Chapter 9: Endless

Weeks passed by without any change. Sakura had accepted her fate and started teaching at the academy without further protest. Usually in the mornings she was now away with her pupils or teaching the youngest in class. Sasuke was at home irregularly, he was called out on missions unpredictably, sometimes he'd be at home for days and then he'd be sent away right after returning home.

Sakura had given up trying to get close to her husband or talking to him. He was as distant as ever, always keeping her at a certain distance. When he was home at night and sleeping with her, she always let it happen passively, but she just wouldn't get pregnant. Sasuke awaited her pregnancy impatiently, but Sakura wasn't so sure if she wanted to bring a child into this loveless marriage.

Every now and then she met up with Naruto or Ino, but she refused to talk about what was happening at home and her friends were rather helpless. Sometimes someone would tell her how bad she looked, she had lost weight because she couldn't eat properly any more and even though Sasuke disapproved of it she would get drunk every now and then, just to get away from her problems for a while.

Even though she could not tell anyone, she was heartbroken.

***

Sasuke got up from their bed and picked up his pants to get dressed. He turned around and watched Sakura pull the blanket over her thin body and bury herself beneath it. She had changed, even he could see that. Today, as always, she had just let him do as he pleased and had submitted to his advances like a lifeless puppet. However, at least she wasn't drunk today.

He went to the bathroom and splashed his face with cold water. When his gaze fell upon the mirror, he froze. Hatefully he stared at himself. He knew what he did was wrong. The heart of this girl was breaking and he just accepted it. Just because she had given him a promise years ago. It wasn't fair. She longed for his love but all he gave her was rejection.

He was using her. Sasuke had noticed the look in her eyes when he had slept with her today. But he needed an heir, or he'd never find peace. Itachi's death hadn't brought him peace of mind, but the restoration of the clan would, no, it had to. Even if he had to use Sakura for that, he would fulfill his dream.

Much to his surprise, she was already asleep when he came back to the bedroom. Usually she would lie awake and fall asleep long after him. He hesitated for a moment, then he sat down beside her. She must have been very exhausted. She was lying on her side, her hair covering her face wildly. Her mouth was open slightly, her hand was placed on the cushion. For the first time he really noticed how beautiful she was, despite the changes she had been through. She had gotten a lot thinner and always seemed exhausted. How long had it been since he'd seen her smile?

Sasuke lifted the blanket to lie back down next to her, but she turned around in her sleep until she was lying on her back. He let go of the blanket and just watched her. Watched how her chest would heave regularly, and he felt like he would stay like this and watch her sleeping forever. He realized that he was the only one responsible for her current state. He should have been protecting her. Maybe... maybe it was indeed better if she left him.

***

Insecurely, Sakura walked over to the window. She had felt bad for the entire day, she hadn't been able to eat a single bite. She'd only been drinking one glass of sake, but still her head was dizzy. She felt sick. Sasuke was at home, preparing himself for another mission and getting his things packed. She had planned to act normal until he left but she felt too sick and too tired to act sober right now.

To fight down the nausea, she opened the window and leaned out to inhale some fresh air. It didn't help much but she sat down on the window sill anyway, holding on to the windowframe with one hand.

„In your state you'll fall out of the window," Sasuke said calmly and she turned her head to look at him. There was no worry in his voice. He was holding his backpack in one hand and stared at her, awaiting an answer. Today he was wearing the regular anbu uniform.

Hoarsely, she retorted: „Why do you mind? You wouldn't even care if I was lying dead down there on the street."

„You're annoying, Sakura," he replied darkly. These words hit a vulnerable spot. He had said it twice and today it hurt just as much as it had back then, maybe even more.

„Why did you marry me?", she yelled. „If I annoy you so much, why did you ask me to be your wife? You can't bring kids into this marriage! Don't you have a conscience?"

He threw her an indifferent glance and sat down on the steps to get his shoes. „Sasuke! WAIT!" Sasuke didn't plan to let him go like that, not without getting an answer first. She jumped off the window sill and when her feet touched the ground her ankle twisted and she fell face-down to the ground. Tears filled her eyes. Why did everything go wrong in her life? Her ankle hurt, a lot. She wanted to stand up when Sasuke was suddenly standing in front of her. It was too much for her. She didn't want him to see her like that. She was drunk and miserable, she couldn't even get up on her own.

„Sasuke...," she sobbed and grabbed the fabric of his black pants. Tears were streaming down her face when she looked up to him. „Help me..." She didn't just want him to help her get up. She was asking him for help, to find out of this misery. Basically, she just wanted to feel the warmth of his hand and maybe be embraced by him just once.

He stared down on her, with nothing but coldness in his eyes. And then he said: „Pathetic." Her eyes widened. Something inside of her broke at that moment. Sasuke tore his pants from her grasp and left her there like that. She heard the door slam shut and then he was gone. Sakura wrapped her arms around herself, curled up and cried silently.

This was the worst moment of her life. She had humiliated herself in front of Sasuke and he had rejected her mercilessly. Finally, it was too much for her to bear. „I can't take it any more...," she whimpered. For what seemed like an eternity she just lay there on the floor and felt just like what he had called her... pathetic.

Then she heard the door open and someone gently cradled her into his arms. „Sasuke?", she whispered, although she already knew it couldn't be him.

„No, it's me," came Kakashi's reply. „Sakura, you can't go on like this. I'll get you away from here so you can recover." She wanted to protest but found herself too exhausted to do so. For the first time in weeks she felt the warmth of another person, someone who cared for her. She placed her head against his chest and closed her eyes.

She felt dizzy when he lifted her up and started to walk, but she didn't say a word. Like a child, Kakashi carried her in his arms and after a while she was placed on a cozy bed. „Try to sleep. We'll talk about it tomorrow," he said and she just did as she was told. Exhaustedly she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

...tbc...

***

I didn't hear from my beta-reader in eternities so I decided to post a new chapter on my own. THere might be some mistakes in this chapter, I hope you like it anyways.