Chapter 13: The sight before my eyes

Neither of them where prepared for what they saw when they were allowed to enter the NICU, she had just come back from surgery and the nurses were around her. Eryn was a jumble of tubes and wires, there were twice as many as when she had been taken down to surgery, more IV's and drain tubes and her little chest had been left open from the surgery covered in and wrapped with gauze.

Her face was swollen as well as her hand and feet. She didn't look like the same baby, her color was almost a dusky grey now and Abby, while relieved to see her, was almost scared now. She couldn't get close to her right now because of the flurry of activity that was surrounding her.

She was on the vent again, that was to be expected, that part of the whole mess was what she was expecting to see and it was the rest of it that had her on edge. Eryn was heavily sedated so that her heart and lungs could heal and that would take time.

Carter held onto her while they watched the nurses' work, right now it was the only thing that they could do. It took every ounce of strength that Abby had inside her not to run over there and push someone out of the way so that she could be near her daughter again.

Finally they moved back so that there was a space where Abby could fit in. "You can come over now mom." She heard one of them say and Abby didn't have to be told twice that she could go. In the blink of an eye she had pulled away from Carter and was at the bedside.

"There's momma's girl." She said softly wanting to touch Eryn but yet almost afraid to with as frail and fragile as she looked. "Yeah momma's right here."

"You can touch her." One of the nurses' that was standing there said to her. Abby just gave her this deer in the headlight look. "It's okay you won't hurt her. She looks worse than she really is."

Those words were not overly reassuring to Abby's ears as she gingerly reached out her hand to touch Eryn's now. There wasn't much that she could do other than be by the bedside once again. She couldn't hold her, comfort her, she couldn't make things better for Eryn that Eryn was going to have to do on her own. It was a waiting game that Abby didn't want to play but knew that she had to.

Carter moved to stand behind Abby to be supportive but so that he could be near Eryn as well, while they sight of his daughter in the shape that she was in was a little unnerving to him as well he had expected almost as much when they walked in. "hey baby." He said softly now one arm around Abby the other touching the baby's leg. She looked so fragile and beaten up right now but he knew that in time that would pass and she would look like the little girl she had before all of this had taken place.

There was near silence in the room now as the nurses' finished making sure that everything had gotten moved, all her IV's were where they were supposed to be, that the monitor cables were all hooked up. One nurse was stationed to just take care of Eryn and it was one that Abby was familiar with and had spent many hours talking to over the time that they had been in the NICU.

Carter and Abby stood there for a long time before Carter had to leave again. But he would just be downstairs and if Abby needed anything he was a page away and would be right back. Abby pulled up a chair and sat down next to the baby's bed now.

"She's a fighter Abby." Rebecca said to her now.

"That she is." Abby gave her something that resembled a smile.

"If you have any questions don't hesitate to ask me okay?"

"I will." Abby said as she sat there in silence now watching her baby girl.

"Dr. Winters is going to be doing rounds in about an hour so if there's anything that you want to ask him, you'll have a chance."

"Thanks Rebecca." Abby said not wanting to actually carry on a conversation but it seemed to make the time a little more bearable.

The rest of the afternoon seemed to almost fly by and it was evening before she knew it. The surgery and moving her had taken up several hours and it had been almost three before they were able to be in there with her and now here it was almost seven in the evening. Dr Winters had made his rounds and Abby really didn't have any questions for him. She was just relieved that the baby was doing okay after everything, critical but okay, the next 72 hours would be the most dangerous of all. If she could make it through those she had a very good chance, however beating the odds of a forty percent chance of coming through the operation itself was very promising.

"Abby honey," Rebecca said putting her hand on Abby's back now, "why don't you go lay down in the residents room." Any other parent she would have suggested go home, but Abby hadn't left the hospital in weeks and right now Rebecca knew she wouldn't leave, "you've had a long day and I'll be right here with her for the next several hours."

"I don't know Rebecca." Abby really didn't want to leave.

"I can come and get you if anything in the slightest changes or have someone come and get you."

"You promise that you will, even if it's the littlest thing."

Rebecca gave Abby a soft smile, "if you promise to try and get some sleep. You won't do anyone any good if you wear yourself out and end up in the hospital."

Abby sighed softly but she knew that Rebecca was right. "Okay I know you're right, but don't let that go to your head." She was trying to break some of the tension that was in the air.

"Will Dr. Carter be coming up?" Rebecca asked as she watched Abby reluctantly get up out of the chair that she had been glued into.

Abby rubbed her face now, "I'm sure that he will be up when he gets a break." She said softly now as she fought to pull herself away. "He's in the ER working but will be up if he gets a chance, will you tell him where I am at?"

"Of course I will. Go on now get some sleep, a shower, maybe something to eat. I know you don't want to admit it, but she's in good hands with me. I'll get you if you are needed."

Abby just shook her head, "alright I'm going but don't think that I am going to let you be this bossy all the time."

"Don't worry I won't think that." She said, "but you know us, we worry about you."

"I know." And with that Abby moved from where Rebecca was out into the hallway. Rebecca was right Abby was beat, probably smelly and could use even the smallest of naps. With heavy steps she walked down the hallway and towards the resident's room to catch a nap. Normally she would have been expected to sleep in the parents room, but working there she was able to pull a few perks and have a real bed to sleep on rather than a cot granted it was small and a bunk bed, which someone would be crashing in during the night but it wasn't a pull out cot in a room that contained a bunch of other anxious parents.

Abby kicked off her shoes and curled up on the bed once inside it wasn't like they wouldn't come and get her if she was needed and right now she needed to keep up her strength so that she could be there if the baby needed her. But for now everything was well on the home front and hopefully it would stay that way so that she could get some sleep.