Reflections
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Pale silver rays glittered down upon the earth as the moon peeked from beneath its blanket of wispy silver-gray omnipresentfog-like clouds.Stars sparkled, their ethereal light vivid amongst their navy backdrop. Late spring breezes whispered through the dojo and fallen sakura danced placidly on the breeze.
A peaceful night.
He sat quietly upon the steps of the Kamiya Kashin-Ryu dojo, his amethyst gaze lingering thoughtfully on the celestial orb that hung low in the night sky. The moon was such a curious thing; the pale glowing light it exuded showered the earth in a warm glow, but emitted no warmth to speak of itself.
How he hated the moon. How cruel that it should offer him no comfort or warmth when cold dread and icy doubt had gripped his heart and left him numb and unfeeling.
The winds picked up, carrying the faint music of night away in the breeze and sending the sakura into a mad frenzy. His hair, having half-fallen out of its loose hold cascades over his shoulders, the red strands floating softly amongst the air current. The pleats of his hakama shift in the breeze, their rustling matching those of the trees, his kimono sleeves flutter in the wind, pale moon rays catching the magenta fabric and dappling it eerily crimson in places.
The self-same ensemble he had worn on that night as well. That night, now so many, many moons ago that periodically haunted him, snaking doubt into his mind, and wrenching at his heart painfully.
A full moon hung overhead, its ephemeral light casting eerie shadows over the two beings standing beneath its watchful gaze.
Heliotrope eyes shine with white-hot loathing upon the fallen man at his feet. Far from groveling, the man kneeling pitifully at his feet cackles in misguided happiness. Moon rays reflect deathly pale off of a silver blade as the holy blade; Sakabato is unsheathed. The warrior with blade in hand narrows his eyes at the man at his feet and turns the handle in his grip. The sharpened edge turning to the man.
"Kaoru-dono, it will only be a little while now," he says to the woman over his shoulder.
Paralyzed prior, and unable to move, or speak she is forced to watch fearfully as her rescuer is about to break his own most solemn vow. Sweat trickles down her face as she struggles against the force binding her fruitlessly.
"Hehehehe yes that's it. Kill me. Become the manslayer of legend. Let the Hitokiri Battosai that lives within you out!" shrieked the man contemptuously, his eyes shining brightly as the silver blade descended upon him.
"K-Kenshin!" a woman's cry echoes through the stilled night, "d-don't do it! Don't go back…" her voice cuts short as her eyes close as exhaustion wins her overand she begins to fall slowly forward, her center of balance off-put in her struggle.
He stops for a brief moment of hesitation, before the blade stops short of the man's head. He slips it soundlessly back into its sheath and runs to her.
"Kaoru-dono. Stay with me." he demands softly, catching the falling woman in his arms and setting her promptly to the ground.
Her eyes open slowly, her eyes straining to focus. "Kenshin. You didn't…" she smiles weakly, her eyes closing again.
"Kaoru-dono, hang in there."
"Yes, I'll hang on. I'll be fine"
The moment of brief reverie is disturbed by the spared man's maniacal voice. "It doesn't matter. A manslayer is a manslayer until his death!" he took up his own fallen blade, muttered something about dieing since he hadn't defeated Battosai, and plunged his sword into himself...
Even now, when that night had been moons ago, years ago, those words reverberated in the recess of his thoughts, echoing in his skull.
"A manslayer is a manslayer until he dies… until he dies…"
Before his encounter with the man, he had renounced his title and become a rurouni, traveling the countryside to protect people with his sword, not toharm. He had denounced his title…
He was Hitokiri Battosai no longer.
Yet, those words stung him painfully, hitting deep within his soul. For the fact remained, during the era of Bakumatsu he had taken countless lives. Legend told he had slashed open the new era of Meiji with his sword. Whatever pretty titles they gave, and whichever petty words they used, he had killed. That was fact. He had killed for the revolution, which now, in the 15th year of Meiji revealed itself as rather immoral.
No matter how many lives he saved on his quest for redemption, they could not lift the taint from his blade, and could not erase the title, which he now bore as Hitokiri. The past was past, no matter how bloody, and the present could do little to change that. He knew, of course, though he still hoped that somehow, he could repent for what had been done.
"Kenshin?" asked a concerned female voice from behind him. A shoji screen slid on its wooden-cast frame and sandaled feet shuffled towards him, until the young woman had sat down next to him.
"Kaoru-dono, what are you doing up?" he asked mildly surprised, his eyes taking on a friendly glint as they fell over her figure.
"I should ask you that, Kenshin" she retorted.
He turned from her, his gaze falling to the ground beneath their feet. At his silence, she said nothing more either. Not that she really could, because she didn't know what was wrong.
"Oh!" she sighed after a minute of silence between them. Her eyes fell to the hair flying around his face undisturbed. "You're hair, it'll keep getting in your way like that, Kenshin. Here…" she reached for her own hair and pulled and thick blue ribbon from her hair.
"Oro?" he asked stunned at her sudden action, "no, really, you need not bother--" his voice cut off as his eyes fell upon the ribbon she was about to lace in his hair.
"What is it?" she asked, concerned by his sudden silence, she drew the ribbon away slowly.
"That ribbon from your hair" he replied silently, his voice wrought with the pain of the forgone decade.
"Ribbon… wha--?" she studied the ribbon under the moon's pale lighting. It shone cerulean blue, its sheen reflecting in her eyes. As they flew over the fabric, she paled, her eyes dimming at the sight.
Consuming most of the mid portion of the blue fabric was a dulled red stain, tinting the cloth dark red to violet.
"That's right…" she began, tracing her fingers over the stain in reflection. Her feet, dangling over the edge of the wooden ledge they sat on, swayed slightly. "This is the ribbon I lent you before you fought Jinei…" her voice trailed meagerly just as the stain of red upon blue had.
She touched a hand to his arm, fingertips brushing over the worn magenta fabric of his kimono softly. He flinched at her touch, for he knew she was tracing the path of the scar he had left there, on that night.
He brought his free hand to his arm and laced his fingers over her hand, pulling it slowly away from him. He shook his head slowly, eyes lingering on the ground, for he could not meet her eyes, "no…"
She pulled her hand back, holding it before her chest. Her eyes shone oddly bright in the dim lighting as she spoke, her voice wavering slightly. "Kenshin…" she voiced.
He gave no sign to acknowledge that he had heard her.
"You… you're thinking about him, aren't you? About… that night?" she asked softly.
Again he said nothing, merely continued staring blankly at anything except her.
She nodded slowly to herself and turned herself to face his rigid form. She pulled his loose hair from the breeze and bundled it in her hands, the silky scarlet strands flowing seamlessly through her fingers. Lacing the ribbon around it and tying it into a loose, low hanging ponytail. He had made no move to stop here from her motives.
"Kenshin…" she whispered quietly, snaking her arms slowly over his shoulders, and lacing them loosely around his neck, "I understand… I do." she lay her head on his shoulder softly. "You're not alone you know…" she concluded hugging him slightly.
As she began to pull away again, his hand, resting firmly, but gently upon the bare stretch of skin of her forearm caused her to stop abruptly. His thumb began to trace slow, unwavering circles upon her smooth flesh, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.
"I know, Kaoru" he replied quietly, his eyes flying over the wrapped handle of his sheathed Sakabato. "I know…" his voice still held a note of uncertainty and disbelief.
She followed his gaze towards the blade, her eyes falling sadly. Understanding of his withdrawn attitude finally gripped her.
"It was a long time ago, Kenshin…" she murmured silently into his ear.
"This one knows it, Kaoru-dono." Somehow, his voice did nothing to convince her of the fact.
"And, you aren't Hitokiri Battosai any more, either."
"A manslayer is a manslayer until he dies… until he dies…"
He lapsed into silence again at her last comment.
"Kenshin you're not him anymore, you're not!" she practically pleaded with him to believe her, her voice faltering into a choked sob.
At her faltered voice, he turned to look at her. Stunned when he saw a few silent tears rolling down her cheeks, her aqua blue eyes close to resembling actual liquid.
"Kaoru-dono" he began in a gentle, consoling voice before her words cut across him.
"Kenshin, you're not Battosai any longer. You're not the man you were back then…" her voice grew soft, "you are the man I love now…" she grew silent, trying to only partially successfully stave off the blush rising in her cheeks.
He was silent for a fraction of a moment, and she thought that she had somehow made it worse. Suddenly she feared that her show of emotion may have caused him to draw-in on himself even further.
"I know, Kaoru-dono," he said slowly, his eyes turning up to her, the familiar sparkle returning to his amethyst gaze.
She gave a watery smile, eyes shining brightly. Without a reply, she rested her head again against his shoulder.
Kaoru was right; he was no longer the man from the past. Time had changed him. Only the taunting full moon loomed to remind him painfully of what had been. And, he was sure when that time of the full moon came to remind him, pain and doubt would again grip his heart. But, he also knew that when that time came again, Kaoru would be right there with him through it.
Looking towards the moon once more, nothing had really changed. It still glowed with what should be a pale warming glow; it still exuded no semblance of warmth. But, he was no longer numb, nor unfeeling. He also realized that…
He no longer hated the moon.
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Author's Ramblings
All right, this is my very first Rurouni Kenshin fan fiction. I hope I portrayed them both in character as much as possible. Please correct me if I was wrong.
As you may have noticed, the italicized scene near the beginning was from an episode of Rurouni Kenshin. I can't remember the scene I borrowed perfectly, or the correct dialogue, but I think I got the semblance of the scene. I hope it works well enough for you.
Please be gentle in your reviews, this is my first RK fanfic. Constructive criticism is happily accepted however, especially if the characters aren't in character, or are severely out of character. So, please leave your name at the door with a review for me. Thanks, and Ja.
Blackrose