The Lake:
Very Early in the Morning
(Around 2 or 3 AM)(Month 2; Day 1):
JJ opened the door of the Hogwart's building. He knew he shouldn't be out so late (or so early if you saw it in that perspective). It was 2:30 in the morning and JJ was thoroughly exhausted of trying to go to sleep. He had failed at sleeping this particular night. He walked towards no particular direction but saw the lake and wandered towards it. He sighed, letting out a breath of vapor which the night air froze.
The past evening had been quite interesting. He wasn't really in the mood to think about it. I mean, nothing had gone terribly wrong but, still... He didn't know what was happening to him. He was reliving his past and it kept him on edge. Down by the lake, the moon shown over the waters. It was beautiful. He stood there for awhile, not really thinking or doing anything. He just admired the lake in its sensational glory.
Wandering amidst the shadows, Emma breathed in the cool night air. Her hair blew in front of her face from the slight breeze, making the darkness appear all but gone. Letting the moonlight bathe her in white, she let her guard down and became entirely herself, uncovered by any mere facade.
But then she heard a noise... Someone else was there...
Walking lightly as if the ground were made of glass, she tiptoed over to where she could hear the person.
In the dim light, she barely recognized him.
"JJ..." she said, surprised.
JJ stared at the lake. How much life there was in it and people didn't even take notice of it. He inhaled deeply. He tried not to think of the past, but it wanted him to remember. He shook his head slightly and thought about this school year. He grinned. He had some weird friends. One that was totally obnoxious and another who was shy and quiet.
"Emma..." he whispered, almost so soft that he a hard time hearing it. He sighed. What was he going to do?
Emma felt her forehead wrinkle as she tried to understand. She had heard him say her name, but he didn't seem to know she was there.
"JJ?" Even if she wouldn't admit it, he was scaring her a bit. "JJ?"
JJ whipped around swiftly. "Who's there?" he asked, his voice stern and defensive.
Jumping at the harshness in his voice, Emma let herself walk into a pool of light, throwing her view into focus. "It's me... Emma." She paused, unsure what to do. "Are you okay?"
His facial expression suddenly became gentler.
"Oh, it's you. You scared me." JJ stayed in his place as the silence stretched out. Finally, he answered, "I'm fine." He paused then asked, "Wait, but what are you doing out here?"
"I told you before," she said, turning towards the placid waters. "I can never sleep. Too many thoughts running through me head, itching to get out." Pulling her hair behind her, she gathered the entire view into her mind's eye. Everything was perfect- untouched and beautiful. "What about you?" she asked in a voice too sweet to have anything to do with her.
JJ watched her. She looked so small and vulnerable to the world. "It's dangerous, you know, out here. You shouldn't come out here by yourself like this," he said, his voice tensing. "It's..." He didn't know how to finish the sentence. His past was coming back...
He stopped and his eyes fell towards the ground. Why did it have to be like this? No, why did he have to be like this?
Emma, with her back towards JJ, didn't notice what he had just done. "It's what? I guarantee you, I've seen worse things than could ever jump out at me from a lake..." she said, watching the waters as they rippled under her fingertip's touch.
"I can take care of myself." She turned to look at JJ. His eyes were down, not upright like he was proud as they normally were. "JJ?"
JJ looked towards her. "It's dangerous," he repeated, trying to get it across to her that he was talking about things that were more dangerous than creatures in a lake. He looked away again, averting his eyes away from hers. 'She can take care of herself,' JJ repeated in his mind. He smirked. It wasn't that he doubted that she could, but...
He sighed. It was no use; he was too worried about her and he hardly knew what she had been through. He was just assuming things.
Sighing, Emma took a seat on a rock covered in moss. "Why does everyone think that I'm such a small little witch in a big world and I'm bound to get myself in trouble?" she asked bitterly. "I can take care of myself, you know..." her arms were crossed defiantly against her chest as she said this. "I've gotten along just fine so far..."
Her eyes turned to his. "Can you even truthfully say the same?"
He looked towards her again. He sighed. Off and away assuming things; he did that too often. He assumed she was weak; he assumed she needed protection. She had managed to get along without him all this time before he knew her. Why did he think he was the one who was going to protect her?
"I don't think you're a small little witch in a big world, I just..." he paused. "I just worry about you, that's all," he finished, trying to sound sincere. It wasn't very common for JJ Mercer to tell a person that he's worried about them. In fact, it was uncommon for him to worry about someone in general. His sister was an exception. He walked slowly towards Emma, stopping next to her and the rock. He looked at Emma and he saw his sister. He shook his head.
"Dammit," he muttered. A bit frustrated, he focused on the lake again.
Emma looked at JJ up and down after his outburst. "What is it? You realized I was right?" she still sounded like she had a foul taste in her mouth.
Keeping her face turned away from his and towards the lake, she made sure he couldn't see her expression. Trust this random Slytherin to just barge into her life and track his ghostly footsteps all over her mind. A tear fell from her face, disturbing the perfection of the lake's surface. Wiping it off, she closed her eyes to the sight of all the ripples spreading away from her. JJ glared at her. He had to give in. Yes, she was right but that's not why he cursed under his breath. This time, he hadn't noticed the tear that slipped down her cheek. This time, she didn't have all his attention.
He turned away from her, and walked along the edge of the lake. His sister's face kept creeping into his mind. He shook his head again. He couldn't keep going like this; He couldn't keep thinking about her. He had to let her go.
Turning to speak, Emma noticed JJ starting to walk away. "JJ? Are you all right?" she slid off her rock as she tried to go after him.
"JJ?" she put her hand on his shoulder. "Look at me."
He didn't look at her. He couldn't. He stopped walking and stood still. All that could be heard was the wind brushing along the water.
Emma looked behind her before letting her hand fall off his shoulder. "Are you all right? Oh, smart one, Emma. Of course he's not all right. If he were all right, he wouldn't act like this... Idiot! she cursed at herself.
"Is there... I don't know- something I can do?" His face was almost vacant of expression, making her eyes fill with tears. "Please look at me, JJ." Biting her lip, she looked around to try and keep her tears in this time. "Is it something... something I did?"
He didn't want to look at her. He didn't want to see those eyes that never lie. Those eyes that told him that yes, she could take care of herself, but there was more depth in them. There was something else.
"It's not you," he muttered. He kept his eyes on the ground.
Nodding that she understood, Emma couldn't help but find out more. "Well, is it something I can help with?" she volunteered. After a minute of silence, her smile dropped.
Placing on her mask of eagerness, she ducked in front of JJ. "Hey, why won't you look at me?" He still didn't answer, leaving her to frown to herself.
JJ closed his eyes as she appeared in front of him. Could he handle this? He looked toward the lake. The moon still shimmered on the surface.
For some reason, he just wanted to embrace this auburn-haired girl. He wanted to hold her and have all the memories that frightened her wiped from her mind. He closed his eyes again and let the wind whip his face and hair. Too bad the wind couldn't take him away.
Emma watched him with a look of longing in her eyes. "JJ?" she whispered. "What is the matter with you?" she asked. Pushing a strand of hair out of his face, she bit her lip again.
Suddenly, he turned on her and fell on his knees in front of her (kneeling, he was just a few inches shorter than her). And he swept her into his arms.
Shrieking in surprise, Emma struggled for a second, before becoming still. Quietly, she asked him, "Where did that come from?" She glanced at him, showing him that she was confused, not mad at him.
Not using words, he embraced her more, pulling her closer to him. He didn't know what he was feeling. Oh Gods, how he wished he could forget all the memories. His face was up against her heart. He could hear it beating, slightly unsteady.
Eyes wide, Emma looked around, wondered what to do? In her eyes, she had two choices. She could push him away and run... or she could stay. Swallowing the lump from her throat, she stroked his fingers through her hair soothingly. "It'll be okay..." she whispered.
He didn't know what to say. What was the right to thing to say in a moment like this? A shiver ran up his spine. Her fingers were soft and her touch was gentle. Looking into his eyes innocently, Emma smiled. Trying to find answers to all her questions in his eyes, she stopped her fingers mid-way through their path through his hair.
He opened his eyes and looked up in hers. What did she want to know? He closed his again. What did he want to know? What could he tell her? He wondered how the two of them had come across each other and if there was any meaning. Was there a reason why she had come into his life? Did he mean anything to her in her life? He took a deep breath.
So many unanswered questions.
Deciding to, for once in her life, take a risk, Emma closed her eyes. She didn't care if he pushed her away or never spoke to her again. She didn't care if he never thought of her the same again. He was her friend... and so far, he was nothing else. If she didn't do this, she would always wonder "what if?"
Hesitating, Emma reminded herself that she loved him. She urged herself on, touching his lips with her own for one sweet moment.
JJ's eyes opened slightly. He didn't resist her; he didn't pull away.
The picture of a girl ran through his mind; this time it wasn't his sister, it was her, his last girlfriend who had broken up with him because she thought he was the one to be blamed for his sister's pain. He hadn't known what he was going to do without her. It had been somewhat difficult trying to forget about her.
But he realized, at that moment, it wasn't his ex-girlfriend who he wanted anymore. He wanted the girl that was right in front of him. He leaned forward and kissed Emma deeply. He held her even closer. He wanted to protect her; he wanted to love her.
Feeling his moment of hesitation, Emma almost broke away from him, but then he kissed her back. She half-smiled into the kiss. She didn't know how it would be in the morning, or whenever they saw each other next, but she wanted this moment to live forever.
Together... in the moonlight... she fixed it into her memory to look back on always.
JJ broke away from her, catching his breath. His bangs hung loosely over his eyes. His hands rested on her shoulders. He looked up at her, making eye contact. He stroked the side of her cheek and brushed the hair out of her eyes. Sitting down facing the lake, he took her hand and gently pulled, letting her know he wanted her to sit down with him. Looking around, Emma made sure no one had snuck up on them before sitting down next to him. She bit her lip to hid her smile.
She still held onto his hand, even though she had done what he wanted. She wanted to be with him until judgment day. "I love you..." she whispered to him, but she was sure he already knew. He looked out onto the waters. They still shone with beauty and majesty. He heard the barely audible words that came from her mouth. Another shiver ran down his back. Was this normal?
Emma was so close to him that she could feel him as she shuddered. Rubbing his leg with her hand, she tried to calm him. "Are you all right?" she asked, still unable to keep a smile off her face.
He started to say something and then stopped. He let out a deep breath. He was about to say he was fine and after that he was going to say he loved her too. But when did this all start? When did he start loving her? Could love happen so fast? Had he taken it too far? Did he really love her? He thought he did. Why was he having second thoughts? Overwhelmed by confusion, he removed his hand from hers. He took in another deep breath. Love was so complicated sometimes.
A look of hurt came across Emma's face, and she couldn't hide it. She held her empty hand for a moment before putting her smile on again. "JJ?" She closed her eyes, not wanting to blurt out something she might regret. "JJ..."
She told herself he still felt the same. She told herself he maybe just wanted some space to himself. That's understandable, Emma. Just give him some space.
She wanted to remind him she loved him, but somehow, she didn't think that would help.
He saw the fake smile and knew he had hurt her.
"Sorry..." he started. He thought about what to say. "I, I," he really didn't know what to say. He cleared his throat. 'What do I say without hurting her feelings?' he thought desperately.
"Emma, I..." he paused to think. "I, it's not that I don't care for you it's just that," he stopped again. He exhaled. "It's just that I wasn't expecting all that just happened, you know..." He looked away and avoided her eyes. He prayed that she would understand.
Emma refused to blink- to breathe- to think... She blocked out everything she had just heard. But she could feel how he felt. She knew how he felt. And he just didn't feel that way towards her... Letting two or three tears slip down and land in the lake, she stared at him harshly. "I understand," she said as if he had just explained to her that water was wet.
She stood up. "I have to... I have to go now." she closed her eyes, several more tears slipping by, unnoticed by her. "Maybe if the time were right... but it wasn't. I'm sorry."
"Wait!" he said, not wanting her to leave. He was wrestling with himself. He wanted to be there for her; he wanted to protect her. "Wait, please..." he half whimpered as he took hold of her wrist. It wasn't supposed to end like this. He stared into her blurred eyes and tried to seek out her feelings.
"What do you want?" she asked, still crying. Maybe it was the foolish tears blurring her vision, or maybe he did look like he had regretted what he had said. That's when her gaze fell onto her wrist. Instead of struggling against anyone touching her, she let him hold her wrist with a blank look on her face.
"Don't leave, not yet," he said, trying to pull her back towards him. He didn't know how he could express these inexpressible feelings towards her. It seemed impossible. He pulled her towards him close enough so he could wrap his arm around her waist. Would she resist? Would she back away?
He didn't want her to. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to be close to her. But why was his mind making him think he didn't care for her as she cared for him? In his mind he struggled to find a clear answer.
Closing her eyes, Emma acted as someone would expect a marionette on a string to act. She let him wrap his arm around her waist. She let him pull her closer. But she never acted. She shut down completely just as she was trained to do.
"Why shouldn't I?" she didn't really expect an answer. She just had to ask the question in case he would answer her. "Why shouldn't I leave yet?"
"Because..." He searched for words that were sincere and truthful. "Because I need you."
Those words spoke the truth. Even if he didn't love her, he needed her. He needed someone to understand him. He needed to know someone cared. He needed to protect her.
"Please, don't go," he whispered.
Emma looked up and straight into his eyes. He needs me?" You need me?" she asked, unbelieving. "You need me? For what?"
Her eyes were free of those wretched tears, but now her face was flushing with an emotion she didn't really know. "Why are you doing this to me JJ?"
She still loved him, but it seemed that every other day, he yanked her strings in opposite directions. And as she had been one for years, she was sick of being someone's puppet.
JJ watched her face as it showed him frustration. 'I'm sorry,' he thought, 'I didn't mean to play with your heart and confuse you.' He sighed.
"Yes, Emma, I need you," he confirmed. She looked at him with the eyes of needing an explanation.
"I need you because… I need to know that someone understands me; I need to know that someone cares." He looked into her eyes with yearning. He knew he needed her, without a doubt.
"And I want to protect you," he added. He prayed she'd understand. He hoped she would believe him; after all, he was being as honest as honest could be.
Emma sighed, brushing through her hair with her fingers as she thought. She could tell he meant what he said, but that didn't mean she was ready to forgive him.
"I love you, JJ," she told him, whispering in his ear. "You know I do, and I'm pretty sure I always will." She stopped, trying to prevent herself from letting all her emotions fling out of her into a giant heap.
But... JJ, I told you I can protect myself. Just because you know I love you and I admit it doesn't mean I need your protection. That's what she desperately wanted to say. But she didn't have to courage. He meant that he needed her. She'd gladly help him whenever he needed her...
But, he was the same Jeremiah Mercer who had played with tons of other girls before him. "I'll stay..." she paused, deciding whether or not she should tell him all the things that wanted so much to be heard. But she settled for just a: "But it's only because I love you."
JJ wasn't quite sure what to say. He was overwhelmed by the thought of someone truly loving him. It was a first. All the other girls he had messed around with "loved" him because they said he was "gorgeous." And after all that he did to her: he played with her heart, he broke her heart... and yet she still stayed by his side. Not sure what to say next, he remained silent and waited.
They both stood together in the cold, silent and waiting.
Waiting... what was she waiting for? Surely not some sign that he did love her after all. He did love her -- but not in that way. Maybe he never would, but she didn't care.
"You say you need me... you aren't using me in any way right now..." she mumbled, watching as her breath formed a cloud.
"What do you mean using you?" he asked, slightly taken aback. He hadn't meant to use her. He had just needed her, but not in the way as you need a spoon to eat soup.
"We're just standing here in the bloody cold, JJ!" she hissed through her teeth. Immediately afterward, she tried to back away, her eyes large in fright. "I didn't mean to question you, is all I meant, JJ, honestly..." she whispered. "I'm sorry."
Emma looked around for something. "I LOVE the cold, JJ..." she nestled up to him, praying he wouldn't be mad. She had, after all, talked back to him.
JJ, quite startled by the two different behaviors she had just presented to him, looked down at her with question in his eyes.
"What's wrong with questioning me?" he asked, thinking it wasn't wrong to question someone. Everybody had their right to hold an opinion. "If you don't want to stay out here in the cold, we can go inside," he said, giving her the choice.
"Whatever you want to do, JJ, I'm fine with," she told him, ignoring the first question posed to her. "If you like the cold, I like it too." smiling like a porcelain doll, she continued to act like some sort of naive, obedient person. "If you like the cold, I love it, JJ..."
JJ stared at her. "No, stop. Tell me what you want," he told her. She wasn't acting herself; this wasn't her. Why was she sucking up to him? "Tell me what you want..." he repeated.
Emma looked him up and down. "You're not angry with me?" she seemed almost shocked that he wasn't yelling at her. "Oh... well, it's a pretty night... we could stay out here." she treads carefully, like he was a section of grass full of landmines. "Of course, it's entirely your choice..." Her eyes still full of fear, she waited.
"No, I'm not angry with you. Why would I be angry?" JJ questioned her, a bit confused. Was it wrong to her to express her opinion? "I'm leaving it up to you. You're choice, Emma," he told her softly, gently.
He hadn't noticed the fear before but as he looked into her eyes, he saw it. Was this a reflection of the past?
Sheepishly, Emma told him, "Well, it is rather cold... Do you think we should go in? Or would we get caught by Filch?"
The light was back in her eyes and she saw no fear again. "What do you think, JJ?" she asked, laughing all the while. "Do you think we could be sneaky?" She laughed again and looked up at him, eagerly awaiting his decision.
"Fine by me," he said, starting to realize it was kind of chilly. He smiled; she was laughing. Troublemaker was his name, being sneaky was his game. He held out his hand, signaling her to go before him and he would follow. "Lead on."
Giggling, Emma curtsied to him. "Oui, Monsieur!" Leading the way, she skipped along. "Suivez moi, monsieur!" she called to him over her shoulder. On their way up to Hogwarts, she couldn't keep a straight face, hollering random French words in his direction and seeing if he noticed. Sometimes it paid to never be able to fall asleep.
JJ grinned. He shook his head; this was quite a site: a small girl with auburn hair skipping up a hill randomly shouting French Words. He couldn't help but laugh.
Without any warning, JJ ran up behind Emma and swung her off her feet, spinning her around in his arms. If anybody had seen this, they'd probably think, "Oh, how sweet. A couple in love," because that's precisely what they looked like. JJ smiled; Life had just gotten a little bit sweeter.