Here is my first story I am posting on here... My beta is currently too busy to beta this story, but I just have to post this! I started writing this Feburary 6. 2004 and finished this seven-page long story July 25, 2005. Yeah, a year and hearly six months later I finish it! Isn't that funny.
If there are serious mistakes please inform me. Or if you love to beta e-mail me and maybe I'll let you be a beta of mine! .
Warning: Some angst, but I'm not very good at writing it, so you may not find it sad. I found it sad the first time I read it, but the second and so forth? Nope. And implications of shounai. (is that how you spell it?)
Disclaimer: Do you think I own these characters? Bah, I wish. If I did, oh the possibilites of so much Bakura/Yami in the show. licks her lips of thinking of her favorite shipping Darkshipping rules, yah! Yell with me! hears silence Whatever. You all are just jealous because... ah hell. What to be jealous of? I work at Sonic for 5.75 an hour to pay off my car. Why would you want my life? And I do not own Missing! Evanescense is the owner, I just have the story based on this song!
Read and enjoy, thank you!
I--I thought. . .
I stared at the knife, wondering what would happen if I just cut my skin a bit. Would it help me through this pain I've been going through for so long? Would it take away my depression, my insecurity and bring me the happiness that I so desperately wish to just grab? Will it finally show everyone just how unhappy I am? Or will you all be the same if I cut my skin? If I cut my skin, would you forget about where I never cross your thoughts, not even once? Or will you all see you were wrong and that you should have paid more attention? If my cut my skin on my wrist which of those questions would be true? I need to know.
I'm scared, don't you understand? Doesn't anyone understand? I'm alone in the dark and no one is here to help me through this. You all hate me and I have no idea what I did wrong.
No one, and when I say no one - I literally mean no one - gives a damn about me. You don't even, you hate me! I love you.
Here I am, pretending everything is alright, everything will be alright, knowing that you love me. But you don't truly love me, do you? You don't care about anyone else in the world but you. Why? You just do, and I have no idea why.
I realized the truth a while back, when everything was completely unglued and I couldn't glue it back together. Isn't that weird? Everything falls in so many little pieces, you can't place everything in the right spot; or when it's unglued, it can never be glued back together; it's like the moon – it changes all the time, and with so many changes it becomes scattered and you can't seem to find everything to make everything right.
Some say it is never too late for most things – but you know what? That's not true, it can be too late, and at this time I feel like the moon; pieces of a puzzle; glue that can't stick. It's how I feel inside and it is so hard to express to you.
Here, I'll give you a glimpse of what happened in my point of view to you; because I'm positive that you didn't see things clearly. So sit down, and listen to me.
I grip the knife harder. God I hate you so much! Can't you see! Why are you just standing there! Why can't you come over here and help me!
You fade away. . . Yami, were you just a figure of my imagination at the given moment? I guess he was. . .
He hates me so much, I'm dying inside and he can't see it; I love him and don't want to stop loving him – but he wont love me back. It's so hard.
Flashback
I smiled; it was one of my true smiles. I knew something was wrong that day, but I never listened to myself. I kept thinking, 'Something is wrong here, what is it? Oh well, there's Yami!' And I would rush over to him and hug him. These were the times he paid attention to me.
He loved me, and no, not like LOVED as in lover, but he loved me for me – it was a friendship love and I was totally okay with it.
But he didn't hug back; in fact he didn't even acknowledge my existence. That was really off balance. I mean, we've only been separate for a month now, he couldn't have forgotten me that easily, and could he have?
He just walked away, rolling his eyes. Something was definitely wrong. So, I ignored it for the time being, as naive as I was, and went to my first class.
I looked around; everyone was giving me harsh looks, why? What did I do? I trembled and looked away, not really wanting to look at them. Their looks scared the hell out of me!
I walked from class and tried my best to ignore the looks. I had no idea why there were giving them to me, and I hated just staring at them; it was liked their faces and eyes were darkening each time they saw me.
I was looking down at the ground when it suddenly happened. I was pushed to the ground harshly and kicked into the lockers.
Letting out a moan of pain, I managed to look up and there was Yami; yes, Yami.
"Y-Yami. . .?" I squeaked out. No, this couldn't be him. He would never hit me.
Yami just sneered and spoke, "pathetic; that's what you are little Yugi: pathetic. You can't even fight back, no wonder everyone hates you. It's why everyone abandoned you, or is abandoning you."
He was right, everyone abandoned me, from that day forward I became a loner, that's all I ever was in that school.
Everyone gathered around and watched. It was after class if you haven't noticed.
I let out a whimper as I was punched in the face, it really hurt and I wished Yami would stop it, but he never did, it continued.
Everyone around laughed.
"Going to fight back, Yugi?" A boy sneered, smirking through his laughter.
"Nah, he won't fight back Rai! He's too chicken and scared to. Awe. The scared baby is just letting himself get beat up!" Another boy commented.
"Y-Yami stop," I cried out, but it was to no use, he wouldn't listen to me. The pain was unbearable.
He sneered. I hated when he sneered. It was like a demon was taking over him. Heh, maybe a demon was.
I continued to try and try to stop him but he didn't stop until he was satisfied. I had blood all over me!
I lay there, crumpled up and crying. I really hated this, and I don't know what went over him. I remembered last year, when he was still with me, body-wise, he said those six little words that I thought he actually meant.
I could never live without you.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized. He didn't mean I was someone so close to him, it meant he REALLY can't live without me. I'm the body he uses, I was used.
I screamed out his name, crying more. "You said you could never live without me! You lied!" I yelled out to no one, curling up as my mind drifted to thoughts of Katsuya. I miss Jou-Kun so much.
"You weren't supposed to leave me Jou-kun! You promise to protect me; you promised you would never leave me! You said you'd always be there for me! Well, Jou, where are you now when I need you the most!"
I knew he couldn't hear me. He would never hear me again. Katsuya, my beloved friend, died earlier on in that year, a few months.
Inside Flashback
I ran as fast as I can through the hospital, hot tears threatening to fall. I didn't care when I ran to, I just had to run.
I fell to the floor, tears soaking my hospital gown that I had to wear.
"No, Jounouchi, you can't be gone! You can't be gone! You weren't supposed to die! You lied to me!" I screamed. I could tell everyone was staring at me and I didn't care, I wanted my friend back.
The car wreck that is how he died; he shouldn't have died, he should have stayed with me, not leave me! No, he didn't! He left me! I was all alone.
I didn't care about anyone else at the time being, my thoughts never retreating to them. My mind was always on Jounouchi and that it should have been me and not him. But it wasn't and I couldn't change it.
I got up and ran to where I thought his body would be. He couldn't be dead, they were just telling a joke, yeah, that's what it was.
To my surprise the first room I went in there he was, lying there on a bed, lifeless as ever.
They weren't lying, he truly was dead. I saw it for my own eyes. Oh God Jou-kun! My mind raced with this thought as I ran over,
I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Jou-kun, Katsuya, open your eyes. Wake up, for me, please!" I begged desperately. "Please open your eyes and speak to me! Don't leave me, you can't leave me. . ." I shook him.
He never woke. He remained motionless. He looked peaceful. I was being selfish and I didn't care. I wanted him back!
Inside Flashback 2 (going into third persons)
Yugi shook his head, frowning, "I don't know Jou-Kun. . . It's dangerous." He said softly, looking at Katsuya.
"Yugi, come on! Dangerous is fun. It won't kill you, I promise." Katsuya smiled, looking at his friend. "One race and I swear no more."
Yugi looked down, thinking about it. It couldn't hurt. . . Could it? Nah. "Fine, Jou. You win." He replied with a small grin. Katsuya grinned also.
"This is great Yugi!"
"Sure." He said, looking at the road.
The race started and ended just as soon. Katsuya was changing gears when it happened.
A loud explosion.
Screams.
"Katsuya!" Yugi yelled desperately, reaching his bloody hand over. But he gave no reply.
He lied there limply, unmoving, and definitely not breathing.
Yugi began to panic, making the situation worse. "Katsuya! NO!"
Then. . .
Blackness came.
End Inside Flashback 2
But he was never coming back. And that's just it. He never was, and that really scared me.
I held Katsuya as I lied next to him and stroked his hair. "You can't be gone Katsuya. I should have never let you race! It's my entire fault!"
And. . . . It was my fault. It truly was my fault.
I mean think about.
He asked ME if he could race. I said YES. I let him drive. I let him crash and die! I didn't try to stop him, it was MY entire fault!
I let him die. I let him race.
It was my entire fault. I wish it wasn't, but it was. . . I want him back so badly, but nothing will change the past and I have to live with my guilt and go on and I think this is exactly why Yami hates me. . .
End Inside Flashback
Yami hated me because I was never the same. He slowly drifted away and I was too naïve to figure it out!
I want them both back, and I can't have them.
Katsuya was the only one who listened to me, the only one to love me. .
"Katsuya! Yami! Please don't hate me!" Some people just walked by and gave me sympathetic looks…
Yami just sneered and walked away.
End Flashback All Together (hehe)
Yami, I want you to know, that I love you.
Yeah, he doesn't acknowledge my existence; he wouldn't care if I died, if I bleed. But it all didn't matter to me anymore. . . I had officially given up.
A smile graces my lips as the blade slides across my skin, allowing the blood from within flow freely.
I did this every night. I was used to the pain; in fact, the blood, the knife, the whole scenario, made me feel better; cutting myself, trying desperately to hang onto my life in hope that he would come back to me. This way was a way that let me out of life, and closer to the one I wished to be in.
I slide the blade across another part of my skin, avoiding my wrists for the time being.
Gleefully, I watched the blood. I was in another world now, my pain and everything with it, was gone. I was finally free, and tonight is the night where I can become free eternally.
My ears listened to the deadly melody that played in the room. The song, it fit me so much. It fit my life; it fit my world; it fit everything.
Yami, I miss him so much, and he has yet to notice me. You'd think he would, with the bond we use to have. It was so strong, and now it's so weak.
I just want him to notice me, for him to notice how much I loved him, how much I wanted him, and how much I wish he could just have a moment just for me. Anything would work, I'd go with it! I swear, but it isn't happening, and I'm scared now.
I'm killing myself, and Yami isn't doing a damn thing about it! Maybe it is because he hasn't noticed yet? But – why!
I still don't have all the answers, and it seems this is my only answer and conclusion to this hopeless thing everyone calls 'life'.
Drip. Drip. Drip. The blood flowed freely. It was so pretty!
So tainted. It was intoxicating. I need to see more! And I did, I cut myself deeper, until I started seeing black.
And then. . . .
Complete and utter darkness.
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
Maybe someday you'll look up,
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:
"Isn't something missing?"
You won't cry for my absence, I know -
You forgot me long ago.
Am I that unimportant...?
Am I so insignificant...?
Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
Please, please forgive me,
But I won't be home again.
I know what you do to yourself,
I breathe deep and cry out,
"Isn't something missing?
Isn't someone missing me?"
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
And if I bleed, I'll bleed,
Knowing you don't care.
And if I sleep just to dream of you
I'll wake without you there,
Isn't something missing?
Isn't something...
Even though I'm the sacrifice,
You won't try for me, not now.
Though I'd die to know you love me,
I'm all alone.
Isn't someone missing me?
Please review! Thank you so much for reading! I know it's not the best, but then again I'm not that good at writing.
I really like this story, but like I said, I suck at writing it!