Disclaimer: My classic standard disclaimer -- points to first chapter -- applies to all chapters.
Chapter 2 – Awaken to Hell(USAGI'S POV)
Black fog swirled around my head, almost suffocating me completely. I struggled to swim through the darkness, but was instead was assailed by painful images; a cracked locket in the shape of a star came forth from the fog. I reached out to touch it, then recoiled in horror as blood began to seep from the chasms. Then the blackness stopped, and was replaced by blinding lights. I thought I could hear voices somewhere off in the distance. Were they whispering my name? Suddenly, I began to hear more clearly.
"Oh Kenji… I wish she would wake up! I can't believe this is happening. Why didn't I see her unhappiness? How could I have been so blind? Oh, I've failed her as a mother," Ikuko-mama sobbed bitterly into Kenji-papa's shoulder.
"Sshh, darling…it's going to be alright. And you haven't failed at anything. These things happen, and we'll help her through it. Playing the blame game won't help anyone, especially not Usagi," Kenji-papa whispered comfortingly to my mother, as he stroked her hair. I groaned as the volume of voices grew, and the room came more into focus. Apparently my parents heard this involuntary noise, because my mother suddenly snapped her head towards me. Her eyes widened in surprise.
"Thank Kami-sama! You're awake," she cried, as fresh tears glistened in her eyes. My father sat wordlessly behind my mother, however, I could tell that he was extremely relieved.
"What happened?" I questioned as I groaned again, more audibly this time. My parents exchanged worried, wordless glances then my mother grasped my hand.
"Usa…don't you remember?" Ikuko-mama questioned, as more tears welled in her eyes.
"Well I…I only remember a lot of blood," I replied, entirely unsure of what I should answer. Ikuko-mama bit her lip, obviously pained, and Kenji-papa tightened his grip on the chair he'd been holding thus far.
"My blood?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. I was fearful of the answer.
"Usagi…you tired to commit suicide last night. But what we don't know is why. Why would you do such a thing to yourself? Your family? And even your friends, for that matter?" Kenji-papa questioned in a strained, but even, voice. It was obvious that he was struggling to come to terms with the recent events, that I was just beginning to recall.
FLASHBACK
I gouged at my wrists with all the force I could muster; I doubled-over in pain, and then just lay there. Blood flowed freely into puddles on the floor.
I looked at my parents squarely in the eye.
"Physical pain is the only way I can ease the emotional pain I feel, and death is the only way I can erase it. It's what I have control over. It's the only choice that I have," I said darkly, feeling awash with fresh pain and emotional torment. My mother gazed at me in anguish, obviously wanting to help, but having no clue as to how she could.
My parents eventually decided to go home. I had become more unresponsive as the night wore on, until I wouldn't even look at anyone. I preferred being alone anyway; no one understood what I was feeling. Pulled away from my musings, I realized that it was raining outside. Clouds hung dark and thick in the air, and all of Tokyo was awash in gloom.
"Well, the weather seems to suit my mood," I thought depressively, then averted my attention from the window. Jus as I was about to sink back against the pillows that were propped on the bed, I heard the scuffling of feet outside my door. I looked up and then gasped at the sight of the man who stood in front of me.
"You," I breathed icily, unable to utter anything more coherent.
(MAMORU'S POV)
The ice in her voice hit me with the force of a mack truck. Never had I seen Usagi harbor such an impetuous loathing of anyone before. Granted, no one had ever batter her heart and emotions the way I had. I deserved every ounce of fury that Usagi felt towards me.
"Yes, it's me," I said, taking a hesitant step forward. I wasn't sure where my boundaries lay.
"Stay where you are," Usagi snapped bitterly, answering my unspoken question.
"Usagi, I…"
"You what, huh?" she quickly cut me off with a raised hand. "You're here to say that you're sorry? That you didn't mean any of it? That you wish you could erase it all? Well, do everyone a favor and save it! I have absolutely no interest in your pathetic attempts to make amends. This isn't like last time Chiba-san; you can't just walk in and out of someone's like as you please!" Finally Usagi finished her rant and turned to face the window. I was surprised, however, that Usagi's voice had remained level and cool as ice through the whole tirade. I somehow would have preferred the yelling and the tears; anything but the calm venom that dripped with every measured word and breath. Usagi turned back to face me, her eyes vacant. There was no emotion on her visibly tired face.
"What are you still doing here?" she questioned blandly, obviously wanting to be rid of me. I wouldn't give up that easily.
"Usagi, please… I just want to talk to you. I want to make sure that you're alright; you gave me quite a scare today." I said desperately. I needed her to hear what I had to say.
"A scare? I gave you a scare? Boy, that's really funny… I was under the impression that you didn't give a flying fuck about me, or anything that concerned me. I mean, you sure as hell made that apparent when you up and left for Harvard Med. If I recall correctly, I was 'holding you back'; a mere thorn in your side that needed to be rid of. Well, guess what? You go your wish… I was removed from your life. Now do me a favor and stay the hell out of mine," Usagi ranted bitterly. I could see tears swimming in her eyes. I mentally cursed myself, as I remembered the promise I'd made to never hurt her again.
"Usagi…I don't just want to waltz back into your life. But I do want to talk about some…" I started, but was once again cut off.
"Get out," she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"But…"
"GET OUT!" she screamed this time, and repeated it over and over, like a mantra. Her voice grew shriller each time she said it. Then, she suddenly stopped, glanced at me for a moment, before hurling a pillow at me. It wasn't exactly a prime weapon, but it was enough to tell me that I should leave. I headed quickly towards the door then turned back for a moment. I looked at Usagi with tears and sorrow in my eyes.
"I'm sorry," I whispered, before finally leaving the room.
(USAGI'S POV)
I sat back on my remaining pillows for a moment, stunned into shock. I sat there unmoving for a good ten minutes before I realized exactly what had just taken place; the floodgate let loose. I sobbed bitterly for hours, or so it seemed. I couldn't stop myself, as wave upon wave of pain tore at my heart. Then I stopped sobbing just as suddenly as I had begun. I turned and reached for my purse, which was sitting on the bedside table. My parents had brought over a few things for my hospital stay, of which I was extremely relieved. After unzipping the inside of the purse a few times, I reached into the secret compartment I'd sewn into it. Inside this compartment lay a purposely-sharpened nail file, for which I now reached. Pulling the file out, I set my purse aside. Immediately, I began hacking and tearing away at the skin on my arms. Then I began taking longer strokes, relishing the searing pain that coursed through every inch and fiber of my arms. The effects were drugging and controlling. Soon, I was no longer even aware that I was still slicing at my arms. It once again became the routine escape I'd so often used. Suddenly, I was jerked back from my semi-conscious state. Large, red spots of blood on the pristine white sheets glared at me menacingly.
"Shit," I muttered. This was a hospital…the doctors would ask questions. As if on cue, I heard resounding footsteps from down the hallway. Slowly but surely, they became louder as they neared my room. I sat frozen in place, completely unsure of what to do. The footsteps slowed and a doctor entered my room with my parents in tow. The doctor opened his mouth to speak, then stopped as the blatant sight of red on my bed sheets caught his eye.
"Usagi, what is that?" the doctor slowly asked, as he approached the bed.
"I…I…I don't know," I said, fear overtaking my voice. "I woke up just now, and it was there," I whispered. I dared not look at the doctor, who was now standing at my bedside. Silently, the doctor leaned over and pulled my arms from under the blankets. My parents both collectively gasped, and the doctor looked on in worried horror…
Author's note: Bahahahahahahaha…. Yes, a cliffie! I apologize humbly for the shortness of this chapter, but I wanted to get the ball rolling on the main part of the story, which will focus on Usagi's feelings, Mamoru's feelings, and their progression as a couple. It's also not going to be the typical "guy-hurts-girl-they-make-up-passionately-and-live-happily-ever-after" fic. I'm trying to get a little more "real-life" into this particular fic. I hope you all like it.
Oh yes… and I've been extremely disappointed in the lack of review-ed-ness! I'd like to thank all the people who have reviewed already; they've been wonderful. But I'm aiming for more… unless people review, I won't feel the motivation to actually keep up the fics:P so, darn it peoples… READ AND REVIEW, PRETTY PLEASE!