A miserable author's note: I must regret to inform you this is not my doing nor do I own anything that appears to belong to someone else.

It is also my regret to inform you a most regrettable event occurs in this chapter than I thought was possible and it involves a hit and run of wretched portions. I also really, and truly regret that you have read this far into this story.

Again to those who reviewed so long ago but had their concerns regrettably deleted (along with the manuscript for a season) I say to you thank you. I also ask the question: Why are you still reading this terrible story?

You can still turn back…

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Chapter 1: Green Death

I was in the middle of my class learning about a wildly complex series of equations when an assistant to the guidance office came into the room. I was being asked to go to Ms. Crumble's office at once and upon hearing this I was a little nauseous.

The reason: Ms. Crumble can and often does out do me in cheeriness that even I had a hard time believing if the woman was for real.

As many are aware cheeriness does not necessarily mean happiness nor does it mean everything is hockey pokey. In fact too much cheeriness will land you in a place in which there is white everywhere and the walls are heavily padded.

Even with this knowledge I was extremely worried because I felt that I had somehow got in trouble for something.

As I walked into Ms. Crumble's office I was hit with the oddest and highly torturing song ever recorded in human history.

For what was playing in the pink stereo system amidst the pink and white décor and various stuffed animals was a song sung in high octaves with what sounded like birds in the background. How on earth she obtained it and found it enjoying to this day I cannot fathom why…

"Ah Tea! Please, please, please have a seat," said Ms. Crumble as soon as she saw me in the doorway.

As I remember her now she was a stalk and lanky middle-aged women with a pointed chin and smashed nose. Her fire red hair looked more like someone put a feather duster on top of her head.

The one thing I remember the most about her was the one thing that had truly disturbed me, and that was her smile. For she was able to stretch her grin so much it looked like it was stretching off her face and reaching to the back her head. It was intriguing and unsettling to look at all at the same time.

I sat down on a large pink sofa across from her red oak desk.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes I did."

Ms. Crumble's voice was very high like she heard some juicy gossip she wanted to share with me for some reason. She leaned forward in the chair like she wanted me to look into her mud colored eyes.

"It appears you have been keeping a secret from everyone…"

"What kind of secret?"

Ms. Crumble leaned back with a mockingly hurtful face while her long bony hands started to slowly twist a small bunny doll that was on her desk.

"Oh the kind of secret that should be shared with peers and perhaps the school…"

Her emphasis on school made me nervous. Lately the school got cut from some government programs that would have allowed some money and programs to flow in. I look across to the exasperated woman as she slowly began to unconsciously twist the head and neck of the bunny doll and gave her my best look of confusion.

"A talent agent called the school today asking about you because of your recital you had a couple weeks ago…"

"What?"

I was shocked and livid. Most good talent agents would contact the residence not elsewhere…it seemed improbable but at that particular moment I wasn't thinking about that but how I was going to do damage control.

We sat in silence in for a small moment while the stereo continued to play the grossly happy song over and over. It was about to repeat for either the fifth or sixth time when she finally continued.

"He was most interested in your talents and amusing track record of pervious work."

I remember now thinking, 'Great, I haven't made it to Broadway yet and already I have a stalker.'

"What I find most interesting is that the school and I have to find out about a talent such as yours from a man such as him."

She leaned forward in her chair again making sure she had eye contact with me as she continued to wring the poor doll's neck. She smile and even wider smile that I ever thought could be humanly possible and whispered; "It's a very good thing for you he just happens to a cousin of mine."

"Oh?"

In what I now think was hilarious display of triumph Ms. Crumble threw herself onto her feet and unto her desk all the while having her various things fly everywhere. "Yes!"

After a beat she calmed down and sat back in her chair again with an apologetic look on her face. "I'm so sorry I don't know what came over me. Anyway, his name is Kirkgaurd Blurterknocker and he looking for talent for a play he has be working on for years!"

She leaned forward yet again this time twisting the doll's neck very earnestly while she smiled at me this time with a smile I have yet to this day have been able to decipher.

"I can only see that you …and school have been given a great opportunity. One that happens only in a lifetime! You'll be able to go to a new country, be able to earn credits for things you're doing already and still do the thing you dream of most."

"You think this a dream of mine?" I knew the answer to that of course but still being a bit tense from my secret getting out I did not want to seem too excited about what this meant.

Before she could answer my obviously baited question her cell phone rang and she answered it.

"Hello. Oh it you! Are you in Tokyo right now? Wonderful!"

Ms. Crumble sounded ever more cheery as she held her phone against her shoulder while continuing to ring the doll's neck which was by then thoroughly thinned out and worn.

"You'll never guess who I'm speaking with… well of course I'm speaking with her."

From what I heard next was perhaps shocking because on the other line a man's voice was going ballistic on her.

" Um, well now wait minute, let me…WOULD YOU SHUT UP FOR 5 FREAKING SECONDS!"

I remember very clearly that the poor bunny rabbit's head flew off of it's stuffed body and straight out of the office's second story window. Ms. Crumble was no longer smiling and her face was a crimson red.

After taking a deep breath she told whom ever she was speaking with that she needed to do something really quick. After setting the cell phone on her desk she rushed me out the door and slowly closed it all the while watching me like one of those nosey neighbors looking through the blinds on their windows.

After a moment of confusion staring at Ms. Crumble's door for a second I shrugged the event off as good fortune for I didn't need to tarry with her any longer and headed back to my class. I did not go, however, without noticing the weird smiles I got from each administer I passed by.

Lucky the day ended fairly quickly and at last I was able to walk home with my friends. Yugi and Joey were talking about dueling strategies and Honda was staring off into space again, probably thing about Joey's sister Serenity.

No sooner were we about to leave the school campus when I heard Ms. Crumble yelling my name. She had motioned me to come and speak with her. Deciding it was best to find out what she wanted and not to occur the wrath of the clearly mental woman I began to walk towards her. No sooner had I reached the middle of the road when I heard a screeching noise from a car…

Before I continue let me add that I hate cars. In fact many people don't know this but I prefer the feel and handle of a motorcycle to a car any day. However my parents would have never allowed it and I don't think it would seem probable for me to have one at the time.

I don't remember much after that than seeing a lime green pick up truck swerve and target Ms. Crumble. The bright colored truck rammed full force into the poor women as she shrieked for the last time in her short existence. Now this wouldn't not be as traumatic as the rest of the things I have yet to tell you if it was not for the fact that the truck circled around and went over the dead women's body for a second time.

This time however I got a look at the driver and he wore a large coat were the collar went over his nose and a baseball cap that was worn over what appeared to gray wiry hair and a huge enormous one eye brow.

I remember clearly as I watched the truck turn the corner and disappear as quickly as it appeared; I felt a strange sense of dread and sadly it was not for Ms. Crumble but for myself.

I did not know it then but the car was owned by a late Albert Anderson whom my good friend, Mr. Snicket, sources have explained had an unfortunate happening come upon him.

For the late Mr. Anderson, a legal representative for an American branch for a top name company based in Tokyo, was found down to his underwear tied up in port-a-potty on a very busy construction site in down town Domino City.

We would have his account of the murder's appearance if it were not for the fact that very outdoor lavatory had suffered a terrible and smelly accident involving a bull dozer.

The poor man never had chance.

All of my friends rushed at my side while I still looked dumbfounded at the ended of the street were the truck had disappear in no long afterwards. Needless to say while Joey and Yugi were asking if I was ok and Honda dialing on his cell for help I looked toward the body of the then deceased Ms. Crumble.

I cannot recall anything after that moment of staring at the body that laid spread eagle on the concrete street.

No wait!

I remember one other thing and that was that the wind had blown, at that precise time, the decapitated head of the once fluffy bunny that was twisted off by the now deceased Ms. Crumble into my hands. I only remember black after that.

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Miserable Author's notes: again forgive me for the misery in which I caused upon you but then again I warned you…

Psychotic side note: while starting to complete the next round of decoding I discovered there maybe some rather unnerving associations and an inopportunely early departure…

Post psychotic side note: If you have any concerns over the pages that have been posted please use the 'review.' And do so in kindness please…