Disclaimer: J'aime bien le foot. (I love soccer) Serena's teaching me french! I'm excited, marching on the brink of triligualness...
anyways, We don't own Harry Potter, but we would love to claim May Delfin and Uncle Thad as ours.
Gracias. Merci. Thanks. Abarraine and Charmelite.21 April 2005.
When done, please review.
When She Smiles:
This Nothingness
2 November 1983 × Sunday
7:13 pm
How dark and gloomy this weekend has become. The sunlight looks dull to me and my eyes welcome the growing darkness as the sun sets from the sky. There is no accurate word that could describe the lack of happiness that I feel towards everything. Apathy might come close, for at the moment, I want to hide away, never coming out until this occurrence is lost and forgotten.
I don't understand this nothingness. As Lily said yesterday, all things that begin with good intentions somehow end turning out for the worst. I've continuously found myself asking, demanding, the answer to this one question. Why? I've been pleading with fate…give me resolution.
One small bit of misfortune (deception), seems to have changed everyone. Lily is constantly next to me, she's been close to tears all weekend, and I can see only one emotion in her eyes; pain. James won't let either of us out of his sight, it's breaking his heart to see all of his friends, especially Lily, in so much sadness.
Sirius will soon see the aftermath of his anger, it can't be avoided.
And why do I feel that this is all my fault?
If not for my ignorance, everyone could be laughing right now. Everyone would be fine. Why does the amount of pain that I have to face seem so trivial to that of the people whom I care so much about?
It's been a long weekend, we're getting through. I would like to say that it has been bittersweet, but the word doesn't fit. The sweetness is nonexistent. Most of us are trying to avoid everything that happened Friday night. Let's forget about it, time can heal the pain… but the presence is still weighing down upon all of us. Life seems so unclear right now.
#Sunday#
The sunlight danced, across the windowsills and reflected brightly through the glass panes into a dorm room where six girls all lay sleeping. It was to be another warm, sunny November day. 'Indian Summer' as Lily liked to call it, a muggle term which nobody else quite understood besides May.
Lily slowly opened her eyes, adjusting them to the bright sunlight. She stared dully up at the scarlet canopy above her. 'Sunday,' thought Lily with a sigh, 'up an extra hour early for the trip into Hogsmeade'.
Lily grabbed her wand from her bedside, waved it through the air and muttered a short incantation. The time magically appeared written in the air. 7:02 am. Way to early to be awake, but unfortunately, time to get up.
Lily quietly rose from her bed and padded over to her dresser to find a brush and a change of clothes. She clawed through the piles of clothes in her dresser, and searched for the brush amongst her pictures and other various things sitting atop her dresser. No brush. 'Oh well,' thought Lily with a sigh of frustration, 'a brush is always useless with hair like mine anyway.' Lily looked over to May's bunk. She was still sound asleep, and practically falling out of her bed. One arm and leg were already hanging over the side and it looked like her head would be the next to go.
Lily smiled to herself and decided that she'd be the one doing the waking today.
Lily grabbed hold of May's comforter and gave it a quick tug. May quickly came toppling out of the bed and onto the floor, along with several other items that had been sitting on her bed. Cards from their intense game of slap-jack the night before, a couple sweatshirts, jellybeans, and Lily's bright red brush.
When May was conscious enough to realize what had just happened she glared up at Lily, "What was that for!"
"I was looking for my brush." Lily said innocently while grabbing it off of the floor. May rolled her eyes, not quite buying the statement.
"And besides," continued Lily with a smile, "You were about to fall on your head. I saved your life, you owe me."
"Oh right, that makes sense." Said May sarcastically. "I'm about to fall on my head, so in your attempt to save me, you give me an extra push. Jee, Lily that makes you an absolute hero!"
Lily laughed and helped May to her feet. The girls walked across the hall and into bathrooms so that they could get dressed for church.
The Marauders were already waiting for the two girls when they made it down to the common room.
"You guys really didn't need to wait," said Lily looking around at the four bored-looking guys seated in front of the fire.
"It's alright," said James who was already by Lily's side, "We wanted to."
He put his arm protectively around Lily's small shoulders and led her to the portrait hole. May fell back with the other three Marauders and together they all walked through the castle and out into the courtyard where the horse-less carriages awaited the students wishing to go to church.
May shuddered when she saw the carriages. She hated the pure black Thestrals, they reminded her so much of death. Death was something that she could do without thinking about at the moment.
May plastered a fake smile onto her face, and tried to look calm. She was convinced not to let the others notice her fear. No one needed to think that she was still fragile and helpless. After the events from Friday night she had had enough of everyone's pity, and now that she was finally beginning to recover, she intended to stay recovered.
Lily picked a small carriage and climbed into it (with James holding her hand and helping her up. Certain that she was in safely.) The Thestral leading the cart whinnied and stomped it's feet impatiently. No one else seemed to hear, but May closed her eyes tightly and edged closer to Sirius. She wanted to get to Hogsmeade and away from those beasts as soon as possible.
Everyone piled into the small cart. The cart had only been made to seat four, but Sirius insisted that everyone could fit. By the time they had gotten in, including Peter who takes up room for at least two people, Lily was crunched flat against the wall, her head awkwardly positioned under Remus's arm and on top of James' leg.
Sirius was sitting half on top of James' lap and half on top of a smothered looking May. Remus was standing in a tight space between the carriage door, and one of the arm rests. The only person who looked truly comfortable was Peter who had taken up two of the seats.
Lily was positive that the Marauders would normally never have allowed Peter to take up an extra seat, but in this particular circumstance she didn't blame them for not wanting to be smothered to death.
So began the ride up to Hogsmeade. Quite an interesting escapade, practically unexplainable.
May- "Sirius! I can't see, I can't breath, I can't feel my legs anymore... Please! tell me that we're almost there!"
Remus- "Uh…James, why are you holding my hand?… That's just not right…"
James-"What! That's YOUR hand! I'm going crazy… where's Lily!"
Lily- "Here!" (sticks out hand from behind Remus) "What smells like coconuts?"
Peter- "Coconuts? Where?"
Sirius- "Crud, I had coconut pralines stashed in my back pocket…May, I think you've smashed them!"
May-"Wha'! You sat on me! And if I've got coconut goo all over my new skirt I'm really gunna have to hurt you…Well after you get off of me, then I'll hurt you!"
Sirius- "If I could just try to get them out of my pocket…" (tries to get to his pocket)
James- "Sirius! That wasn't your pocket!"
Lily- "I don't think I want to know. Let's quit while we're ahead."
Remus-"Actually Lils, I think that we're already behind, the moment when we all should have stopped talking passed at least half an hour ago."
Sirius- "Remus, I think you're done, unless you'd like to smell like a coconut as well!"
Peter-" Where are the coconuts?"
--------(back to May's point of view)-------
After the six of us finally got out of that cramped carriage (and believe me, we were defiantly ready to be out of there) we all made our way to the beautiful wizarding church. The mass went as it usually does. Lily and I sat towards the front of the church, right next to the choir. While the Marauders decided to stay towards the back ("Easier to goof off-" "Ow, May, sorry").
The pastor gave a wonderful sermon today. It was in honor of October 31st. All Souls' Day. As with many other things lately, his sermon focused on death. I don't remember all of it, but my favorite part was when he preached about how our loved ones aren't truly gone when they die.
They are with us even more now then when they were living here on earth. The most important thing that we all must realize is that all of us will die some day, it only depends on when and why. So we must be faithful to ourselves, to each other, and most importantly to God.
We must live so that we will not regret the choices we never made, or the risks that we never took. Never take anything for granted, because one day the people that you love are here, and the next they might be gone.
I had tears in my eyes by the time the pastor had finished his sermon. Everything that he said seemed so true to me. Lily squeezed my hand from beside me and I knew that she understood everything just as well as I had.
We're so lucky to have each other, I don't know that I could be the same person without her. I am positive, completely positive, that nothing, save death itself will ever part Lily and I. Nothing.
After the mass had ended everyone was in pretty high spirits. We decided to go to the three broomsticks for a nice lunch and some butterbeers. The restaurant hadn't changed at all since the last time we had been in.
The restaurant wasn't too crowded for a Sunday. A few adults, and some other Hogwarts' students were scattered about the room. We all ordered our meals, and I volunteered to get the butterbeers.
The bar was pretty busy, so I waited patiently for Rosa to take my order. I looked around, observing all of the other people sitting around the bar. To the left of me a couple of wizards with long white beards sat laughing and drinking ale. It looked as though they had already drank a bit too much, one of the old men kept trying to climb onto the counter where he promised that he could perform a Scottish jig.
I laughed and looked to the people on my right. A few students and an adult. The students looked familiar. I searched their faces trying hard to identify who they were. No luck. I decided that it was a family, judging by the identical black shaggy hair that they all shared. Probably parents meeting up with their children who have been away at Hogwarts for the last two months.
Rosa finally came to take my order. "Six butterbeers!" I said happily, "Well actually, you better make that ten, the more the better!" With four boys, it was always better to get extra then having to later sacrifice your own to one of the Marauders.
An older girl who previously had her back turned to me, turned at the sound of my voice. She was clearly a member of the family that I earlier hadn't recognized. But this girl I did know. A Hogwarts' student, a Slytherin.
None other then Bellatrix Black.
I groaned after I made the recognition and quickly turned my back on the family. Silently pleading that Rosa would hurry up with the drinks so that I could get back into the protection of the Marauders.
I continued to feel Bellatrix's icy glare on my back. 'Just stay where you are,' I silently asked of her, 'don't try to hurt me, or Lily, or anyone- not today.' I knew that my wishes were in vain. But I was hoping, since she was in the presence of her family, she would just leave all of us alone.
Everything seemed to be fine, or so it seemed, until I heard Bellatrix's harsh laugh over my shoulder. I turned around to face her.
"Hey, look who it is, May Delfin." Bellatrix smiled at me bitterly. "Imagine that, running into you at the Three Broomsticks of all places."
"Yeah, imagine that…" I responded quickly, then turned back towards Rosa.
Bellatrix continued to glare at me with hatred through her evil eyes. "I don't think you've met my family, surprising really. You'd think that Sirius would want his friends to meet his family."
"No really, that's all right, I don't want to meet your family. I just want my butterbeers and I want to get back to my table."
Bellatrix looked over to the table that I had pointed to, and her eyes narrowed a bit more, if that was humanly possible, when she recognized who all I had come with.
"Well, if you're in that big of a hurry, Delfin," Bellatrix sneered at me, "we might just have to come join you."
I couldn't tell if she had said that seriously or if the remark had been sarcastic. I didn't care. I darted under her arm and hurried back towards my friends. Rosa could bring the butterbeers to the table herself. I had to get away from Bellatrix.
I got to the table and squeezed in at the end beside Sirius. "Sorry guys," I muttered acknowledging Bellatrix, her two younger brothers, and her father who were approaching our table.
Everyone looked over towards the family. Most with recognition save Lily and Peter who had never seen them before. Sirius's face darkened and James looked over to him with a worried expression. I could tell that neither of them were too excited about the company.
"Well look here," said Bellatrix's father, "My beloved nephew sits with his usual posse, give or take a few," he added after noticing Lily.
The man was middle-aged, and his dark hair was gelled back, flat against his head. He had a rather pointy nose, identical to the nose of Bellatrix. The two of them looked so much alike, it was uncanny.
"Hello, Uncle Thad," muttered Sirius nervously. "Uh…It's good to see you."
"Good to see me?" he replied with a roar of laughter, "Are you so dense that you've forgotten what happened the last time we saw each other?"
From the look on Sirius' face it was apparent that he hadn't forgotten, but was truly wishing that he had.
"I remember." replied Sirius, a bit too obediently. Bellatrix sneered across the table at Sirius.
"Well from the looks of it, you haven't taken any of my words to heart." Sirius' uncle looked down his long nose and into Sirius' eyes. Sirius quickly broke eye contact, and stared dully at the table.
"Perhaps you'd like to meet some of Sirius' friends, Father." Said Bellatrix pompously.
Sirius now looked even more miserable then he had before. Bellatrix seemed to thoroughly enjoy it.
"Here, is the infamous James Potter." She pointed to an angry looking James, and continued around the circle. Remus Lupin…."
Thad stared disgustedly at Remus. "It's surprising really, that you're still allowed into Hogwarts. It's inhumane. I've known for years that when Albus Dumbledore would take over the school, it'd go straight to the dogs." Lily and I shared a confused look. What had he meant by that?
Bellatrix continued around the circle. "Peter Pettigrew…" Thad grunted at the name, and Peter looked to the table with humiliation. "and here is Lily Evans." Lily held her hand out to him in greeting, but Thad just stared at her intently. As if he was trying to place her into some group.
"I don't know any wizarding families by the name of Evans." Bellatrix stared heatedly at Lily while her father's expression darkened. "Sirius, you're still befriending those bloody muggle borns?"
James stared up at Thad angrily. Daring him to say one more word. Thad dismissed the look of hatred in James' eyes and continued to speak his mind.
"Time after time, you disgrace the family name by befriending mudbloods and other…animals! I'm sure that your parents will be absolutely thrilled to hear about this."
James couldn't hold back his anger any longer. He jumped up, knocking over his chair.
"Sirius can befriend any bloody person he wants to! No one here is a mudblood. Lily is as decent of a witch as anyone. How dare you call her names!"
"Sit down, Potter," replied Thad coolly, "Sirius will do what is best for him. His family knows what is best." Sirius continued to stare at the table. "and take no offense to my words. If the girl is in fact a mudblood, then I haven't insulted anyone, only stated the plain and simple truth."
James collapsed back into his chair. Defeated. He seemed to know that he could never fight a down-hill battle. Thad refused to be bested. Bellatrix returned to the circle, pointing to me. "Last, and least, is May Delfin."
Thad seemed to flinch when he heard the name. "Delfin," he said slowly. "Andrew was always such a Muggle lover. The fool." My eyes darkened. I didn't want to hear him mutter such things about my parents.
Sirius seemed to awake from him trance. "Leave her alone." He pleaded. Sirius seemed powerless in front of his uncle. Where had the tough boy who was never afraid to speak his mind gone?
"Ohh," replied Thad bitterly, "So this is your bony lass?" Thad took my chin into his coarse hands and pulled my hair away from my cheek. He admired the large brown bruise on the side of my face. Tracing it with his fingers. "I do hope it was worth it…."
"What do you mean?" asked Sirius, turning his eyes back to his uncle.
"This girl hardly seems worth the trouble, and believe me, your mother wasn't too happy when she received the owl yesterday morning."
Sirius pulled May closer to him, and away from his uncle. "She received an owl?"
Thad mocked a look of pure shock. "You didn't honestly think that you could get away with attacking another student did you?"
"May was in trouble, she needed help!" shouted Sirius outraged.
"I'm sure she'd have lived…."
"Well all of you will have to accept it. May is my friend, and I'm sure that she would have done the same for me. I don't care what you think anymore. Your words don't hurt me.
"Sirius," laughed Thad, "you obviously don't understand how serious this is. You'll be the one who has to accept it. Amos Diggory has been in the hospital wing for the last three days. A broken arm, and countless other injuries. You attacked him. Your mother received an owl from the school and from the ministry yesterday. The ministry will hold an indictment, and depending on the results, they will punish you, and possibly even expel you. I really won't be surprised if they do."
We all sat stunned, but none more then me. The reality of what Thad had just said was beginning to soak in. Why hadn't Sirius thought of this before he went looking for Amos.
He could be expelled! It was my turn to stare down at the table. Tears welled in my eyes, everything was my fault. The weekend had gone so horribly, and now this. When would all the madness end?
I felt Sirius' arm close tighter around me. "I don't regret it." He said softly.
"Oh you will." Replied Thad. "I only hope that the girl was worth it."
I remember little of the ride home. Though we did pick a carriage that we all fit into comfortably. Everyone was pretty silent. The meeting with Bellatrix and Sirius' uncle had been far from pleasing. And now with the knowledge of how much trouble Sirius truly was in made the day grimmer.
Once again, a good thing has turned out for the worst. I have said at least twenty prayers since we got back to Hogwarts. I pray with all of my heart that Sirius won't be expelled. I need him here, and James needs him here. I can't even imagine what life would be like without him.
AN: yes, I know, quite sad.
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