After a little frantic screaming…I'm not entirely sure that she's kidding anymore. Alright, so I'm fairly certain that she's serious. I was apparently being tested for my ability to 'shift' between dimensions, I passed, and now I've won-the-experience-of-a-life-time/received-a-'mission' (which I don't have any choice but to except, very un Mission Impossible-esque) So with a little further ado, Enigma's all set to send me back to Middle Earth. But it occurs to me that I can't do this as I am, even as a Mary Sue me. So I negotiate a little. Decent fighting skills to improve upon my Tae Kwon Do, since I don't think the 'art of kicking and punching' will do much against an Orc blade. She looks a little sullen about it, but I think she's secretly proud of me for having thought of it. A proverbial wave of her hand and suddenly I know how to use the two daggers she's magiced for me out of the air. I'd prefer to have earned the knowledge, but I feel much better having it now that attempting to develop skills mid-battle.
The daggers have sheathes built into the boots from a slightly more practical version of the 'fighting evil' costume that I've worn for the past five Halloweens. The black leather boots come up to my knees and are covered by these totally tricked out pants (lightweight and easy maneuverability plus rather flattering, with a couple fun weapons like ninja throwing stars and mini knives). I wanted my leather Matrix jacket but Enigma was rolling her eyes at me as it was, so I went with less conspicuous cape (even though, if all went as planned, I'd hopefully be given an Elven one at Lothlorien. How cool would that be?) over a simple tunic.
She revokes my Elvish speaking skills under the pretense of it having been just for fun, but through a little bargaining I get to keep a few words of it plus Common speech, which is apparently different from English. She didn't think my brain could handle two languages being burnt in instantaneously. Thing is… I don't have a lot of bargaining chips when working with, well, someone who for all intents and purposes has the powers of a god. So now, I'm on call every time she needs an assistant from my dimension, or even if she's just bored…provided I survive. Which she isn't guaranteeing.
A little scary, yes…um, hey. I might not live through this.
What had seemed a moment ago a twisted-but-fun game come crashing into brutal reality as I feel the stones of Rivendell below my feet again. Apparently it's too difficult for Enigma to stop the entire Middle Earth verse for long, so I'm back following those Elvish maids, Linte and Minya (1), but she keeps talking in my head. Note the cool satchel I'm now wearing, which I hope contains the weapons I now know how to use, was completely unnoticed by Minya and Linte. I'll have to be able to distinguish the innocent 'Whoops I seem to have fallen through a magical portal' people from the 'Oopsies I've fallen through a magic portal again let me see if I can take over the world and marry insert hot male character's name here' people, though there won't be too many of the first. But enough that I can't go indiscriminately killing anyone who's not from Middle Earth.
While I've been busy with those internal musings, the maids have brought me to Lord Elrond. They leave silently in that creepy way elves have while I curtsy. The room is beautiful, as one would expect Elvish architecture to be, and has a balcony looking out onto yet more of Rivendell's gorgeous waterfalls.
"Greetings, my Lord" I say in Western. He looks puzzled, but not half as confused as you'd think someone confronted with a girl who'd just appeared out of thin air would be.
"Ah, Lady Kiera, you've awakened. Saesa omentien lle (Pleasure meeting you). Galadriel had informed me that you would be, ah, materializing soon." In response to my blank stare he explains "The Lady of the Golden Woods is at times able to pierce the veils between the worlds when it is absolutely necessary, though it is difficult for her. She was contacted by a Presence, known to you as, 'Enigma' and warned of a disturbance within the very fabric of our world, but the Presence also offered to send us a cure." Ohhh.
"Which is me?" He nods.
"Which is you."
"Okay, that's good. So it's alright with you if I join the fellowship and murder various fangirls whenever they attempt to sabotage the mission of the fellowship?" I confess to saying this a little sarcastically, but he takes me seriously.
"Yes. I take it you've already been briefed on how the war of the ring should go without this time-space continuum chaos?" Briefed? I would think that the amount of Middle Earth knowledge I'd accumulated would be more on par with an in depth analysis than a briefing, but…
"Er you could call it that. But…what do I do about various people's deaths? Will intervening cause more problems?"
"I do not know…" the Elvin lord shook his head, "you shall have to use your own judgment on these matters." Well that would be tricky.
"Who, or rather what, are these 'Presences'?" Elrond executed the Elvish version of a shrug, which was of course far more graceful than any shoulder movements I could have pulled off.
"We don't really know. They advise us sometimes. Regardless, we should be going. My council is starting soon. I can trust you to, ahem, not say anything?" Well where's the fun in that? Nonetheless, I was here to protect the Lord of the Rings story, not mangle it for my own purposes.
"Of course. Just let me introduce myself to the fellowsh-"hmm. The fellowship hadn't been decided on yet, so I probably shouldn't have said that "-whoever is chosen to complete the quest, later."
"Alright. Come along, but try not to be noticed. We have enough to discuss without my explaining your presence to the entire council."
Chasing after Lord Elrond in this ridiculously pretty dress is rather difficult and nearly requires my full attention, but I still manage to get a good look at Rivendell. It's stunning. And…here's the council. Damn is Peter Jackson good. It's almost exactly like the movie. And even... yes, there's a certain Hobbit gardener in that bush, and behind those pillars…
I think I'll go sit with the mischief makers. Merry and Pippin are startled, but I motion for them to keep silent with one finger over my lips. After exchanging a wary look they go back to watching the counsel, probably lulled by my Elven garb. They're adorable, must keep in mind that they're actually older than me. Eek. This is somewhere between amazingly cool and really weird, actually attending the counsel of Elrond, and subsequently actually being in Middle Earth. However my role here is not to interfere at all and certainly not with the counsel. I'm not a tenth walker, I'm a, um… ninth and a half? I'm actually just going to follow them I think. We'll find out soon enough, won't we?
"OPENING LINE!" Just then, as I was looking forward to the rest of the counsel and whether it would be the twenty minute movie version or the three day book version, who pops up next to me? Iggy of course.
"Don't call me that!"
I didn't call you that I just thought it and HEY! No fair reading minds! She smirked at me. Pippin and Merry were oblivious to her, she's probably just an astral projection or something.
"Look Kiera, I know how much you want to see the Counsel, but, well, how are you feeling?"
That was an odd question to ask at a time like this, wasn't it?
"You've just had an entirely new language burned into your mind. Hurts, doesn't it?" Honestly, all this woman…entity…thing does is smirk. It's terribly demeaning.
"So, I want you to go to sleep now. You've got several big days ahead of you. And it's not like you don't know the scene word for word anyway…"
And then she disappeared. And I feel asleep…
Middle Earth fades to black. OGreatRandom appears out of the abyss, looking very cross. "How could you leave a plot hole like that?" she shrieks at the cowering Enigmagirl2727 (who coincidentally now deeply regrets tacking the numbers to the end of her name, they just look silly). "What kind of a lame excuse is that?""But-but-but… you kept threatening to kill me if I didn't post soon! I'm on page 78 of the LOTR fanfiction!" The Random One glares. "NOT AT THE COST OF QUALITY!1" She takes a moment to look back on what she has just yelled at her friend and is bewildered by the '1'. Enigmagirl2727 quickly realizes what is going on and that she is in far more trouble than she thought she was. "The vortex is collapsing because of the sheer bad ficcy-ness of it all. You'd better leave soon or you'll be trapped; I've got to find some way to fix this mini-monster that I've created. Are you sure you want me to finish this? OGreatRandom nods solemnly. "You can always go back and fix this horrific chapter later." Finally understanding that she simply must finish what she started, no matter what the cost, Enigmagirl2727 agrees. Both fanfiction writers exit the void and return their focus to their respective stories. We shall now return to Rivendell to find Kiera opening her eyes looking perplexed, but let's not forget to learn of the tales of Maggie and OGR's other characters…
Mmmh that was a nice nap. But now, where am I? Oh yeah, Middle Earth.
…Damn. That witch made me sleep through the Counsel! But I can't deny that I needed the rest. I hadn't realized just how bad that impending headache was going to be. The beauty of the gardens is still breathtaking, but a little less visible under the twilight. Minya (the elvish maid for those of you with short memories) is standing a brief distance away, looking bored. When she sees that I've come to and am now struggling to my feet, she rolls her eyes and walked away. I can only guess that she wants me to follow her. I did, and she led me back to the room I'd first, ah, materialized in. Without a word she and
Linte begin to 'make me presentable' as Linte says by way of an explanation for why she's pulling my now-soiled dress off me. Pity, that. I'd only just been getting to like it. Apparently Elrond had arranged for me to meet with the fellowship several hours after the counsel so he could clarify why I'd be sullenly stalking them as they went about their quest. My sense of what should have already happened/what was yet to take place/what was occurring at the moment was off, so I wasn't sure where this little get together was taking place on the timeline. When the lady-in-waiting-like women were done with me Minya led me to a secluded area of the garden where eleven people I knew very well were waiting for me. The fellowship, Elrond …and the first Mary Sue. She the complete stereotype: Blonde hair to her ankles, big sparkly eyes that were usually blue but changed colors to reflect her mood, pointed ears indicating her Elf-ness, and hanging all over Legolas. The Elvish prince in question looked somewhat hypnotized while everyone else stared at the pair of them in horror. I walked up to them and tapped her on the shoulder. "Excuse me, who are you?" Smiling brilliantly she replied, "I am Lady Mariah Leila Francesca Pale-Rose, heir to the throne of-" I'd heard enough. Thinking fast I whispered in her ear with false earnestness, "You are the one I was sent to find! Come with me for just a moment…" Pulling her away with me behind one of the taller ornate shrubs, hence, out of view of the fellowship, I took a deep breathe and with one swipe of my dagger decapitated her. She vanished in a poof of pink smoke. POOF. Did I just, uh, kill her?
The instant that occurred all of the canon characters blinked and snapped out of the daze Mariah had put them in. Legolas started to curse (or what I could only assume to be curses as they were in Elvish) softly, but for the most part they were all just very confused. Elrond shook his head as though to clear his thoughts and then said, "That is the evil I was telling you of-" I stepped out from behind the bushes, "And this is Lady Kiera, sent to us by the Presence to keep it at bay." Hmm, that makes me sound like some kind of savior. Sort of creepy. "Er yes, thank you Lord Elrond. I'll take it from here." With a bow he swept out of the garden. I turned to address the fellowship when- "Great job there! That's the way it's to be done, just kill 'em without missing a beat. For the obvious ones that is. For the ones you aren't sure about, well, let's just cross that bridge when we come to it, shall we?"-Enigma whispered into my mind, then disappeared. That was going to get very annoying if she kept it up.
"Alright. Like he said, I'm Kiera, no need to bother with that 'Lady' nonsense. I know who you all are; I know what you're doing. Don't look at me all shocked like that. Those…girls," I pointed towards the lingering remains of the pink smoke. "Are going to be following you. I'm going to keep them away." They didn't seem to be buying it. Oh well. "I can't exactly tell you why they're here, it's too complex. I'm sorry I can't explain this any better but… Anyway you don't need to worry about me. I'm not part of your company, just following you. At a distance. We shouldn't talk much. Right. 'kay well I'm going to go now, so…" God this was awkward. With that interesting sentiment I turned and fled. Let them think of me what they would, with any luck I wouldn't have to deal with them much anyway. Not that I didn't want to of course, that's every fangirl's dream, but I didn't want to mess up canon any more than it already way. This was going to be rather difficult…
(1) Which mean Swift and First, thank you Angela (OGreatRandom) for the translations ☺
Special Author's Edit: Enigma's POV Continued: After a little more explaining and some ahem verbal equivalent banging in the head with a rock, I think I've gotten through to her. Except she was smart enough to ask for stuff. Not that I didn't think of that, I was just going to wait for a little. It'd be kinda fun to pluck her out of the middle of some battle and be like "This is how you use a Bo staff!"
HELP/Author's Note: Okay. First of all, thank you for reading thus far; it was very nice of you. (Much thanks to Ruth for her review!) Secondly…this started out as a rather light hearted Sue-slayer fic. I've since reconsidered and found a rather more serious and even boarder-line-dark direction in which this could move, though it'd be difficult given the premise. OR I could make this as light as I'm able to and have a dark sequel. OR both…Feedback on this issue as well as responses in general would be hugely appreciated. Also, I've renamed Gabriella. She's Kiera now. Gabriella was really just an interim name while I though up something better. However don't forget the name entirely, I see someone of some importance popping up with it soon… exits on that mysterious note comes back to mention that anyone who can tell her what 'Enigma' (or a similar term, such as mystery or puzzle) is in Elvish will receive a fantastic award, such as having a chapter dedicated to them or some such simply wondrous thing…