Allan Observes: A TPDoEQ Special Edition
by Lady Norbert
A/N: I wish the actual volumes had been half this simple to write. Oh, and as I'm sure some of you will recognize, the recurring joke starting in this chapter -- "Skinner will kill him if he tries anything" -- is a direct rip-off of Cassie Claire's marvelous "Very Secret Diaries." It was just too appropriate for this story not to use.
20 September 1899: Watched Skinner sneak off sub to buy daughter get-well presents. Daughter is not certain if anonymous gifts are from Skinner or Sawyer. Daughter pretty thick sometimes.
21 September 1899: Daughter unable to sleep thanks to memories of Paris, went out on conning tower. Skinner showed up and proceeded to flirt clumsily. Daughter thinks Skinner funny and sweet, but not serious. Daughter thicker than previously suspected. Flirtation interrupted by Sawyer, who is less thick and felt guilty for interrupting. Daughter and Sawyer had fine visit on deck, however, so not total loss; reminisced about self, v. gratifying. May yet get Sawyer for son-in-law after all.
24 September 1899: Went with son today to play cards with Henry VIII and George Washington. American President has wooden teeth and powdered wig, v. unfashionable. Grossly obese monarch cheated, but could not prove it so said nothing.
25 September 1899: Nemo gave daughter key to old quarters today. Suppose this only fair, as daughter is last surviving kin, but wonder what she will do with Matilda.
26 September 1899: League in Egypt. Daughter fainted from heat, caught by Skinner before hitting floor. Daughter more like mother all the time. Still thinks Skinner is like brother; daughter's thickness would make bricks jealous.
27 September 1899: Crocodile entered League camp tonight in search of midnight snack. Daughter stood around like moron and stared at croc, but cannot criticize too harshly since so did everyone else. Croc attempted to take advantage of dim-witted meal but was stopped by invisible man standing in front of her. Skinner not dead, but hurt by croc. Daughter v. distressed, feels responsible for injuries. Am noting recurring pattern of injured men in daughter's life.
2 October 1899: League reached Egyptian city of Luxor and found new friend, famous archaeologist man called Carter. V. nice chap, promised to show them strange tomb.
4 October 1899: Carter showed League odd tomb yesterday, which was found by horse. Tomb held nothing but statue and empty coffin, v. strange. Today seemed ill, scared Mina, who thinks another vampire is roaming the area. Daughter unnerved, and for once, cannot blame her.
5 October 1899: Carter apparently starting to turn vampire. Flirted with daughter, complimenting her on her beautiful neck. Daughter not entirely offended, as knows what's wrong with him, but still nervous. Skinner will kill him if he tries anything. Mina says daughter and Sawyer have "innocent blood" and are hard for vampires to resist; suspect Sawyer more pleased by this than worried.
6 October 1899: Daughter v. upset. Vampire showed up last night and tried to bite her, but Skinner got in way again. Skinner going to get himself killed over daughter one of these days. Vampire came to boat tonight and drank some more of Skinner's blood, saying she'd kill daughter if he fought back. On plus side, vampire's threat penetrated daughter's thickness and made her start reconsidering Skinner's feelings. Vampire wants Sawyer, will kill others to get him. Noted in passing that vampire is rather gorgeous.
8 October 1899: Daughter stayed on ship with Skinner and Carter while others went in search of vampire. Vampire managed to isolate Sawyer from group and bite him, then make him drink her blood. Sawyer v. easily seduced by gorgeous vampire, who took him into coffin for a...nap. Sawyer has been wanting to get with vampire for awhile, just not that one. Still and all -- go Sawyer!
11 October 1899: Skinner possibly dying, thrashing around in fever. Daughter v. distraught after hearing him say her name in sleep. Mina gave daughter swift verbal kick in the pants when daughter went outside to whine. Daughter still fairly thick, though; failed to catch meaning when Mina said "He needs you," thought Mina meant Jekyll. Daughter not real bright sometimes.
12 October 1899: Mina, Jekyll and Nemo went out to kill vampire. Daughter left to care for bite victims. Vampire disguised as beetle, hard to kill, but League managed. Carter and Sawyer started to recover rapidly, but Skinner almost died for some reason. Revived a bit when daughter called him "Rodney," should be all right. Daughter v. relieved.
18 October 1899: Bite victims all recovered. League returning to big canoe. Mina finally picked Jekyll over Sawyer, v. good decision. Sawyer dealing well. Daughter let Skinner read diary about events during illness; is only person in whole world allowed to call him by first name. Still thick, still doesn't grasp significance. Density of offspring giving self doubts about future carriers of Quatermain bloodline.