AN: Ahh... Another angsty piece. Here goes I guess!

Disclaimer: I do not own YYH or Evanescence or the song used!

Missing

Hiei stood there, in the outer edge of the woods outside Genkai's shrine, petrified. He knew he had to do this mission even though it meant death for him. How many times had he looked fear and danger in the face and never wanted to back down until now? What caused this unnatural fear in the very depths of his soul? Was it because he would never have a chance to admit how he felt toward his peers? How Kurama never failed to give him advice on what to do, the way Yusuke had matured over time into a young man and the way Botan always tried to put everyone in a cheerful mood. How Keiko always kept Yusuke in line and how he secretly honored Kuwabara for loving and protecting Yukina. Yukina. Hiei let out a long, low, mournful sigh knowing that he would now never be able to tell her who he was and be able to see the tender smile on her face ever again.

As the wind gently blew Hiei's cloak around him and softly waved his hair, he realized that this was it. He had to leave to complete this mission for his friend's sake. And because he never admitted any of his feelings towards them, they would never know he was gone and even if they did, they wouldn't miss him. All these thoughts entered Hiei's mind as he penned the last entry into the journal that he secretly kept.

Hiei walked slowly away the little building dropping his journal in the grass realizing it would no longer be of use to him. Taking one final glance back behind him he rehearsed in his head if what he wrote in the journal would truly be worth anything if anyone ever found it. He wondered if anyone would care about him or remember he was gone. Yes, he thought, it is finished. And as he walked away he recited the last pages he wrote to himself the words giving him strength to complete what he had to do.

Please, please forgive me

I'm sorry I haven't written this earlier but I realize now I can't hold back.


But I won't be home again

This mission is critical to the existence of Ningenkai. Someone has to die for the rest to survive


Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"

They won't cry for my existence. I am nothing more than a rogue. A murderer and thief at heart

You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.

I was always the quiet one. The one who snapped cold responses to everyone. The cruel one, the mean one. How can anyone miss that? I'm sure that they have forgotten me. They won't cry for me ever. They won't even notice I'm gone.


Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?

It's true. I'm there. I'm always there but no one sees. I'm needed only for the challenging fights. How can this be?


Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?

It's my fault I won't be missed. I hide behind the hard shell over my heart and won't reveal how I feel about anyone. They have taken no notice of me and it is my fault.

Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, now.

I'm on a mission to sacrifice myself so they can live and they'll never know. Even if they did, they wouldn't


Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?

My only wish, my only desire is to know that someone truly did love me. Alone. That word has haunted me from my birth. My mother's people despised me, the thieves that raised me despised me and now so do my friends. I am a cursed person. Won't someone miss me? My only desire... and it will never be filled.

Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,

They'll laugh when, or even if, they ever find out what has happened to me. They'll laugh and say I deserve to feel the way I do and my end is justified by my actions.


I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"


All I want is to at least be missed. To be wanted back. Just the knowing the fact that they missed me would force me to try harder and give me the possibility of survival.

And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.

I can see it now. I'm lying in the middle of nowhere, fighting with every fiber of my body my blood spilling onto the ground. Who would care? What's pain to me anymore? Nobody cares about now. They never have and they never will.


And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,

I'll always think and dream of them. Thinking about what could have been. If only. Such a large meaning wrapped in two little words. I'll live the rest of my days thinking about them but never seeing them or knowing what made them individuals


Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...

Yes, something will be missing. I will. And they'll never notice.

Hiei continued to travel to his destination. Destination death he thought. They'll never know. And there's no turning back.

Five years later...

Hiei once again walked through Genkai's woods in a daze. All he knew was he had won. But the cost had been high. He walked along tripping over roots, walking into trees and tripping over his own feet. Every bump, fall, or touch to his bare skin sent jolts of extreme pain through his body. His clothes were long gone for they had been nothing but rags. Half the bones in his body were broken, internal bleeding caused him to ache for rest, and he hadn't had any food or drink for days on end.

His memory was gone. Hiei trudged along knowing nothing except he had won a great victory. However, he couldn't remember his name. He didn't know where he was. His jagan eye had received a sharp knife through it and proved to be no longer of use so he had no way of seeing anything far away.

Hiei's foot suddenly caught on something and he fell forward landing with a thud in a shallow pit. Upon impact, he sent a chilling anguished cry of pain out from his throat hoping someone would hear him and, hopefully come for him.

XXX

Everyone froze when they heard the scream. Kurama, Kuwabara, Yusuke, Yukina, Botan, Keiko and Genkai looked at one another each searching the other for a clue to what had caused such a cry.

"That was the cry of a person in pain. Someone who is very close by," Genkai whispered. "Everyone go search. Yell if anything is found."

XXX

Hiei's eyes opened to see a clear blue sky above him. I'm going to die, he thought. I am here all alone, only to die.

His ears picked up sounds in the distance. Sounds of shouting. Was someone going to find him and help him? No. No one would ever find him. His fingers moved the dirt around feeling it's softness. This isn't that bad of a resting place he thought to himself. It's soft.

What were those sounds coming from above? Soft footsteps were walking on the earth above. A girl's voice said something. A face appeared above him. It was a young girl, one with crimson eyes, soft mint green hair and a beautiful face. There was something familiar about her.

"Yukina?" he whispered his voice so low and hoarse it could barely be heard.

Yukina's eyes lit up. "Hiei! It's you! You're alive! Wait right here, I'm going to get the others."

An hour later, Hiei lay on a bed in Genkai's shrine surrounded by all his old friends. In the process of being moved, Hiei regained his memory.

"Please don't go again, Hiei," Yukina begged. "We missed you so much not knowing where you were."

Hiei looked around at everyone around him. "Hn. No. I'm not a person worth missing. All I've wanted to know is that some one truly deeply missed me. I realize now that it is never going to happen. I'm a dying man." Hiei paused as he strained to breathe. "You guys won't miss me. I'm unimportant. Isn't someone missing me?" Hiei laid his head back and closed his eyes as his final breath escaped his lips.

AN: So, there you go. Tragedy, angst and a wee little hint at sibling-ness all rolled into one. I was on a "Missing" kick for a while and now it is all coming back because of some problems I'm having. I really like writing this piece so right now I am pleading with you to leave a review telling me how I did!