Disclaimer:
ffFerret1: Mmmm! (Spoon-feeding herself peanut butter straight from the jar) Nyum.. Scoff…I don't own this…munch…Square do. There! Crunch… said it! Now Square can't take any thing away from me! Haha! Crunch.. scoff…
(Square employees run up stairs to narrator's office)
Square-man: Coneechiwa! We are representatives of Square!
ffFerret1: (pays them no mind, just carries on eating peanut butter)
Square-man: You are using our characters. It is only fair we get something in return!
ffFerret1: (Still eating. Has peanut butter all around her face)
Square-man: Hey YOU! We are talking to you! (Snatches peanut butter jar)
ffFerret1: (blink)
Square-man: There! That's more like it! Now lets discuss terms shall…we…?
ffFerret1: (red with rage) Grrr….
Square-man: Heh heh…heh?
ffFerret1: Grrrrrr-RAAAAAAAHHH! FEEL MY WRATH! (Lunges at Square-man)
Square-man: Eep..! Run away!
(ffFerret1 grabs peanut butter jar off Square-man before kicking him down the stairs)
Square-man: Ahh! We can see you're busy! We'll come back another time! Sayonara!
(ffFerret1 returns to peanut butter jar only to find it empty)
Noooo! sob, sniff This cannot be! ………
Oh well… Since there's none left I may as well carry on with the Story…(weeps)

Elsewhere…In Cosmo Canyon.

Cloud was in town trying to sort out some new material. Seeing as Yuffie had taken the rest, and every time anyone got near her stash she went skitz. Kicking, scratching and biting! Cloud rubbed the cut on his arm as he remembered his last encounter with the ninja. Cloud was suddenly woken from his thoughts.

"Hello! Anybody there?" An old, portly woman waved her hand in Cloud's face.

"Huh?" Cloud uttered.

"Are you here to buy materia or what?" The woman at the counter queried.

"Uh? Oh yeah!" Cloud replies. "I'd like 3 bolts, 3 ice, 3 fire…and well, 3 of everything please."

"Sure thing! Be right back!" The woman chirped as she disappeared into a door behind the counter.

"Oh yeah! And don't forget the HP and MP plus!" Cloud shouted after the impatient woman. She returned a moment later with all the materia Cloud requested.
"So that's 9,230,000,000 gil please!"
"WHAT?" Cloud shouted. Materia was expensive, but this was ridiculous!
"Can you pay or what?" Her tone was slightly annoyed.
"Geez…yeah, ok, ok (Crazy old bat!)" He took his wallet out.
"You wanna repeat that?"
Cloud simply smiled his sweetest grin. "I said what a lovely old cat!"
"Yeah…whatever…"The woman blinked. Cloud paid the woman the large sum she required for her wares and walked towards the door. "Oh yeah! If this girl (holds up a picture of Yuffie) comes in here asking about me, I wasn't here. Understand?" Cloud knew that his appearance was unlike anyone else's and all Yuffie had to do was mention his eyes or unique hair and anyone would instantly recognize him. The woman nodded to his request.
Cloud turned and left, hitting his big hair on the door, causing it to bend in an odd fashion.

…Long silence…
Woman at the counter: "I don't have a cat! That cheeky son of a gun! Hmph, kids these days!"

Yuffie had reached the entrance to Cosmo Canyon just in time to see the Spiky headed blonde leaving.

"Hey Cloud!" She grinned. Cloud squirmed as he heard the words. "Oh great. It's you…What do you want?"

"Nothin'!" Yuffie quickly replied, a mischievous glint in her eye.
"Well in that case, I'm going back to Tifa's…"
"Why you gonna go get some? Hahaha!" Yuffie taunted. Cloud shot her a look. Yuffie smugly walked round Cloud, hands on her head. "Well, sorry lover-boy, but Tifa ain't gonna be in the mood!"

"What have you done? No, scratch that…I don't even wanna know." "Suit yourself!" Yuffie mused. "What's in the bag?"

("UH OH!") Cloud thought. "Just some er… things Tifa asked me to pick up."

"Oh really? What?" Yuffie sounded interested.

"Just some things." Cloud repeated. "You haven't gone and bought a whole load of Choco brand hair gel again have you?" Yuffie laughed.
Cloud fell to his knees. "AHHH! Don't say it!" "Say what? …OH yeah! Hahaha the chocob -" "NOOOOOOOOO!" Cloud cut her off. "Ahh! You lil twerp! It's nothing to do with those evil birds! Its mat-" Cloud's pupils suddenly got really small as he realized what he almost said.

Yuffie's eyes narrowed, and a knowing grin spread across her face. "Mat.. eh?"
Cloud regained his composure. "Err yeah its hair gel and some other kinky things you wouldn't be interested in!" Yuffie screwed her nose up in response. "Ewww GROSS-NESS! You can keep your kinky sex toys! I'm outta here!" She ran off.
Cloud wiped the sweat from his brow. "That was too close…Oh god. Where is she going now?" "HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Cloud shouted after Yuffie.
"TO SEE RED!" She replied hastily. "OH! AND CLOUD?" "Huh?" "KWWWEEEEEEEEEHHH!" Yuffie shouted before she ducked into one of the Cosmo buildings. Cloud's eye-brow began twitching…then his eye. "D-d-d-devil Bird! WAAAAAAHH!" He fell to the floor, dropping the bag. He lay there for about 15 mins just screaming like a girl and convulsing. When he eventually stopped and realized there was no devil bird, he returned to thinking rationally (or as rationally as a Cloud can think).

After looking round to see how many people he made himself look like a moron in front of he swiped up the bag again. "Perfect!" Cloud thought to himself. Now he could get back and hide the materia without Yuffie even knowing!
Little did our favourite blonde know, the sneaky kleptomaniac had already sussed him. (Well come on…It's not hard! Even Yuffie can see straight though him! That says a lot really!)

Using her ninja skills, Yuffie followed Cloud back to Tifa's. She eventually managed to over take him by hiding behind a rock and shouting KWEEEH - causing Cloud to have another episode. After a while of just watching and laughing, Yuffie tried her hardest to suppress the over-whelming urge to kick him in the ribs as she stealth-ed round him. "Haaaaha! I never get tired of that!" She wiped the tears of laughter away and took off, leaving Cloud repeatedly banging his head on the floor yelling obscenities about "tunneling devil birds". (Don't ask… it seems the therapy session has only made him worse.)

Anyway…we leave Cloud to pummeling himself..(?) And we find Yuffie…who has reached the gates of Neibelheim, skipping and singing "Don't Stop me Now" by Queen.

"Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time! I feel aliiiiiiiiiiiiiveee!
And the world, I'll turn it inside out YEAH!"
People walking past her stop and stare, their mouths open wide. Yuffie didn't notice, she was like, in her own little words of shiny things and all things Yuffie-ish. (No really.. I don't know what she thinks about! She's WEIRD!)

"I'm floating around in ecstaaasssssy! So! Don't stop me noooow! Don't stop me, 'cause I'm having a good time! Haaaving a gooood tiiime!"

The people of Neibelheim suddenly all fall backwards and start struggling for air through their fits of laughter.

"I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky, like a tiger defying the laws of gravity, I'm a racing car passing by, like Lady Godiiiiva!"
Yuffie, still skipping, approaches the lamp-lighter of Neibelheim, Boris.

"I'm gonna go, go, goooo, there's no stopping meeeeeeee!"
Boris was a quiet man, careful and considerate. Every move he made was gentle and flowing, which was the reason why he was elected lamp lighter of Neibelheim. After the town having been burned down, everyone still remaining there became fearful of light and fire. (Which is my theory why there are no people outside in Neibelheim in the game! They're all scared of the light and all things…burn-ish.) So it was an important job. Boris was the best one they'd had yet!

Boris was doing the normal route, lighting the lamps carefully from his ladder.

Then Yuffie came past…

"Don't stop me don't stop me, don't stop me, hey, hey, hey! Don't stop me don't stop me ooh, ooh, ooh, I liiiiiiike it!"
Boris stopped… And watched her in quiet disbelief.
"Don't stop me don't stop meeeeeeeee –uhh.." Yuffie stopped singing suddenly as she had forgotten the words… But not wanting to stop as she was enjoying her little singing session, picked up on another song. (Queen of course! Lol!)

"Spare him his life from this monstrosity, easy come easy go - will you let me goooo? Bismillah! No - we will not let you goooo - let him gooo!
Bismillah! We will not let you gooo - let him goooo!
Bismillah! We will not let you goooo - let me goooo
Will not let you go - let me gooo-o-o-oooo!"
Boris face turned from an expression of disbelief, to bright red as he laughed the hardest he ever did in his life! "BWAAA HAHAHAHA!"
Yuffie stopped singing. "What's up with you?"

"AAaaaah HAHAAHHA! You, you hahahah!" "Me, me what?" Yuffie replied, her tone annoyed.
Boris said nothing. He couldn't, he was laughing too much! Yuffie remained there though, hoping for an answer. She never got one… For Boris the trusted lamp-lighter of Neibelheim fell backwards off his ladder, knocking his lamp to the floor…

"HA! That'll teach you to laugh at people for no reason!" Yuffie said triumphantly as she entered Tifa's house.

As Yuffie left, the city suddenly burst into flames, due to the fact that Boris's lamp fell into a stack of hay which was destined to be transported to the Chocobo farm. (It's the only way they can make money these days!)

Flames raged around the town and the towns people themselves ran around in a frenzied state of panic. Screaming and wailing as they ran around with their arms flailing about.

Yuffie heard their cries of help. "For Gawds sake!" She said as she hung out of Tifa's top window. She rummaged around in her pocket, before finally pulling out a red materia and summoning it.
Ifrit suddenly appeared and began "tearing sht up" as Cid would say.

"Oh! Shite! Wrong one!" Yuffie yelped as she watched Ifrit literally unleash hell on the town, before disappearing as summons tend to do. (Which raises an important question, just where do the summons go in their spare time?)

"Errrm..um, um AH!" She rummaged through her pockets a second time, pulling out yet another red summon materia. She summoned it.
Leviathan appeared from no where, bringing with him a wall of water. (FROM WHERE?) The water cascaded down and engulfed the town, extinguishing the greedy flames. Yuffie pulled her head back in the window and returned to Yuffie-ing (a term I have invented to describe Yuffie-like actions!)

And so my friends…we come to the end of another chapter. Tune in again next time for another installment of mishaps, madness and mayhem!

Moral of the story is: Always check the label and sell by date of summons!

(But then…if you really want to be considerate, why not give the summons a call before summoning. Just to see how they're doing y'know? They get very lonely and upset that they are only plucked out of no where when they are needed to maul and maim things. Just as all God's creatures do, summons need to feel loved once in a while. So go on! Tell them you love 'em! HUG-A-SUMMON-WEEK!)

So tell me what you think! Don't be afraid to let me know how I can improve guys! I won't hurt you! Though…I do know Kung-fu, Ju-jitsu, Tae Kwon do, and many other dangerous words…