Disclaimer: I don't own anything from MASH, no matter how much I would love too, I don't so please don't sue me!
Summary: Follow Hawkeye and Margaret's life, together from the beginning!
A/N: Thanks for all the great reviews! Keep them coming! I hope you enjoy the this chapter! Sorry, I usually don't do cliffhangers, but I felt I had to with the last chapter!
Please R&R
BJ and Nathan were working together for about 20 minutes and Margaret was struggling to hold on. BJ feared the worst and didn't want Hawkeye looking in if that in fact did happen, "Jan, can you get him out of here?"
"Who?"
"Hawkeye. Tell him to go check on Natalie."
"What if he doesn't want too."
"I assure you, he will."
"Right Doctor." She says, and headed out the operating doors. "Doctor Pierce? Doctor Hunnicut needs you to go check on your daughter." She told the worried doctor, who seems to not have heard or noticed her, "Doctor?"
"Ok." Hawkeye replies, as he pries his eyes away from his wife. It was 1:10 in the morning when he got onto the pediatric floor. He could hear his daughter as soon as he entered the hallway and his heart dropped. He saw the nurses and said, "Where's my daughter?"
"Room 204. She hasn't stopped crying since they brought her down here."
"Is she alright?"
"A few cuts and a bump or two but other then that she's fine."
"Ok." He says, practically running to the room they have his daughter in. No matter how fast he went he couldn't get to her fast enough. He walked into the room after what seemed to be an eternity and saw her in one of the nurse's hands, with a tearstained face and bright pink cheeks. "Let me take her." He says reaching for his daughter.
"Daddy!" She cries, throwing herself at him, clinging to his shirt when he picks her up.
"Shhh." He says, rubbing her back. "You're ok Natalie." He offers a smile to the nurse who was with her as she leaves the room. "You're ok. My god I am so glad that you are ok." He tells her kissing her head. "Let me see you little girl... this is going to hurt I fear." He says as he pokes around her. He hits one part on her head and she screams,
"I'm sorry honey." He says. He picks up her cart that was hanging on the crib and looks it over.
"Mommy." She asked looking up at him.
"Mommy won't be around for a while honey... she has a lot of booboo's." He tells her. She looks away from him and leans against his chest, almost like she understood. "I'm so glad you're ok." He sat and rocked with her, trying to get her to sleep. "You had a scary night kiddo, why don't we get some sleep."
"No daddy." She said clinging to him.
"You'll stay with me tonight... it's ok... I won't leave you." He sits with her until she fell asleep, and one of the nurse's came in to check on her.
"Would you like us to take her Doctor?"
"No." He says, "I'll take her with me."
"I don't know if we can do that or not Doctor. We have to wait for the Pediatrician to ok it..."
"I'm not taking her far, just up to my office. Tell Tom to come see me if he needs too and I'll be sure to deal with him myself."
"Ok Doctor... do you need a crib?"
"I have a playpen that she can sleep in. If you could though, just come on up if you need to check on her. I just don't want her to be alone again."
"I don't blame you." She says sighing, "Just initial your name here, and she's yours."
"Thank you."
"How's your wife?"
"Not good." He says, looking down.
"I'll pray for her."
"Thank you." He says as he walks upstairs to his office. He turns on the light on his desk, which he was sure would not bother Natalie and then put her into the playpen, covering her up with the pink blanket he has in his office for her and watched her sleep for a little while.
Back in surgery, BJ was staying as calm and working as fast as he possibly could, "Please God..." He thought as he ask for a suture, "Please let me be a better surgeon and save her. Don't take her yet... I can't allow it... no I won't allow it."
"She's an absolute mess..." Smith trailed off.
"I can't lose her." He started, "I won't lose her."
He was just finishing up another stitch when he heard the Karen say, "I'm not getting a pulse Doctors."
"What?!" BJ shouts.
"Nothing." The nurse says, trying to find some sign of life.
"Dammit Margaret, don't you die on us!" He shouts as he takes her heart in his hand, "Starting internal compressions."
"BJ..." He says, looking at the distraught surgeon after he had been trying to get her heart started for almost five minutes, "Let her go."
"No." He says, feeling his hand start to cramp up.
"She's gone... we never have gotten anyone back after five minutes."
"Give me a few more minutes..."
"BJ."
"Five more minutes Nate."
"Ok... five more minutes." Nate says, continuing to help her, "She's bad BJ."
"I can't quit." He says.
"Doctor..." Karen says, "I'm getting something... 80 over 50."
"You can do better then that Margaret... come on."
"105 over 60.;"
"There you go... good girl." He smiles under his mask.
"We have to finish her up quick. I don't know how much longer she can last."
BJ was sick... physically and emotionally sick. His hands were cramping, but he fought through that, "I'm going to re-inflate her lung."
"Hurry up."
After three hours of surgery, they were able to close her up. BJ stands back and watches them wheel her out of surgery. "It's up to God now BJ. You did the best you could."
"Let's just pray our best was good enough."
"I'm going to go talk to Hawkeye."
"No..." He says untying his mask, "I'm going to talk to him."
"You sure?"
"Positive." He says, as he washes his hand and walks out of the OR. "Do you know where Hawkeye is?"
"In his office with Natalie." Judy says.
"Ok."
"Dr. Hunnicut?"
"Yes?" He says turning around.
"Is Mrs. Pierce going to make it?"
"I don't know..." BJ says sighing, before turning away and heading down the hallway, which seems a lot longer than usual to his best friends' office. He turns the doorknob quietly to not wake Natalie, if she was sleeping, and looked around the dark room, which was illuminated by a faint desk lamp. His gaze fell upon Hawkeye after a few minutes. He was sitting on the couch, his elbows on his knees and his face, buried in his hands. He sighed silently and wondered how the hell he could tell his friend that he didn't know if his wife would make it through the night. All he could do was sit next to him and offer him what ever knowledge he had. He sat right down next to him in silence for a few minutes, "I'd ask how you are doing, but I know the answer." He said in a quiet voice, not getting a rise right away from Hawkeye, in fact he was absolutely silent for two minutes, which seemed like two hours.
"How is she?"
There was no easy way to tell him, so he put it quite bluntly, "Not good Hawk... Not good at all." He started, seeing his face drain of color even in the dark, "Her heard stopped... it stopped for a while, we got it going again, but it's going to be a long night for her Hawkeye."
"I want to see the chart on her."
"Alright, I'll get it." He said standing up.
"Beej..." He says causing his friend to turn around, "Do you think she's going to make it through the night?"
"I don't know Hawk...." He said sighing, watching his friend's head lower. He walks out of the office and into Margaret's room to get the chart, before making it back slowly to the office. "Here." He says once he enters the office.
Hawkeye takes the chart from him and walks over to his desk silently. He opens the folder and starts to read. As he continues to read his shoulders slump and he grips his desk, "Jesus Christ..." He finally says and lets the folder fall to the ground. "I want to see her."
"Room 330." He says, "I'll stay with Nattie."
He walked down the hallway as fast as he possibly could without running. He wanted to see her. Just hearing that she was alive wasn't enough; he had to see it for himself. He walked into the room and saw Jan, one of the nurses checking her vitals, "Dr. Pierce, I am so sorry about your wife's condition..." She says, looking at him.
"Can you leave for a bit please?" He says, not acknowledging the earlier statement.
"I was told to stay wi..."
"Leave." He said, not letting her finish the sentence. She faltered a little, but in the end leaves, closing the door quietly behind her. He looks at his wife, lying there with tubes hanging out of her. He doesn't say anything as he walks towards her bed, sitting to the left of her. He takes her hand in his carefully and the tears start to flow down his cheeks. He felt responsible for the state she was in, and probably would never forgive himself. He looked her over, listening to the faint beeping of the slow but steady heart rate. Margaret's skin was a pale gray and her breathing was shallow, compliments of the assistance she was getting from yet another machine. He saw a tinge of red where the sheet touches her chest, and he took in a deep breath. He pulled back the sheet and bandage exposing her torso and cringed. The stitches were put together very lose, incase the doctors had to go back into her quickly. She was already starting to bruise, and the cuts were weeping blood, which all was normal for her fair skin. He suddenly felt physically sick. He swallowed hard a few times so that his emotions wouldn't come up on him. He had to think positive, but he couldn't. He was a doctor after all, and when someone's heart stops once, it is almost guaranteed to stop again. He covered her up carefully, before taking her hand again. "I'm sorry Margaret... I am so sorry." He said quietly, letting a couple tears escape his eyes.
At around three, BJ comes in to Margaret's room to check her vitals. He shook his head when he saw there was little change. "Hawk... Natalie just woke up and she's crying for you."
"Ok." He says, standing up, "Did you just leave her?!" He asks almost angry at his friend.
"No, Judy is with her."
"Right." He says, walking fast back to his office. "Ok Natalie..." He says as he takes the child from his secretary, "What's wrong kiddo? Do you hurt? Where does it hurt? Can you tell me?" He says as she rubs her face against his shoulder. "Judy?"
"Yes doctor?"
"Can you go find a nurse in the Pediatric Floor for me and tell them to bring up some pain medicine for Natalie?"
"Ok." She says, walking away.
"Mommy!" Natalie says crying.
"Shh, honey." He says, sitting down on the couch with her. How do you explain to a one year old that her mom is in horrible shape, and could not make it through the night? He didn't know how to help either of his girls. The nurse came up a few seconds later and handed the medicine to Hawkeye. He fought with Natalie to take it, finally succeeding. She was exhausted, Hawkeye could tell. He lies back on the couch, placing a blanket over Natalie and rubs her back. He was hoping that the medicine will work fast so she could go back to sleep. She had a really good bump on her head that had to be the reason for her pain, and Hawkeye couldn't do a thing for it. She finally fell asleep at a quarter of four, but Hawkeye wasn't ready to put her down yet. He held on to her until he fell asleep. BJ went to check on Margaret around four and saw she was still bleeding from somewhere. The blood was seeping through the bandages, more than just weeping. He had to go back in. She now had a fever and he had to stop it. He went back to tell Hawkeye and saw him sleeping, so he decided to let him sleep. It wouldn't last and he needed all he could get.
He spent another hour with Nathan on his friend, and prayed that it would fix everything. When he was finished he sat to Margaret's right, silently praying that she would wake up and get through this. She was not out of the woods and didn't look like she would be coming out any time soon. At six, Hawkeye woke up, and gently got up so he could place Natalie in her playpen. He walked into Margaret's room again and saw BJ next to her, "Hi."
"We had to go back in Hawk." He told him, watching his head fall. "I didn't want to wake you."
"Any change?"
"She has a fever still... but other then that nothing." BJ told him, and watched him sit next to her, taking her hand. "Did you call her parents?"
"Yes."
"And?"
"They will be here today sometime."
"Did she..."
"Tell them that I cheated on her? She told Annie, and that's how her parents heard."
"You didn't cheat on her Hawkeye..."
"This is all my fault BJ..."
"No it's not."
"Don't you tell me it's not because it is. If I didn't take that ride home from Marissa, if I didn't forget my bag, If I didn't raise my voice at her, if I had called her once to see how she was before she set out at midnight on a Friday! It was all my fault! If I didn't do any of this she wouldn't be sitting there hooked up to just about every tube we have in this god damn hospital! My daughter would not be crying every five hours because she is hurting!"
"You can blame yourself all you want but sooner or later you will realize that it isn't you're fault Hawk! It's not!"
"If it's not my fault then why do I feel that I should be in that position and not her."
"Hawk..." He said, watching his friend, Maybe you should go home for a little while. Let Natalie have a chance to play in her own house."
"No... I can't leave her."
"How about I call Peg and she can take Natalie for a few days?"
"I can take care of my own child." He growls.
BJ sighed and stood up and headed out of the room. He walks into Hawkeye's office and sits in his char. He looks over at Natalie in the playpen and starts to write in Margaret's chart. A few minutes later, he looks back over at Natalie and sees her standing up in her playpen watching him, "Good morning."
"Jay!" She says, holding her hands up to him.
He stands up and walks over to his niece, lifting her out of the playpen, "Did you sleep well?"
"Daddy?" She questioned.
"He's with mommy."
"Oh." She says as she squirms down to walk around the office. Hawkeye had toys for her piled up in the corner of his office, which was what she walked off to play with, leaving BJ to finish up Margaret's chart.
"Dr. Hunnicut?"
"Yes?"
"We need to know whether or not to give Mrs. Pierce more pain medicine."
"When was she last given it?"
"Four hours ago."
"Yes... that's fine. Is there any change in her status?"
"None."
"Damn." He sighed. "Judy, can you take her chart back to her room?"
"Of course." She says, taking the chart from him.
Ten minutes went by and Hawkeye came back into the office. Natalie was all over him from the second he entered, "DADDY!"
"Hi princess... are you being good for Uncle BJ?"
"Yup!"
"Good girl." He says as he hugs her.
"How is she Hawkeye?"
"No difference." He says sighing. "She should be..."
"She's hurt bad." He tells him. "When are her parents due in?"
"Soon I am assuming."
"I'm going to go check on Margaret... and then I'm going to go home for a bit. I need two hours or so with the girls."
"Alright."
"Do you want me to take Natalie?"
"No... I need her here, especially when Margaret's parents show up."
BJ nods and walks out of the office back to Margaret's room. He took her vitals, normally that was the job of a nurse, but he wanted to be the one to do it. Her pulse was still slow and he had not regained consciousness yet, and it seems like that won't be happening any time soon. "Come on Margaret. Fight you're way out of this. It's not looking good right now, but we can't loose you. Hawkeye wouldn't be the same." BJ said quietly to her. "I know you can do this... keep fighting." He says as he gives her hand a squeeze. He then turned and walked out, telling a nurse to stay with her whenever Hawkeye wasn't around.
Hawkeye heard a knock on his door around 2:00pm, he asked them quietly to enter. Natalie was sound asleep in the playpen.
"Dr. Pierce, your wife's family has shown up... they are waiting for a doctor to allow them to enter her room... and you are the only one around."
"Right." He says sighing, "Do you mind watching Nat for me? Well, just keep an ear on her?"
"Of course not." Judy says, as she watches him walk out.
Hawkeye took a deep breath as he walks towards the Houlihan's. He didn't know exactly what to expect, so he expected the worse. "Hi." He says, watching the cold stares shot his way.
"Look who it is..." Al says, "I didn't think I would see you here. I figured you were done after you cheated on my daughter."
"AL..." Kate says.
"Where's my sister?" Annie said, staring at him with the same ice blue eyes that her sister has.
"Follow me."
"Do you have to go?" Annie asks.
"If you want to be able to see her I do."
"How is she Hawkeye?" Kate asks.
"Not well..." He starts, "When you see her she is going to have a lot of tubes coming out of her. She had severe internal bleeding and her heart stopped once during surgery."
"Did you work on her?"
"No, Dr. Hunnicut and Dr. Smith did."
"Were you busy with the girl on the side?" Annie asked him smugly.
"Annie." Kate says.
"What?"
"Where's Natalie?" The Colonel asks.
"In my office sleeping." Hawkeye says, as he quietly opens the door to Margaret's room.
"My god." Annie says as she sees her older sister lying there. "Is she even still alive?"
"Yes, she is fighting."
"My daughters strong... she obviously has to be to have a cheating husband like you." Al grunts.
"I can't believe this..." Kate says, taking a seat next to her daughter.
"This is all your fault." The Colonel says, raising his voice.
"If you are gong to yell please tell me so we can go outside." Hawkeye says.
"I'll yell where ever I choose to yell!"
"You listen to me, I am the doctor, and I do NOT want any yelling around my wife, do you understand me SIR?"
"How dare you talk to me that way!?"
"I will only tell you once more COLONEL, if you continue to yell in this room, I am going to have to escort you out... we can take this outside if you need too."
"My father is absolutely right. If it wasn't for you cheating on your wife, she wouldn't be lying here with tubes coming out of her! She would be home watching her daughter, whom you also aren't watching. Where is she Hawkeye? Have you taken her home at all in the past few days?! I would NEVER keep Angela in a hospital constantly if..."
"Annie, you have had a child for two months. Don't you even begin to tell me how to raise my child. Secondly, do you not think I feel bad enough for this happening?! My WIFE is lying in this bed and there is nothing... NOTHING I can do for her expect to wait and see. I see her lying there pale, hurt, bleeding, and unable to breath steadily... "
"Hawkeye..." Jan interrupts his anger.
"Yes?"
"Your daughter is awake and not in too good of a mood. I think she needs you."
"Ok." He says, turning, "I'll be back in soon." He walks down leaving the Houlihan's and goes into his office to grab his daughter, hearing her cry for him, "What's wrong Natalie? Shh... you are awake earlier then you should be. Did something wake you up?" He asked, sitting down on the couch with her as she leans her head against his shoulder and grabs a fist full of his shirt. "You're ok little girl." He tells his sobbing daughter, "We'll go home tonight, how about that? Uncle BJ is going to come back here, and you and I can go home for the night. Pop-pop and Grammy are here, and you're Aunt Annie. I think they are going to be staying at our place, even though they blame me for everything that happened to mommy." He tells her, pinching the bridge of his nose. He has had a consistent headache since they brought her in, and nothing seems to work to get rid of it. "Are you still tired Natalie?" He asked as she stuck her thumb in her mouth. "I would think you are. Do you think you should go back to sleep for a little while?"
"No." She says, rubbing her eyes.
"No? I think that would be a wonderful idea!" He tells her, kissing her forehead. "Then tonight, we'll go home, get something to eat, give you a bath and you can sleep in your own bed. Does that sound good?"
"Mommy..." She says, pouting.
"No, mommy is going to be staying here for right now. She has to stay with Uncle BJ for a while longer. I know you miss her honey..." He sits a while as his daughter clings to him in silence before she fell back asleep. He then placed her into her crib and stood up to work on some charts. He heard a knock on the door, "Come in." He says not looking up from his paper work.
"Hi Hawkeye."
Hawkeye cringes at the sound of the voice, "Hello Marissa."
"How are you doing? I just heard the terrible news!"
"I'm doing fine, and can you please keep you're voice down, my daughter is sleeping."
"Oh of course!" She says, walking over to his desk. "So how is Margaret doing?"
"No change."
"Well that's just awful!"
"Is there anything else I can do for you?" Hawkeye asks her, trying to get the point across to her that she was not welcomed at this minute in his office.
"I just wanted to see how you were! I was so worried about you!" She tells him, sitting on the edge of his desk, crossing her legs at the ankles.
"I'll be better once my wife wakes up."
"And if she doesn't..."
"She will."
"So, what happened to her?"
"She got hit by a drunk driver. She was coming to talk to me about what happened the other night... or what didn't happen in my case."
"Hawkeye... something happened between us... you have to admit it."
"Nothing happened! You kissed me, which was all that happened."
"You know you felt something. Something that you're wife couldn't give you."
"Nausea?" Hawkeye says.
"Hawkeye... don't try to hide it."
"Hide what?"
"The fact that we could be together."
"I don't believe you Marissa. I don't FUCKING believe you."
"What?"
"My wife is lying in a hospital bed over in the Post-Op/Recovery ward. She is hooked up to just about every single tube there is trying to keep her alive. My daughter is over there sleeping with a horrible knot on her forehead, trying to understand why her mother isn't around. She's use to not seeing me because I'm always working, but Margaret is always there with her."
"We could make it work Hawkeye."
"All of this because I took a ride home from you, and YOU kissed me! I didn't even kiss you! I pulled away, but by that time Margaret had seen enough and threw me out of my own house, telling my in-laws that I had cheated on her. Do you know anything about that? No because you have never been married. I love my wife, and you are just someone who is a young kid and has no idea how to take NO as an answer! So, because you kissed me my wife is hurt, possibly dying, my daughter is hurt, and my life is in shambles. There is nothing you can do about it either."
"Hawkeye, we could be happy together. You're wife doesn't care about you anymore. You're relationship is over! She already knows there is something going on between us, so why not finish it? You're daughter..."
"Do not bring Natalie into this conversation do you understand me?"
"I'm just saying... if Margaret does unfortunately... pass on, you and I could start a life together..."
"Get the hell out of my office." He says, standing up and opening the door.
"Hawkeye..."
"I'm not kidding Marissa; get the hell out of my office, stay away from my family and stay away from me. If you hadn't kissed me, then this would have never happened. My wife would not be fighting for her life, and I can't forgive you for that. So leave."
"Fine Hawkeye... we'll talk when you are calmer."
"No, we won't." He says, slamming the door. "Shit!" He cursed forgetting Natalie was in the room. She of course woke up, "Daddy." She called, raising her arms to him.
"Sorry princess." He says, kissing her cheek.
"Daddy, 'own." She says squirming out of his arms, and over to her toys.
He hears another knock on the door and is fearful to say come in, "Yeah?" He calls.
"Hawkeye?"
"Hi mom." He says, sighing. He didn't know if he should still call her that or not, but today he really didn't care.
"Are you alright?"
"Physically yes."
"Emotionally?"
"That's a whole different story."
"'Ammy!" Natalie says, running over to her.
"Hi there pretty girl." She says, smiling, "Come give Grammy a kiss, I need one today."
"Kay." Natalie says kissing her.
"How about a hug, can I get one of those too?"
"Yes." She says smiling and hugs her.
"That's my girl. Let me look at you." Kate says as she holds her back to get a good look at her granddaughter, "You have a pretty big bump on you're head sweetheart."
"Yup." Natalie says.
"It will go down soon." Hawkeye said.
"I know. Is that all she had wrong with her?"
"A few bruises, but she seems to be dong a lot better then last night. She had a rough one, but I think she was more scared then anything."
"Looks like you had a rough night too. Did you sleep at all?"
"Two hours."
"That's not long enough."
"I know... I just feel..." HE says, running his hands through his hair.
"What?"
"I feel so guilty for this. If I hadn't have asked Marissa to give me a ride home, if I had just called Margaret to pick me up none of this would have happened! She wouldn't have kissed me..."
"Did you cheat on my daughter Hawkeye?"
"No. I love her more then anything in the entire world. She and Nat are my life, and I couldn't have cheated on her. She kissed me. I yelled at her and went inside only to find Margaret packing my stuff up. I couldn't even explain to her what happened."
"When Annie told me I called Margaret. I had to hear it from her. I don't think I have ever heard her that torn up before, and so open. She told me what she saw happen and that she threw you out. Did you try to talk to her again?"
"Yes. I came over to the house and she didn't want to talk about it then, so we argued, yelled and I told her that it was fine, I didn't care about it anymore and I'll only be back to see Natalie. I tried to get her to understand that I didn't do anything, but she's so...."
"Stubborn. I know. She is definitely her father in that aspect."
"I should have gone over again and tried to talk to her. I could have prevented this..."
"No, you couldn't have. She wouldn't have listened until she was ready. You coming over and forcing her to listen would have just pissed her off even more." She looked down at her granddaughter in her arms and smiled, "I'm so glad she wasn't hurt."
"Me too... I couldn't have dealt with both of my girls hurt." Hawkeye responded, "Do you have a place to stay?"
"Hotel I guess."
"My house is open if you want."
"That may work out better." Kate says. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure."
"Is she going to pull through?"
"I wish I knew." Hawkeye says sighing as he sat down upon his couch. "I wish I knew."
"What do you think?"
"I don't know... her chart... she's hurt bad. I guess all we can do is wait."
"Has Natalie seen her?"
"I can't get her in... it's against the hospital's policy, and I don't want her to see her mom like this."
"'Ammy!"
"What sweetie pie?"
"'Mere!" She calls smiling.
"Ok." She says, being taken over to her pile of toys.
"Mom?" Hawkeye says after a few minutes of watching her play with her granddaughter.
"What?" She asked.
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did you not scream and yell like the other two?"
"I talked to Margaret before she was coming over to see you. She heard you talking to Natalie and tell her that you never cheated on you. She called me crying and asked what to do. I told her to go with her own instinct. She was mad Hawkeye... she wasn't thinking. She saw you kiss that woman and didn't even give it a thought that you didn't want too. She was worried. You mean so much to her."
"I know... she's my world."
"You've changed her a lot over the years, but she still has the attitude that she will hurt you before you have a chance to hurt her."
"I know." He says. "I just feel responsible for her."
"Did the driver live?"
"He's doing well... but I can't say that I'm happy about that."
"I don't blame you."
That was the last thing the two of them said until Annie came in pale, "What's wrong Annie?" Hawkeye asks.
"They had to open her up again." She says.
"WHAT HAPPENED?!" Hawkeye shouts.
"I don't know... they said something about her lung and not getting enough air... BJ is in there."
Hawkeye pushed back from his desk and ran over to the OR. He scrubbed in quickly and walked into, "What happened?"
"Hawkeye..." Nate says, "You shouldn't be in here."
"What happened?"
"She isn't getting air to her Hawk. We have to fix the hole in her lung. I don't know where it is so we have to explore." BJ says, cutting open Margaret. Hawkeye goes right next to him to try and see where she was bleeding. "This is the third time we had to go in on her Hawkeye." BJ told him, trying to et him to come with terms about how bad she truly was.
"There..." Hawkeye says pointing, "Nate, move." He says, shoving the chief surgeon away.
"Pierce! You are totally out of line!" Nate says.
"Have you done this surgery in an hour flat?" Hawkeye shouts, "I don't think so, and BJ and I work better together then anyone in this hospital.... Please, let me do this."
Nate looked at BJ who nodded, "We'll discuss this after the operation."
"Thank you." He says.
"There are four holes Hawk, one in her heart... I'll take her lung, you get the heart."
"Right." Hawkeye says, calling for the instruments he needed "How are we doing?"
"BP is fine." The nurse says.
"We need to work fast Hawkeye... you never know how much more she can take."
"I know."
Hawkeye and BJ came out of surgery exhausted. They worked on her for an hour, and both had hoped that it would be her last time in there. They checked thoroughly to ensure that she had no more holes in her. They accounted for every one there was, and now all they had to do was wait for her to wake up. During the time they were in surgery, Hawkeye's father had arrived. Hawkeye saw him and felt relieve that he came.
"How are you holding up Benjamin?" He said, coming into Margaret's room.
"I can't keep doing this." He said, looking down at her.
"How is she?"
"I think we got all the holes, now it's up to her."
"Have you gotten any sleep?" He asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"A few hours... that's about it."
"Have you been home at all?"
"I'm going to go home tonight, sleep a little bit and then come back in early tomorrow. Natalie really needs to be home for a little while. Did you see her?"
"Yes. She looks good, except for that bump."
"Yeah."
"How has she been?"
"When she first saw me she was crying, that was about one in the morning. She was hurting and scared, but now she is doing alright. She keeps asking for Margaret, and I just don't know how to get her to understand she isn't going to be around for a while... if ever." He said, trying not to cry in front of his father.
"The only good thing that came out of your mother's passing was that you were older. You understood more about why she wasn't able to come home as much as you had wanted her too."
"It's like mom all over again... I can't do a damn thing to help her dad."
"I know how you feel."
"I'm a doctor for Christ sake! I am a surgeon! It's my job to help her, and I can't do a thing about it."
"I know Ben."
"If she dies, I don't know what I'm going to do Dad... I don't know what the hell I am going to do."
"Don't think that way... she's strong. She's a fighter..."
"She's been through three surgeries in not even twenty-four hours."
"Ben..."
"I can't take this Dad." He says...
"Ben."
"No, I can't deal with this. My wife is lying in that hospital room with tubes coming out of her and stitches holding her together because of some girl that I got a ride with. Margaret warned me about her, and what did I do? Laugh at her. I told her she was crazy and now..."
"This is no time for placing the blame Benjamin. You can feel guilty your entire life, but that's not going to make her better." He tells him. "Don't do it to yourself. Keep on thinking positively..."
"I wish I wasn't a doctor at this time."
"I know how you feel." He says remembering his wife's illness. "Well, how about you and I go check on my granddaughter?"
"Sounds good."
"Let's go." He says, as the two men head to the office.
Hawkeye sits at his desk while his father entertains Natalie. He sat in front of his stack of charts and bit the end of his pencil. Margaret's parent's and sister were in the room with her, and he was not in the mood to deal with their shit. He tried to keep his attention on his work, but he just couldn't. He kept on thinking about what if he lost her, what would happen to him and his daughter? She was a year and a half and needed her mother. He couldn't let her go through the same pain he went through at the age of ten. At around 4:30, Hawkeye threw his pencil down and stood up, knowing that he wouldn't be getting any more work done today. "Well Natalie, what do you say, should we go home for a little while kiddo?"
"Yes!" She says, running over to him.
Hawkeye put the lightweight jacket on her and took picked her up. "Are you coming Dad?"
"Yeah."
The three of them then walked out of the office and saw Annie, "Annie."
"What?" She said coldly.
"I'm heading home for a while."
"Fine."
"Please call me if anything happens." He says.
"'NIE!" Natalie interrupts her father as she reaches for her.
"Hi little girl." She says smiling faintly taking her niece, "You be good at home ok? I'll see you tonight."
"Kay." She says, squirming down off of her, "Daddy! Come!" She says, taking his hand.
"Are you staying at my place tonight?"
"Yes."
"Alright, I'll see you tonight."
"Fine." She says, turning her back on him.
"Natalie, hold my hand." He says, reaching for the toddler.
"Kay." She smiles at him and grabs two of his fingers.
Hawkeye pulls into the driveway that he has not seen in almost four days. He takes Natalie out of her seat and the three Pierces head into the house. Natalie ran all around the first floor, looking at all her toys that she has not seen in just about four days. Hawkeye asks his dad to watch Natalie and he heads upstairs for a quick shower before he cooks them dinner. He stood under the warm flow of the water trying to relax, but it wasn't doing any good, so he quickly got out, wrapped a towel around him and then got dressed. He then looked around the room and realized how empty it was. There was absolutely no noise. He lays back on the bed, covering his face with his hands. He stayed like that for a few minutes, thinking about his wife, before he heard familiar patter of feet running into the room and felt something jump on his chest. "Uff." He says smiling.
"Daddy!" Natalie says, laying her head against his chest. She looked up at him with blue eyes and gave him the same smile that her mother does.
"What do you think princess, are you hungry? Should we go make some food?"
"Yes!" She says, not letting go of him.
"Can I get up so we can go downstairs?"
"No." She says smiling, hugging his neck.
Hawkeye laughs and sits up, "Alright, let's go see what we can have for dinner. Then, we'll get a bath, and then you get to sleep in your own bed."
That night, Hawkeye kept busy with his daughter. He was able to relax for the first time in four days, which was what he needed. Natalie was thrilled to be home, and so was Hawkeye. After he got Natalie to bed, he went downstairs and did the dishes, then sat with his father and watched TV until Dan decided he too would turn in at around eleven. Hawkeye told his father that he planned to get into the hospital by eight that morning, and Daniel said that he would watch Natalie. Soon after, the Houlihan's came home, and Kate gave Hawkeye the news on Margaret, which was their was no real change, and then everyone went to sleep. Hawkeye tossed and turned till around two in the morning, when he went downstairs and got something to drink, sitting at the kitchen table. He stared at the clock for a while, his mind on how Margaret was, until he heard someone enter the room, "Hi."
"Hi." He said, turning to look and see Annie.
"I can't sleep." She says quietly.
"Neither can I." He sighed, "Do you want a drink?"
"I'll get it." She says pouring herself a glass of juice, then sitting across the table from him. They sat in silence for a while until she said, "Will she ever come out of this?"
"I don't know. I wish I had the answer, but I don't."
"I talked to my mom earlier..."
"And?"
"She said you didn't cheat on Margaret."
"No, I didn't."
"So you didn't kiss the girl?"
"We kissed, but it was one sided, and not mine."
"Oh."
"Annie, I love your sister. You should know that. You have seen us together the most; you should know how much she means to me."
"I thought I knew... then she called me and told me that you cheated on her and I couldn't help but hating you."
"I understand... but I would never do anything to hurt her, purposely." He sighs, "This wasn't on purpose... I didn't mean for her to get so pissed off. I tried to explain it to her, but she wouldn't listen. Now she is lying in a hospital bed..."
"Hooked up to ever tube there is." Annie says finishing his sentence, "I have heard this already."
"Sorry."
"It's ok." She says, sipping her drink. "Are you alright Hawkeye?"
"I'll be better once she wakes up..."
"I think we all will."
"What time are you going in tomorrow?"
"Eight. I'm going to get Natalie dressed and fed and then head in."
"I bet she misses her."
"She does. You can't explain to a one year old that mom's hurt..."
"I know."
"How do you like being a mom?"
"I love it. I really miss her though."
"Why didn't you bring her?"
"Tyler wanted to keep her for a day or two, and then the two will be flying out here tomorrow actually."
"How's he going to be on a five hour flight with a two month old?"
"We'll see." Annie smiles.
Around four the two of them retire for the night. Hawkeye falls asleep and wakes up to Natalie calling to him.
"Hey princess. Did you have a nice sleep in your own bed?" He asked, picking her up.
"Yes." She says smiling.
"You are going to be a very lucky girl today. You get to spend the morning with Grandpop. What do you think?"
"Yay!" She says smiling as she claps her hands.
"I thought you'd like that." HE smiles and kisses her cheek.
Hawkeye does as he said he would, got Natalie dressed and fed her before he went to the hospital to check on Natalie. He told his father that visiting hours were at noon, and headed out the door. When he got to the hospital, he saw BJ and went up to him, "How is she?"
"Heart rate's stronger... that's something."
"Something is great at the moment. Any more surgeries?"
"No, I think she's done with that. Her lung held, so we'll have to wait and see how she is when she wakes up."
"Yeah." Hawkeye said sighing. "I'm gonna go in with her."
"Are you working any today?"
"I am on call. If you all need me I'm there."
"Right... hopefully we won't. I'll check back in a bit."
"Right." Hawkeye says as he heads into her room. He looks down at her, "It's been two days Margaret... come on, you can get out of this. Open your eyes." He took her hand into his and squeezed it gently. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes. What would it be like if she didn't make it? How would he handle it? He didn't think he could. "Stop it." He said, yelling at himself, "Don't even think about that." He hated himself for thinking the worse, but after three surgeries, one time heart stop and two days of a coma how could he think differently. He prayed, for the first time since he was ten, for her life. He was an agnostic, but he didn't know what else to do. He told the Potters and the Padre about Margaret, and they were deeply sorry for her accident, and would keep her in their prayers. Hawkeye figured he should try something, since being a surgeon wouldn't and couldn't help her any more. He felt completely worthless as both a husband and a surgeon. He hated not being able to do anything more for her. He just waited, for life, waited for death, waited for something that he could not begin to picture to happen. He sat there watching her shallow breathing. He closed his eyes trying to relieve the pressure building up behind them, and exhaled. He prayed silently again, prayed to the lord who took his mother away, that he wouldn't have to see his wife dying too. He didn't want his child to grow up without a mother. He couldn't let that happen.
It had been a long couple of days for everyone. As Hawkeye prayed he swore he felt her hand move, "You're a doctor... you know it's just muscle spasms." He scolds himself. He didn't want to give his emotions any leeway, but it was hard to do sometimes. He sat watching her closely for any sign that she would be waking up. This was probably one of the hardest moments in his life, sitting there watching his wife lay motionless on the bed.
The on duty nurse came in at around nine, "I have to take her vitals, why don't you go get some coffee or something Hawkeye. You look like you could use it."
"Alright." He says as he stands up and stretches for a minute. "Let me know when you're done."
"I'll come and find you personally." She says smiling. "She'll be ok Hawkeye..."
"I hope so." He says as he heads out the door. He stands by the window for a few seconds and then heads to grab a cup of coffee.
"How is she Hawk?" Nate asks him.
"She's alive."
"Well that's good. Any movement?"
"Muscle spasm, but that's it."
"She'll make it. From what you say, she's one tough kid."
"That she is." He says, pouring a cup of coffee.
He pats him on the back, "Try and relax, I know it's hard. Believe me, Nancy had an accident and was in a bad way for a while, but she pulled through." And with that, he left.
After about twenty minutes, Hawkeye was able back by Margaret's side. He spent the next two hours pacing the hospital room until about eleven when he sat down and put his head in his hands, and his elbows on his knees. The next thing he felt was something brush against his arm gently, he looked over and saw Margaret looking at him, "Hi." He smiled at her, "It's about time you woke up."
"Hi." She said, wincing at the pain.
"Are you in pain?"
"Some." She said, "What happened?"
"You and Natalie were in a car..."
"Accident." She said finishing his sentence, "Oh my god, is Natalie..." She asked as her pain turned into fear.
"Nat is fine. A little bump on the head but other then that, she's ok. You on the other hand..." He said, trying not to let his emotions get the best of him, "Scared us for a while. You had to be opened three times, BJ worked on you, your heart stopped and your lung had to be re-inflated. We thought we lost you Margaret." He said his voice hitching in his throat.
"I'm like a bad penny... I keep showing up." Margaret says as lightly as possible.
"How are you? Are you feeling alright?"
"I'm alive... I hurt though."
"I can believe that... I'll give you a shot of something."
"Ok."
"I'll be right back." He says, standing up. "Jan, I need a shot of morphine for my wife."
"Alright, I'll bring it right over..."
"She's awake."
"Really! That's wonderful! Give me a minute and I'll be right in with it."
"Thanks." He says as he heads back into her room, and sees BJ. He smiles and lets the two talk.
"You scared us Margaret."
"So I heard." She says, yawning.
"How about you let my wife get some rest?"
"Yeah, I think that would be the best thing for you." BJ says, giving her a kiss on the cheek, "Good to see you awake. I'll come back to check on you."
"Thanks BJ." She says, as Hawkeye takes a seat next to her.
"See you soon." He says, closing the door.
"Hawkeye..." Margaret begins.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry..."
"No, I'm sorry."
"I should have let you talk... I shouldn't have..."
"Margaret, don't."
"Did you..."
"No." He says, knowing what she was getting at, "IT was one sided Margaret, and not the side I was on."
"That's good to know."
"I would never do anything like that to you."
"I'm so sorry..."
"Let's just forget about it." Hawkeye says, kissing the side of her head. "You have to get some sleep. Your parents and sister are coming in around one."
"When can I go home?"
"I'd say in a couple days."
"Alright." She says, feeling the medicine kick in. She slowly closes her eyes and falls asleep for about two hours.
Hawkeye was thrilled to have his wife back in the living, though she still had a long road to recovery. Each day was a little better for her. Four days later, she was released. Margaret's parents stayed for two days after that. Natalie was absolutely thrilled to have her mom home, and Margaret was thrilled to see her little girl. They would take naps together every day, and Natalie wouldn't let her mom alone for the time she was awake till the time she went to sleep. By November, Margaret was completely healed, and Hawkeye went back to work. Everything was in place, and the family couldn't be happier. Margaret and Hawkeye's relationship was stronger than ever.
Natalie was getting bigger by the day, and Margaret and Hawkeye were thinking about having another child. They began trying, nothing serious, but if it happened it happened. This way Natalie would be two and a half almost if the child was born. December came even quicker, and Margaret began to feel different, so she went and had a test done. The results came back a week before Christmas that she was in fact pregnant and the child would be born sometime in mid-August. She decided to keep it from him for a couple days more. Three days before Christmas they will be heading to Maine to spend a 'True Christmas' as Hawkeye likes to put it. Natalie was thrilled to have her grandfather around. Christmas morning came, and Natalie woke up bright and early. Over night it had snowed five inches. Hawkeye couldn't wait to see Natalie play in it. She hasn't seen snow since she was four months old. Margaret sat by Nat and helped her open the presents from 'Santa Clause' before starting breakfast. At around ten, Hawkeye got Natalie in her snowsuit and walked outside with her. At first she didn't know what to do with the snow and stood right next to her dad, holding on to his hand.
"Come on Natalie, it's fun."
"Daddy! Up!" She says smiling.
"No, come on." He coaxes her out. "Look Natalie, see? It's fun!"
"Fun?" She says, looking up at him. After a few uncertain steps she was running around.
She loved the snow as much as her father did. Hawkeye smiled as he watched her play in the backyard. Daniel had gotten a puppy that past year and she spent the time chasing after the little black lab puppy.
"Now we are going to have to get her a puppy." Margaret says smiling as she came out with her husband and daughter.
"We may. She's really turning out to be an animal lover."
"I blame your father."
"Maybe well get her one when she is older."
"We'll have to see about that." Margaret smiles, and wraps her hands around his waste.
"This Christmas was nice." He says, kissing the top of her head.
"It was? I thought it was still going on?"
"Cute."
"I thought so." She smiles, leaning her head against his chest. "Next year it will be even better."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Why's that?"
"Because their will be four of us." She said looking up at him.
"Your...?!"
"Yeah."
"When did you find out?" Hawkeye asks in shock.
"A week ago."
"Why didn't you tell me?!"
"Merry Christmas." She says smiling.
"This is the best gift ever! Does my dad know?"
"Not yet."
"Dad! Come here!"
"What?" He says coming to the door.
"We have one last gift for you." Margaret smiles.
"Oh? What's that."
"You're going to be a grandfather again."
"Really?!" He says as Margaret nods, "Wahoo! That's wonderful! Congratulations!"
"You too."
"Natalie! You're going to be a big sister!" Daniel says smiling.
"No." Natalie says smiling, "'ittle." She smiles.
"I think we have some things to explain to her in the next few months."
"When are you due?"
"Mid-August." Margaret said smiling.
"Well that's wonderful."
"We think so too." Hawkeye says as Natalie runs over to him, he scoops her up, and hugs her, "What do you think Nat, are you happy to be a sister?"
"Yup!" She says, not knowing what her father meant, but agreed with him anyway.
"Merry Christmas." Margaret said smiling, as she kisses her daughter.
Change was happening in the lives of the Pierces, for the better. After the past few months, they needed something happy to occur, and that was just what happened. Margaret couldn't wait to have the baby, and Hawkeye couldn't wait to tell everyone about his wife. In a bit under eight months they would be parents again, and of course in the lives of the Pierces, a lot can happen in eight months...TBC...
I'm just trying out something different. I always wanted to read a story that followed the way through Hawkeye and Margaret's life together so I figured I'd have a go at writing one. R&R Please, but be kind! There are PLEANTY MORE CHAPTERS TO GO! Forgive the small mistakes... I know they can be annoying, and I will do my best to minimize them!
Thanks for all the great reviews! Please keep them up! Please R&R!
Thanks
STARY