Disclaimer: Me no own, you no sue. Blah, blah, blah.

Rating: Pg? Pg-13? I dunno.

Chapter One: Thoughts of an Assassin

Ken's POV

After dressing for another day of work at the Koneko no Sumo Iie, I plaster a forced smile on my face, and trot down the stairs to find everyone already awake. There's a mug of hot coffee sitting on the table for me, no doubt courtesy of Omi. I sit down across from Yohji, who bids me a good morning while reading the paper. Omi smiles over by the back door, grabbing his stuff and leaving for school. Ran is already opening the shop, because he, Yohji, and I have the first shift (with Yohji's laziness and my being a klutz, it takes all three of us to handle the job). Luckily, the fangirls are all at school, so it's rather quiet. I pick up themug and take slow sips ofthe hot liquid, feeling the warmth travel through my body. It'sgone before I'm ready for it to be.

I get up from the table,place the mug by the sink, and head off into the shop,motioning for Yohji to hurry up and join us.I soonbusy myself watering the orchids. I always pay special attention to them, for someunknown reason 1. I stop when I realize that the water is pooling up under the pot, and wonder if I was spacing out. I move on to the roses next.

I watch as Ran stalks into the back room, probablyto place the orders. I sigh deeply, tearing my eyes away from his beautiful form. Yes, beautiful. I have long since come to terms with the fact that I, Ken Hidaka, am in love with another man. Ran Fujimiya, of all people. The cold, dark, mysterious, and drop-dead gorgeous leader of Weiß. But that doesn't matter. The only thing that does is that I'm totally and completely in love with him. And some day, I will confess it. Just not today.

The rest of the day goes fairly quickly. Yohji and I have the evening off, leaving Omi and Ran to run the shop (I swear, Ran never takes a break from working, be it our day job, or the night one). I spend my time watching old soccer tapes of games I've seena milliontimes before. It seems that when I'm watching or playing soccer, my smile is not forced, and I can almost forget about my sins; I can pretend I'm still young and innocent, playing for the J-league. That Kase never betrayed me, that I neverbecame part of Weiß. But still the thoughts linger in the back of my mind, threatening to resurface and tear through me, ripping my very soul apart. I can always keep them at bay while engaged in soccer, but when I lay in bed at night, alone, my barriers slip, and I fight to keep what little I have left of my sanity. Sometimes I want to get up, walk into the room of my beloved, tell him how I feel, and have him hold me through the night into the early morning. Of course, that wouldnever happen, but a guy can dream, can't he?

When even soccer cannot distract me from my thoughts any longer, I give up, turning the TV off. I strip to my boxers, and crawl under the covers of my bed. But it's a sleepless night, for I am plagued by the cries of lives I have taken. Silent tears fall as I prepare myself for another day of fake cheeriness and unending torment.

I can stand it no longer. I have to tell him! The love I feel for Ran is slowly tearing me apart. It's to the point where I will breaka pot or mess up an order on purpose, just to gain his attention, even if it is negative. I would do anything just to have him glare at me, saying I'm a klutz, as long as it's meant for me, and only me.

I continue the day as normal, having the morning shift in the shop once more, though secretly inside my thoughts run completely wild. It's really quite odd that no one ever notices the fact that my smiles are forced, and once lively chocolate eyes are now a dull, sad-looking brown. Or maybe they don't want to notice, the only shreds of sanity pulled together by the cheeriness Omi and I put forth. Relying on a smile to bring hope and comfort. We all have our ways of hiding behind a mask. Ran's a mask of ice, Omi's exuberant genkiness, Yohji's women and Nicotine, mine being my smile. A mask can hide all of the pain one feels, yet at the same time revealing it all. But my one wish is for Ran to drop his mask for me, and only me. Allow a smile to break through, and let me drop my own mask. Will it ever happen? The night may tell.

\TBC/

1 As you probably know, Ran's name means orchid, so I had to throw that in.
Okay, just so you all know, I have already written this entire story, so hopefully updates will be more frequent... I just have to type it up. And since summer is coming, look for more NEW stories arriving from me! Oh, and to feed my muses, I need reviews. Lots of reviews.