Collection of Short Stories: Chp 4
Story 16: School
A new school year was beginning and everyone was excited to get their new programs. Kurama's class was especially excited. They were the first class to get their schedules.
"Now, children, these programs are perfect. It's a one in a million chance to get a mistake on it because it was done on computers", the teacher said while handing out the programs.
When Kurama received his, he was surprised. "Um…Mrs. Sacapuntas?", he said, "I think I have the one in a million mistake here. Can I go to my counselor and get it fixed?". The teacher nodded and Kurama was on his way.
"Mr. Lee? I have a problem on my schedule", Kurama said as he handed his counselor the card. The counselor looked at it for a while and gave it back to him.
"I don't see a problem", he said, handing it back. Kurama sighed. "You don't see that I have lunch at seven thirty in the morning? I'm not too hungry at that time", he said, "If I have to, I will bring my mother in and she'll have it changed".
The counselor took the card back and two days later, Kurama received the correction. He growled and went back to the counselor's office. "Excuse me!", he said, "But you havent changed anything!".
"Settle down", the counselor said, "Let me see it". Kurama handed him the card. After careful examination, the counselor gave the card back. "I don't see the problem", he said. Kurama gasped.
"You just added two more periods of lunch after that one! If I have to bring my mom in-", Kurama started. The counselor interrupted. "Leave your schedule here and I'll fix it. I can only fix your schedule one more time for this semester", he said.
Two days later, the principal decided to look at various classes and he chose to look at home economics first. He walked in the class where he saw a bunch of girls fixing up their favorite dishes.
"How nice", he started, "to see the future wives fixing food for their future families! It makes me- Minamino! What are you doing here? Why are you wearing that apron?".
Kurama was speechless. "I…my schedule…my class…lunch…my counselor…the computer…", he managed to say. The principal raised his hand. "Enough! I hate your bad humor of cheating your way into an all girls class. I want you to bring your mother in tomorrow and we'll discuss your schedule!".
Story 17: Oranges
Kuwabara decided he needed a job. So he chose to work for a fruit vender on the corner. The man hired him in an instant and gave him an apron. "Ok! You're hired! I'm going to get more merchandise, ok?", the boss told Kuwabara. Kuwabara nodded.
As soon as his boss left, a lady walked up to the stand. "Excuse me, young man, but what are you selling?", she asked. Kuwabara shrugged. "I don't know", he said. The lady sighed and walked away. "What's wrong with you!", the boss yelled at him, "We're selling oranges!". Kuwabara nodded obediently.
Another lady walked up to the stand. "Hello!", she said, "What are you selling?". "Oranges", Kuwabara mumbled. The lady sighed happily. "How much?", she asked. Kuwabara shrugged. "I dunno", he said. The lady became disinterested and walked away.
The boss came back. "The oranges are twenty five cents a pound!", he said, "Now get selling or you're fired!". Kuwabara saw another customer coming. "Hello, sir", the man said, "What are you selling?"
"Oranges"
"How much?"
"Twenty five cents a pound"
"Are they fresh?"
Kuwabara shrugged. "I don't know", he said. The man sighed and walked off. The boss growled. "They are fresh! Very very fresh! And tell the customers to have a nice day! I need a break…", he said and walked away.
Kuwabara didn't care too much and kept looking out for customers. Just then, a cop walked up to him. "Hm… a crime was committed here not too long ago, and you look pretty suspicious. Sir, what is your name?", the cop said.
"Oranges", Kuwabara said. The cop looked at him suspiciously. "So, 'Oranges', where do you live?", he asked. "Twenty five cents a pound", Kuwabara said, confused at what was going on. The cop glared at Kuwabara. "Are you being fresh with me!", he asked.
Kuwabara nodded. "Very very fresh!", he said. The cop growled and grabbed Kuwabara. "You're coming downtown with me!", he said angrily. Kuwabara just smiled and said, "Thank you! Have a nice day!".
Story 18: New Invention
Yusuke goes along to the Patent Office with some of his new designs.
He says to the clerk, "I'd like to register my new invention. It's a folding bottle."
"OK," says the clerk. "What do you call it?"
"A fottle" , replies Yusuke.
"A fottle? That's a stupid! Can't you think of something else?"
"I can think about it. I've got something else though. It's a folding carton."
"And what do you call that?" asks the clerk.
"A farton", replies Yusuke.
"That's rude. You can't possibly call it that!"
"In that case," says Yusuke
"You're really going to hate the name of my folding bucket."
Story 19: Red Bench
One day, Yusuke was jogging and got tired. He came to a red bench and sat down. Kuwabara, who was walking his cat, came by him and asked, "Whatcha doin?". "Sitting on a red bench", he replied. "May I join you?", Kuwabara asked. Yusuke nodded. Kuwabara sat down and put his kitty on his lap. Then, Hiei was taking a walk and saw the two boys sitting on a bench.
"What are you guys doing?"
"Sitting on a red bench", both replied
"May I join you?"
"Sure"
Hiei sat down and looked around. Then, Keiko walked by, talking on her new cell phone. She stopped and saw the three boys on the bench..
"Whatcha doing?"
"Sitting on a red bench", all three said together.
"May I join you?"
"Sure"
Keiko sat down and continued her phone conversation. Finally, Botan walked by, playing with a gameboy. She looked up and saw the people sitting on the bench.
"What'cha doin?"
"Sitting on a red bench", all four replied.
"May I join you?"
"Sure"
Botan happily sat down and continued playing with her gameboy. Kurama was taking a walk and saw the three boys and two girls on the red bench. "What are you guys doing?", he asked. "Sitting on a red bench", they all replied. Kurama gasped and said, "You mean the one I just finished painting?".
Story 20: Kurama's Useless Information (it still makes you look smart to say it!)
1. Coca-cola was originally green.
2. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury.
3. Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2)poodle; 3)golden retriever.
4. Dumbest dog: Afghan
5. Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters.
6. Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better.
7. Chances that an American lives within 50 miles of where they grew up: 1 in 2
8. Amount American Airlines saved in '87 by taking out 1 olive from each salad served in first class: 40,000
9. City with the most Rolls Royce's per capita: Hong Kong
10. State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
11. Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
12. Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
13. Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28
14. Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38
15. Estimated of American adults who go on diet each year: 44
16. Barbie's measurements if she were life size: 39-23-33
17. Average number of days a West German goes without washing his underwear: 7
18. Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36
19. Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: 43
20. City with highest per capita viewer ship of TV evangelists: Washington DC
21. Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80
22. of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50
23. of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58
24. of women who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 85
25. Number of different family relationships for which Hallmark makes cards: 105
26. Cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: 6,400
27. Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000.
28. Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney World: 70
29. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
30. Portion of ice cream sold that is vanilla: 1/3
31. Portion of potatoes sold that are French fried: 1/3
32. Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonald's each day: 7
33. Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90
34. Percentage of mammal species that are: 3
35. Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary schools are above national average: 50
36. Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5
37. Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7.
38. Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3
39. Only President to remain a bachelor: James Buchanon
40. Only first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor Roosevelt
41. Only President to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy for "Profiles in Courage"
42. Only President awarded a patent: Abe Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals
43. Only food that does not spoil: honey
44. Only person to win 64,000 Challenge and 64,000 Question: Dr. Joyce Brothers (subject is boxing)
45. Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird
46. Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica
47. Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: pig
48. Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water.
49. An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it.
50. In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees.
51. Polar bears are left-handed.
52. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
53. Eskimos never gamble.
54. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
55. The youngest pope was 11 years old.
56. Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school.
57. Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses.
58. Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner.
59. Your nose and ears never stop growing.
60. Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets in our solar system combined.
61. Hot water is heavier than cold.
62. The parachute was invented by da Vinci in 1515.
63. They have square watermelons in Japan. They stack better.
64. Cream does not weigh as much as milk.
65. Starfish have eight eyes-one at the end of each leg.
66. Iceland consumes more Coca-cola per capita than any other nation.
67. First novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer."
68. There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year.
69. Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles per year.
70. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs.
71. Men get hiccups more often than women.
72. Armadillos can be housebroken.