A/N: Reviews! Thank you for your reviews!
spikegothchick: That chapter was just warming up, I hope you like this one more.
Lost2Thoughts: I'm glad you liked it!
crashetburn: Yeah, i kind of am, i don't mind Sellie though.
knightsgirl: He was kind of OOC, and I don't think he'll be in this anymore.
"Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is"
Jay's POV
I woke up quickly as the door opened and slammed.
"Jayson?" my mom's scratchy, smoker's voice said.
"Yeah mom?" I asked softly, I had a morning voice. You know? All groggy kind of…like in the morning. "What do you need?"
"Nothing, I was just wondering if you were here. I didn't see your car outside." My mom said softly, as if she was trying not to wake a baby.
"That's because it's in the garage mom. But, I am going to leave in a little while if that's ok. There's this party, and I have to make an appearance." I replied to her, she was drunk I could tell. Daniel probably drove her home, I would hope. It's very doubtful sometimes. I wonder if he really loves her, or is just saying that to get in her pants.
"Um…sure I guess. As long as you're home by 3." She yawned loudly, it was very obnoxious. "I'm going to bed, I'm tired."
"Ok. I'll see you after school tomorrow." I say to her as I walk to my room to get changed up. "Hat or no hat?" I ask myself softly. Trying not to wake my mother. Though it seems that she isn't asleep, I can hear her throwing up. "Sick." I say.
At 9 I walk out of my house and open the garage. I unlock my car and slide into the driver's seat slowly. Every time I get into my car I get happier. It makes me grin. It's like my child. I love it so much. I put the key in the ignition and my car roars to life. The rock music pounds through the sixteen independent speakers. I drive away quickly, escaping from my house, my mom and her psychotic natures.
"Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason"
Emma's POV
Manny and I walked into the party at seven thirty. Manny was wearing a pair of low cut blue jeans and a red tube top. She saw Spinner across the room and ditched me. Great, I thought as I looked around the room, hoping to catch the face of someone I knew. I caught someone's eye, but no one I wanted to talk to.
"Emma." He said as I started to walk away. "Please, talk to me, just for once…please?" He asked me.
"Fine, you have 3 minutes. Not a second more." I said to him glaring softly.
"Um, ok." He started out, "Emma, I like you, I chose you for a reason. I wouldn't have asked you…if I didn't like you." He said slowly.
"Ok and you like Amy too right?" I said to him grimly, trying to get him to see that he can't always use that excuse.
"Amy was drunk, she never knew what she was doing. I was drunk. But you, were never drunk, when you came, I was never drunk. I knew…" He looked into my eyes and I could see that he was pained. He wanted me to understand, but I wouldn't listen.
"Jay, I really liked you. More than anything else, but you screwed up…you made me not want to be with you anymore. And for that, you should be sorry." I said to him, trying to keep eye contact. Someone bumped into me and pushed me into him. "Sorry." I said quietly. Then he took my chin in his hands and kissed me softly.
"I had to do that." He said disappearing in the crowd. I watched the spot where he once was as Manny came up to me and tried to get my attention. I could hear her saying "Emma" over and over again, but I wouldn't listen. I walked to the spot where he was trying to find him, anywhere.
"Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone"
Jay's POV
I walked into that party, hoping in some ways that Emma would be there, but hoping in others she would not. I needed to talk to her, but I was afraid she wouldn't talk, that she'd just shove it in my face and walk away. But I kissed her, I talked for a minute, and then I kissed her. It was shocking; I don't know what possessed me to do that. And after I kissed her, I just started walking away. I didn't know what to do, I was scared. But I can feel her walking behind me, she's not calling out my name.
"Jay. Please, stop." She says shakily as I unlock my car which was parked down the street.
"Em, I don't know what possessed me, I'm sorry." I said to her, turning around an looking her in the eyes.
"Um, it's ok, I guess. It didn't mean anything." She said, tears filling her eyes.
"No, Em, it did mean something." I say pushing her hair out of her face and wiping the tears away. "I did it because, I like you." I said as I lean in and kiss her again. I pull away after a minute and get into my car. I drive off, leaving her in the dust.
"I'm sorry Emma." I whisper to the road as I drive full speed into no where.
Emma's POV
I can't believe that, he kissed me again. He told me he liked me, but if he really did…he wouldn't have driven off, would he? I walk back into the party and over to Manny.
"I'm leaving now, it's getting late." I say to her, half paying attention.
"Alright. See you tomorrow." She says as she walks back over to Spinner and they start making out again. I hate her for that so much.
"If I could I would do all of this again
Travel back in time with you to where this all began
We could hide inside ourselves and leave the world behind
And make believe there's something left to find"
Jay's POV
I'm driving, and I have no clue where I am. I've been driving for hours, the clock reads four fifteen. I should turn around, and drive back to Degrassi, but I can't. I can't go back to where I've fucked everything up. I turn the stereo on and Yellowcard is playing. The last person to ride in my car with me was Alex. She loved Yellowcard, and I never turned on the CD player except with her, and she left her CD in there.
The clock flashed 7 when I pulled up to the beach I knew so well. Nope, not Wasega, but a beach without a name. It was on one of the great lakes, I didn't know which one, nor did I care. I walked up to the little beach shake and knocked on the door.
"Hold on." A groggy male's voice came from inside. I knocked harder wanting to get out of the wind. "Hold your horses, shit, I'm coming." The voice called again. The door opened slowly.
"Jayson? What are you doing here?" He asked me as he motioned for me to come inside. "Come in; hurry, out of the wind and sea mist." He said as I walked inside and closed the door behind me.
"Um, Uncle Tommy, I'm here to live. With you if you'll let me. I'm having some trouble at school, and…I need to escape." I said slowly, wondering if I had made the right decisions.
"Jay, your mother called me. Worried sick, you hadn't come home." Tommy said to me as I scoffed.
"Like she even gave a shit. She knew I was leaving, she just didn't know to where." I said roughly.
"Do you want something to drink? Or eat?" Tommy asked me, changing the subject.
"Water, thanks." I said as he left the room. I heard him pick up the phone. "Tina, everything's fine. Jay's here. Ok. I will. Bye." He said ending the short conversation with his twin sister. He walked back with a glass of ice water.
"Here you go." He said handing me the water. "Now let's talk, about why you're here." He said, fully open to my story.
"It all started at the beginning of the year. There was this kid, Rick, and he'd put his ex-girlfriend into a coma the year before. He came back to school and Alex, my now ex-girlfriend, and her friends wanted to get rid of him. So we tried pretty hard. And he just wouldn't leave. So then Spinner and I picked on him, a whole lot, and he spray painted X's onto our cars. So by this time, Spin and I were pretty pissed." I stopped to take a drink of water.
"So, you picked on this kid, I'm not seeing where this is headed." Tommy said to me, looking into my eyes.
"You will." I paused and continued. "So, there was this 'Whack-Your-Brain' thing at school, a knowledge contest. And the team was Jimmy, Emma, Toby, and Rick. At least, I think that's who they were. Well, there was this final round and Rick was the one answering the last question." I paused and took a drink. "And Alex, Spinner, and I thought it'd be fun to pour yellow paint and feathers on him when he won." I sighed, memories rushing into my head.
"Ok…I still don't see the ending." Tommy said somewhat impatiently.
"This is just the beginning. So, Rick left at lunch and came back, with a gun. And we didn't know he had the gun and Spin and I talked loudly in the bathroom, blaming it on Jimmy." I took a long drink. "And, Rick shot Jimmy, and now Jimmy is paralyzed." I said, continuing my story. "Then, he pointed the gun at my friend Emma, because Emma didn't want to kiss him." I sighed.
"Ok, I'm getting the drift here, I think. Did he shoot Emma?"
"No, because my best friend Sean wrestled the gun away from him, and it ended up killing Rick. So Sean ran home to mommy, and he was in Wasega beach, until he moved back yesterday."
"Ok, so, you think it's your fault Jimmy got shot?" Tommy asked me.
"It is my fault, but that's not the end. A few weeks ago, I hit on Emma. And I was still dating Alex, but I invited Emma to the Ravine and, we hooked up. I'd also hooked up with Alex's friend Amy. And it turned out that I had gonorrhea and, gave it to Alex, Amy, and Emma."
"Jay, didn't your mother teach you about having protected sex!" Tommy yelled.
"We didn't have real sex, and my story isn't finished." I snapped at him. "So, I fell in love with Emma, I guess my feelings just unearthed a few days ago. So last night, at a party, I kissed her and drove off. Because I don't know what to do anymore." I said my eyes filling up with tears.
Tommy moved his chair by me and patted my back. "It's all right Jay, don't worry. I'll help you deal."
"Was it fun for you to watch him fall apart? (Watch me fall)
And suffocate him while you held him in your arms (in your arms)
I swear to God I wish he never let you in (let you in)
And I just hope we never hear from you again"
Emma's POV
I walked up to school the next morning, upset about Jay. I was hoping to see his car outside the school when I got there, I was hoping to see him. But he wasn't there, neither was his car. I saw Sean in the hallway and I ran up to him, my skirt swaying a little.
"Sean! Have you seen Jay today?" I asked him standing next to him.
"Nope, but I know where he is." He said to me, kind of sharply.
"Ok, can you tell me where he is?" I asked him looking at the anger on his face.
"He's on some beach, somewhere, a drink in his hand." Sean said, imitating some country song.
"Seriously Sean, tell me please." I said to him, begging a little.
"He's with his uncle, who lives off of some Great Lake. He's not coming back." Sean said walking away. "I come back and you send my best friend away. Thanks Em." He said coldly as I stopped walking.
I stood there, silently waiting for someone to say something, but everyone just walked around me. As if I wasn't there. Manny came up to me and said "You're the talk of the whole school, what does it feel like to send someone away forever? What, that's the second person this school year?" She said in a bitchy tone.
"Manny, I didn't make either of them go away. It's their choice." I said walking away from her, escaping from the school. I walked back to my house and sat down on the porch. Not wanting to go in and tell my mom why I was ditching school. The front door opened and my mom stepped out.
"Em, would you like to tell me why you're here, rather than at school?" She asked me with a fake smile in her voice.
"I'm here because, I can't stand being at home. I want to leave, forever that school is killing me. Manny blamed me for Jay and Sean leaving forever, even though Sean's back." I said beginning to cry.
"Jay left?" She asked me softly sitting next to me and wrapping an arm around me.
"Yeah, he kissed me last night. It was an amazing kiss, but now he's gone…he left. He's by a great lake or something Sean said. He doesn't know why." I said crying harder.
My mom just pulled me into a tight hug and let me cry on her shoulder for a while longer.
"late night drives, all alone in my car
I can't help but start
singing lines from all our favorite songs
and melodies in the air"
Jay's POV
I sat on the beach, close to the water in just a pair of shorts that Tommy lent me. I can't stop thinking. Is it Emma I wanna be with? Is it Alex? What do I want with my life? I start to cry a little, I can't help it. I'm hurting so badly, I fucked up my own little world. I screwed up Emma's life too. I could care less about me than I could about her. I want her life to be perfect, maybe that's why I left.
It's some, holiday in the states so there's no school. I start tomorrow, at Greenville High. It sounds preppy as hell. I wipe the tears away from my eyes and sit there, staring off in to nothing when a football hits me in the back.
"Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" A girl says softly as I turn around. "Are you, new here?" She asks, she sounds like a Barbie.
"Yes, I'm living with my uncle for the time being. I'm Jay." I hold out my hand to the Barbie and she shakes it.
"Stacy. It's nice to meet you. That's Kelly up there, and David over there, and Emma." She says as I glance over to see a blonde girl who looks like Emma Nelson. "What school are you going to go to?" She asks me sweetly, staring into my eyes.
"Greenville High, I think is what Tommy said. I dunno, it sounds gay." I say coldly, wanting to go back to Emma in my mind.
"That's where we go, well except for Kelly, she goes to Degrassi, in Toronto, you ever heard of it? She's visiting her cousin."
"I used to go to Degrassi, yesterday actually. I needed to escape though." I say as Stacy motions to her friends to come over.
"Kelly, do you know Jay? He goes to Degrassi." She says in her Barbie tone.
"Yeah, Mr. STD right?" Kelly says in a bitchy tone. "Of course, Manny's told the whole Spirit Squad about Emma Nelson. I got a text from Manny, saying little Jay-Jay had run away."
I stand up and walk away, humming silently to myself. It was all I could do not to punch Kelly. I'd always hated that bitch.
"Take it off, take it all off girl." I sing, a stupid line from one of the songs Emma loved the most. I laugh a little, wondering what Emma was doing.
"Am I more than you bargained for yet, I've been dying to tell you anything, you wanna hear, that's just who I am this week. Isn't it messed up, how I'm just dying to be him." That reminds me of when I broke Emma and Sean up last year. I loved Emma and I wanted to be with her, but Sean had her. And I wanted to hurt myself for doing that.