Chapter 16: Freedom

Sasuke stood on top of the hokage monument, his sandaled feet planted firmly on the carved head of the fourth hokage. The wind was playing with his dark hair, which was not held back by his forehead protector as usual. Today he was wearing civilian normal clothes; he didn't even have a kunai with him.

The sun was shining warmly upon the village and it bathed his skin with its gentle heat. He didn't exactly know why he had decided to come here. For the first time in weeks he felt as if he had awakened from a nightmare. This morning he had woken besides his wife and hadn't been able to remember his dreams. There hadn't been any visions of bloody fights and he hadn't heard the last words of his brother in his sleep.

Sasuke raised his arms into the air and enjoyed the feeling of the sun on his face and the wind on his skin. So, this was how it felt to be free.

He knew that his dreams would return eventually. One night of crying couldn't erase all the painful memories. But they were no longer haunting him. A huge burden had been lifted from his soul and he owed it all...to her, Sakura. Somehow, she had managed to break through to him. When he thought of her now, he was no longer annoyed, but... thankful. Sooner or later he would need to talk to her about it all, but not right now. He just wanted to enjoy this kind of freedom.

Minutes passed and the Uchiha relished the solitude, lowering himself to sit on the ground. There was still one thing left to do. He would've preferred to do it at home, but he didn't want her to see him so vulnerable and desperate once again. Here, where he had fought the worst of all battles was probably the right place to remember.

Slowly, he closed his eyes and let the events replay in his head. For the first time since all of this had happened, he allowed himself to remember, instead of burying the painful memories deep inside his mind.

His brother had appeared shortly after Sasuke's birthday. He hadn't attacked anyone; he hadn't tried to abduct Naruto either. No one but Sasuke saw him. Sasuke had felt his presence and followed him up to the hokage monument.

Here they had met once again. As always, Itachi had observed his younger brother with an arrogant glare in the frightening coldness of his blood red eyes. Yet, something had been different about him.

The sight of his brother had aroused his anger and he had launched himself against Itachi immediately. During the battle, Sasuke had realized that Itachi was no longer stronger than him and victory was at hand. He'd even been ready to sacrifice his own life to beat his brother...

Just for a split second, Itachi was careless. Sasuke kicked against Itachi's chest as hard as he could and his brother stumbled backwards. Itachi's back hit one of the large trees, Sasuke ran after him, quickly pulling out his kunai. Itachi was stunned for a moment.

He grabbed his brother's wrist and pressed it against the aging oak. With a shout of hatred, he pushed the kunai into Itachi's palm. The blade pierced through the back of his hand and into the thick tree bark. Itachi gasped and Sasuke grinned triumphantly. "This is it, Itachi. You lose. I'll borrow your left hand for a moment, okay?"

He took his brother's left hand and pressed his fingers against Itachi's to form the seal of the serpent. This was one of Orochimaru's techniques; he had learned it for this single purpose. This forbidden jutsu would not only kill his brother, but also himself, but he didn't care. At least he would defeat Itachi, which was all that mattered. He grinned widely at his elder brother, whose eyes widened in horror. "Kinjutsu..?" he hissed, the surprise obvious in his voice.

"Yes. And now DIE already!", Sasuke growled. "Double Snake Assassination!"

Just when he was about to release enough chakra to activate the jutsu, Itachi pushed his right hand against the knife that had him impaled to the tree. It dug deeper into his hand, with a primal scream he pushed against it, until it gave in and his arm was freed. Before Sasuke could react, Itachi formed a seal,creating a brilliant flash of white light. A horrible pain shot through his eyes and he stumbled backwards, screaming. He tried to open his eyes, and was rewarded with searing pain..

For a second, Sasuke wondered why Itachi hadn't attacked him in a different way. Maybe he had realized that the double snake assassination would have killed Sasuke too. Did he want me to stay alive?

The pain was almost unbearable. Sasuke whimpered and then he heard his brother's voice. "You shouldn't open your eyes for a while, unless you want to become blind. It wouldn't be much of a challenge to fight a blind man."

His hatred for his brother made Sasuke almost forget about the pain. It wasn't over yet. "Do you really think I need my eyes to beat you?" he asked. He still had the power Orochimaru had given him. Sasuke concentrated, the curse spread across his body like black wild fire . A new wave of power washed over him and he stood up.

Despite the pain, he forced himself to open his twin Sharingan eyes. He didn't think of the consequences for one single moment. The only thing that mattered was to defeat Itachi and avenge his clan. At first he couldn't see anything and only felt the pain. Then there were colours, followed by shapes and shadows until his vision was nearly restored. As his eyes were adjusting, he formed his strongest jutsu in his right hand: chidori.

Ten meters away, Itachi just stood there. Sasukes brows furrowed. Did Itachi just smile? Why? Was it a trap? But it was too late to turn back. His body was now entirely covered with the tattoo like curse. He could feel the darkness in his heart, the aching need to kill. There was a voice in his heart, and it was screaming for blood.

He looked his brother in the eye, and then he attacked. Blue chakra was visibly floating around his hand, even stronger than usual, thanks to the added power of the curse. Itachi raised his hands to defend himself and Sasuke prepared himself to break through his brother's defense.

With a scream, he pushed his arm forward and inside of him, he could hear the voice turn into a chorus of voices which were screaming for blood and death and pain. This wasn't just a battle any more,he enjoyed this, and all he wished for was to kill his brother.

Then it happened. Itachi let his arms fall to his sides, rendering him completely defenceless to Sasuke's attack. Sasuke didn't realize what was happening, but even if he had, he couldn't have stopped any more.

His hand connected with Itachi's chest. Suddenly, there was blood everywhere; the chidori tore through Itachi's insides.

And then there was only silence. Sasuke was standing in front of his brother, his hand still embedded in his chest, and he stared into his brother's eyes unbelievingly. Blood was dripping from Itachi's face onto Sasuke's arm. Sasuke's hand was entirely covered in his brother's blood.

Terrified, he stared at his elder brother. WHY!

Itachi looked... content. He opened his mouth and slowly said: "F-forgive... me.." Sasuke couldn't understand what was happening. Itachi's breathing came ragged, when he exhaled, blood bubbled from his nose and mouth. He was going to die. His lungs were filling with blood. Sasuke panicked. Itachi was literally going to drown in his own blood. "Sasuke... I did it for you..." A cold hand was placed against Sasuke's cheek. "I did it so we could be free", Itachi said weakly. Sasuke couldn't reply. He couldn't UNDERSTAND what was happening. "They hated me, and they were afraid of you, too. Because we were strong. I wanted us to be free." Itachi grabbed Sasuke's arm and stared him in the eye, desperately searching for a sign of forgiving in them. But he didn't find any. Sasuke had no solace to offer his brother.

Itachi staggered and then he fell to his knees. Sasuke took a step forward, standing right above his dying brother. He lowered his head, kneeling down, staring at Itachi. "I wanted to make you strong, Sasuke. So you could punish me for what I did." He seemed so... relieved, although he had to know that he was going to die. He inhaled, agonized.

"Sasuke", Itachi whispered, "Finish it..."

Sasuke understood. He reached for Itachi's sword and Itachi nodded. Sasuke couldn't think. In his head there was just emptiness, he felt like a puppet. He placed the blade against Itachi's chest. The brothers were staring each other in the eye. "Freedom... Sasuke… I wanted to be free…", Itachi said.

And then Sasuke pushed the sword deeply into Itachi's dying body. For a moment, their faces were so close, they were almost touching. Itachi's eyes were black, maybe for the first time in years. Sasuke realized that it was over. Itachi was dead. He let go of the sword and stood up.

For a moment, he stared at his brother's dead body. He couldn't think, couldn't feel anything. He felt completely numb inside. His mind didn't want to believe that Itachi was really dead, nor that he had finally avenged his clan. There was no euphoria, no triumph. Just emptiness.

Slowly, he turned away from his brother's corpse step by step. He wanted to go home. He didn't make it very far, he just collapsed. And that's how the villagers found him, later.

Sasuke raised his head. Tears were burning in his eyes, but this time he wasn't crying. He had cried for Itachi, in Sakura's arms. It was over. Now, after all this time, he was finally beginning to realize that it wasn't his fault. Itachi had planned all of this and he had just been his puppet. Maybe he would never be able to wash the blood from his hands, but it wasn't his fault that things had turned out the way they had.

Maybe Sakura was right and he had done Itachi a favour. He had looked so peaceful. Free.

Can I be free now too?

He stood up and threw one last glance at the village. He felt as if his life had just begun. He would go back to his wife, who had awoken feelings within him for the first time in years. Maybe, eventually, he'd be able to trust her.

When he came back home he couldn't find Sakura. Walking through their home, he saw her at the table in their bedroom, where she had fallen asleep on a pile of paperwork. But that didn't surprise him. They were both exhausted from what they had been through lately.

At first he wanted to let her sleep but he couldn't bring himself to leave the room. He watched her sleeping and wondered silently if she was dreaming about him, for her face looked troubled. He realized what he had done to her; it was like a miracle that she was still here and that he hadn't done anything to scare her away.

Although he was thankful that she was still here, he wasn't sure what would happen next. He was still scared to let anyone get close to him. The only people he had unconditionally loved were dead. He had killed one of them with his own hands. He didn't want to go through this pain again.

But he was married now. He didn't want to send her away, but he couldn't open up his heart to her either. Sasuke knew very well that Kakashi and Naruto were trying end their marriage. There was nothing he could do but leave things the way they were. Sooner or later, Sakura would make a decision so he wouldn't have to, he was sure of it.

Sakura muttered something in her sleep and tried to move. She almost fell from her chair but Sasuke caught her, lifted her from the chair and brought her to bed. When he went back to the table to pick up some of the papers she had thrown to the ground in her sleep, he saw the one she had been filling out before she had fallen asleep. It was an application for the Jounin exam. Very interesting. He'd thought that she had accepted his decision and given up on being an active shinobi. Obviously, he'd been wrong. He picked up the sheet and thought about ripping it into pieces, but he hesitated.

If this was so important for her… maybe it wasn't that bad to let her do the exam. In any case, she would learn from it and become stronger. When he closed his eyes he could still see the dead bodies of his parents. If they had been stronger… maybe, if his mother had been a real shinobi, she could have fought against Itachi, and maybe, just maybe things would have turned out different. He put the thought aside. Deep down, he knew that no one could have stopped Itachi.

"Mmmh.. Sasuke?" Sakura muttered sleepily and he turned around to face her. So, he had woken her up after all. She stared at him blankly, until she saw the application form in his hands. "I want to apply for the exams," she explained. "I still want to be a teacher at the academy, but I need to prove myself that I could do this."

It came to Sasuke's mind that this might also be a way to make up for all the things he had done to her. "All right." He put the form back to the table. "Tsunade won't let me work for the next weeks anyways… so maybe I could… train you for the exam…."

Sakura was thrilled. "REALLY? Sasuke, that's… great! Thank you!" She jumped up and hugged him. He suppressed the urge to push her away, but she noticed it anyways. "Sorry," she said and let go of him. "I'm just happy."

"Hn."

...tbc...