Attention all. Thanks to my dear, dear friend Erica Bing, the mystery of PDLD has been partially solved. According to her (let me assume you're a girl with a fetish for Chandler), it means Punch Drunk Lover's Duo. Now whatever that means, I just don't know. But hey, it's a start.

And ALSO, apparently I was wrong about jumping to conclusions about Anon. She is really just a poor PMS-affected person like the rest of us, and I was very mean to her, and she didn't report me, and I've changed the a/n on chapter 1, and nobody else be mad at her anymore because I'm not. Yes, here I am, confessing I'm wrong. It's true. You're not dreaming.

Some people have started reviewing telling me they don't like my a/n's and lashing out at readers. Well, I apologized to Anon about that, and I admit I really WAS mean. You can read my apology down there if you wanna hear me grovel in depth. But my a/n's don't break the guidelines, and I like them, and a lot of people do. So this is for me, and the people who like them. If you don't like them, you're allowed to skip them. Some of you said that they're going to make you stop reading altogether. I'm really sorry about that. I don't want you to do that. But I don't want to sacrifice my a/n's. If it is that big of a deal to you, you can, although I personally think you're making a big deal. It's not that hard to scroll down. I'm not saying this meanly, by the way, okay? These are just my thoughts on this. I'm sorry you hate me talking so much that you feel you need to stop reading.

Hey, Anon. Lookie here. Seriously, you'll love this. -takes deep breath- I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah, you heard right. –grumbles- I mean, although you were rather rude, and your review wasn't constructive or helpful, I can accept the PMS-induced haze thing. And I was kind of….hmm, snappish to you, to put it lightly. Alright, alright. I was mean. I'm sorry for being such a female-dog-type-person towards you. I was kind of in a bad mood and figured I'd take it out on a random person I didn't know. Also, I don't really get bad reviews, so you were a first for me- I'm kind of like a Veruca Salt in that aspect and I decided to throw a cyber fit at you for being the first to not give me what I want. Oh, and also sorry bout the rant about your name- Shakespeare was one awesome dude. Hopefully you'll accept my apology. Louie, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Totalytvjunkie: Do you realize that your review didn't include a single word about the content of my story? –attempts to gives stern glance- Oh well. That's the price I pay. But hey, now I know all about your amusing encounter with the red hair fetish lady. People like that freak me out. Like, people come up to me and are like, "Is that natural?" And I'm like, hello people! Look at how old I am! Except I guess I've seen people my age die their hair. But it annoys me. DON'T die your hair brown. You'll be just as bad as Lindsey! Oh, and this random lady in the office at my school that I have to go to whenever I leave school early or something- I've been there, like, a bunch of times, and every single time she says, 'Oh, my, you have gorgeous hair," like she's never seen it before! And I'm like…. Sucks you can't read till the 21st. After the 27th, I'm not updating until late August.

Epona9009: I miss my reviews. I get so many good ones. It's so sad they're gone. Rory-Finn is TOTALLY screwy. Hello, they don't even know each other! I love the repetitive-redundant line; my sister and I say that all the time.

Suz22: I would never think you an idiot for jumping up and down. In fact, once I skipped for at least 30 minutes straight- from the back of Six Flags to the front, waiting for the tram (that took a WHILE), actually skipping ON the tram (which made several people point and laugh- I told them they were obnoxious), and then all the way to the car. My friend told me I couldn't. Ha. Showed her. Okay okay, I'll go read your story.

Lukelaiandroryndean: Always the love, always the reviews, love the reviews, always.

Krys33: I love that you are working on long reviews. Do you know I've converted so many people into rambling reviewers? And they ramble only for mw? I have the power, my friend, and you WILL ramble. I agree that people don't laugh enough, and that is what I am simply trying to bring to the world. Laughter. I have such a large amount of wit and humor I feel it necessary to share. Public service, that's what this is. Don't thank me. It's my job.

LLJunkie: I do like Half-Baked, but I totally agree that it's not as good as you'd expect. It's a total letdown. Yep, they weren't together. This is a What in the World If? fic from episode 4-05. I love making references. And my Fort Lager line amused me too! You're the only one to mention that, and I thank you for it. LOVE the movie Airplane so much.

FanOfLOST: Squee is a cool noise. I know, the reruns are back where I have the DVD's… I have DVD's Season 1 2 and 3! But it reopened my fetish for Season 1! I guess they haven't sold the rights to Season 5 yet. I know, I can't believe they took away Gilmore Saturdays! I turned it on and was all, random movie! Who cares? Sporks are awesome. But I'd rather not be attacked with one. Totally watch the movies- Airplane is so amazingly funny, it's one of my favorites.

pOnDeReSqUe: I don't know if anyone's ever told you this, but you're cool. Blow the roof off the wazoo? You have no idea. I started laughing out loud. Wazoos don't have roofs. Video killed the radio star means that there was this star on radio shows and stuff but then, when they made video, radio was like SO last week and no one cared about radio and it was all 'video video video' and then the radio star lost work and the video had KILLED their career. Isn't that fun? I love writing these people, so I'm glad it's realistic! I love the two dollar-whore line. So great. But if I said it, people would be like, "…Who ARE you? You're too young to know what a whore is!" Which is, of course, not true in our changing age of MTV and sex coming out the wazoo. Heh, that's such a weird word. I can't wait for next review, when I get a proper, imaginative threat AND a proper, imaginative review. TCHAU! Fun!

Rusty Bedsprings: Don't insult the word choice of 13-year-old girls. I find it at times to be very eloquent, depending on the person. Periodic table. Sounds fun. I'd prefer puppies to a sex change, thank you very much.

Gidget89: Bipolar. That's very big nowadays. YES that's a Lorelai quote. –steams- I was funny this chapter? As in I wasn't last chapter? What's that supposed to mean? There, now I can be witty, because according to you, being mad makes me wittier. I wasn't actually that mad. I was kind of depressed the whole time I wrote that chapter. But I am perpetually witty, rain or shine. I don't think my emotions show when I write. I loved the vague line too, I put it in there because I wanted Lorelai to say it somewhere because I say it and I happened to have said it to someone online while I was writing this so it inspired me to put it in. Hey, I thought triceps were the ones right under your biceps.

Orangesherbert7: Whee! I remember, back in the day, when I was a review-shoutout-virgin. Heh, I'm your favorite author. And I have insight. And I'll feel my taters for you.

Michelle: Squeal! A whole email, just for me! Seriously, you need to stop with this praising NOW or I will become so conceited you have no idea. I'm practically in love with myself now. And you! You're so fantastic! I think we should totally form a religion around me. We can call it Hannaism or Muffinism or something totally awesome like that. And people can light candles and worship me. And give me lots of presents. Offerings, if you will, to the god of all things humorous and/or witty. That would be ME. I love writing these characters, so it's all the better I'm apparently good at it, isn't it? Writing Lorelai comes so easily to me, she reminds me of myself. Damn, I would've loved you going on about how wonderful I am for 10 pages. Now I have four thumbs (that's adding the two you gave me to the two I already had), five stars, and 10… point-things. Pretty good.

Izzpuppy: By the way, I totally love your bio thing. I ate the entire monster truck made of whipped cream. Of course, after I won the gold trophy thingy in the monster truck competition-like situation. Why don't you like to talk? It is the greatest pleasure in life. It rectifies all situations. My sister and dad and I were at dinner and they got into this huge fight. I was just sitting there, reading To Kill a Mockingbird as they screamed, and then, after many moons, they shut up. And I was like, "Hey, this is a morbid book, isn't it? The guy sticks scissors in his dad's leg." And they just stared. I'm totally making the movie When Wet Noodles Attack – bloodcurdling scream – and I get to be the villain, running around attacking people with giant damp pasta. Today my parents told my sister she had to cut back on Coca Cola because it was making her less hungry. She's addicted. My dog's name is Ziggy Stardust. I can't believe you commented on everything in my A/N. I'd totally be awesome for "Kids Say the Darndest Things." Billy Cosby is so amusing in a scary way. I used Airplane just because I love that movie. Teenager Luke? He watch Butch Danes, of course, the lean, mean, tiny-short-wearing machine! I LOVED Fantastic Four. Johnny is SO AWESOME. Maybe because he reminds me of Jess. Ooh, insight.

Jennalynn: Ha. You're funny. You made me laugh. I hate those 12 chapter, plotless stories. I am amused by this.

Video Killed the Radio Star

Chapter Quatre: Nakedness Plus Daughter Equals Bad

You wouldn't think that on the couch there lay two mature, rational adults. You'd probably mistake them for two hormonal teenagers, the way they were pawing at each other with the kind of haste you'd find in a couple hoping that no unsuspecting parent would stumble in. Luke had reversed their position on the couch so Lorelai was beneath him. Both of his hands were up her shirt. His flannel had been discarded already. Lorelai had her hands shoved into Luke's back pockets, and they were kissing like the apocalypse was coming within the next hour.

Lorelai giggled into Luke's mouth. "Who knew that watching Girl Scouts slam each other into juke boxes would turn you on so much?"

Luke grunted. "It's always been a fetish of mine. If you dressed up in a Girl Scout outfit, I'd never let you out of this house." He began to bite and suck down her neck.

"Tell me if you're joking or not. Luke." Pause. "Luke…" Further questioning was postponed as Luke drew her shirt over her head, burying his face in her skin. She giggled. "That tickles."

"Shut up, please," came his muffled voice.

Lorelai placed both her hands on his t-shirt clad chest and pushed him upright. "I'm voting for a change in locale. Bedroom sound fine with you?"

"More than fine," assured Luke, drawing her off the sofa and kissing her. Steps were awkward as the heated couple staggered backwards, mouths meeting sloppily. Luke slid his hand across Lorelai's bare back, neatly unclasping the bra as he swept it back up.

Lorelai raised her eyebrows, impressed and surprised. "Smooth. Have you been practicing?" Lorelai slid her arms out of the bra and reconnected to Luke as if they were magnetized at the mouth. Her hand reached for his hat, yanking it off his head and placing it her own. Backwards, of course. It would be blasphemous to wear it any other way.

Luke reached for the button on her jeans but she slapped him away. "Hey, if you go any farther, we'll be doing it on the stairs, which is probably not the most comfortable thing," she laughed, her voice breathy. Lorelai pulled away from him and walked backwards up the stairs. "Fetch, boy," she said in a husky voice, grinning devilishly, and she disappeared into her bedroom.

Luke took a deep breath and tried to run up the stairs as quickly yet as nonchalantly as humanly possible. Didn't want her thinking he was too eager, like he had waited for this for 7 years or something.

Rory pulled her Prius into the driveway right behind Luke's truck. Ah, so the movie night was still going. She bet her mother had Luke tied to a chair with his eyelids glued open, forcing him to watch whatever movie she chose. She hoped it wasn't anything too painful, like Sleepover. God, that movie was terrible. They fell in love after he saw her once, skating past him in a red dress! They didn't even talk!

Stepping out of the car, Rory wrapped her coat around her more tightly as the cool night air hit her. She dug through her purse as she walked to the front door and struck gold when she heard the jingling of her keys around her fingers. Her mom had started locking it since she was gone. Pulling the keys out, she slipped them into the lock after a good amount of fumbling in the dark for the right one. Luke really needed to fix the porch light.

Rory pushed the door open and entered the hall. "Hello?" She continued into the living room. It was empty, but the movie was still playing. It was Airplane. The wonderful singing scene with the convulsing girl in the background was on. She glanced into the kitchen. No one. Maybe they'd just gone out for ice cream or something. But Lorelai would never leave a movie playing when she was gone. It was blasphemous.

Then she caught sight of something on the floor by the sofa. It was Luke's flannel. She turned around. Her mother's sweater. And, farther on, near the foot of the stairs, lay an object that confirmed her suspicions. Yep, that was the lacy black bra her mother had bought while they were on a crazed Victoria Secret shopping spree caused by a lack of caffeine in their systems.

Rory giggled. Luke and her mom were getting in on upstairs right at that very moment.

Rory frowned. Luke and her mom were getting in on upstairs right at that very moment.

To be in the house with spawning happening? This was very bad for her innocent psyche. A loud bump upstairs confirmed that. Rory winced. She tiptoed into her room and grabbed a blanket and a book, using of all her remaining brain power not being used performing that simple act to block out the terrible images beginning to form in her mind. Rory stepped out onto the porch as quietly as possible and relaxed on the porch steps, drawing the blanket around her. She opened the book, To Kill a Mockingbird, which she was currently rereading for about the 12th time. Her mind started to soften as she slipped into her book. She had just gotten to the glorious part about the story of Boo sticking scissors into his father's leg when, to her extreme horror, she heard a loud moan coming from the bedroom window.

"God, Mom really needs to start closing her windows," Rory grumbled as the now-traumatized girl clutched her blanket and scuttled into her car, locking the doors and rolling up the windows. Just to be safe, she turned on her CD player, the sounds of the Cars playing loudly. Sound-proof. She let out a breath. "I'm going to need a shrink."

Luke leaned his head back against the pillows, closing his eyes. Lorelai had her head on his chest, and she was stroking his chest hair absentmindedly. The sheet was thrown haphazardly over their tangled legs. Luke's left arm was drawing soft patterns on the bare expanse of Lorelai's back. He stole a glance down at the back of the head on his chest.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking Arby's," replied Lorelai, lifting her head with a half smile.

"Lorelai…" he said warningly.

"Oh, I love it when you say my name like that, Butch. It just sends shivers down my spine."

"Lorelai…"

Lorelai wriggled over onto her stomach, resting her forearms (along with their forearmy muscles) on his chest. "I never pegged you as one of those contemplative after-sex guys."

He sighed. "I'm not. I was just wondering, that's all."

"Does Luke feel a little insecure about the aftermath of the amazing sex he just had with Lorelai?" She grabbed his face with her hands and made him nod. "Yes, he does. Poor Luke. He doesn't know how good he is."

Luke let a wry, half-smile escape from his mouth. "Oh, I know alright."

Lorelai raised her eyebrows and smiled. "Is Luke a little full of himself?" Forced nod. "Yes, he is."

"Isn't the after-sex conversation supposed to be deep and meaningful and sometimes soap-opera-like?"

"Not with me, buddy." She slipped her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him down for a short kiss.

"Okay, one last serious question." He froze slightly, thinking. "How are you feeling about this whole situation? You know, with you, and me, and… this? What just happened here."

Lorelai smiled. "You know what they say, Luke, if you're not mature enough to say the word then you're not ready to lay the bird."

"That's real poetic."

"Too afraid to speak it, it isn't time to freak it."

"Oh, come on now…"

"If the word won't leave your mouth, wait a while to travel south."

"You are something else, you know that?"

"Yes. I'm definitely not something. I'm obviously something else." She grinned, stroking his stubble. "And to answer your previous question…" She propped herself up on her elbows and shoved her mouth on his, pressing down onto him and tangling her tongue in his. His hand slid from her back down lower. Lorelai pulled away quite suddenly but stayed where she was, her breath ticking his mouth. "I am very much in agreement with our previous activities and hope to duplicate them at a later date." She kissed his nose quickly and leaned back. "Is that a sufficient response?"

"Define sufficient," replied Luke, kissing her shoulder several times.

Lorelai giggled. "You know, if you asked Rory that question- not that you and Rory would ever be in this situation- she would probably give you a dictionary definition. 'Acceptable, tolerable, adequate,'" she mocked. "Um, I don't know how else to describe that without getting out a real dictionary."

"Where is Rory tonight?" questioned Luke. "We never heard back from her after her call from her date."

Lorelai gasped and shot up. "She was supposed to come home! Do you think she did? What time is it?"

"Calm down. It hasn't been that long." He checked his watch. "It's just past midnight."

Lorelai leapt off the bed. "She told me she'd be back a little after 11." She made for the door. "I have to go see if she…"

"Lorelai, although I definitely love your present outfit, I'm not sure Rory will."

Lorelai looked down at herself. "Right. Nakedness plus daughter equals bad."

Luke smiled at her as she grabbed an oversized shirt from her bottom door frenziedly. "Since when did you get so good at math?"

"Oh, you know me, I'm a mathematician. Just call me… hmm, that reference would work if there were any famous mathematicians." She slipped on some underwear and a pair of shorts.

"What about Einstein?" questioned Luke.

"Well, he was a scientist and stuff, not just a mathematician. Galileo?"

"Astronomer. Archimedes?"

"Yes! That guy! Didn't he discover pi?"

"How should I know?"

"Well, you brought him up," reminded Lorelai, her hand on the doorknob.

"Well, you're supposed to be finding Rory."

"Oh! Rory! Right. Stay here, would ya? The equation of nakedness plus daughter equals bad still stands, and it's probably even worse for someone else's daughter." She disappeared out the door and down the stairs.

Lorelai peeked into the living room. The TV was still blaring to an invisible audience. It was near the end of the movie. Johnny leaped across the screen, screaming, "The tower, the tower! Rapunzel, Rapunzel!" Although this line would usually elicit an extraordinary amount of laughter and a couple rewindings from Lorelai, she ignored the movie and moved on to her daughter's room, pushing the door open to find and empty bed. No note.

Lorelai quickly grabbed her coat from the hook and burst outside. There was her daughter's car, and there was her daughter. She ran up to the car door and knocked on the window energetically. Rory jumped and rolled down the window. "Well. Greetings. How may I help you?"

"Can I get a cheeseburger, some onion rings, and an explanation for your interesting sleeping arrangements, please?"

'I wasn't sleeping, I was reading."

"You know, the funny thing about that is that you have a perfectly good room inside filled with books. And it's not a gazillion below zero degrees in there! Huh! Go figure."

"Well, it's less traumatizing in here."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I walk into the house to see my mother's clothes scattered all over the floor. And thuds from upstairs. And a moan. Did I mention the moan? Because it wasn't very pleasant for me."

Lorelai stared. "Oh, honey, I'm sorry. It just happened so fast, and I wasn't thinking about you- good thing too, because if I was thinking about you while having sex with Luke that'd be pretty weird, dontcha think?" Rory rolled her eyes. "I'm sorry, babe. I didn't know you'd be so uncomfortable with the idea of me and Luke." Lorelai's face, which had been at a definite 'perky' while with Luke, had drooped considerably. The thought of Rory not wanting her and Luke to be together might change, even damage, her and Luke's relationship.

Rory was quick to explain once she caught sight of the look of death on her mother's face. "Oh, no, I'm totally fine with you and Luke being together. I just don't want to actually be in the house while you two are… being together. If you get my drift."

Lorelai's face fell back into relief. "Wow. Okay. That's really good. Because… I really like Luke. Really. A lot."

"I like Luke too, Mom," grinned Rory. "You know, you two were pretty loud."

"Oh yeah?"

"It didn't help your windows were open. The town's gonna have a field day. I bet Babette heard the whole thing." Rory giggled. "She was probably cheering and egging you guys on. I bet she had binoculars. Do you think she'd think ahead enough to have a ready-loaded video camera nearby?"

"Wow. That's a disturbing thought and a real turn off," said Lorelai, making a face. "Come on, come back in the house. I promise, no more sex until you're gone." Rory closed the window again and got out of the car. Lorelai wrapped an arm around Rory's waist as they walked, and Rory mirrored the move. "So, tell me about your date."

Rory made a face. "Well…"

Although the sentiment is universal, I made up those three sayings about sex. – bows – Yes, yes, thank you, I know I'm a genius.

You know what? I've discovered a simply shocking statistic. Do you have any idea how many hits a story gets? And how little the amount of reviews pales in comparison? I mean, I know I get an unusually large amount of reviews, more than most, but just look at this statistic. Okay. Let's take my last story, Thank the Cavemen, for example. Now according to my hit-counting and review-counting thingy, I received 4198 hits. Yet only 160 reviews! That means that 26 percent of my readers reviewed. This is amazing, isn't it? So just take the time to drop a line. For any writer. We take the time to write chapters and whole fics, now don't we? We appreciate all you can give us, even if it's one word, and even if the word is 'fishsticks' or something. We appreciate you care enough to write 'fishsticks' out.