Chapter 2: Passing Moments and Secret Poems
Hermione woke with a knot in her stomach. She hadn't meant to fall asleep and she could only wonder at the horrors Malfoy must have done to her face while in her vunerable position. Reaching for her bag, she pulled out a hand held mirror and checked for any abnormalties, blemishes, or clown faces. Her pleasant face stared back at her, completely unmarred of any cruelties that Malfoy may have thought up. Satisfied, she tossed the mirror back into her bag and quickly changed into her school uniform, pinning on her Head Girl badge. She glanced out the window, then unfastened it and stuck her hand out. Perplexed, she shut the window and frowned. The sun beamed brightly over head and the air was warm on her skin as the train flew past the country side. Something was going on with the weather, but she didn't know why. One week, it would be terribly cold, another, pleasantly sunny with a gentle summer breeze. A few days, unbearably hot with 112 degree weather. A solid week of rain, and then even a few snowflakes. Unnatural, and caused by something a little less on the nice side, she was guessing. Hermione wondered if the professors had been researching it.
The opening of the compartment door shook Hermione out of her thoughts as Draco Malfoy slipped into the room. He met her eyes with icy, guarded blue ones, then dipped his head as he reached for his sachel and moved back towards the door. Hermione looked him over before he ducked out again and, even though she wouldn't admit it, was impressed with his looks. He'd let his fair hair grow over the last year and it now hung loosely at his shoulders. His light blue eyes where startling at first glance, sky blue eyes with gray flecks that gave the illusion of cracked, blue ice, surrounded by a ring of navy. A thin, well shaped nose and bow shaped lips combined with fair skin and a tall, lean form made him seem as though he'd descended right out of the sky. Only his temperment and attitude destroyed the picture.
Hermione sat down, wondering what type of girl Malfoy liked. Obviously stupid ones. How else could he lure them into bed? Anyone who had half a brain cell knew Draco Malfoy's reputation for being the "Wham bam, thank you ma'am," type. Probably everything that Hermione wasn't. She didn't think she was ugly. Over the years, she had turned from the bushy haired, buck toothed little know-it-all to a curvy young woman. Having lost a few pounds, she managed to fit herself into a size 8 jeans. She'd managed to get some control over her hair and she enjoyed having it down to her waist. Her deep brown eyes were warm and her heart shaped face, almost pixish in it's formation. No, Malfoy probably liked leggy blondes with out a brain or a heart.
She grabbed her book and bag as she stood back up. Thinking maybe she could find Harry and Ron alone so they could chat about nonsensical things for a while, she noticed a piece of paper fall from her book. Hermione frowned and picked it up. She read the words upon the page and was touched at the insight of the writer. A poem about a lost child and their want to help the child find her way. It touched home and she wondered about who the writer could be. It was a new book, she'd just gotten it that day at the book store near the train station. Walking passed, she'd noticed it and picked it up to read on the way to Hogwarts. Anyone could have stuck it in there. Refolding it, she stuck it in her pocket and continued out the compartment door to find Harry and Ron.
Hermione found them in the same compartment they'd been in earlier, alone speaking quietly. She slid to the floor beside the door and cracked it slightly in order to hear their conversation. She didn't want her presence known just yet.
"I don't know what's up with Hermione. Her mother told me that she's still torn up about Andrew," Harry said, picking at one of his nails.
"Still?" Ron commented. "You'd think she'd be at least half way over that. Hermione's always been so sensible. I mean, she's just a teenager. There will be other loves. She's just so worked up over this. It's not like it can be helped. People die, it's part of life. She needs to move on and live life. "
"I know. I hope she doesn't really say anything about it to us. I don't think I could handle another teary female. Ginny cries enough, I can't have Hermione do it too."
Hermione was slapped with shock and she trembled terribly. Tears filled her eyes and their words stung her. The feeling of having her very flesh seared off racked her body. I can't believe them. And to think they call themselves my best friends. Those jackasses. They don't understand anything. They will never understand the love Andrew and I had. They couldn't handle loving someone or knowing what if feels like to to be rendered completely empty of everything you knew. Hermione's hurt turned into violent anger. You children. You have no comprehension of what real pain is. Yeah, you're parents may be dead, Harry but you never even knew them. And Ron? What do you have to complain about? You have a warm and loving family. God, you want to see pain? Her face reddened and she darted blood shot eyes to the door. I'll show you pain. I'll rip your bloody heads off and drink from your fucking jugulars. She reached up to open the door and storm in with half a mind to kill them both when a strong hand reached out and snatched her wrist. Hermione opened her mouth to scream, but another hand slammed it shut and hauled her to their chest and away from the door. A flailing leg hit the wall with a loud bang. Harry and Ron jumped up and opened the compartment door, but the disembodied arms and Hermione had already disappeared into a close compartment.
Hermione struggled against the arms until they let her go and a light was switched on. She turned and saw Draco Malfoy leaning against the door. Angered beyond belief, she stepped toward him and smacked him on his arm and again on his chest. She attempted more blows to his muscular body, but he blocked them easily.
"What the Hell do you think you're doing, hauling me in here?" she shouted. Malfoy pushed her against the opposite wall and again clapped his hand over her mouth.
"Did you think that I was going to stand there and let the Head Girl attack her two best friends even before school actually started? I don't think so, Ms. Granger. I do believe that would leave a very bad impression on both the professors and the Headmaster. Do you want the position of Head Girl taken away?" he asked and smirked as she silently shook her head. "That's what I thought. Now, go to the head compartment and clean your face. Don't even think about saying anything to Golden Boy and the weasle." He released her. Hermione stared at him for a moment, then dropped her head and stormed out of the compartment. Insufferable little lunatic. Hopefully I won't have to save the other two thirds of the Golden Trio from the rath of Hermione Granger. She looked as if she was going to naw off their heads with her own teeth. At this thought Draco Malfoy laughed a little to himself and swept away from the compartment.
I can't believe he just did that! Damn him! Since when is it any of his business? The nerve of that...that...ugh, I can't even think up a name for him! Hermione fummed, stalking back and for in the compartment. She sat down, buried her hands in her face and sighed. The sky had grown dark and she could feel the train slowing. Malfoy didn't come back to the compartment and when the train stopped, she grabbed her stuff and took a run for it off the train.
The cool night air caressed her face and soothed her heated skin. It provided a small comfort to hear Hagrid's shouts of "First 'ears over here!" as she made her way over to the horseless carriages. Storing her trunk onto the back, opened the door to the designated carriage for the Heads and almost jumped back when she saw Malfoy already sitting there. She stepped in and scooted as far away from him as she could and pulled the curtain back from the window to look out. The trip over the lake was silent and neither said a thing to the other when the stepped out and entered the Great Hall. Hermione glided passed the seat that Harry and Ron had saved for her and sat with a thump between Pavarti and Lavender.
"Hi, Hermione!" Pavarti exclaimed as the sorting was going on. "How've you been? You look great! You've changed a lot over the summer."
"Yeah, I wish I could get my hair to grow like this!" Lavender said as she grabbed the braid Hermione had twisted her hair into. "You know, long hair is the latest fashion. It seems like everyone is growing their's out." Hermione just politely smiled in return.
"I heard about the accident with your boyfriend. I'm so incredibly sorry. Is there anything I can do?" Pavarti asked and Hermione was stunned for a moment. Pavarti was actually asking to be of some help! Wow, must be a first for her! Hermione thought.
"No, there's nothing. Thank you, though," she answered and was internally grateful when Dumbledore made his speech. It was the usual "Don't go into the Forbidden Forest. There is a reason it's called that. Filch has a list of band things for you to see blah blah blah." Through the whole dinner, Hermione could feel four different pairs of eyes burning into her skin. Ron's, Harry's, Malfoy's, and Dumbledore's. Ron and Harry were watching her in confusion, Malfoy's gaze was patronizing, and she knew if she looked up at the Headmaster she would see that knowing twinkle that he always seemed to have, just as if he knew what was happening. She looked at none of them, trying instead to concentrate on her mashed potatoes and carrots. She pushed her food around her plate, sometimes making faces with it and different shapes such as hearts and flowers. Smirking at the little smiley face she had created, she smushed it up and changed it into a frowny face with a tear. Lavender noticed, but didn't say anything to her, only gave her a startled look and went back to her soup.
Dinner ended and Dumbledore dismissed them to their common rooms. Professor McGonagall met Hermione and Malfoy at the entrance to the Great Hall and without a word they followed her up to the Head's Dormatories. A tapestry served as the entrance. It was navy blue and inlade with gold and silver threads, portraying the first Hogwarts Head Boy and Girl.
"You're password is Higstansum unum. I expect no fighting or quarrels between either of you the entire year. You've grown into young adults and I expect you to act accordingly," she said with a stern look at Malfoy, who just gazed back with a confident look on his face. With a curt "goodnight," she turned on her heel and proceeded back down the steps.
Hermione turned and whispered the password. The tapestry slipped back and allowed them through the archway into the main quarters. A fireplace sat to Hermione's left and a work/study space to her right. Books lined the walls in a mini library and the couches were plush and looked very comfortable. A perfect blend of cream and dark blue. A staircase in the middle led up to the second floor, Malfoy's room clearly marked on the right and Hermione's like wise on the left. She ran up the stairs and over to her room, opening it to a beautiful room of varying shades of purple. A queen sized bed covered by a light blue comforter and dust ruffle had dark, light, and medium toned pillows stacked up on it, surrounded by the deepest violet blackout curtains hanging from the canopy. A soft white rug covered hard wood floors and all the decor was of light stained oak. Two glass french doors led out onto a balcony overlooking the grounds. Her trunk sat at the foot of the bed just waiting to be unpacked. Hermione tossed herself on her bed and sighed. It was the most amazing room she'd ever seen.
Sliding off the bed, she started to unpack her things. Her clothes went into the dresser or closet and her school books on her desk. The bag of makeup and hair supplies sat on the bed for now waiting to be put into the bathroom. She came to the picture of she and Andrew from last summer she'd had framed. Hermione pulled it out and sat down gazing in longing at it. It showed them at the beach together against the setting sun laughing in each others arms. She sighed and silently wished to go back to that wonderful day that she'd had with him. It simply wasn't fair. What kind of cruel God would take something away, just like that with no reason at all?
Andrew had just been walking down the sidewalk, going home from a haircut when an out of control car which had blown two tires verred off the road and slammed into him. The doctors said he died instantly and he'd felt no pain. It'd happened on a Friday at the end of May, just when Hermione was almost out of school. She'd no doubt that by now the whole school was aware of what had happened. She knew that when people talked to her, they were skirting around subjects that may make her upset.
Hermione sighed and set the picture aside. Grabbing her makeup back, she made her way into the bathroom. Malfoy was already in there, putting his toletries away. That bathroom was pleasantly decorated in white tile and white lace curtains. A huge shower was in the far right corner and a deep tub near it. A plain toliet and a beautiful vanity with a huge mirror finished off the picture. Hermione set her bag on the counter and put her tooth brush and tooth paste around her sink. Her makeup went into the cabinet and her shampoo, conditioner, and body wash into the shower. She hesitated before putting them in the shower. Is it too...I don't know, intamate to put my hair stuff in there? What would Malfoy think? Obviously he didn't care that much because his shampoo and soap were already there. Of course, the most expensive and imported shampoo. Hermione snorted when she saw this and glanced down at her store bought Herbal Essance. Figures Malfoy thinks too much of himself to lower down to using store bought items. She put them on the shelf over his.
When she stepped out, she saw that Malfoy had shed his shirt and was brushing his teeth. She almost jumped back in the shower, but controled the urge and instead started to unravel her hair from it's braid. It waved perfectly and laid against her back like a curtain of silk. She glanced over at the shirtless Malfoy. It's hot in here and I've got an undershirt on. If he can take his off, so can I. Hermione shed her school robes, revealing blue jeans and a black spagetti strapped shirt that showed an inch over her somach and dipped impossibly low in the front. Watching him out of the corner of her eye and almost laughed out loud at the shocked look on Malfoy's face. Quickly she brushed her teeth and washed her face before grabbing her clothes and dipping back into her room.
The clock in the corner read 10 o'clock. Not very late, but she turned back her bedclothes, slipped into pj's, extinguished the lamps, and climbed into bed. She lay there thinking about the day and about Andrew. Hermione found herself, like on many other nights she'd laid awake, wishing wildly for the days she'd spent with him and how happy she'd been with him. She longed to be happy again, but she knew she couldn't without Andrew. Even if her friends at home asked her to go out with them she felt guilty because she thought that that would be betraying Andrew's memory.
Andrew, I need you back with me. I can't take this anymore...I wish you were near. I wish that you would come back and hold me like you used to. And we would talk in front of the fireplace. You would say "I love you, Hermione. And I want you with me the rest of my life. Forever and ever," and I would say, "I love you more. Never leave me," and you would promise me that you would never leave. But you did leave. And now...I'm alone and something is missing. A part me is missing and it's something that can't be replaced. I hurt so bad and I can't do this. She was openly weeping against her pillow now. I just can't. People are telling me to move on, but I can't. I can't lose you, even though you're already lost. Everything just passes without you. I breathe...I eat...I sleep...but I don't live. I understand that we'll never be together and I understand that you aren't coming back for me, but part of me wants to hold onto you're memory forever. I love you too much to give up. Falling in love and being with others could make the memories of us evaporate into thin air, and I don't want to lose that. I can't. At night, I dream of you and only you. You're close, we can almost touch, but then you slowly slip away in a blanket of fog. I reach for you and I come so close, but I just miss you. And you're gone. Your face, your hands, your everything. And I cry and cry. I fall and still cry. I wake up and I feel so alone and so empty. I'm so empty. My soul is empty. And without you, I know it will never be filled. Because you were so ruthlessly and cruelly ripped from me, I will forever live in agony from missing you. Sometimes I look for you when I'm out. I've dialed your number expecting you to pick up. I've called for you in the garden, expecting you to answer only to realize you aren't there. My family watches all of this and they worry that I've lost my mind. I haven't. I'm just missing you. Oh Andrew, I love you so much...