In July, Picnic!
It is the height of summer, and Xelloss recalls his first picnic to impress Lina.
This story may be read standalone, but it is best read as part of the continuing "In..." series, following In June, Weddings."The kids have found a game to play together at last." Lina reached for a carrot stick, picked it up, and waved it at her husband's nose. "Good thing you thought to bring a ball along."
Xelloss smiled at his wife. "I have been trying to be a better father. Gourry gave me some very handy pointers for handling children. He came from a large family, you know. Anyway, I don't think they are so afraid of me anymore."
"They're not. You've done a great job. I knew you could warm up to them, when Zelas no longer had her hooks into you." Hers eyes fell upon the small book Xelloss was holding. She had seen it before while he scribbled in it, but only in brief glimpses. When she would come near, he would stow out of sight. It provoked her curiosity.
Xelloss kept his eyes on Lina. He watched as her tongue moistened her bottom lip. She had something on her mind, but as her eyes moved up to meet his, they were slightly hooded, shielding her intentions. She looked enticing, and he wanted to kiss her. He encircled her shoulders with an arm and drew her closer.
"And everyone was right; the more I loved, the more I could love. I can share you with them now; it wasn't possible before. That concept is not possible for demons, except, of course, for this one." He leaned forward and kissed Lina's lips.
Lina pulled the notebook out of his hands demanding, "What are you reading? You told me I couldn't bring anything on the picnic but myself, and here you are reading a... what is this thing anyway? I can't read a word!"
Xelloss was unmoved. He stood still, patient, holding out his hand, palm up. He wouldn't say a word until she returned his diary.
"Oh, damnit anyhow. Just tell me!" She smacked the book down hard on his upraised hand, sending a little thrill of pain up his arm. "Xelloss, stop smiling and tell me what it is."
His moment of pain-induced rapture faded. "And here I thought you just wanted a kiss. I'm disappointed."
"No, you're not. You were teasing me with it by bringing it out of hiding."
"I'm sorry, that wasn't my plan. It's my diary. I thought you might be amused if I read an early entry from it."
"Oh, yeah? I thought it was a spell book you were taking notes in. All these years, and you were keeping a diary. That's pretty unusual hobby for a demon, I figure."
"You figure correctly. So, are you interested in listening to an account of our first picnic together?"
"A picnic and secret-sharing session, huh? Sounds great. How about you read me a story, while I finish off this fried chicken?"
"All right. Let me see... Here's what I want: Our first picnic."
"When was that? Was I there?"
"Yes, you were, but this was before you knew I loved you, before I knew I loved you or that you loved me..."
"Yeah, yeah, I get it. I think remember that one. I was traveling with Gourry, Sylphiel, Amelia and Zelgadiss right after the Seyruun wedding."
"Not right after, but soon after."
"Okay, but it was before Filia and Milgasia got married, right? Yeah, because by then we were straightening out our relationship."
"We were beginning to, I'll grant you that much. We had a long way to go. No, this was way long before that, when I was consumed by desire and had no idea how to get you to notice me."
"Really? Oh, I'm gonna like this story a lot. So, go on, get started." Lina settled back on her pillows with a hunk of bread and waited.
"Okay..." he began.
I departed Wolfpack Island some months after the DarkStar incident, but thinking back to that now, I don't remember what the hell I was doing during that time. Oh, yes, of course I do. I dropped in on Zelgadiss when he returned to Seyruun. There, I observed him court and wed the Princess Amelia of Seyruun. Whatever else I did in the continuance of time is inconsequential now.
I am happy to say that I have a much better understanding of what I'm doing at the moment. Currently, I am on assignment, but that isn't the entire reason for my day-long surveillance of the humans. I have decided that it is time to do something about Lina. I am just not certain what it is that I should do. I have a vague notion what that might be. You see, it plays like a chant in my head, looping over and over. It goes like this, put succinctly: How should I best get Lina to notice me? The word 'notice' is rich in significance.
Where am I going with this? I plan to follow Lina, watch Lina, study Lina, and find a way to get Lina to recognize my strong points. Today, I will make progress, I promise myself.
When I detect her, she is not alone. Lina and company reunited recently, and are currently on the road, stuck in a valley with spell-enshrouded passes through the mountains. In an instant, I join her troop of do-gooders, which she acknowledges her own way. "What demon lord do I gotta rid the world of this time to get you off my back?"
Unnecessary hubris on her part, but it is nice of her to ask. It is also not the kind of 'notice' that I want now, I realize now that think about it. No, I want something more, an elusive concept to be sure; one I can't put a handle on.
As I watch Gourry place an over familiar hand on her shoulders, I have to control my impulse to kill him on the spot. Perhaps this is a clue to my problem. I can harness my anger well, but when Lina starts laughing at his stupid remarks, my disturbance multiplies.
"That's ridiculous, Gourry. It's a good thing you're the best swordsman I've ever known, otherwise you're useless 'cause you sure can't read a map. Come 'ere, Zel, and take a look at this for me and see if I'm right."
I want to impress Lina and have her admire me. That just came to me. Now, see, she shrugs the brute off, and sits closer to Zelgadiss to talk. Lina is sharp. She likes to share her thoughts and plans with someone who can debate her on equal terms, and Zelgadiss is quite clever and insightful.
"No, it's not what you think at all, Lina," Zelgadiss tells her. "The markings indicate the route is closed in winter. Note the elevation changes here...and here. It's summer now, and I think it's our only possible route."
I want to engage her mind, her imagination, and challenge her beliefs. I really do. I didn't just make that up, either.
Zelgadiss never touches Lina, although I know they are friends. He avoids contact with everyone whenever possible, with the exception of his wife, the princess. He just thinks he needs an extremely important excuse to have that oh-so-necessary human skin-to-skin contact. The big swordsman, Gourry, doesn't. He avoids most of life's problems by simply not thinking. He feels, though, and he annoys me, but not all the time, only when he expresses his affection for Lina, which only appears to involve brief moments of close interaction. So, what am I saying here? The physical act of contact is an important aspect of what I want.
As Lina stands and stretches out her slender, petite body, I observe the reactions of both men, Zelgadiss and Gourry. They look up with interest, possibly lust. What I want involves intimate contact with Lina. Me and everyone else, so it seems.
"Okay, whatever you say, Zel. I need a break."
"A nice bath and a soft bed would be a welcome change, wouldn't it, Miss Lina?"
"Amelia, that's just what I need, that, and a restaurant."
"Lina, why don't we go find a town?"
"Well, Gourry-jellyfish-for-brains, if you'd been paying any attention to what I've been talking about, you'd know that until we can find a way over, around, under, or through those mountains, we aren't ever going to reach a town, village, or wide spot in the road. And before you suggest we use magic, I'll repeat for the benefit of the memory-impaired: there's a barrier blocking it!"
He looks stupefied. Lina's explanation hasn't sunk in. "I sure could use a good meal," he says, "but you'd like the bed and bath, wouldn't ya, Sylphiel?"
"I can't think of anything better right now, Gourry-dear."
"A solution to our problem would be better." Lina is grumbling now, and looking my way. I can feel her acute hunger pangs. I am tempted to offer her immediate respite from her problems, but then, that wouldn't suit my nature. However, if I make it unexpected and twisted, then there is the possibility of sport. Ah, now she calls for me. "Hey, Xelloss! I'll bet you know a way we can get past these mountains."
"Yes, I do. Oh, but I'm afraid that none of you can traverse the astral plane, so that won't be of any use to you. OoF! "
"I will pound you, Xelloss, within in an inch of your worthless life for that one!"
Alas, Lina is in no mood for my jests. Lina is short tempered and in dire need of nutrition, which makes her abusive, not that I particularly care. There is nothing short of her Ragna Blade incantation that can harm me. I wonder if this isn't the contact I long for. A fatal blow? Of course, it isn't. It satisfies none of my cravings. I do have an idea, though. Between blows from her hard, tiny fists, I manage to communicate the portion of my scheme which is material to the immediate company. "How about I take a look at that map over a picnic?"
It is the princess who pulls Lina away, and talks sense back into her. "Miss Lina, stop or he might change his mind. Didn't you hear? He's going to make us a picnic, you know, where we eat outside? An outing with food?"
"Eating alfresco," Zelgadiss contributes.
By a combination of reason and force, they convince Lina to stop her pummeling. Then, without a word of apology, she releases me and addresses me with her particular bright-eyed look of wary enthusiasm. "How long will it take?"
See why this human, named Lina Inverse, excites my passions? She has no feelings of remorse for brutalizing me for no real reason, and can turn on a dime and accept any giveaways I have to offer. She is hard to pin down, wildly changeable, instantly gratified or angered; in short, a child of chaos after my heart. Pure delight!
I take my time to answer carefully. I have lots of time; I am immortal. I take in the scenery and the possibilities first, and then tell her, "Meet me by that lake near the stretch of sand. I'll make the purchases, and deliver everything to that spot, okay?"
She is delighted. They all are. Even the dour Zelgadiss agrees. "Seeing as we have no choice but to comply or starve, we might as well start walking."
From their parting words, I know they think I'll disappoint them, but that will only make the final outcome more impressive. The lower their expectations, the more surprised they will be when I actually follow through. And what's more, if I do a good job, I wonder: Will Lina reward me with what I desire? I pray to the Dark Lord Rubyeye that she will know what that is, because I don't. My goal has become complex. I reiterate what I know up until now: I want to impress Lina, to engage her mind, her imagination, and challenge her beliefs. I want Lina to notice me, admire me, and, in the final analysis, I want intimate contact with her.
Okay. I am going to do her a favor, she thinks. Will Lina reward me with what I desire? I repeat the question, hoping to short-circuit the old chant once and for all. Will Lina reward me with what I desire?
How the hell do I know what Lina will do? I don't, and I can't. However, I am certain nothing will come of my plan if I don't move on and do some shopping.
"Bye, bye!" I wave to Lina and her friends, and then I get down to business.
I locate the nearest village with an open farmer's market and begin my spree. My first and most immediate purchase is a cart and a pony to pull it. Within the sturdy cart I stow a wheel of cheddar cheese, a crate of wine, and a barrel of beer. I load several baskets of ripe fruit next to breads still warm from the oven. I stack boxes of paper-wrapped pastries to one side and tin-lined buckets of ice on the other.
A butcher wraps lengths of sausages and smoked meats suitable for outdoor eating, instructs me as to how to serve them, unnecessarily, and watches to make sure that I place the packages near the ice. I suppose the run-of-the-mill priests are lame-brained in this town, and he had taken me for one. That's okay; I conceal my true nature among humans this way. I add a few linens, implements, cutlery, and dishware to my supplies, and then I lead the pony out of the square, around a corner, and directly onto the astral plane. Oh, not the pony. I release her first or else she would have died a gruesome death, which doesn't suit my interests at the moment, strangely.
I transport myself and the cart of merchandise to the allotted spot by the lake, and then look for a likely spot to set up my very first picnic. I fix my eyes upon a level, grassy place with gentle downhill drafts and dappled sun from a cluster of trees. In the distance, I can see Lina and her travel-worn companions hiking miserably only a half an hour's march away. Lovely. Time for me to finish up.
Summoning up a few demon underlings to help with the heavy work is no trouble at all for a demon of my rank-- so I do. Drinks are jammed into pails, while minions chop ice to fill in between. The pastries, meats, and fruit are laid out in the shade with more ice to keep them from spoiling. I want the giant cloth spread in the center of the clearing. With a snap, the checkered cotton unfolds, stretches itself wrinkle-free, and floats to the ground. A subordinate unloads the plates and stacks them in the middle. I scatter cutting boards evenly around before assigning a demon to slice a thick wedge of cheese and place it on one board. Another selects a loaf of bread to adorn a cutting board. I fill two shallow bowls with fruit and place them at either end of the cloth. I position baskets containing linen napkins and cutlery in strategic places. Glasses are dotted all around the tablecloth within easy reach of anyone. And then I stand back and eye it all critically. Cushions! I have forgotten cushions for the humans to sit on!
I send a dozen of my dutiful and less imaginative underlings back to Wolfpack Island to scour the rooms for pillows of prescribed size, shape, and composition. "And you, bring me back a vase no bigger than you can carry," I order my most trustworthy subordinate.
"To fill with their blood after you have feasted on their agony, Master?" The minion assumes too much, no to mention that this one lives in an imaginary world most of the time.
"No, to hold wild flowers the humans will pick on their way to my picnic," I tell it with a matching smile.
It pales, and then grimaces and hacks up a laugh. "Ha! You joked! Ha! You are funny, Master."
We say no more, and it has left with a smile on its distorted face. I was funny, but not as funny as it thinks, and in more ways than it can dream.
When the pillows and vase are at last in place, I send my minions away and peruse the fruit of my labor. I have chosen the perfect location for the spread. What a satisfying feeling, and I didn't have to kill anything to get it; that's what's so amazing!
It shouldn't be long now. The travelers have spotted my distinctive profile, and are hailing me. There is no creature on this planet, which has met me, that does not recognize me. I am the forgettable traveling priest to most the others, and I am the right-hand man to the Beastmaster Zelas to a very few others. I return a wave in greeting.
Lina is leading the pack on the run. Their energy reserves must be too low for the magic users to fly, but they sure can run. I stand to the side, giving them a wide berth.
Oh, yes... Lina will be impressed, with this and with me. I can't imagine why she wouldn't be. I am a being superior to her in every way, and now I will demonstrate that I can play at human better than any of her associates, or her, in fact!
As I point out the various food choices, she watches me intently, more than is required for what I am telling her. With a warm ripple of both comfort and self-consciousness, I suspect that she would have looked at me that way even if I had been talking complete nonsense. She is impressed.
What I feel is not what I expected. I suffer from a confusion of emotions. A rush of warmth floods my extremities, much like a human who experiences the blush-effect, as my aura rushes to my hands and face, concentrating my power in preparation for an attack. I want to kill. I want to impress. It is a fact I am going to have to address sooner or later.
I have shown all kinds of emotions towards her, beginning with my initial lack of interest. I was irritated when I discovered how much power was wasted in the form of a tiny sorceress, a mere human one, totally dependent upon the whims of nature and luck to provide for the roof over her head. Her failures amused me. Her achievements... well, I developed a grudging respect for her intelligence.
Now, I am afraid that if I open my eyes, I might show her how I feel, more clearly than even I know. I am fighting for all my worth not to admit to anyone at all, especially myself, that I am instinctively drawn her. Her, Lina Inverse, a mere human, but my human.
1"Master, should we stay and serve?" An underling hiding in the shadows asks me this, interrupting my train of thoughts.
"No. All of you return, now." I send away my minions before Lina sees them. I don't want Lina to think I can't handle a simple picnic all by myself.
"Yo, Xelloss, this sure looks good!" Gourry tells me, beaming with pleasure. "Why, there's everything a body could wish for, and plenty of it, I hope."
"There's more stockpiled away," I assure him quickly, then look for Lina. I am more interested in what Lina thinks. I greet her with a smile and escort her to a cushion.
"Hey, Amelia! Come here! Xelloss has already got something for you to put your flowers in." Lina says, nodding in my direction. "Nice spread, Xelloss. I'll have a glass of whatever you've got open."
When I bring her some refreshment, I close in, near enough to touch her. I brush her arm, while losing my nerve to reach out and give her a hug. Such a simple gesture! All the humans do it, so why can't I?
"Xelloss, stop! It's overflowing! What's the matter with you anyway?" Lina shouts at me.
"Oh my! Sorry. I must have been distracted by your beauty," I say in truth, but then attempt to cover it with a smile and chuckle.
"Idiot," she grumbles.
I see that stocking away a large number of the extra large cloth napkins was a good idea as Lina grabs a handful and dries off her fingers. Good. It is taking all my self-control not to lick the spilled wine from her skin. I hate fighting temptation. One of these days my impulses will get the better of me, I'm afraid.
I just used the words 'afraid' and 'losing my nerve.' That's twice I've hinted of fear. Lina is very dangerous for me to be around, and no number of napkins can absorb all the blood that would spill should I lash out in an urgent need to save myself. As fond of merciless slaying as I am, I must not kill these humans. That would distress and distract Lina, making further observation of her impossible, and, therefore, result in the failure of my assignment. I can feel the strain caused by my self-preservation instincts kicking in.
I must not ask too much of my demon makeup. My power comes from my belief in myself. I know I am the most powerful creature on this planet outside of the living Dark Lords above me, and because I believe it's true, it is. If I doubt myself then I am vulnerable to attack, so I am careful to protect my image of aloof confidence, even if it is only an illusion. My real 'self' resides on the astral plane. When my body is damaged severely, I must retreat there to effect repairs. These humans might be able to cause me some damage, but even Lina cannot kill me.
I truly have nothing to fear from Lina and her companions, and so I shall dismiss all my concerns at once. That's right. I am simply under orders to watch them and to avoid leading Lina into the realms of any of the other Dark Lords. Even though Lina is a powerful human, she is still just a human, and I am of the superior race of demons. I am the almighty force here.
Hell, who am I kidding? Lina is the finest specimen of human flesh I've ever known and I have no idea what to do next. My 'self' is becoming more attached to this body all the time, and Lina rocks the very foundation of my belief system. I am open to attack through my non-existent heart.
"Are you just going to stand there all afternoon, Mr. Xelloss?" Amelia asks me.
"Ah, no. Is there something I can get you? Sausage?"
"Just sit down and relax," Lina barks.
I nearly collapse at her feet. I can't believe the power she has over me. I have this intense craving to conquer her heart and gain her love. If my Lord and Master knew what has been monopolizing my mind, she would think me insane. "Lina..." I gasp. That won't do; where's my composure? I must regain control of my mind; I mean, the least I can do is disguise my weakness with a normal-sounding voice. "Er, salami?"
How am I ever going to explain how much I desire her? I fight with myself just to retain my equanimity! If I were to expose my confidential innermost yearnings, she and her friends could use that as a means to my destruction– and I know they would, given the chance.
They do not love me. I know that, but how about Lina in particular? How can I tell? Should I ask her? That would sound odd wouldn't it? Something like: "Lina, how do you feel about me, in a word, a nice one?" I don't believe she would use the word love. "Tolerate," is more like it, I think.
I might lose my mind with the craving I have for her. I have observed male humans for hundreds of years, and, take it from me, I know it can happen to them. Positive, life-promoting emotions can be terribly self-destructive to all living creatures, demons in particular. A year or so ago, I enjoyed Zelgadiss' exquisite pain as he agonized over whether or not to share his feelings with the princess. Unfortunately, she saved him from further torment when she revealed her own attraction for him. I had to leave. It was sickening. Really. Now it is I who suffers. I will go mad with desire if I hold it in, or if she shares it. One way or the other, I am doomed.
The others don't understand at all. Here's a sampling of what they are thinking:
"Don't you wonder what he's thinking sometimes?" Amelia asks about me.
"No. He seeks the world's destruction, so he's probably considering how to kill us all. See his smile? He has come up with a plan."
That was Zelgadiss, her husband and now a prince of Seyruun. He's a cynic, and usually correct.
"I think he's pleased with how we're all enjoying his picnic," Sylphiel said.
"If he's pleased then we've just been poisoned."
"Mr. Zelgadiss!" Amelia admonishes him.
Gourry looks up to say, "I don't feel bad at all." Although, even if he did get ill, I don't think it would stop Gourry from gorging himself.
"There is nothing wrong with the food," Lina insists with a glare Zelgadiss' way. "He wouldn't dare. He is trying to impress me, aren't you Xelloss?"
And for a moment, I think I am going to die. She has guessed my obsession with her, and is about to blow my cover. I am unprepared for this.
"Why, Miss Lina, my purpose is simple: to supplement your diets so that you can proceed past those mountains. Did I impress you with my job well done?"
"Well?" Xelloss' question brought them back to the here and now as he closed the diary.
"You bet you impressed me! I knew you were in trouble, but I never knew just how... conflicted you were. Thanks for reading that to me."
"I am glad I did, although vulnerability is an uncomfortable feeling for me."
Lina changed the subject tactfully. "Yeah, that was one fine spread you put out that day. You even found us a way around those mountains." She sipped at her sweet dessert wine, her appetite sated at last.
"Ah, yes, well... I had to steer you away from a dangerous situation."
"What dangerous situation? There was an obvious spell barrier of some kind, but you never told me about any inherent danger. If I remember, what you told me was it was an aberration in the astral plane. Now, was that it or was it actually something else?"
"Iiiiit... was something else."
"What?"
"Lord Beastmaster Zelas was having a little skiing party with a few friends. She didn't want to be disturbed, and so she sent me to divert you, to watch you and employ my talents to alter your course to her benefit, to be exact."
"You mean, if I had worked at it, I might have blown up that mountain and gotten Zelas and a pack of demons in the same blow? Dammit, Xelloss! All our problems would be over now if I'd done that."
"I wouldn't have let you, not back then. It would have been suicide, anyway. You see, with her was another dark lord, Deep Sea Dolphin. There would have been no way for you to have defeated all three."
"Three?"
"Me, too. I would have had to destroy you, and as much as I was enamored of you, I was still only my Master's servant. I couldn't face that dilemma, so I made certain you had only the one choice, which was to follow the path I provided."
"You made certain... How did you do that? Did you drug us?"
"Bing-go! That's right! Just a little to weaken your judgment."
"The wine did that. I recall drinking a lot because it got so hot and that was all you gave us to drink."
"That was all, and enough. You had the good sense to use the route, which only appeared on the map I substituted for the one you had, that took you safely out of the valley and to a very nice hot springs in time for your evening meal."
"Yeah, I remember that place, too. Well, can't do anything about it now, so I forgive you. I do wish I could have gotten a look at the dark lords..."
"My dear Lina... How I wish you hadn't said that. You know how you often seem to get what you wish for." His wistful smile turned less sad. "Yes, after that I've had to keep doing novel things to sustain excitement and drive our emotions to greater heights."
"Oh, Xelloss, you don't have to do that any more. Don't you see? Our relationship has entered a new state where we don't have to win each other any more. You have me; I have you. We shouldn't fear losing one another. And loving your children can firm up our bonds even more."
"You mean, I don't have to shower you with gifts or attention or little surprises any more?"
"Well, not shower, maybe, but the occasional box of chocolates is nice."
"I see. So, this baby of ours, which you carry, will make all the other things I do unnecessary?"
"No. All our children are equally important, but this one," she placed her hand over her still-flat abdomen, "is significant in a different way. It means now it is just us; no mistress inside your head telling you what to do. Our family is bonded and solid and doesn't have to be conquered anymore. We all love you."
"Just chocolates, then," he murmured into her neck as he bent close and kissed and nibbled her exposed throat.
"And anything else you might want to do. Just don't feel obligated, that's all." Her breath caught in her throat as his lips found hers.
"I...see," he whispered between gasps.
"Da-ad! Sissy won't share the ball. She's keeping it all to herself, but not playing with it!"
Xelloss pushed away from the object of his adoration. "I remember when the children kept their problems to themselves and left us to our intimate moments."
He let out a significant sigh, but was smiling. It had grown much easier to exercise the full functionality of his positive emotions since Lina had cut his bonds with Lord Zelas. He could tolerate the children's cheerful attitudes with far greater ease and had no problem sharing Lina with them, something that had been impossible for him to do two months ago. To his surprise and delight, the children required no tricks or treats to lure them in; theirs was unconditional love, and he felt blessed, certainly.
With a whispered spell, Xelloss made another ball appear in his hand. "Here, this one's for you, okay?"
"Yeah! Thanks Dad!"
Tricks and treats weren't required, Lina had told him, but they did come in handy to manage his egocentric family, in the past, present, and he suspected in the future as well.
End, In July, Picnic