Disclaimer - I dont own any of the Final Fantasy characters, or any of the places in this story. They are all property of SquareSoft, or SquareEnix now... Althought I wish I owned them, because I'd make them do all kinds of crazy things! Hee hee hee... rubs hands together evilily
Oh yeah I also don't own Tamagotchi, so please don't kill me.

Warning... This fic is a little, if not completely insane...!

Up the Lifesteam, Without a Chocobo

Cloud, Tifa and Yuffie were shopping in Mideel. For what, Cloud didn't know... He'd long since given up on trying to follow the girls' conversation. The only things he managed to pick up from the last one were:"Mideel", "Shopping" and "White Chocobo". But he couldn't be certain that was what he heard, because he wasn't listening...
Cloud was far more interested in his new Tamagotchi. He couldn't make out what his pet was, but it did the cutest little things when he fed it! And the buttons were shiny too, so Cloud was happy.

Tifa and Yuffie pushed their way past the Crazed Chocobo woman to the counter.
(No-one knew why the woman was there, they didn't care either, as long as she didn't speak to you it was fine.)
Tifa began to order what she wanted from the shop keeper, they were low on Hi-potions, they could also do with a few Phoenix Downs. As Tifa was going through her shopping list, Yuffie couldn't help but notice the crazed woman as she darted back back and forth across the small, wooden room. Yuffie continued to watch the woman, until the woman suddenly stopped sharply, and eyed Yuffie evilly. Yuffie quickly looked at the floor hoping the woman wouldn't come over.
"Hey Girl!" The woman shouted so loudly even Cloud put down his tamagotchi! Yuffie slowly looked up to see an insane brunette in bright pink clothing, staring directly at her. ("Oh Gawd...") Yuffie nervously kicked at the floor.
"Yes?" Yuffie said as sweetly as she could.
"Who do you think you are? Coming in here and buying everything? HUH?"
"Uhhhh..." Yuffie thought.
Yuffie glanced at Tifa, she was still busy getting gear and items. Tifa was too busy to notice Yuffie's predicament.
"I'm not buying anything actually ma'am." Yuffie replied after a while.
"You liar! Look at you! With all those items!"
"What are you on about you crazy wench?" Yuffie was losing her temper.
The head -case began to give poor Yuffie a complete ear-full. Yuffie looked to Cloud for help. Unfortunately for Yuffie, Cloud was having trouble of his own. The crazed woman's chocobo had lost it's mind, and was consecutively attacking Cloud.
"It was an easy mistake to make!" Cloud told himself. " How was I to know the difference between Samolen greens and hyper! Its not my fault all these items look the same!" Cloud reassured himself as the Psychotic bird tore a huge hole in his trousers.

"Look, you head-case!" Yuffie had had enough.
"I haven't bought anything see? It's all still there in the counter for you, ok!"
The Crazed Chocobo woman opened her mouth to speak.
"Don't start! Yuffie cut in.
"Take these and go and sit in the corner like a good insane asylum escapee." Yuffie handed the woman a fistful of Tranquilizers and gestured to the corner. The woman snatched them from her, shoved them all into her mouth and crawled over to the corner; where she sat rocking back and forth, crunching on the pills.
"Phew..." Yuffie sighed and wiped a sweat drop from her brow.
Yuffie looked over at Cloud. The Chocobo was sat on his chest, munching some greens it had found in his pocket... Cloud himself was pretty beat up, his clothes reduced to rags, and there were several cuts on his cheek.
Yuffie cautiously approached Cloud.
"Cloud..?" She whispered. " What are you doing...?"
"SHHH! Don't speak! Don't disturb it! It's possessed!" Cloud whispered in response.
Yuffie looked over towards Tifa. She still had no idea what was going on around her. Off in another world...
"Yuffie! DO SOMETHING!" Cloud was beginning to sob noisily.
"OK! OK! I'm thinking!" Yuffie looked at her options. But she didn't get chance to do anything...

"KWWWWEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHH!"
The White chocobo had finished the greens, and had returned to tearing Cloud up.
"WAAAHHHH! Make it STOP!" Cloud was clearly in alotta pain.

From the corner of the room came a bizarre sound...
"Hee hee hee!" Yuffie looked in the direction the sound came from. The chocobo woman was sat, slumped up against the wall. There was an insane smile upon her face. Her eyes were glazed over and there was a long strand of dribble dangling from her open mouth.
Cloud had managed to get to his feet by now. He was running back and forth, but was unable to shake the chocobo. It was right behind him every move he made.
("This is gonna mean 8 weeks in the Shrink's office..") Yuffie thought to herself. ("Great...")
"YUFFIE! HELP!" Cloud's cries woke Yuffie from her thoughts.
"Oh yeah, Help..!" Yuffie uttered. "Here!" She threw more Tranquilizers at Cloud.
Whilst still being everlastingly pursued by the devil bird, Cloud caught the pills and began to put them into his mouth.
"NOOO!" Yuffie shouted. " Not you! The Chocobo!"
Cloud plainly took the pills from his mouth.
Yuffie slapped her forehead. ("Stupid Jerk!").

Cloud abruptly stopped running, causing the bird to run into him, and then fall to the floor. Hastily, he shoved the pills into its mouth, and then ran over to Tifa.
"Cloud..? What's wrong?" Tifa asked, oblivious to all of the commotion.
"Shhh!" Cloud put his finger up to Tifa's lips. "They're here! THEY'RE HERE! Can you hear them? Listen, KWEEEEHHHH!"
Tifa blinked, completely bemused. She looked over to Yuffie, who was on the PHS.
Yuffie on the PHS - " Yes, hello. I'd like to make and appointment with a Psychiatrist please. Yes, for Cloud Strife and Yuffie Kisaragi... oh, ok..."
Tifa caught sight of the dribbling wreak in the corner, and then the white chocobo on the floor. Consequently, she fainted...
"Tifa..? Tifa!" Cloud tried to wake her.
Tifa's eyes slowly opened. "Cloud..?"
"OHHHH! Look it Shiny!" Cloud dropped Tifa and picked up the shiny wrapper, causing her to fall to the floor again and hit her head.
Yuffie still on PHS - " Umm.. yeah. Can you also make an appointment for Tifa Lockhart? Ok, Thank You." Yuffie put her PHS back into her pocket.
"Cloud?" Yuffie asked. "Yes?"
"Pick up Tifa, we're leaving..."
"Okie Dokie!" Cloud beamed.
Cloud scooped Tifa up and put her over his shoulder.
"Uhhhh... Cloud?" Yuffie asked again.
"Hmmm?"
"Best not carry her like that eh?"
"Why not" Cloud was clueless.
"Cloud, the woman has an extremely short leather skirt on..." Yuffie sighed.
"Really?" Cloud's eyes widened.
He grabbed a small mirror from the shop assistant to check out the view. "Sweeeet!"
Yuffie on PHS - " Hi, hello it's Yuffie again, can I re-schedule that appointment? Yeah, I'd like to see a shrink ASAP please... Tuesday? Excellent, thanks."

END

Mad eh? Don't say I didn't warn you! If you want more then read the next one! It's even worse!

Well lemme know what you think...