LotU: The Two Towers wink wink nudge nudge

by Spoofmaster

A Two Towers parody, sequel to Fellowship of the Bra. LotU stands for Lord of the Undergarments. Legolas is straight but dyslexic, Aragorn's filthy, and Frodo's a moron. Incomplete and no longer updating. Feel free to enjoy what's there, though.

9. Chapter 9

Attention readers:

Due to the ever-decreasing quality of this story and the narcissistic attitudes displayed by its writers, it is now under new management. We at cannot allow people with a sense of humor to infringe upon our primary user base, or to make fun of our evil robo—I mean, helpful software.

And now, we place this story under the control of a member of our primary user base, a fifteen-year-old girl known as HughezGurl69. She has informed us that she will be transforming it into a delightful story about the escapades of the character Howard Hughes from the film The Aviator.

OMGLOLZSCENEDIVIDER!—

OMG Hi! I'm HughezGurl69! LOL, I had this idea and I just HAD to write it!1 It's about my OC, her name is Starla. Can Starla teach Howard Hughez to love again and stop being batshit crazy! Red to find out!1!

OMGLOLZSCENEDIVIDER!—

Howard Hughes sat in his…uhhmmmmm….office in his howse. (A/N: I didn't know wear it was sew I put it in his house Lolz). He stared at the wall b/c he didn't have n e airplanes to make that day.

Starla Jet came in and empteed his garbage can, which was filled with lots of things that were perfectly good but that Howard thought maybe someone else had touched or that maybe they were just too asymmetrical or too symmetrical. He watched her and decided to himself to throw away the trash can when she was gone because she had touched it and he didn't know her, Yet.

Starla finished wut she wuz doing and looked at him and asked, "is there anything else you want me to do?"

"Why are you looking at me?" asked Howard. "Do you work for me!

"Everyone works for you" said the voice recording his friend had set up to answer him when he asked that.

"Actually no." said Starla. "I posed as your maid becuz I wanted to come and meet you and see if the rumors were true. I own WorldAround Plane Company, but now I think I like you so I don't want to do bad things……that would affect you negatively……….anymore."

She finished talking and lookd at him hopefully—mebbe he wouldn't be upset?

"A SPY! A SPY!" screamed Howard, before throwing her out the door and locking it. "I wuz right! There are spies! Hundreds of them, everywhere!"

He then did the only thing he could think of in this situation. He took off his shirt and flushed it down the toilet, then tied his shoes to the sides of his head with his socks. (A/N: LMAO, I told u he wuz crazy)

Starla put her ear 2 the door and she could hear him going "a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a pie a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy a spy"

"Howard?" asked Starla quiestly. "It's o.k. you can come out and stop being crazy."

"Really?" asked Howard, opening the door.

"Yesd." replyed Starlaa.

"OK then." sed Howard, and so he stopped being crazy.

Suddenly, Demon Brewster appeared in a big cloud of smoke and temerity.

"It is I, Brewster." said Demonn Brewster. "To get my revenge on you Howard Hughez I sold my sould to teh devil." (A/N: OMG!2!) "Now I will use mu devil powers 2 smudge things adn make u eat desgustingly rare fish!" (A/N: OMG OMG; ONG)

"Oh no!" said Howard. He started 2 take off his pants, thinking he would f;lush them down the toilet. But Starla stopped him.

"No!" said Starla. "U r not crazy n e more!"

"I am not afraid of u or ur fish nor am I intimdited by your lama picture anymore!" yelled Howard. "Now fel the whip of my cane!" he said, smacking Demon Brewster's shins with it.

"Ow stop that!" said Deomn (A/N: LOlz!) Brewster. "I don't relly want to hurt you. I really love you!"

(A/N: HE ONLY FOUGHT HIM TO HIDE HIS FEELINGS!one! Woops, caps lock teehee)

"Oh ok" said Howard. "Oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok ho ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok oh ok"

And so they went off to Brewsters demon mansion to xpress their feelling s for each other physically.

"I'm just glad he found love" said Starla sadly

OMGLOLZSCENEDIVIDER!—

A/N Well that's chapter 1, lolz. Next chapter will b about how Howerd faces the temtation of a towl wench when he and Demon Brewster go 2 Florida on the super Chunnel. But can tehy make it thru the Super Chunnel at all? There are so many cowws!

"NO!" screamed MysticButtCrystal, breaking down the door. "You cannot write this garbage!"

"Eeeeeeeek!" shouted HughezGurl69.

"First off," grumbled MysticButtCrystal, looming over her and her computer, "Howard Hughes was a real person. So was 'Demon' Brewster. You can't go around writing slash about real people! You shouldn't even do it about fictional people. It shows a lack of respect for the source material nine times out of ten."

"Dont b stupid," replied HughezGurl69. "It wuz just a movie. Can't u tell teh diffrence between movies and life?"

"Argh, she even misspells when she's talking out loud!" screeched Spoofmaster, covering her ears in semi-mock agony.

"Is that what it is?" asked MysticButtCrystal. "I thought she was just mentally deficient."

"Just get the story back off her computer and let's go," said Spoofmaster. "We'vealready wasted enough time trying to track her down. The update's really late."

"I told you we should just have Snake Plissken do it," argued MysticButtCrystal.

"And I told you that he ran off and is hard to work with anyway!" snapped Spoofmaster.

"Oh, come on!" retorted MysticButtCrystal. "He's stuck out of his universe—for crying out loud, he works at a gas station in Tashmore Lake! He'd probably jump at the opportunity to go on another mission just to start feeling a little less lost. By now he's got to have gotten totally introspective, and you know how bad that can be."

"He's an unreliable jerk!" countered Spoofmaster. "Besides, what's done is done, and now we're the ones standing in some girl's bedroom in the middle of Ohio. Just get the story, and we'll leave."

"Fine, fine," grumbled MysticButtCrystal, turning back to HughezGurl69. To the infinite surprise of both him and his sister, her seat was vacant and the laptop gone. A light breeze blew the drapes around the open window.

"How'd she do that!" asked Spoofmaster. "We're two stories up!"

"Wait…" murmured MysticButtCrystal. "I think I know where she went."

He darted his hand out through the window and upwards. HughezGurl69 let out a squeak of shock as his hand closed around her ankle and pulled her none-too-gently down off the eave above and back through the window.

"How did you know she was up there?" inquired Spoofmaster.

"Notice how we're on the second floor, the walls are slanted to form the roof, and this window is in an alcove so it's possible to get out on the roof from it?"

"Oh, like how you knew Riddick was on the roof of that spaceship," nodded Spoofmaster, understanding.

"Yeah, exactly," smiled MysticButtCrystal. "How else would he have cut the support cables of both those bounty hunters? No way could he have jumped that far."

"Whut do you want with mee!" cried HughezGurl69, struggling inefficiently.

"Nothing," shrugged Spoofmaster, taking the laptop away from her. "We just wanted the story back."

"Can't afford to have you calling the cops or either," admitted MysticButtCrystal. "So I guess you're coming with us. I hope you like filthy old couches of humiliation and sadness."

With that, they dragged HughezGurl69 out the door and to the waiting Warthog. They tied her up in the passenger seat, and Spoofmaster climbed into the back with the LAAG gun.

"Don't shoot anything," growled MysticButtCrystal forebodingly as he clambered into the driver's seat and started the vehicle.

Other comments that came from MysticButtCrystal on the way home included:

"What did that squirrel ever do to you! That could have been Foamy, you ass! And then we'd have no more Foamy rants about how much he hates things!"

"If you shoot one more minivan, I might just actually approve of your behavior."

"Okay, now I approve."

"Stop killing so many pedestrians! You're getting us a wanted level! You see those two stars! You see them! Two stars don't just go away! One star, yes! Two stars, no!"

"Slow down! You don't want those Planet-Jerks getting wind of this, do you?"

and

"I swear, I'm going to tip this thing so that you get crushed between that gun and the ground. You see that embankment on the left? I know how not to use the E-brake, and I'll misuse it so bad we'll roll, I swear it!"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

And THAT is why this update took so long.