as they were talking the bears were bouncing all over the place.
. The Bears didn't seem to take kindly to their four footed enemy's comments so of course they had to counter attack.
Strangely, or maybe it was strange only to me to see a furry, fluffy, 'juice' jugging stuffed animal whip out a pistol from out of its furry hide like it was a normal thing and start blasting caps at a group of brightly covered Ponies with magical horns that they used to not only block the incoming bullets with amazing accuracy but fire said horns back at their little gangster bear counterparts while simultaneously growing new ones to block the next batch of steaming lead.
No, a gang a bears no taller than my waist strapped like they were ready to take on anything that came their way was a bizarre sight to say the least but to see what happened next took the cake.
When the first bear had pulled out their straps I had already dragged Miss Ibuki down with me behind the nearest computer consol. I knew what to expect and so it was no thing for me to reach in my changing bag to load up the extra piece I carried with me. You should never, and I stress the word NEVER go anywhere in Tokyo 3, and god forbid the halls of Nerv not strapped. I mean, seriously, that would be your ass and in some case quite possibly your soul as I couldn't put it past Dr. Akagi to try some of the more... darker arts in her projects. So as a permanent resident I was always prepared.
What I was not prepared to see was the newly recruited Maya Ibuki giggle ecstatically and running unhesitantly into the raging battleground unprotected.
It was almost as if she didn't recognize the carnage going on for what it was because she just ran up the closest Pony and tackling the thing, gloomping it on the poor thing on the way down for all that it was worth.
"Oh, it's so cute, I'm just going to take you home you cuty you." The mad scientist's assistant said to the overly cute creature who only purred in response. Oh wait, that was me, hehe, sorry.
Ikari!
I was on one knee, still hanging out for all to see, gun trained on the nearest GB in case he tried something while Maya was there, but she only paused long enough to snatch him up too.
Ikari!
In a matter of minutes she had two gangs who had been feuding for as long as I can remember not only listening to her every word but begging to be her slaves if only she would smile for them. Even to this day I still have no id...
Ikari!
What damnit? What?
"What the hell are you doing? And who are you talking to?" A pissed off red head questioned me from across the room.
"What do you mean what am I doing?" I asked while trying to take note of my surroundings.
"You've been ranting for about 20 minutes on the past and how Ibuki's some evil genius." The red headed girl was saying.
"Which you have yet to explained I feel the need to add." Rei put in as she looked up from the book she had been reading.
"Yeah and it's starting to freak us out Boss." Toji said while looking concerned.
"Do we look like a diary too you Ikari? Kensuke said while holding up a hand full of cards while he eyed them and Toji's and then mine.
'Cards, what the?'
"I don't know what you're talking about." my reply was meet with hearty resistance and a few stray articles lying about the break room back at the bar were tossed my way, most of them hitting their mark.
"Don't give us that. We've been sitting here listening to you while you rant on in your own little world." Asuka was saying as I set the empty beer bottle that had impacted with my frontal lobe down on the card table in front of me.
"And this isn't the first time, nooo. Sometimes we'll be in the car stopped at a red light and you'll just start talking about some crap that happened in the past with Nerv and your mother, Metal Mechanica and who ever the hell Haruko is. She had better not be one of your floozies Ikari, do you hear me damnit?" The German girl raised another beer bottle threateningly.
"Rei, put her on the list. Haruhara, Haruko. Find out who she is."
"Already on it." was the stoic answer.
'How'd they find out about Haruko? She has to be bluffing.'
"Umm. It's not that serious, guys. I'm writing a story, its fiction of course, about well... us."
There was a long silence after my admission.
"And why didn't you say that in the beginning. I could have sworn you were touched in the head Ikari."
Leave it to Asuka to break the ice. Guaranteed never to leave an embarrassing situation less than awkward.
"I would love a copy when you're done Sir" Sunja said from the corner while her sister nodded her head in agreement in the opposite corner.
"Whatever, you just had better make me look good or I'm taking your artistic butt back to school, wooden paddle and all."
... mental pictures, that's going to leave a mark... wait what is Hikari doing here, whoa, screw that! what is Hikari doing with that wipe? Ahh crap! ... hey, that felt kinda good...
"Quick day dreaming you bastard!" the resounding thud of another beer bottle bouncing off my scull filtered through the air.
"Ow, gomen!"
"Pah, useless baka."
"Can we get back to the game here people?" The spiky haired Section 2 agent asked as he drew another card from the poker deck while Ken checked his chips.
"Hey what happened to that Smurf riot that was supposed to go down?" That was from Ken.
"Who knows..." was my enlightened answer.
"Well, maybe this is the calm before the storm." The blond responded.
"I can't refute that so I won't shoot you." and Toji and Asuka nodded with me.
"Agh, what is with you people and violence? Always threatening to shoot somebody, I swear..".
"Agent Aida, how did you end up in that wheelchair again?" Rei asked from her book.
"Because your psychotic maniac of a boyfriend with serious communication issues due to a perverse relationship with his father put me here."
"First off, I don't have issues... I have problems and my relationship with my father is not perverse, it's demented, but none of that is the point and since when was I anybody's boyfriend?"
Click-Clack
"You refute the claim." I wisely surrendered. In which the red eyed woman nodded and continued.
"So I'll ask again, how did you end up in that wheelchair, Mr. Aida?
"Alright, fine! Because I was being an ass, are you people happy now?"
"Very."
"You ARE going to share aren't you?" The German girl asked calmly from her end, even though the extra care she was putting into cleaning her pistol that had been no where in sight earlier told otherwise.
"Our agreement is still in order."
"Good!" The supremely satisfied smile coating her face had me worried and the hungry expression on Rei's didn't do any to quell that fear.
"Um... ?"
"What is it Suzuhara?
"Just a question, but aren't we Japanese?"
"Well, yeah, what's your point?"
"So why are we playing an American card game?"
"Because American card games are fun." was my brillant answer.
"True, I guess." He replied.
"So, you in or not Toji?"
"Yeah, fine, hit me."
"Well then people show me what you got?" Ken said as he laid his cards bare.
"Haha, sweet! Strait flush! Yeah, get that money up, baby!" Suzuhara cried out, while doing a gay little victory dance in his seat.
"I hate you both with equal intensity." was the surly reply from the Blond Wheelchairer
"I second your disdain and raise you 20." I couldn't help but add.
"Whatever..."
"You know what I hate?"
"No, Toji we don't." I said with a sigh.
"Butt pimples."
"..."
"What's wrong with you guys?" The punk asked with a bewildered expression.
"Eww, butt pimples, damnit Toji!"
"What, you act like you never had one before?"
"Ewww Ikari, you two are sick. Don't ever touch me again." Ken said while the girls just shook their heads sighing and sweat dropping.
"Whatever. Lets get off that subject."
"Yes, lets."
"So, what happened to the GB?" Ken said as he dealt another hand of cards.
"Yeah, I've never heard anything on them?" Suzuhara was saying as he took a look at his own hand.
"Oh, they were way before your time, don't worry about." I replied while trying to decide if I should go for the flush or a pair.
"Shut up Ikari, you aren't even that old."
"Weren't they beaten back by the Coalition?" one of the sister... Sunja I believed asked from her corner.
"Yeah, I think they were, during that whole Anti-Kawaii thing, back when the pocket monsters were causing all that havoc." The other Kodama sister supplied."
"You heard about that, Megumi?" the surprise was obvious in my voice and the others immediately took notice.
"Heard about it, ha! We were in it." Sunja said. I did get tired of that sometimes, having to look back and forth between the two whenever I asked them a question.
"Yeah, the AK was really pissed at the SA and so they get all of the Families and anybody who'd help and waged war on them. But are you saying that this Ibuki person is the leader of the Sunshine Army... the Cutie Warriors of Hell?
"Yeah, Maya's run the Forces of Kawaii from the beginning.
"Really? Wow! I didn't know that. I would never of though she had it in her. Did you join the Ak Coalition, Boss? Which group were you with?
"Um... sorry, no. That wouldn't have worked out for me. Maya would have sent her pets after me."
"Wait, but you shoot Pokemon all the time." Toji asked.
"Yeah, but they're traitors to the clan so it's cool."
"..."
"Traitors to the clan? You mean Nerv?" Asuka asked for the confused crowd.
"No, Maya and her army."
"Why?" Miss Horaki asked.
"Yeah, seriously?" Her German friend piped in.
"I don't really know, expect that it was because of some punk named Ash or Dust or something stupid like that and this tramp name Misty. Or at least I think she was a tramp, as far as Maya is concerned she was. I do know that they worked with Dr. Akagi on another one of her weird projects."
"Some how he found a way to catch them all and that pissed her ..."
"Bullshit!" Asuka interrupted.
"Exactly! There's no way to catch the all." Toji joined her.
"Seriously, there's got to be about a billion of the damn things and they've got new species turning up everywhere. You can't 'catch them all.'" The German finished.
"Hey assholes, I never said it made sense. I'm just telling you what I know."
"What are you people talking about?"
"Aghhh!" Ken and Toji screamed and jumped behind the coach as the Commander walked through the door.
"Nothing, don't worry about."
"Don't worry about it? Didn't I tell you to prepare our forces for a war no less than two hours ago and here you are in your break room playing cards and telling stories and you want me not to worry about it!"
The old man's tone had gone up increasingly higher after each sentence and it was really having an effect on my people. They had never really seen father mad before. So I could understand why.
"Um... we, I... uh.."
"Enough! Third Child if you don't get off of your ass and out there doing what I told you in the time it takes me to shoot you, I swear I'll..."
The old never got a chance to finish his sentence, considering he was talking to an empty room and all. Don't worry Tokyo - 3 The Ikari clan is back on the case.
"Don't you mean starting on the case?"
"Don't get shot again Kensuke!"
"And don't tell me you're going to go on rambling again, Ikari? Damnit, why can't you just get a camcorder like ever one else and write your stupid story from that, geeze."
... mumble, mumble... stupid red head.
"I heard that Ikari!"