Allan Observes: A TPDoEQ Special Edition
by Lady Norbert
A/N: Most of the really good jokes in this chapter are the product of my best friend and other self, Jessica, with some good advice as always from Teri the Wonder Beta. Thanks for all the great feedback!
1 January 1900 -- League watched sun come up over the ocean to start new century. Daughter resolved to be "more extraordinary" so as to better fit in with League. Silly bint; as is self's daughter, genetics indicate extraordinary nature is inherent.
4 January 1900 -- Nemo announced plan to visit South America and uncover lost city of Incas. Bloody brilliant. Lucky sots. Daughter of the mind that self would have loved plan, is quite accurate assessment.
6 January 1900 -- League ripped down remaining Christmas decorations and biffed into ocean. Daughter studying up on Incas in preparation for trip. Am way ahead of her, have learned to understand quipu method of writing in knotted string. Tracked down actual dead Inca and can threaten in knot-speak, v. amusing. Threats amount to little, as both Inca and self are dead. Still, had good chuckle.
7 January 1900 -- Have tracked down dead explorer de Orellana, character in daughter's history book. V. interesting chappie. Invited over for coffee and swapping of battle stories.
10 January 1900 -- League in actual Amazonia. V. lush surroundings, beauty-loving daughter in ecstasies. League women letting hair down, literally; daughter looks like overgrown poodle in dense humidity. Inherited curly hair from mother's mother. Does not seem to put Skinner off, however.
14 January 1900 -- Progress down river slow, as tides are high. Daughter hoping to see shiny pink fish. Plenty of predators, but girly offspring looking for the pink one. Can hardly stand it.
16 January 1900 -- Daughter bought more roots for plant collection today. Left her in sister-in-law's care for too long; fifteen years more than adequate amount of time, it seems, to develop irreversible dirt fascination. Have failed as father in some regard.
19 January 1900 -- Skinner unable to stand greasepaint in humidity, walks around in clothes with no visible head. Would probably go starkerfs but has grown tired of people walking into him. Daughter v. amused, but daughter amuses easily where Skinner concerned.
21 January 1900 -- Shiny pink fish finally put in appearance today, while daughter napping of all things. Skinner fetched her to underwater observatory so as not to miss spectacle. Was rather nice interlude between daughter and Skinner, wives all swoony over it but daughter still entirely in the dark. Shiny pink fish should carry sign while swimming past. Want to go down as ghost and scare sense into hopeless scion, but wives forbid, saying things must happen "in their own time." Daughter's watch evidently needs winding.
23 January 1900 -- League left submarine at planned locale and set up camp on beach. Hapless offspring wandered away from group and almost turned into Puma Chow. Wives say she gets it from self; v. absurd notion. Self would never go wandering without Matilda or similar. Daughter should carry rifle, would give Skinner a break. Nemo's men shot puma before daughter drowned, Skinner pulled her out of water. Daughter's leg bleeding, v. convenient excuse for invisible bodyguard to carry her back to camp. Later thanked him with goodnight kiss, actually shocked Skinner into silence. Noticed five or six of Nemo's men placing wagers on how long mutual cluelessness will last.
26 January 1900 -- League riding mules up mountainside. Daughter's leg mending. Must stop often to take shelter from downpours. Wives no longer criticizing self for watching so closely, as are now thoroughly absorbed in waiting for resolution to situation between daughter and Skinner. Sister-in-law also joins us for daily observations, and even son amused by whole affair. Have attempted to establish own betting pool, but no takers.
3 February 1900 -- League unable to proceed, as dysentery outbreak spreading through camp. Even Jekyll ill. Daughter spared thus far; Mina attempting to keep her out of harm's way, v. appreciative.
7 February 1900 -- More of group ill. Sawyer v. sick but recovering decently, am grateful. Skinner visits Sawyer and Jekyll's bedsides to keep patients amused. Daughter insisting on helping to care for sick men, v. kind but v. foolish. Disgusting disease, even self's dead nose hardly able to stand overwhelming stench of camp. If not still dead, would quite possibly die in self-defense.
13 February 1900 -- Knew this would happen. Daughter now sick with dysentery, v. high fever. Jekyll recovered and able to help care for her. Skinner refusing to leave chair by daughter's cot, v. mopey. Am v. hopeful that daughter will recover, or else will spend afterlife feeling guilty that she made Skinner permanently miserable. Shall put in request for divine intervention, if necessary, to prevent sulky daughter from showing up.
17 February 1900 -- Daughter's fever broke, woke from coma in complete confusion. Skinner actually addressed her as 'princess;' wives think this adorable. Daughter looking pretty rough but alive, which is most important part. As daughter is likely to survive, have convinced some casual observers to place bets on outcome.
19 February 1900 -- Daughter soon well enough to continue journey, rest of group recovered. Skinner still not leaving daughter's bedside, daughter v. grateful for companionship. Wrote in her diary that Skinner "dearer" to her than previously. It's a start.
22 February 1900 -- League has resumed travel, daughter recovered well. Still a bit more tired than usual sometimes, but no real harm done.
27 February 1900 -- Realized that League will reach destination of Machu Picchu late tomorrow. Am v. impressed, they actually did it. Interesting ruins, Nemo should have field day.
1 March 1900 -- League made unexpected discovery while continuing exploration today. Daughter touched stone which made large statues come alive and start threatening group. Nemo and Skinner tried to shepherd daughter to safety, but foolhardy offspring decided to play hero and lure statues away from companions. Statues retaliated by sealing daughter in cave.
Kept shouting at League to pull down stones. Felt like spectator at sporting event. Wives v. critical, kept telling self "They can't hear you, you know!" Women don't understand, yelling does help. One of Nemo's men realized stone pile did not belong there, good man. League pulled it apart to save suffocating daughter. Mina went batty and flew in, but Skinner insisted on going in as well. Mina actually gave them some alone time, v. good. Smart woman, would have made a good man.
More importantly, daughter finally caught on after unexpected embrace from Skinner. Wives cheered. Collected from Galileo, who had wagered daughter would stay clueless until after next planetary alignment. Daughter also admitted to herself that feelings are mutual, but uncertain how to proceed. Amused to note that daughter is concerned as to what self's opinion would be of relationship.
8 March 1900 -- League heading back down mountain. Have decided not to publicize discovery of Machu Picchu, as uncertain how to explain a lot of it. Suppose this is best, but am slightly disappointed.
16 March 1900 -- League back in Cuzco. Have learned from local priest that daughter was selected for burial in cave as virgin sacrifice to sun god. Attempted to point out to wives that whole mess could have been avoided if Skinner got act together, but was rewarded with smacks on head. Do not understand women.