Well, here, finally, is another chapter. I don't think I need to remind anyone that it's been awhile. I also don't blame anyone for forgetting about this story. I apologise deeply for the horrible amount of time it has taken me to get my ass in gear. I have been distracted by too many things. But I've decided that it's time to finish this, because Harry and Draco deserve that much. So, love me or hate me. I don't care. BUT. I promise that I will finish it, if not soon, then atleast by the end of the summer. No more excuses.
Warnings/Disclaimer: Not mine and never will be. Involves non-explicit man sex. Also, Draco struggles in ways that might be triggering to those recovering/suffering from self injury.
Pansy was annoying Draco. She did this on occasion, albiet less frequently of late. Still, here she was, having accosted him outside his dormitory and insisting he accompany her to the upcoming trip to Hogsmeade.
"I told you, I have other plans, THANKS," he was now gritting his teeth in an effort to remain pleasant.
"Are you seeing someone else?" she asked, glaring at him.
"No. But I'm not seeing you either, now if you'd kindly back out of my personal space-"
"What does she have that I don't?" Pansy demanded.
"About 8 inches, " Draco responded, straight-faced.
She blinked, astounded. She was finally about to speak again when they heard snickering from inside Draco's room. She gave up and walked away. No sooner had she passed from view when a hand reached out from the room and dragged Draco back in, closing the door and throwing him against it.
"8 inches?" Harry smirked, "maybe I should buy you some measuring tape for your birthday."
"I was being generous, Potter," he drawled, though he began pushing Harry backward toward the bed.
"Funny, I have yet to hear a complaint."
"Shut up," Draco replied happily, giving Harry a hefty shove backwards onto the bed, "I'm about to have my wicked way with you."
Meanwhile, Pansy had switched tactics, rounding on Crabbe and Goyle.
"Who's Draco with up there?"
They gave each other a worried look, before Goyle turned back to her, "we don't know what you're talking about."
She smirked, pulling something out of her pocket, "Yeah? Well I've got a chocolate frog here that says you do."
"IT LIES!" Crabbe shrieked, stabbing it with his wand and shouting hexes at random.
The frog promptly exploded, all over Pansy.
"Now would be a good time to reinstate that our loyalties lie with Draco, not you," Goyle attempted bravely.
Shocked for the second time that day and covered in chocolate, she watched them amble out of the room.
"We have to be careful now, she's on to us," Draco sighed, fiddling with his wand as he lay on his back, Harry layed out across his mid-section and nearly asleep.
"Who cares?" he mumbled, stretching a little and looking too unconcerned for his own good.
"She could tell on us."
Harry snorted, "well, then we'll pull her hair and be even with it."
"My father would try to kill you."
"Quite unimpressive, given the circumstances of the last several years. He'll have to wait in line, I think."
"I'm being serious."
"So am I. But if you're really that worried, I guess we shouldn't come here anymore, too close to the enemy."
"You're room?"
"If somebody saw you walking towards Gryffindor Tower..."
"Right, then what do you propose we do?"
"How do you feel about running away to Bulgaria and becoming mimes?"
Draco gave him the finger.
"See, you're already so good at nonverbal communication, it'll be easy."
He didn't dare look up, he could feel the glare Draco was giving to the back of his head, "Oh come on, can't we figure this out tomorrow? You've tired me out."
"First thing in the morning," Draco warned, though he petted Harry's head until the boy fell asleep.
He remained awake for hours, the skin on his wrist itching with an infuriating want.
Finally, at 3 a.m. Draco rolled out of bed, still unable to sleep. He paced the room for awhile, jaw clenched in anxiety and lightly scratching at very faint scars. He couldn't do it, not after all they'd been through, with how far they'd come. Feeling as though he were going to vomit, he sprinted out of the room and down long hallways until he reached their bathroom. Laying on his back, he stared up at the cieling, panting. He prayed for the feeling to go away, cursed violently at the little voice in his head that insisted he get up, look for something, anything, sharp.
"I don't need it, " he crossed his arms over his chest, squeezing his eyes closed, "there's no reason to, nothing's happened. I should be sleeping right now. I don't need it."
"Of course you do," came a voice in the direction of the toilet.
Draco looked up to find a girl standing there, gazing at him with sympathy. "You'll always need it. Even I need it, and I've been dead for fifty years."
"How do you know what I'm talking about?"
"Well, it's obvious, isn't it? I mean, you're digging your fingernails into your wrist so hard that you've almost drawn blood. Plus, I've seen you in here before, doing it."
"Did... did you die because of it?" He asked, curious despite being put off at having been spied on.
"Oh, no. I mean, I might have, if I'd had more time, who knows?"
"But you obviously can't do it anymore, I mean... being transparent and all," Draco stammered, "so-"
"I've made a list of all the things that make me happy. Whenever I get an urge, I pick one and do it."
"That actually works?" Draco sounded skeptical.
:"Sometimes. I just figure that I haven't found anything yet that makes me truly happy. Besides, well, you know."
Draco nodded. "I thought I could do it if I was with Harry. I mean, he makes me happy, like I've never been before. It's just- I'm worried it won't last."
She frowned, "That's stupid. Of course it won't last, nothing in this world does. But you have him now, isn't that what matters?"
"You're right," Draco mumbled, shivering at the thought. "The greatest thing that's ever happened to me is sleeping alone right now. All because I've forgotten how to appreciate what's right in front of me."
"Good, then you're not totally hopeless."
They stared at each other for a moment.
"What are you waiting for? Go back to him."
"Right." Draco got up, adjusting his shirt, "er... thanks, for helping me see my own stupidity."
She grinned, "Anytime. Just don't forget about me."
"I'll be back to visit."
"That's what you're friend said," she scowled, suddenly, "I can't remember the last time we talked."
"We'll both come back here tomorrow, around midnight. How about that?"
"You're not as bad as everyone says. I'm not surprised."
She smiled warmly at him. He gave a small nod and stepped out the door, letting it swing shut heavily behind him. He was surprised to find that the sun was already up. He began to run back to his room in an effort to get there before Harry woke up.
Hands were shaking Harry, but he groaned and rolled over.
"Potter," came a grunt, and then, louder, "Uh, Potter, come on now, wake up."
Somebody was now poking him in the head as well. He slowly opened his eyes to find Crabbe and Goyle standing over him, Draco nowhere in sight. He surpressed the urge to be very frightened. They shuffled their feet awkwardly.
"You... you're not, naked under there, are you?" Goyle asked, trying to hide a shudder.
Harry shook his head, "no..."
They grabbed him and pulled him over to the closet, shoving him in and bracing themselves nonchalantly in front of the door as he pounded on it.
"Quiet, it's for your own good!" Crabbe snarled, giving the door a loud kick as the one at the other end of the room opened.
Pansy stepped in tentively, obviously having heard the loud noises. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion as she noted Crabbe and Goyle standing on the far side of the room trying to look innocent.
"What are you two goons up to?"
They whispered to each other for a moment, then looked at her, "we're trying to figure out the best way to go about hexing you."
She stepped back in surprise, "awfully brave for a pair of henchmen, aren't you? Maybe too confident as well. Expelliarmus!"
Both boys flew backward into the door, knocking it open. Pansy and Harry stared at each other for a moment, as Crabbe and Goyle lay groaning on the floor. As if on cue, Draco came running into the room, skidding to a halt halfway toward the bed. Turning slowly, he took in the sight of Harry, in his boxers, standing over Crabbe and Goyle who now lay still, though panting a bit. Pansy was staring at them with a dumbstruck look on her face.
"Well," he said, finally, "it's obvious what's going on here."
Pansy gave him a pleading looking, obviously hoping for some other explanation.
"Potter is seducing all the Slytherins to get on our good side, so he can spy on us, and STUPEFY!" He cried suddenly, pointing his wand at Pansy.
She fell to the floor, motionless.
"Now what?" Harry asked, his head whirling from the increasingly rude awakening.
"I don't know," Draco admitted, "I hadn't really planned on doing that. This certainly puts a damper on our morning."