"Even though I love you so much that it hurts,
Not even 1/3 gets across to you.
My true feelings are just spinning on air,
My heart isn't even saying I love you"
-- 1/3 no Junjou na Kanjou
I threw my heart out to the one I knew. Today it's still sliding across the ice. Aimless. Numb.
I put on a brave happy face to cover my sorrow. It's not supposed to look real. I don't even care enough to try it. I won't show a sad face to him or to anyone else. I don't need their pity and I don't want their help. I can't afford to. I so cautiously allowed my shield to shatter. Now I can only distance myself in attempt to preserve whatever is left of me.
Kaoru wouldn't understand. She has Kenshin after all.
I'd thought there was only rejection to fear. I'd forgotton this. Aoshi knows I love him. But it just didn't matter. No rejection, nothing. My love just didn't matter. Maybe he's just heard it so many times before. It doesn't matter.
If only he could see just a little piece of the love I hold for him in my heart. Maybe I have to love just a little harder.
I know they'll tell me he's not worth it, and perhaps he believes the same, but they're wrong! My love will never be wasted. Its mine to give to whomever I wish.
And so I'll keep loving, quietly. A little less then genki, to all appearances. The tears won't come, even though I want them to. Why can't I be happy or sad? Why am I stranded like this! I can't even move. I feel like I can hardly move. I can't be happy. I don't even want to be. I'd rather be sad, really. But there is no choice. I'm in some mournful purgatory. I'll just keep going in this feelingless void. I'll just keep trying.
It hurts... so badly, but.. none of this is real,... right?
AN: Go ahead and rip me up. I'll just be listening to Kremlin Dusk and this.