Shot Through the Heart
Chapter Three
Cupid, as Nami soon found out, had suffered only a minor concussion after her run-in with Luffy's Gomu-Gomu no Pistol. In fact, she appeared rather comfortable for her injuries, sunk deep in white velvet cushions and flanked on all sides by women tending to her every need. As a redhead with waist-length braids held a cold pack to Cupid's forehead, a pair of blonde twins manicured her nails in perfect synchronization.
Nami couldn't lie and say that she wasn't uncomfortable. No matter how firmly she was being convinced that her presence was welcome.
It was only through Serendipity that Nami had wound up on Cupid's ship in the first place. In fact, Serendipity was only her pirate name – she loved to talk, and confessed to Nami in between less pertinent ramblings that her real name was Mildred. Not a very threatening moniker to match a girl with tri-colored hair and no less than seven piercings that Nami could readily see (leading her to speculate on more). She grinned to reveal a diamond-capped front left tooth, and explained that Cupid adored visitors, even ones that might consider themselves her enemies.
"Everyone gets the wrong idea, they do, thinkin' she's a monster an' everything. Really, I ain't never seen her hurt nobody," Serendipity was a strong rower, and Nami was grateful enough for the ride that she bit her tongue on the subject of Cupid, "we loves to party on board the Aphrodite. But most of the guests, they gets kinda frightened of us. I guess they don't trust us well enough."
Before she could ask why, Nami felt the little rowboat slow and then still. She looked up to see the looming whitewashed hull of Cupid's galleon. A rope ladder fluttered a few feet above their heads.
Serendipity hooked her oars, tethered the rowboat to the hull, and then leaned forward suddenly. She pushed her face right up to Nami's nose, her huge eyes so close that Nami could see every detail of her spiked mascara and glitter eyeshadow.
"Eeeee!" Nami reared back in shock at the intrusion of her personal space.
"Ay," Serendipity began softly, her dark skin making the bright green of her eyes stand out even more, "you're comfortable with…the female form, right?"
Though confused by the question, Nami found herself nodding.
Within an instant, Serendipity let out a joyful "Good!" and leapt up to grab the rope ladder. Her move sent the little boat rollicking, and Nami struggled to find balance in her wake. As she climbed after Serendipity, Nami noticed a pirate mark tattooed near her backside on one ebony thigh. A winged heart backed by crossbones. Tres fitting.
The heart motif continued into the dining hall where she was led Everything was white and gold and red, dripping with rococo and feminine decadence. But, despite the extravagant décor, the most stunning things in the room were the crew themselves. All women, all celebrating, dancing on tables where they weren't drinking or flinging knives at giggling targets against the walls.
Cupid sat at the head of it all, swathed in a great sumptuous cloak, spiraling filigreed hearts in solid gold crowning her throne.
As Nami approached, suspiciously, a great racket of running feet broke out behind her. She turned, defensively, and reached for the Climatact at her hip. Serendipity's wrist jangled with bangles and beads as she reached out to hold her in check. She laughed.
"Cool it, it's just Kyndal."
An excessively tall, excessively hippy brunette was trouncing down the length of the dining table at full speed, grinning and rattling dishes as she came. A few of her supposed crewmates flung themselves off and away from the table to avoid her, some laughing and some cursing.
"She always does this. Well, not always, but enough ta be nothin' ta worry about." Serendipity said calmly.
The twin manicurists and the red-haired nurse broke away as Kyndal launched herself off the end of the table and right at Cupid. Cupid appeared unfazed, even as the brunette projectile landed heavily all over her.
"Lemme lemme lemme lemme lemme lemme!" Kyndal cried repeatedly, sliding all around Cupid's throne and Cupid herself like a hyperactive three year old under the influence of a fast-forward button. She was nudging her elbows between bulbous breasts and adjusting her long legs across thick thighs, all while Cupid dealt with it gracefully. In fact, the Captain of the crew just sat there, eyebrows aloft with ennui, obviously accustomed to such behavior.
"Kyndal," she said smoothly, "I've told you before, you can't sit in my throne when we have guests."
"Guests? What? Where's a guest? Huh?" Kyndal's head snapped all around excitedly. She reminded Nami of a beautiful, anthropomorphized Chihuahua. Finally Cupid pointed with one half-manicured finger at the outsider among them.
Eyes focused on her from every corner of the dining hall, and Nami wet her lips. The noise slowly died down, until Cupid had enough silence at her attention to address the visitor. "Welcome, Straw Hat girl."
"Navigator." Nami sneered defensively.
Cupid gave a saccharine smile. Her eyes still looked predatory somehow. Nami had never though that being in a room full of females would make her more uncomfortable than being attacked by a host of horny Bellamy pirates. "Navigator, yes. We have one of those, too."
"Hidely-ho!" A young, boyish girl waved one skinny hand at Nami from the other end of the table. Nami waved back nervously.
"Thank you, Kie. Ladies, this is Nami, she's one of the Straw Hat Pirates," Cupid said importantly, as if she were annunciating for the benefit of a kindergarten class. A chorus of "oohs" and "aahs" went up amidst a murmur of speculation. Nami scratched her elbow and glanced at a blank spot on the wall, "she might be joining us soon!"
"I WILL NOT," Nami's head snapped back at Cupid, and she couldn't help but yell, "I came here to talk to you about what you did to Sanji!"
"Sanji?" Cupid pulled a curious face, and tapped a fingernail on her chin in thought, "Sanji…Sanji….oh! The ugly blonde!"
Nami's eyes grew wide. She'd heard her share of unkind adjectives describing Sanji, but ugly certainly wasn't one of them. As she was about to protest, Kyndal was tugging on Cupid's collar and demanding attention. "What a stupid name, anyway! What'd'ya do to him, Cupid, huh huh?"
"Oh, I used the Ai-Ai Arrow on him, and I guess she's all pissed off about that…" Cupid bowed her eyebrows and looked at Nami, "did he fall in love with you, dear? It's rather annoying, isn't it? I feel very sorry for you, having men crawling all over you is very difficult to accept with aplomb."
"NO, he was already IN love with me, and you—"
"Oh, dear…" Cupid began, grinning, covering her mouth halfway with her fingers. Everyone else began to giggle, as well.
"—YOU made him fall in love with ZORO!"
The giggles turned into raucous laughter.
"Oh, no, did I?" Cupid replied overdramatically, then gestured around the hall, "I've already told all of them about it, don't worry about going over the details, darling. The only thing we love more than tearing undeserving men away from beautiful women is pairing them up with another undeserving man!"
"Huzzah!" A salute went up, and every glass was raised.
Nami was flabbergasted, but somehow found her words. "I want to know what you plan to do about it!"
Cupid lifted her fingers and counted off on them, all while Kyndal continued to nuzzle her. "First of all, I plan on having you join my crew. Then, I plan on getting that gorgeous, leggy one as well—"
"Robin? Are you NUTS?"
"—I collect beautiful things—then I plan on having a pina colada and going to bed. Normal day, nothing to write home about." She smiled.
"There has to be an antidote! Tell me about the antidote!"
"Antidote? Oh, you're so naïve…"
Before she knew it, Nami had jogged right up to Cupid's throne, shoved Kyndal out of the way, and was kneeling in the bombshell's lap with the Climatact pressed firmly against her throat. "Listen, bitch, we have a very delicate balance to maintain on our ship, and I'm afraid the order of things requires that Sanji be in love with ME. Otherwise the natural balance will be thrown out of whack, and you'll get your neck broken."
"So are you in love with the blonde one, or the beefy one, anyway?" Cupid tilted her head a tiny bit, and Nami only pressed harder. Cupid seemed as bored as ever, and it was only a moment later that Nami felt something push against the back of her head. Then, it clicked, the way a gun clicked.
"Shit." Nami hissed through clenched teeth.
"Come on, just leave peacefully," A silky, relatively normal voice said behind her, "we have our own natural balance of things to maintain, too."
Fighting was a bad idea. It was only herself against an army in spiked heels with long nails. She pulled back, locking on Cupid with a putrid expression, and stepped down from the throne. A few people giggled.
"Don't laugh," Cupid commanded her crew, as Nami found herself gently assumed control of by the owner of the gun, "she's quite skillful."
"I think she's quite skillful," Serendipity pouted from the corner where she was kneeling, an unrecognizable dice game underway with two other girls, "I want her to stay."
A few other women cried "Yeah!" assent, which led to a strong rallying cry against Nami's departure.
"OH SHUT UP!" She finally shouted, unable to stand the bizarre situation any longer, "I'M NOT JOINING YOUR CRACKPOT CREW!"
There was a moment of silence, and Cupid sighed loudly. "Yeah, we get that a lot. Take her back on deck, Psyche." Cupid waved her away, face a little sad with resignation.
The short-haired, well-toned pirate named 'Psyche' had Nami's arm in a death grip, making her claw-filed nails subtly apparent. Nami winced only slightly as she was led out on the deck, and a few of the Cupid mates mumbled goodbye to her in passing.
Such an incredibly strange ship. Such incredibly strange pirates.
"Well, you're an odd breed, just going at Cupid like that," Psyche mumbled as they stepped through the galley door. The sunlight hit her full force and Nami suddenly remembered how hot the air was around Love-Love Island, "usually our hospitality wins people over. You must be really attached to this fellow in your crew."
"Well…I'm…" Nami stammered, and wanting desperately to be interrupted.
She wasn't. Psyche stared at her, the sunglasses she wore pitch black and unreadable, only reflecting Nami's desperate face right back.
"I'm really attached to my crew." She finally explained herself. It was the only summation of things that really seemed to fit. Not that she wasn't enjoying the humor involved as much as the rest of them, but things simply couldn't stay this way.
Ever the practical one.
Besides, she was starting to realize the difference between Good Food and Specially-Prepared-Love-Food. And she didn't like the end of the bargain she was facing. Not that Zoro could appreciate a fine shrimp cocktail, anyway…
Psyche was still staring at her, and Nami realized they were sharing an unnerving silence. She cleared her throat, and squirmed in Psyche's hand. Releasing her, the pirate curled her sea-chapped lips into a smile, and said in a low voice, "I'll tell you what you need to do."
"Really?" Nami leaned closely, hushed whisper and wide eyes.
"Most people figure it out after sticking around the island for a while. But I'll tell you, because I like you. I love Cupid as much as the next girl here, but I will tell you: she wants you. And she has incredible ways of getting what she wants. She's a very spoiled little brat and it would do your crew best to get out of here as quickly as possible. So I'm going to tell you."
"That's the best news I've heard all day!"
"You might not like it, though."
"Whatever! Tell me!" Now she was getting testy. Steady, Nami, she had to tame herself.
"Well," Psyche adjusted her sunglasses. Her nails were polished in black. Nami smirked, "have you ever read the Anatomica Metaphysica?"
She cocked an eyebrow. That was one of those books everyone knew about, but very few had actually read. It was treated as sort of a quack Bible, all the way from South Blue to the Grand Line. "No."
"Well, in it, Porcerespia talks of the right brain and the left brain, and theorizes that whichever side is NOT controlled by the brain…is controlled by the heart. He also theorizes the connection between the brain and the soul. Now—"
"Get to the point."
"Is he right-handed or left-handed, honey?"
"Right…"
Psyche capped a hand on Nami's shoulder. "As long as he can't see out of his left eye, then, you're fine," she cleared her throat and added, "most women on the island have…well….blinded their men in their corresponding eye…just to hedge their bets. Also…cause they're pretty pissed off. But a simple eyepatch will do."
"Can't see…left eye…?"
Psyche was already walking away backwards, pointing hastily. "There's the ladder, down there's the boat, that way's the island. Toodles!"
Unusual pirates, indeed.