Chapter 19: Fever

Sasuke was sitting on the window sill in the living room, staring out of the window, clad only in a pair of boxers that he wore to bed. It was rather cold in the room, even though he preferred cool temperatures.. Regardless of the low temperature, he felt hot. Sleeping beside Sakura was like sleeping next to a furnace, he had retreated from their bedroom to the living room to enjoy the cooler room He didn't want her to notice that he didn't feel so good. Since the day he had returned from that fatal mission, he had this strange fever every once in a while. Usually he had a high temperature and would feel weak for about a day, but then it always got better, that's why he hadn't told anyone about it. After Tsunade had sealed the mark on his neck, she had warned him that it might have that kind of side-effect, so he didn't worry too much about it. It would go away eventually.

Sasuke heard footsteps, then noticed Sakura enter the room, wrapped in a thin blanket. "What are you doing?" she asked. He shrugged because he didn't feel the need to answer. It was pretty obvious that he wasn't doing anything. "Can I sit down with you?"

That was exactly what he had wanted to avoid, but he couldn't think of a way to get rid of her. So, he shrugged once again and she sat down beside him, resting between his legs and nestled against his chest.

Inwardly, he sighed. He didn't know how to handle this. If his back hadn't been against the wall already, he would have backed away from her. After all this time of being married, he still wasn't used to this kind of intimacy.

For a while, they just sat there and stared out of the window, but Sasuke couldn't concentrate any more. Having her so close felt weird. It was awkward, and yet, at the same time, it was… pleasant. He was still staring out of the window when he asked her: "Sakura… why are you still here?"

"What do you mean?" She sounded a little sleepy and he realized that she had been about to fall asleep.

"I mean, why are you still with me?" he asked, trying to sound uninvolved. "Isn't there a man who would return your feelings?"

"Why do you ask this now?"

"We have to talk about it sooner or later, right?"

For some reason he couldn't figure out she laughed softly. "I'm just surprised, that you're the one to mention it."

"Hn. So… what are we going to do?"

She concentrated on a spot outside the window as if there was something very interesting to see. Sasuke waited patiently, until she said: "Well, you'll realize that you truly love me and treat me better. We'll have some kids and live happily ever after." She sat up and turned her head to look at him.

Bewildered, he stared back at her.

She grinned impishly. "It was a joke, Sasuke. Of course, I wish it would happen that way. But we both don't really believe that, right?" Sasuke realized that he might never really understand that woman. She became serious once again and said: "I think there are only two possiblities for us. Either all of this ends in a catastrophe some day and we break up. Then maybe I'll really start to hate you. Or someday you'll be able to open your heart to me and we learn to live with each other. I know that one can't force love and I've accepted that. But we can't live together for the next fifty years and when we're old I realize that I still don't know anything about you.

One thing is for sure. I like you, and I want to be with you for as long as possible. We'll see about the rest later. All we can do is wait and see. I'll be there for you. Whether you allow me to love you or not is entirely up to you."

She turned around and leaned forward to place a quick kiss on his lips. Sasuke was surprised that the kiss caused a chaos of feelings to emerge within him. But before he could ponder these new feelings, she asked: "You feel hot… do you have a fever?" She placed a cool hand against his forehead. "Sasuke, are you sick?"

Quickly, he shook his head no. "No, it's just hot in here and your hands are cold. You should go back to bed."

She stared at him suspiciously. He could tell that she didn't believe him, but she didn't mention it. "Alright… I am a little cold. I'll go to bed. Good night, Sasuke-kun." She slid to the edge of the window sill and stood up.

When she attempted to take a step, she collapsed. Sasuke jumped up and caught her instinctively. "Sakura?" he hissed and his voice sounded more concerned than he had planned. A little confused, she lay in his arms and muttered: "Eh… what the hell was that?"

"I was going to ask you the same question."

"I felt dizzy for a second", she replied. "It's okay, you can let go."

He released his grip on her and helped her back to her feet. Sasuke stared at her questioningly, but Sakura just shrugged. "It's nothing. It happens from time to time when I stand up too fast."

Sasuke wasn't sure if she was telling the truth. He had never seen it happen to her, but on the other hand, he hadn't payed much attention to her at all. She smiled at him, wished him a good night and retreated to the bedroom. Sasuke sat back on the sill and tried to relax. What a weird evening.

He leaned his head against the wall, closed his eyes and doze off within a few minutes.

Tou-san? Kaa-san?

Run, Sasuke… cling to life and become stronger…

Itachi-nii-san… why?

He opened his eyes and shuddered. He decided to go back to the bedroom. When he approached the door, he hesitated. He wasn't sure but he thought that there was an odd smell in the air. The smell of blood. He placed a hand on the doorknob and tried to open it. The door suddenly seemed to weigh tons.

What's happening? Sakura?

He let go of the doorknob and the door opened by itself. The bedroom seeemd huge all of a sudden. Somebody was kneeling on the floor in the middle of the room. Sakura! She was bleeding heavily, a puddle of blood was forming around her knees, although he couldn't see where the blood was coming from. He was frozen in shock. Someone was standing right behind her, a shinobi, and he held a sword in his hand.

The stranger raised his sword above Sakura. Sasuke wanted to help her, but his legs felt like they were stuck to the floor. The blade whistled through the air and stabbed into Sakuras body. Sasuke wanted to scream, but he couldn't. The smell of blood that hung in the air seemed suffocating and then he saw the piercing, blood-red eyes of the killer in the darkness.

Itachi…? No… it can't be… you're dead!

But the man wasn't Itachi. He raised his hand to his face and then his literally peeled his skin of and the face that lay beneath was young and all too familiar to Sasuke. His eyes widened when he realized who had killed Sakura… it was like he was looking into a mirror and then…

Sasuke awoke with a scream. Startled, he looked around himself and it took a moment until he realized that he had only been dreaming. This was reality. He was still sitting on the window sill, alone. Sakura was alright. He hadn't killed her. Sasuke inhaled deeply and then he allowed himself to relax. It was just a dream, but he knew all too well how quickly such a nightmare could become the truth.

The thought that he might lose her, was so painful. And he was horrified when he realized that he had found someone he didn't want to lose. An important person. The thought scared him. He was scared to get too involved with her. He was sure that he was going to lose her either way. He wouldn't survive another broken heart. Twice he had been on the verge of losing his mind. If he allowed himself to develop feelings for her, it would all end in a catastrophe.

I can't, I must not fall in love with her.

He got up and threw a quick glance into the bedroom. She had already fallen asleep. He sneaked into the room and quickly packed some of his belongings. When he was done, he approached the bed. She was fast asleep, thankfully. More likely than not, he wouldn't have been able to leave her if she had been awake. He touched her forehead with his fingertips, well aware of the fact that it was the part of her body she hated the most, and then placed a tender his on her forehead. "Take care, Sakura. Try to find someone who can make you happy."

After looking at her for one last time and memorizing her beautiful face, he left his apartment. Outside on the street he threw one last glance up to the window of the apartment. He placed a hand on his chest and his fingers dug into his shirt. Even though he didn't exactly know why, it was so hurtful to leave her.

When he walked away, he got the feeling of being watched. At first, he couldn't see anyone and shrugged it off, then someone appeared in front of him in a cloud of smoke. "Sasuke. Where do you think you're going?"

He frowned at Naruto. "Dobe. What are you doing here?"

His friend grinned impishly. "I was at the Ichiraku, Iruka-sensei and I had some ramen. We just lost track of time." He quickly became serious when he saw the backpack Sasuke had with him. "And what are doing here? It's late and I can tell from the look on your face that you're up to no good."

"I'm going to leave the village for a while," Sasuke replied coolly. "I was just about to inform Tsunade but since you're here… would you tell her that I'm leaving? Tell her I don't know yet when I'm going to return. I want to train, on my own."

"Where are you going?"

"I guess I'll go to Amegakure first. I heard rumors that your former sensei, Jiraiya, stays there, passing time with writing dirty books," Sasuke replied.

Naruto chuckled. "That sounds like him. You know, you'll catch hell if you try to talk him into training you. He doesn't like being a teacher." He made a conspirational face and said: "If nothing works, you should try my sexy no jutsu… he loves it!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "So, he's just another pervert…"

"But he's really strong. By the way, what does Sakura think about your plans? Isn't she going to miss you?"

Immediately, his mood darkened. "She doesn't know yet. I just left, she's still asleep."

"Why are you doing this to her?" Naruto growled. "Don't you think she has already suffered enough?"

"That's exactly why I'm leaving. What I did wasn't right. I shouldn't have married her." He placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "Naruto… take care of her, please."

He turned away from his best friend and Naruto yelled after him: "Sasuke! Wait! You can't leave her alone! How can you be so cold?"

With a fake grin, Sasuke turned his head around to look at Naruto. "This is your chance. Try to take her away from me…" He raised his hand for a silent good-bye and added: "I'll come back, Dobe. And then I want to find out which one of us is the strongest. I still owe you something for the scar on my arm…" He shoved his hands into his pockets and resumed his walk. It surprised him somewhat, that Naruto made no more attempts to stop him.

...tbc...

Well, I finally managed to upload the uncensored chapter3 and the fanfic "Save Me"to my website. Go to sharingan.faith.at if you want to read it. Enjoy! And thanks to all my reviewers. It was you all who made me go on with this fic!